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g54cs
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Joined: 4/12/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 6/26/2007 1:00:31 PM | in reading about the affects of prostate cancer symptoms, my heart
goes out to the men. We as women are prone to breast cancer (no, i don't have
it, i'm just small in general) as men are prone to prostate. If one can understand
and give whole-hearted support, then neither should worry, after all, you are (or want to be) life-time partners, yes?
Till death do us part,i always wanted to be there for Mr right.. He just
hasn't showed up yet .. (or he did and i missed him..Yipes!)
As a second thought, loving feelings are portrayed in differences of each other,
as long as we share some of the same thoughts/interests but not all. After all, we
need Some differences
Down the road after we committed to (something), would you still like me
if i fell to illness? (no reply necessary, just a thought)
cheers, all the best | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 7/4/2007 8:00:45 PM | I came to know and care about the current man in my life just before he found out that he had prostate cancer. He told me that he knew I was worth getting to know better when I didn't run at the first mention of cancer. My mother had died of cancer years before, and I knew that the last thing this wonderful man needed was for me to act as if we had never met. Though he wouldn't let me visit me in the hospital, we did eventually start a relationship. He was quite honest and upfront about the possibility that he may never be able to perform again. I assured him that I would not walk away, and that I would be supportive, no matter what the outcome.
Sadly, he has not regained his ability to get an erection. In hopes that he would make our intimate moments even more so, he has tried 2 types of pills, the blue ones and a new white one, with not-so-pleasant side effects, and no success.
Thankfully I am someone who actually is more turned on by manual and oral stimulation than I am by intercourse. I make sure that he is satisfied too, so it is pleasurable for both of us. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 7/5/2007 7:54:28 AM | This is interesting that I came across this post. I just had this discussion with a male friend of mine who wanted advise about his friend going through breast cancer. A body part is just that , it's a body part and if all or part of it can be removed to prolong your life then bonus. I think most males are brought up with the thought that the world revolves around the "almighty penis". Wrong they are. A penis does not make a man in my book . Honesty, devotion, loving, considerate, caring and companionship make a man in my book. Sex is the last thing. Don't get me wrong . I do enjoy sex but a true relationship is not based on what happens in the bedroom only.
Hats off to the men here and I hope they realize they are still men to a lot of women just as a woman who has gone through a mastectomy is sill a woman..
cheers
Sparrow | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:28:01 PM | Please bear in mind you cannot conclude that your partner will not have erections for at least 18 months after surgery. Nerves take a long time to heal and start to function again. Patience is very important. Also, erectile dysfunction can be a result of anxiety, depression or a withdrawal from interset in sex due to anxiety and fear.
Everybody is different and repsond to treatmen ts differently. But, patience and a positive outlook are very important in recovery successfully from any treatment, condition or illness. We, in the industrial world, are just in too big a hurry to do everything. Perhaps this little passage will be of some comfort to your friend:
Most of us begin each day by reaffirming our allegiance to the tyranny of time.
With loud alarms, we catapult ourselves into consciousness and gear up into overdrive with a frenzied obsession.
When I was a child, my grandfather's lectures on the subject were a staple of daily life: "Time is money and money makes the world go round! To the speedy belong the spoils and leisure is for the lazy!" His words still ring in my ears.
In his retirement years, he bought an ostentatious grandfather clock, the kind with the weights you draw up weekly. With much fanfare, the clock instantly became the object lesson for endless sermons on the nature of time, of which there was never enough in his house.
"It's not the 40-hour week, but the 40-hour day that I need," he would lament.
In the language of the New Testament, Greek has two words for time: chronos and kairos.
Chronos is tick-tock time, that which we measure by watches, clocks and calendars. It is chronological, linear, orderly, quantifiable and mechanical. It's also fast, because it's always later than we think.
Karios time, however, is organic, rhythmic, aperiodic, spiritual and unhurried.
This kind of time always displays an inner cadence, which brings fruit to ripen, a woman to childbirth and a man to his senses.
The realm of the Spirit operates on kairos time: poignant and profound events, like falling in love, the birth of babies, ideas and nations, the divine aperture upon our human senses and the cultivation of our souls. | |
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| Time . . . continued!
Posted: 7/10/2007 6:29:08 PM | The Kingdom of God, which Jesus said "was at hand" and "within," also emerges from kairotic time when the heart is ready and the moment pregnant.
Succinctly put, kairos is God's time, his clock ticking within human history. It's the infinite within the finite, the eternal within the here and now.
Our human affliction is that our life in the fast lane is a cancer on the Spirit. Speed is a demonic slayer of time and legion to boot.
Madly rushing around, squeezing the last ounce of energy into some concrete box or agenda, cripples our human creativity and spontaneity.
Speed not only blinds us to the precious nature of every existential moment, but prevents us from surrendering to the life-altering opportunities generated by God's time.
What we need is not some ethereal abstinence from chronos in our lives, but decisive moments in the kairos sun.
As our society rushes headlong into more mind-boggling stress-time, we need to determine what time it really is in our lives.
Is 2007 the year to eliminate those pursuits and schedules that have held us hostage for years?
Is it finally the time to give our lives the dignity, depth and sheer delight we so desperately need, and which our toys, no matter how expensive, cannot provide?
Harry Potter's train can be boarded on Platform 9 1/2 by any weary traveller seeking the realm of the spirit.
It's accessible to all of us who look for that awesome stillness and silence to cleanse us of our misperception, to renew our sense of wonder in creation and spiritually to re-order our values and priorities.
Many roads lead to such kairotic moments, inviting us to be who we really are to ourselves and to God.
But wherever and whenever the moment occurs, sit in its peace until you can feel your heart beat and your breath coming and going slowly and gently, because there, at its centre, eternity dissolves time. All clocks stop and you will feel inhabited and inspired by the Divine Beyond within you. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 7/18/2007 3:05:10 PM | It is the worst feeling seeing something precious in a family slip away.
I remember when my wife was almost paralysed from 3 auto accidents in the space of less than one year. The following two years were terrible for everyone. But therapy got her back.
Then, I got to be on the receiving end when they could not find out why I was becoming paralysed from the torso down. (Got confused because I had an auto accident around that time as well. The doctors thought I was faking it to collect insurance. Yeah, just because I had a new job and could not function to do it.) Finally got that resolved after I had lost 98% of the sensation from the waist down. Doctors found it and the surgery removed a tumor in my spine. I was 100% back in less than one year (but it was a close one). Doctors said that if I had lost all sensation; I probably would not have come all the way back. Again, it was just as hard on the family since I could not do any household chores and my wife had to drive me back and forth to work. (Yes, I continued to work up until the surgery.) The sex was almost nonexistent. However, I did try. Amazing how creative you can be when you put your mind to it. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/9/2007 11:29:42 PM | Well I always thought 'love' was far more than about sex........but my marriage failed simply because my 'libido' wasn't enough to keep up with my wifes. She expected me to be perform any time she felt like it and found it very upsetting any time that I couldn't get an erection. She would only have been happy if I could perform like a teenager.
It has made me very disillusioned .........when we are young men ......we are made to feel bad because sex is all we can think of ......when we get older ....we are made to feel bad because it 'isn't' all we want. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/10/2007 5:06:39 AM | Everytime someone talks about erectile disfunction - all the advice for woman include the words "love and support"
would someone please elaborate? What does support mean? Does it feel good to ejaculate without orgasm? How can I stimulate a man to orgasm without ejaculation. I am willing to accept a sex life with penetration but how can I help him have a satisfying sex life as well.
Be specific - help me to understand how I can be loving and supportive. | |
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| By Jove! Jolly good answer.
Posted: 9/10/2007 7:18:42 PM | | Jove333: You seem to have an amazingly good outlook considering your situation. I would agree that most men after 50 have at least a little (sometimes a lot) of erectile difficulties. If both partners are kind, patient, and relaxed about it, they can still have a good time. The right attitude is 95% of the game. | |
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| By Jove! Jolly good answer.
Posted: 9/13/2007 7:23:40 PM | I have been in 2 romances/relationships where there was an ED problem. One man used penile injections and they worked very satisfactorily. However I only found out after I found the syringe and blew my top thinking he was on drugs. He was embarrassed to tell me. I told him I felt really bad thinking what I did but if he had only taken me into his confidence things would have been fine. As it was every time afterwards he seemed to retreat into himself more and more and I was forbidden to talk about the subject. It became the big white elephant in the corner that was NOT invisble but we had to pretend it was.
The other man was younger than the first but due to a few health problems had trouble keeping and getting an erection. The little pills Cialis (sp?) worked like a charm and the subject has been joked and talked about and we were both comfortable with it. Such a different outlook on the same problem. It is all in the attitude in the first place.
I myself have a history of breast cancer in my maternal family and have outlived my own Mum who died at 49 years of age. I was "told" by my husband years ago if I got cancer he would stick me in a hospital and leave me to die. Also if any babies were born not "right " he would smother them as soon as he could. Such a cruel person.
You can imagine my dread wondering what each and every pain was if I ever felt any. Also both times I was expecting ,praying for a healthy baby (which one does anyway) but more so in my case knowing that I had utterly no support from its Father mentally.
You may ask why I stayed so long but it is too long a story to go into. Suffice to say I never judge a book by its cover, I always get to know a person on the inside and I make sure I can talk to them on any subject that comes along. I have a lot of compassion and lots of room for passion in my life. LOL. Hugs Sally. | |
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| By Jove! Jolly good answer.
Posted: 9/14/2007 3:22:09 AM | i have male friends who have had prostate cancer and are doing well-- but only experienced ED with someone close to me. i wondered why one man went straight to explaining the sexual aspect to me, when i inquired about it on behalf of my friend's husband. but he was doing fine, so i was not sure why he kept assuring me that. i guess from what you describe, he wanted my friend's husband to know he was okay.
first, thank you for your information as i suppose one day i will be dealing with it if it is one in three. however, as to worrying about women and future relationships, you will find some will be sympathetic and some not. the same with my lymes disease. the same with men with ED and women who have had mastectomies.
if people love each other or are loving individuals, they find ways to take care of each other. if they are just wanting to have fun and make up for the bad times in their previous relationships, it will depend upon what having fun means to them and whether they are sexual beings. for me, sexual chemistry and caring for my man are inseperable issues. i think chemistry really helps in finding creative answers for the man or woman you care about. if anything, a good man gets better as he gets older because he is not so "immediate gratification" and sexuality involves sensuality. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:06:28 AM |
I had the best surgery going 2yrs ago, No erection since. My girl of 16yrs bailed on me 8 months ago... I wanna die...  "Help Me"...So sorry to hear that. Hang in there...after only 8 mo you are still healing from that loss as well!
My dearest friend just had the surgery last year..his was the aggressive kind. It came back and he had the radiation treatments this year. His bladder never recovered and he is literally housebound. Completely incontinent . I feel so bad for him...he is young, very active, social...and now is housebound. His Doc is talking about more surgery to help with the bladder issue. I truly feel for men who have to endure this.
Yes women go thru the nightmare of breast cancer...but our physical functions remain intact.
I know if my partner had to endure this I would be there. I LOVE sex, and all of it's perks, but I also love cuddling, spooning, being loved and loving back, sharing space and moments and those fun times spent doing things together....if I loved the entire person that would be enough.
I mean, I've lived without sex for awhile now...  
Kudos to the men who can be open about it, and their fears, with the women in their lives. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/14/2007 7:58:07 AM | Alan and others suffering
My father has been fighting prostate cancer for over 15 years now. The best thing he has done to deal with any and all issues around this was to get involved in the local Prostate Cancer Support Group, (which i believe he was involved with founding). They meet about once a month at a local church, invite various speakers, doctors, researchers, etc, and have tons of information gathered together especially for new members. Wives (S/O) and family members are encouraged to attend. Support amoungst the members is strong. Please look into seeing if a chapter meets in your area. Attend meetings, volunteer to help out with the local "Do It For Dad Walk and Run", where you will meet the most amazing people... not just those dealing with Prostate Cancer, but their extended families. In our family, 3 generations take part in this activity most years. Good Luck, God Bless to all. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:10:29 PM | I've had prostate cancer, and had a radical retropubic prostatectomy. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/prostatectomy for a bit more detail, for those interested.
I had a good urologist and surgeon, and he was able to spare the nerves.
Naturally I was worried that it would affect my interest in women and sex. Apparently this is not a problem!
Then I learned to become quite good at foreplay and giving oral sex. This has not been a wasted effort! Paying attention to what pleases a woman and what satisfies her is one of the best things a guy could possibly learn. 
But then I went back to my urologist, who suggested an injectable medication for erectile dysfunction. He had me try it in the office, and I had trouble getting out of the medical building unnoticed! Kind of like high school!  Then I went to the pharmacy to fill the prescription, and I think I made some woman's day. I guess she thought she was the object of my affection!  Anyway, the stuff works like a charm, and lasts a long time.
A side benefit from the surgery is that it takes me a long time to cum, but there's a lot of pleasure there. So between long foreplay and nice long sex, I tend to have satisfied partners. But quality is more important than quantity! 
I noticed that floralily posted:
Husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer at 42, had the radical. He is fine now but we as a couple tried all different medications and none work.
You might want to check back with your urologist about injectable medications or other alternatives. Oral medications probably aren't going to be sufficient.
It may depend on how much the nerves were spared. If I can be of any help, please feel free to email.
Anyway, for me, it worked out well. All things considered, I'm a much better lover than I was before the surgery. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/20/2007 9:29:59 PM | | Ok I'll be honest here. I dated a guy for all of three months who I'm happy to say is a prostate cancer survivor. Until I had sex with him I never knew how important semen was to me. I laughed at that statement as I typed it but this was no laughing matter. In fact, it surprised me how I couldn't deal. It wasn't the lack of semen so much as it was the lack of sexual desire. He had no difficulty with erection when intimate. Not even once! He never turned me down and was always there to please but I felt like I was making love to myself. His sexual desire and sense of urgency was missing and that was the issue with me. I contemplated how I would deal with this but I couldn't do it. Our relationship was new and although I cared deeply for him I was not in love so I chose to walk away. Not from him but from our relationship. We are close friends today but that's all we'll ever be. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 9/20/2007 10:02:32 PM | I had a similar problem with my ex. His loss of function was not due to prostate can cer, but from diabetes. I assured him over and over (actually, it had to be on a daily basis) that this would never be a reason for me to divorce him. (The abuse and cruelty caused that.)
I do enjoy sex a great deal in a relationship, but it is only one aspect of a relationship. And as for the woman who said that the only choices were to stay and stray: No. I did not even do that to my ex, although I had plenty of opportunities.
The problem should be addressed early in the relationship. Not a first date topic, of course, but when the couple realizes that things are progressing to a more intimate stage, then it should be discussed at length to insure that both of them feel that this will not interfere with the relationship continuing. | |
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Viel
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Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 45 | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 10/11/2007 9:13:10 AM | I too have had prostate surgery with all relevant parts removed. I am cancer free but have had problems getting an erection as well. I took all the pills but the only thing that has worked has been the injection theerapy. It is not as bad as it seems - injecting yourself with a needle. The doctor gave me 30ga. needles along with the caverject prescription. It works quite well and I can maintain an erection for up to an hour. I would strongly suggest men look into this therapy. If I can do it (I am a big suck when it comes to needles - especially there) then any man can do it.
Good Luck | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 10/11/2007 5:03:06 PM | Hey Alan,
I'm sorry that you had to go thru cancer. I too had a cancer bout, 9 years ago. I'm a breast cancer survivor, and proud of it. I can truly understand your questioning meeting a woman and the possible outcomes of her understanding & support of you. That has been a concern of mine in this dating world. Before it would come to a situation where a man would see me without clothes, I make sure that he knows that I'm missing a body part. And in my opinion, if he's not man enough to accept me for who I am now... he's not the man for me.
Just as I'm sure there are men out there who would be totally turned off by my missing body part... there are men out there who would admire me for being strong and having a positive attitude after cancer. Just like there are women out there who will feel the same about you.
You may have those times when you question why a woman would want to be with you, when she can pick from so many men with "normal" bodies. I know I struggle with this from time to time. But again, when you find "the one" it really won't be that much of an issue. Real love comes from within. I know I'd rather find a man who loves me from the inside out, than the reverse!
Best of luck to you! | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:00:41 PM | I am a widow of a terrific guy who had prostrate cancer for 6yr. 4of those yr. were with out sex of any form. but we had cuddling and LOVE. we were only married for 9 1/2 yr. and sex was a big part of our lives . he was dignosed at 50 went in for surgery and told it was to far and the only option was cemo and radiation. what got us through the worse of the treatments was hope a positive attitude and most of all our love for each other. This proud and wonderful man passed on after a real fight on Apr.13/07 He was a biker and this date was a Fri. the 13. All I can say is I'm happy I met this guy late in my life and took this journey by his side. Ride on Butch  | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:47:07 PM | My second husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 49. He had radiation seed implants because his prostate was so large they felt it would be difficult to remove. They didn't believe it had spread so were comfortable with the choice. Looking back, I wish we hadn't accepted the decision so quickly. I think the doctor encouraged it because it would save sexual function. It did---but it didn't save him. Later they started him on an oral chemo therapy agent which is unusual for that type of cancer, but it was clear that things were not working the way they should. He also received Lupron injections and had more radiation (external). To make things even worse, he became diabetic during this time. This was a really awful time and he never really could accept what was going on. One of his friends claimed to have been cured of prostate cancer by drinking barley greens so my husband gave up his medication and went on a barley green diet. He also gave me up---apparently couldn't handle married life and his terminal diagnoses. Shortly afterwards he ended up at Mayo Clinic with his kidneys failing due to urine back up from his enlarged prostate. Part of me blames the d@mn barley greens, and not taking his meds... but who knows.
I really wanted to be there for him up to the end, but he didn't let me--he filed for divorce. A little over a year later I received a letter from him apologizing and saying that in his heart I would always be his wife. He died three weeks later at the age of 53. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:22:39 PM | | Hotpants and theuncommon, so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine what it would be like for a man to go thru this but if the person I loved had it I would do everything I could to make them as happy as possible. Having had cancer I know how scared a person can be..especially on yearly checkups but what I had was nothing compared to what a man would go thru with this...bravo to all you guys who have successfuly dealt with this...ya inspire me! | |
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