| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/24/2009 9:38:00 AM |
all im saying is that for you to be "friends" one of the three HAS to apply...
he is gay
he is not attracted to you
he is attracted to you, but he is getting sex from someone who he feels is better than you.
This is correct. Frankly, I don't know how it can be disputed.
But hey, apparently women know and understand more about men than men do. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:05:46 PM |
This is correct. Frankly, I don't know how it can be disputed.
But hey, apparently women know and understand more about men than men do
women just are not honest with themselves about it..thats all...they dont want to believe that most of there male friends would hump them in a heartbeat if given a chance | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 8:58:30 AM | And how do most male-female friendships start out in the first place? Well, in my case I dated a woman during the summer of 2007. We hung out for a few weeks, broke off and after a month or so sending text messages back and forth the contact died out. 6 months later I sent her a message and we started hanging out again a LOT last year in the summer up until September perhaps. We're still friends but we don't meet up too often these days.
Anyway, I spent the night at her place many times. We even slept in the same bed and she was very close to me. Now, in answer to what "broncsbuff" is saying - yes, I definitely wanted to have sex with her even though we were just friends, but it just never happened. I should mention that it DID happen in 2007 when we were dating. Anyway, finally I gave up those thoughts and just fell asleep next to her. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 11:11:12 AM | Robert,
In the ladder theory , what your describing is a "cuddle ****", this is worse than women who just want to be your "friends"...
you sleep in the same bed with them, cuddle, get close, but never have sex with them...
I just dont understand why any guy would put themselves thru that kind of torture.. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:39:06 PM | robertkoi,
Anyway, I spent the night at her place many times. We even slept in the same bed and she was very close to me.
Dude, you were an intellectual whore, or to be specific in your case, a cuddle-buddy. There are some girls will lead you into becoming one to them -- they're not into you, but they're not repelled, either. They always need attention, they always feel the need to have someone. She used you for attention, conversation, etc. Unless that's -all- you wanted (and nothing more), then you weren't used. But that wasn't the case in what you explained.
It's very very common for women to say that they have tons of guy friends and get along better with guys than girls. There is no utopia, just like a girl who has a million girls-night-outs, where a portion of them are always single and new guys are always around. Ya can't be situationally jealous. It's a case-by-case basis on reading how a girl is and what she's like when it comes to her guy friends.
If a girl thinks "Oh no, none of my guy friends have sexual thoughts about me," then she's either fibbing, lying to herself, completely inexperienced in the world of guys & girls, or air-headed.
Attraction is not a choice. Attraction means sexual attraction, hence sexual thoughts. Many girls don't like hearing about it.
A clarification, though. Just because a guy's attracted to one of his female friends, does not mean he has a crush on her and is scheming a plan to get her in bed. Yes, they can be friends. However, there are sexual desires that are had about her. Some girls know this and have the "in emergency, break glass", as some of their guy friends are backups -- or direct links to guys they are really attracted to, in case of breaking up or being single for too long. I think guys just hate it when girls play dumb to this notion. ;) | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 2:09:03 PM | To the above posters...
That's just rubbish. Like I said, she and I hung out and had sex several times in 2007. Then we broke off and I never really could get her out my head. That's why I contacted her 6 months later. We had some unfinished business in my opinion. We talked things over and it felt better to end the chapter properly so to speak. After that we just spent time together as friends. As for sleeping next to each other, etc., well, no one's being a "whore" here. Of course it's easy to get ideas like that, but like I said, I got over it. And besides, I was dating other women and she knew about it. Why should she care, she's just a friend. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:30:23 PM |
I was dating other women and she knew about it. Why should she care, she's just a friend.
and the question is answered...remember..one of the three has to apply...
1. he is gay
2. he is not attracted to you
3. HE IS GETTING SEX FROM PEOPLE WHO HE THINKS IS BETTER THAN YOU
you fit into one of the three categories...so yes..you are friends... | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/25/2009 5:36:30 PM | | I'd say neither for 1) I'm not gay 2) I did feel attraction but she didn't (or at least that's what she claimed, probably so that I wouldn't get any ideas) and 3) she and I did have sex a year earlier and she was neither better or worse than the others. Now she's either together or dating someone. In any case, we're friends. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/26/2009 5:39:43 AM | Let me just say this....not all men that women know are gay...just because woman can talk and be friends with a man does not mean she is screwing him... do I have male friends that would have sex with me if offered ... yes... very much so but... we also respect each other enough to not go there....some of them are involved and thats cool... we talk occassionally and their gf's know we are just friends I talk with their gf's too and we act appropriately towards one another.....it is not like I call them on a daily or even a monthly basis behind their backs and talk smut ....when I was in a LTR they gave me the same respect we talked on occassion but it was just catching up on what was happening in our lives it was not about sex....
so what some of you are saying is that if your friends gf come to your house after they broke up and she offered you sex would you take it?
if you have female friends and you want to have sex with them and they refuse you does this mean :
1)they are gay
2) they dont find you attractive enough
3) she is getting sex from someone better than you
If two people are single and they get alone well together and go out have fun and say they do have sex... does this mean they will be exclusive? because I don't think so... it just means they had a good time ... call it friends with benefits if you need to ....but when two people are single they are free to make their own choices it does not mean that everytime I get into an argument with whoever I am dating I will run to them to get sex... i may get their opinion on the situation I am having with the current bf but it dont mean Im gonna have sex with them simply because me and the current bf is disagreeing...
See it is kind of like you date a girl you have sex during that time and break up but you still remain friends ... does this mean when you get mad at the current gf you run to your ex to have sex with her? because from what the guys are saying thats what they think us women do... and some do this but not all of us do no more than all guys would have sex with the ex gf simply because they goit into a disagreement with the current gf...
I am fine with someone having friends of the opposite sex... if they cross the line in a manner that I feel is inappropriate then I will say something or take care of it depending on what it is... the moral of all this is... if a male or female is going to cheat then chances are they will and you have a choice to forgive that person or walk away... if someone really cares about the one they are with and loves them chances are they will not cheat regardless of who it is.
Men and women both have cheated but you can't judge everyone based on someone elses actions you have to hold each person accountable for their own...so to assume that he or she will run to their friends for sex at the drop of a hat is going way out on a limb and grouping all women or men into one catagory which does not accurately apply...
The best advice I can offer anyone who dates someone who has friends of the opposite sex is to invite those friends over and let them get to know the current bf/gf talk to them before passing judgement.... you yourself could end up with very good friend(s) but I do not feel that hiding the fact you have friends of the opposite sex is a good idea and sneaking around to talk behind your bf/gf back is a good idea it will cause someone to loose trust in you and make matter worse so be honest open and bring all this into the light upfront ! | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/26/2009 6:05:32 PM | i cant speak for all women but i can speak for myself...i have NEVER ran off to bone some other guy whether it was a friend or ex or a stranger on the street just because i was in a fight or angry with my current man.
i dont know what type of girls you guys have been dating to come to the conclusion that all women would run off to another guy to get even or whatever, but if i were you id change your type. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/26/2009 7:49:07 PM | tra...
your reading way too much into this..
I said that when you break up with your boyfriend, its very likely that one of your male friends will reap the benifits...I never said you went running anywhere...so back to the original point that any women has yet to dispute...for a male to be your friend, one of the three has to apply..
1. he is gay
2. he is not attracted to you
3. he is getting some from someone he thinks is better than you | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:47:41 PM | Original Poster this post was sent to me by someone that knows me and said that I had to answer... After reading it I have to agree.. LOL.. I'm a male version of this spectrum (LOL....). It wouldn't bother me because I know how I am. Being independent and self confident tells me that if I wanted to take a woman off the market to be exclusive then that's what I would do. So vice versa... A woman that walks in my life and tells me to stop talking to any of my true friends can "KICK ROCKS... Period..... Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams, etc... So me trying to do the same with her would be gay... If you can read body language and the subtle things people don't say or try to keep secret then you will know if someone has other motives. Heck I think all relationships need a degree of competition to make significant others stay on their job. Quite frankly if I am digging a woman and nobody else want's her then heck neither do I... Somebody better be jealous or she's getting the boot... LOL...
If your a female with lots of male "friends" couple things...
1. They are gay
2. They are having sex with another female that is better than you
3. The dont find you attractive
its one of the three...
you have to choose which one it is...
"Broncs" you are kinda holding it down with this statement man and I find it kinda hard to dispute from honest intelligent reasoning. I think if you add the following 3 for 4th, 5th, and 6th reasons this would be a lock... LOL... They would be:
4th. They don't find you emotionally strong enough to handle the physical intimacy or sensual aspects of their expressions without getting clingy or silly.
5th. They value you as a friend and would love to jump your bones but don't want to risk the friendship.
6th. They are drawn to you physically but you have a flaw in your character that would drive them away from you if you dated so they stuck you in "THE FRIEND ZONE"..
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! All in All there is nothing unhealthy about it or bad it's just the people they chose to open up to. They can be trusted if all their friends are of the opposite sex 1,000,000,000,000% and quite bluntly they are possibly gonna take less shi* off the opposite sex because they have options.. Hell I know I am... LOL.. Come with it or stay home... Peace....  | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:31:58 AM |
i cant speak for all women but i can speak for myself...i have NEVER ran off to bone some other guy whether it was a friend or ex or a stranger on the street just because i was in a fight or angry with my current man.
i dont know what type of girls you guys have been dating to come to the conclusion that all women would run off to another guy to get even or whatever, but if i were you id change your type.
While cheating can be an issue, the biggest problem with a woman who has lots of male friends, is that when she has issues with something going on in her relationship, the advice she gets from her "guy friends" is colored by their desire to please her, and maybe cross into the "more than friends zone". They sabotage your relationships with ass-kissing advice and a stream of worse case scenarios. If you have a male friend that tells you things you don't want to hear about yourself when you complain about your relationship with another guy, or has the sense to stay out of it and send you back to your man to discuss it, then that is a real friend. The others are just trying to hang in there for their chance for something more. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/21/2009 8:44:46 AM | The most famous saying by women with male friends is "I would never sleep with any of my male friends"...yes I know...BUT...
just ask yourself this...
If you and your male "friend" were in a room and you walked in naked and said to your friend.."sleep with me"...what would he do?
1. our friendship is too strong for me to sleep with you, I dont want to jeapordize that
2. let me get my pants off
as soon as some women can be honest with themselves, then they will know what a friend is, and what a girl that I havent had sex with yet is.. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/21/2009 10:29:21 AM | | This is a funny post. Denying that just friends can have attraction to each other but STILL hold onto their values and NOT jump each other is a reality for some. I have many male friends, my best friends are males. I grew up with alot of brothers. I have female friends too but when I want to understand the man I am dating and how to handle and issue/turn him on more or whatever I am not going to ask my female friends!! I go on double dates with my male friends. We "check" out the new person and give input. I went out not long ago with my best friend and his new girlfriend. She was insecure over our friendship so I told him I wanted to meet her. When we met I whispered to him that she was hot and "good for him, thumbs up" (no I am not gay). She heard and gave me a hug and from the moment she was more at ease and we had a great time. I really like her and I am happy for my friend. He is not gay, I am sure at one point he would have slept with me if I chose. But we have become excellant friends and that is a line we will never cross. I trust my guy friends, they keep me from being an idiot with dates (usually, I am still strong headed so I do what I am going to do). I have slept with my best friend in the past. And the friendship was never the same. Sex isn't worth losing my friend. Not saying my lover can't become my friend, that is the ultimate now isn't it. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/21/2009 4:57:22 PM | sweetjemgirl...
I am sure at one point he would have slept with me if I chose. But we have become excellant friends and that is a line we will never cross.
so all of a sudden he doesnt want to anymore? how do you know he wont cross it? If you are so sure, then walk into a room naked and ask him to have sex with you...what is going to be the answer?
1. your such a great friend, I dont want to lose that friendship
2. let me get my pants off
Women get so upset over the ladder theory, becuase it is not speaking for YOU(women) it is speaking for men.
we know you women will not sleep with your male friends, that is not in question, I am telling you as a man that most of your guy friends will sleep with you if one of the three of the ladder theory does not apply....
deny it all you want..its the truth | |
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lfak
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Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 168 | |
| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/22/2009 3:27:53 AM | This is a hilarious forum...and broncsbuff...you are right and you make sense from a third party perspective.
But you can't deny a person's individual logic wether it be right or wrong to you...it is theirs.
My situation is like this.
I have three fabulous male friends. One that my dad tried to set me up with that IMMEDIATELY (no sex) went into the friend zone because I was in no way, shape, form, or fashion attracted to him physically but he is a smart, articulate, very honest, and funny as hell. Would he sleep with me if I came in the room naked...absolutely. He has a fiance that I get along great with who by the way I think would sleep with me too...no I am not into that.
Another guy my sister and her best friend set me up with...we got along fabulously but I was still unattracted physically to him...but I tried to date him anyway (sex) because he was such a great guy...didn't work. He has been in the "friend zone" for 9 years and is my BEST friend. Would he sleep with me if I came in the room naked...absolutely. He has a girlfriend that I have met and who doesn't like me very much...maybe she feels threatened or maybe it is me who feels threatened?? She looks like a mean ol' beeotch.
The last one and I worked together. He is brilliant, totally not my type physically, but he gives me the intellectual conversation that I need at times and we bounce problems and issues off one another because we respect each other's opinions. Would he sleep with me if I came in the room naked...no. Because he is very traditional and doesn't treat sex as a one time deal without committment. However, if he would put on a few pounds (I don't like twiggy skinny guys) and drop some of his OCD and Germaphobe crap, he would be perfect.
Girl-friends...lots of BS.
Simply put I am attractive and have a pretty good personality. Girls are jealous of one another and share stories to egg it on and compare this and that and blahhhhhhhh....it gets on my nerves. I don't want to gossip, I really don't want to go get my hair done or buy pocket books or have tupperware parties, or any of that other crap. I like to shop by myself when I want and not feel pressured by my "girlfriends" to do what they are doing. This makes it hard for me to develop friendships with girls that I haven't known for years...I am just not into all the froo froo mess. I love dresses and high-heels and designer cloths but I also love ball caps and sweats.
My girlfriends and I (which I still only have three (two are married and one is single) that have been around for years) talk on the phone every once in a while to catch up, go to kids birthday parties, might...might hang out once or twice a year with our signifigant others and beyond that don't discuss our relationships because when we are in them we are very dedicated to them.
Going back to the making "girlfriends"...on the occassions in which I have tried to make new friends...it never fails that one of them will get their panties in a wad because their guy or a guy they like looked at me...talked to me more than her...or something stupid like that and act like an fool. It has happened that they break up or never get together and it's my fault (for just being me).
So you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. In my last relationship he said, "do you really think that your guy friends are your friends...they just want to screw you". My response was...of course they do, they are men. What is important here is that I don't want to screw them. To me that is enough. Men don't see it that way especially if their job calls for them to work out of town four nights a week...they drive themselves crazy wondering if you are playing house with one of your male friends no matter how hard they want to trust you.
And...there is a big difference between friends and aquaintances.....huge difference.
One way to tell with me if I am attracted to a guy is if I don't talk to him...I tend to clam up around the one's I think are attractive and wait to be approached and blab my mouth off to the one's that aren't...so if I am talking his head off...there is no way I am sleeping with him. If I am setting there twirling my hair and batting my eyes and all of that crap then you better watch out...
man... | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/22/2009 11:44:11 AM | lfak,
Would he sleep with me if I came in the room naked...no. Because he is very traditional and doesn't treat sex as a one time deal without committment. However, if he would put on a few pounds (I don't like twiggy skinny guys) and drop some of his OCD and Germaphobe crap, he would be perfect.
I don't think we see things too far off... but considering this statement for the audience, I wanted to say that the traditional guy fell into the same bucket as the rest. To be clear, it's not just a guy hopping on a naked gal for sex, it's about sexual attraction and if they'd pursue it given a chance. That's just the easiest temptation for MOST guys. For guys who are traditional or very shy, who wouldn't even do that with a gal he was just beginning to date, a better litmus test would be, "She gets into lingerie, puts her arms around him, licks her lips and says, 'Before you go, kiss me'." I think that's a better test, and with that guy, I think we both know he would (hence all the guys fall into that dept).
Additionally, you note that if he worked out some and put on a little muscle and lightened up about being a neat freak, he'd be perfect -- hence, there is potential. In other words, you wouldn't want to tell a boyfriend, "Oh, you mean Gary? He's so intellectually stimulating and great to be around... if he put on a few pounds and wasn't such a neat nick he'd be perfect for me. But he's not, so there's no harm in me hanging out with him on Friday night, right?"
I agree tho, there's a trust issue. And when a girl becomes "a couple" with a guy, she should turn most of guy friends (like you described) more into acquaintances. Same with a guy. If he has an okay-looking to hot-looking female friend that he spends one-on-one time with and periodically on the phone with... well, I think any woman would be concerned as to why that would be, when he's taken.
I think many times tho, when the boyfriend meets the "guy friend" of hers, he can approve of him to the extent of being friends-but-not-too-close of friends. One guy may be seen as easily not having a chance (or with many other gals)... but if there are reasonably attractive (semi) single guys being friends with your gf one-on-one, and she knows they want a piece -- why would she be even close friends with them? When I have female friends that I'm not into, and I find out they like me, I'd feel bad about leading them on and "hanging out" one-on-one by any means. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/22/2009 9:47:02 PM |
When I do get a date, there is the press of these guys, as guard dogs and as exes that makes a date feel unwelcome.
When men become territorial whenever their female "friend" shows interest in a man they've met, that's tell tale that the male friends consider the new guy competition.
How is that not a problem for the new guy?
And if it's scaring off dates, it's not a great situation for the woman either.
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/24/2009 4:44:43 AM | Women with lots of men friends - RUN RUN RUN - LIKE THE WIND
Just the same as a man with his bestest girl friends, dump them quick | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/24/2009 9:52:25 AM | I have lots of male friends. I'm sure they'd sleep with me if given the chance (or if they weren't married AND given the chance). I've pondered this question for years since it seems to be a great arguement between the sexes. I hate to say it, but I think the guys are right 
I think it would be ridiculous for a guy to look at me, see that I have male friends and then write me off due to suspicion that I'd put him in the friend zone too - before even exploring the opportunity for a romance as the original OP states. More likely is that men see me with men and think I am not available and then think I am an ass if I'm giving them "cow eyes". oh wait, I don't do "cow eyes".
There's 3 kinds of men:
1) the kind I will sleep with
2) the kind who I might sleep with
3) the kind I will not sleep with
Oh and that cuddle buddy thing....I've never ever met a man who could just cuddle (with me). Heck I can't just cuddle. I can't recall the last time I tried to lay on the couch and watch a movie with a man..........and actually watched the movie! I've been single far too long to give a rats ass about watching a movie when I have a man in my arms. | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/24/2009 11:34:53 AM |
I think it would be ridiculous for a guy to look at me, see that I have male friends and then write me off due to suspicion that I'd put him in the friend zone too
The issue is that if your friend would sleep with you if given the chance, then if you call him while you are having problems with someone your dating, the advice they give you will not be in YOUR best intrests, he will have HIS best intrests in mind.....
I understand its a trust issue, if I trust my g/f not to sleep with anyone, then all is good. I just dont want my g/f getting advice from another male who wants to sleep with her.... | |
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| women with a lot of male friends
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:30:46 AM | | i could not have a serious relationship with a woman with alot of guy friend's. it's a turn off to me even if i did trust her i would not trust the guy's. | |
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