| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 2:57:46 AM | A woman with a lot of male friends is a woman with a lot of male friends..
OP are we talking lots of hetero male friends or gay male friends or mixed.....
I haven't come across a woman with heaps of male friends.....
I have met one woman in the past who had 4 male friends and they were gay...
I guess I would find a woman with a large group of hetero males as friends......ummmm interesting to say the least | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:17:17 AM | Between me being a former bartender for many years and working in a manufacturing place for many years as an accountant I have many male friends - and yes some are past lovers and one in particular is my high school sweetheart. I don't feel the need to clarify which are just friends and which are former involvements. And I also have some male gay friends also, again don't ever clarify. If a new guy I am dating asks then he needs to be prepared for the answer. I have had some men in the past ask and then get pissed when I said yes I did used to date that person. In all my years of dating I can honestly say I have only one man in my past that I don't still consider a friend, my ex husband included. But most of all new men in my life need to be secure enough to know that I have a past and it includes men and that they are ex's for a reason, or also platonic friends for a reason. My ex fiance (see the part about the one guy I never want to see again in my life :) ) - he HATED the fact that my ex were still on friendly terms and when my parents had a 50th wedding anniversary and he found out my ex was invited - by my parents themselves - (this was a year after our divorce) - he went ballistic - I told him to deal with it or stay the heck home. And yes my ex and I had a great time at my parents party - without the fiance.
And I feel the same way with a man's past - I prefer a man to consider his ex wife a friend - if a man starts telling me they hate their ex's then thats a red flag. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:32:08 AM | For me it depends upon how she interacts with her male friends.
I'm a little on the insecure side. I'm ok with that. I don't want a girl who is going to crawl all over her male friends when I'm sitting right there, or go out with one of them one on one to a club. That's what I'm for.
Ok. So I'm sure that makes me insecure just like if I were to take one of my DOZENS of girl friends who are ten years younger than any woman i'm likely to date out for coffee. So she happens to wear tight see through clothing. So what? I'm not sleeping with her.
Now who's insecure?
People put up a front but when it comes to someone they have passionate feelings for insecurity in one form or another is pretty much a given 99.9% of the time if there's another person who's getting anywhere near the amount of the kind of attention you should be from your lover.
Personally, I find that kind of time and attention to be sacred. I don't want to nor will I share it with anyone else if I'm going to be in a committed relationship. Probably another reason I'm still single. I'm ok with that too. ;)
Just my two cents. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:15:42 PM | I have a lot of male friends because I grew up around a bunch of guys, and for several years I worked with a bunch of guys. A few of my best friends are guys that I dated in the past, but I am not big on the friends with benefits type situation. My parents were determined that I was going to act like a lady, so I'm not exactly a tomboy. If I were dating someone, I would not make a habit of putting them in a room with a group of my guy friends. That would be a disaster, as some of them are somewhat protective of me. I was once very shy, so that did not help me to make female friends. I have not overcome shyness to the point that I would ever want to be the center of attention. I have made an effort to learn how to get along with other women, and it has paid off. Still I am not comfortable around highly competitive women and drama queens.
Why am I still single?
I recently spent several years finishing college, and I didn't have time to date.
I have a lot of guy friends, and some potential dates cannot handle that. I've had some of those friends longer that most marriages, so I'm keeping them.
I am not competitive with other women. Even if I were, I'd never win because I'm not good at it. Therefore, if the other woman wants you bad enough, she will get you.
Some of you guys put me in the "friends only" category faster than I can blink an eye. It's OK, I figure I give off the "friend" vibe.
I am not whining in the least. I value all my friends. I would like to meet "the one" some day, but if I am forever destined to be a "friend", I can live with that.
I think I am fairly normal. I just wanted to tell my story because I feel that I have a lot in common with other women who happen to have a lot of "guy" friends. I am hoping to presuade you that this does not have to mean that we are all attention seekers, or sluts, or gay, or tomboys (not that there is anything wrong with that).
I think the previous post makes a valid point. Is it the fact that she has a lot of male friends that bothers you, or is it how she interacts with those male friends? | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:27:53 PM | Thanks for the kudos on my response. I think a lot of people over look the obvious when it comes to their spouse/girl friends/SO's friends. It's not that they have the that usually makes a guy uncomfortable.
It's how they treat them and what they do with them. No guy wants to feel expendable next to "irreplaceable" friends.
;) | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:57:02 PM | Generally the type of man who seems to have a problem with "me" having any male friends... hasn't ever tried being "only" a friend to any woman. They always find themselves in that gray area with fuzzy lines and many a wonderful friendship has been ruined when one wants to cross that line and the other doesn't . Sex does change things and there's no going back. You can't unring a bell nor unbreak a window.
My long term friends - we're talking decades - are mostly a few women. We can always seem to pick up where we left off even if don't meet/speak for months or even years sometimes - occasional cards and emails always help. I've developed a couple friendships with men like that too. I seem to be appreciated as the little or big sister replacement.
The hardest part about any breakup of a relationship I've ever experienced, is generally the man's inability to find comfort in a remaining friendship. I've never had a problem shifting back into that gear and meanwhile wishing them all the best.
Some were fine with it until they saw me in another loving and likely "better" relationship than the one we'd had. One was very honest and forthcoming by admitting he was jealous of what hadn't worked and was lost and the thought of me being intimate with another man was a mental image he couldn't handle. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:47:43 PM | Some may think so - rightfully so; however, I have 4 brothers and patently I grew up hanging out with all their friends....
Mistress Dolly
the Original | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/16/2007 5:53:10 PM | | U end up in the friend zone because u allowed urself to end up there. We women don't exactly approach a guy for friendship..it just ends up that way. I recently had that happen to me...Met a guy. He was hot, we have a lot in common, we make eachother laugh, but he just wants me to hook him up with my friend..I just don't get it. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/18/2007 11:56:31 PM | | I think this can be a problem both ways. In the dating world...whatever...but I believe it is extremely dangerous to keep opposite sex friends around once someone ties the knot. You can love them for the rest of your life but once you commit to someone you absolutely have to make that person the focus of your life and I've seen way too many cases where the slightest bump in a marriage can send one partner into the arm of the "just a friend". | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/19/2007 12:34:48 PM | when i hear from a woman that she has alot of male friends.. and not many or no female friends.. it tells me she is insecure and has issues...
I tell her to get a good shrink , then pay for her latte and say thank you very much and good luck! | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/19/2007 8:55:30 PM | Dear Hot Buttered Soul....I must say..If you can't handle a female with male friends then turn around and look in the mirror..You have issues...Just because a female has more male friends means nothing...I have a lot of male friends...I would not give them up because they were in my life before, and they will be there in the end..just like my female friends...A friend is just that a friend..Male or female..It is someone you have built a foundation with, but there is no romantic feelings there..If you are in a relationship you have to have trust..If there is no trust then no need of starting anything...Maybe you just have trust issues and you need to work them out...Just a thought!! | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/20/2007 4:00:41 AM |
what's the first thing that goes through your mind? for some strange reason, for me, it's geez, am i gonna end up in the friend zone also?????
I'm with women on this one,,,
A woman that doesn't have many FEMALE friends is usually (but not always)
1) A man thief/A patron of promiscuity,
2) Unable or unwilling to keep another's confidence
3) A drama empress (She was promoted...LOL)
4) Has serious emotional and/or mental issues
A guy that dates a women w/ a LOT of males friends is probably going to find out quickly why it's not a good idea. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/20/2007 7:08:36 AM | I feel a man who wants to remake the life of a woman he is attracted is 1) insecure and 2) will be very disappointed in his handy work. She will not be the same person once you attempt to run off all her friends. First her guy friends then you will get rid of the girlfriends because they will start to talk about the loser who is trying to get rid of all her friends.
Women who dont have girlfriends I wonder about. Angelley's if they think of you as one of the guys then let us think about why the husbands went for girl friends.
Belly Drummer Girl like me I have never had the joy of a guy friend, who wasnt gay. But he was cool like a girl friend. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 12/20/2007 11:27:33 AM | | I've had a few friends that had a lot of guy friends. They liked a lot of attention, almost like they had this huge void to fill, and there was always guys around willing to fill it. | |
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| Great friends are hard to come by. Who cares about gender?
Posted: 12/22/2007 4:44:29 AM | I just got home and not sleepy, so I thought I'd browse the forum and voila, came across this stream.
I can't say I read everyone's posts, but basically who cares if your friends are women or men, and who cares if mine are male or female? (in my humble opinion, the only exception would be friends with benefits as that's disrespectful to your partner to have that person around)
In today's age, people should choose their friends based on compatibility and integrity, not on gender, race or sexual orientation.
I have a lot of close male friends, as well as lots of close female friends. I cherish all of them, but they are all different.
For those of you insecure types, if my male friends are friends, then that's because I obviously wasn't interested in them as a potential partner. So if there's a lot of compatibility and common interests but no chemistry, why on earth would I not want that person in my life as a friend? Whether he has an X or Y chromosome is irrelevant. Who cares?
For the person asking why he should tolerate his girlfriend being asked for sex at 2 am - well, he shouldn't. If her friend is doing that, then he's not truly a friend, he's a predator waiting for his chance. That doesn't mean she's not trust worthy, it just means that she's a bad judge of character because that guy is obviously not a true friend.
Yes, you're right. Many guys DO hope for the friendship to develop into something further, but most women do NOT venture into their male friendship circle for dating, romance or booty calls - it's practically incestuous.
Judge people by who they are, not by what gender they happen to be born as. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/13/2008 6:40:20 PM | I have a lot of male friends. Most of them are people I deal with on my job, but theres a few at home I talk to. If I'm dating someone, I make it a point, to introduce that person to my male-friends, so they don't feel threatened, or jealous by the friendships. I don't expect my mate to like every one of my friends, nor me theirs, but at least life is a little easier when one has a face to a name.
Just because you meet a gal with Tons of guy friends, doesn't mean you will instantly be tossed into the 'friend' category. Perhaps she has lots of guy-type interests, or maybe she hasn't found the right one and has her 'buds' as like brothers, or just pals.
When it doubt, ask questions. Communication is the key in ANY relationship!!!
CowTrucker
Chapman, Kansas | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/13/2008 7:21:25 PM |
Those that were close by, the bf's or exhusbands usually became friends with and ended up having 'guys night out' without me...
I only have an issue with her having male friends if she seems reluctant or unwilling for me to meet them. If they're just friends, then I'd think she'd WANT me to meet and get to know them.
if you are such great freinds after the relationship why arent you still together then?
Various reasons. Grew apart. Sometimes people make great friends, but the added pressure of a relationship ruins it. The sex is bad, or they aren't sexually compatible. They can't live together (too many pet peeves, and incompatible pet peeves as an example).
most females with lots of male friends like loads of attention. who agrees with this statement?
Sometimes. Sometimes not. My dad traveled a lot when I was growing up, so I spent a lot of time around my mom and my sister. Several aunts and their daughters were around a lot. I've just always gotten along better with women. Do I like "the attention"? That's not it at all. If I tell you about my friend Kay, or Laura, or Paige, or Catherine, I can honestly say I don't look at them sexually at all, and the idea of sleeping with them is far enough beyond bizzare in my head that I can't even picture it. If they're in "the friend zone" then they really might as well be guys as far as my attitude towards them is concerned.
There are a VERY few exceptions to that rule, and those are ex's. I can see them as sexual, for obvious reasons. But there's also good reasons they are exes.
I have dated women that grew up with many brothers - they get along with guys better than girls in some cases, and have lots of guy friends. Do they like the attention? Not usually. In fact, if a guy is too much "I'm just your friend to see if I can get you in bed later" and always flirting and pushing, they usually don't stay friends long.
If i have a g/f i dont want guys calling my g/f at 2am trying to sleep with her
I'd expect my girlfriend to handle that herself, and damn fast. Or I'd be out of there. No reason I should have to be the one to handle one of her friends. In all honesty, I don't think I'd have the poor judgment to get hooked up with a woman that HAD guy friends that did that.
what's the first thing that goes through your mind? for some strange reason, for me, it's geez, am i gonna end up in the friend zone also??????
That thought never crosses my mind. I suspect that it's something that only occurs to an AFC, which I am not :) | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/13/2008 9:36:44 PM | | It's getting about 50/50 for me now...but I used to mostly only have male friends and my closest friends were guys...but whenever there was an SO in the picture...it was never an issue b/ I would usually only hang out with the SO. Guys aren't as needy as girls...so if you don't see them for awhile it's not a big deal...lol ...whereas women may get on your case about it...although not so much with my current female friends. I think most women who mostly have male friends is because we get along with them better...guys are more easy going. I'm not a girly girl and into shopping or getting my hair/nails done and prefer watching sports or being more active like blading, skiing and camping. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/22/2008 7:08:11 PM | | All my best friends are male, I don't know why, I just find it easier to talk with them about the tough stuff. Sure the bulk of them entered the friendship looking for more, but the good ones that know they aren't getting more stuck around and are happy to be friends with me. I'm a low maintenance tomboy and don't find trips to the mall, hairdressers or talk about doing my nails very stimulating.... | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/22/2008 8:17:31 PM | We women who have more male friends than female friends can be explained quite easily, fellas.....
It's because we find guys a lot more fun to hang out with. Men are simple creatures and don't live a 'drama queen' lifestyle.
Obviously, those of us who are more chummy with guys is because we have like minds.... simple creatures, don't like drama, low maintenance, and don't like all that froo-froo girly crap. Men are way easier to get along with, don't give a damn what you're wearing, are more down to earth, don't play games, and aren't afraid to call a spade a spade.
Oh and something even more important than that...... you can let out a big ripper in front of them and you won't get this dirty look of : "Oh my gawd ! You're so disgusting !"
You can slam back a few tequila shooters with them, and not worry about your buddies ditching you with some dipstick loser. A good male buddy will toss your drunken sorry butt over his shoulder and dump you off at the doorstep of your house ensuring that you make it home in one piece. 
Sure, we'll have a couple of close female friends, but only if they're much like ourselves... not afraid to break a nail, and don't ride the 'hormonal rollercoaster' every month. Let's face it, women like that are far and few between. They exist, but are hard to find.
There's no hanky panky crap going on with our male buddies.... it plain and simple : FRIENDSHIP.
All you boys who have their little pink panties in a knot and throwing hissy fits about your gals hanging out with 'the boys', have one problem and only one problem : your insecure little selves.
So there you have it.... no big dramatic psychological explanation necessary.
Now..... grab a hold of your nuts, give them a good squeeze.... and be a man !!
 | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:14:53 AM | Most guys (and I said MOST, not ALL) would not waste their time being friends with a girl unless they wanted to be more than friends, and that's a fact. I think that any guy that's dating a girl that has alot of guy friends should be aware of that. If I was dating a girl that had alot of guy friends and they were legit friends, I would not have a problem with it. If, however, the guys had ulterior motives for being her "friend", such as, oh, I don't know...wanting to nail her? Then I would obviously have a big problem with it.
If they are legit friends or not, dating someone that has alot of friends of the opposite sex can easily cause problems in a relationship. It's called jealousy. It's not rocket science. Everyone gets jealous to a certain degree, and it works both ways. The females that have posted here saying basically that they have guy friends and guys dating them need to quit being "insecure" and "deal with it" and "their guy friends aren't going anywhere" need to think about how they would feel if they were dating a guy that had alot of female friends. They wouldn't like it either, I guarantee it! | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/24/2008 9:22:45 AM | | One should be confident enough to be able to deal with that. If she strays to one of her 'friends' she wasn't worth the trouble anyway. Although the guys are probably hoping that one day they can get in where they fit in. Also almost all my friends are girls, I dont trust guys. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/24/2008 1:26:08 PM | Thats so funny , I never heard that perspective before.
As a woman that tends to have more; a lot more men friends than women
and always have since I was a kid.
That could be what men think and its just a new angle on the woman with men friends.
THANKS for sharing ( wish the good ole boys would have let me in on this) | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/24/2008 3:44:31 PM | Agreed, vibrant1....
News to me. Perhaps I should ask my buddies if the only reason they've been hanging with me for the past several years/decades is because they've actually been hoping to 'cop a feel' at some point down the road.
*doh* (slaps forehead)
As for being jealous when my significant other has a group of female friends ? Not a chance. I'm man enough to be confident, trusting, and respectful in my relationships unless they prove me otherwise.
And here's a very simple fact of life for those of you who need it spelled out in black and white : Whether a significant other has friends of the opposite sex or not, matters none. The individual's character screams loud and clear when they're not a loyal and/or trustworthy person. You don't need them to have friends of the opposite sex to figure that one out.
(slaps forehead again) | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 2/25/2008 11:32:22 PM | "most females with lots of male friends like loads of attention. who agrees with this statement?"
I somewhat agree. I remember two women in particular from my past; they had lots of male friends and admitted that they didn't generally care for other women (I remember feeling 'special' at the time, being accepted by them as a female in our group of mostly men). Turned out, what was really going on is they didn't like the competition from other women. | |
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