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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:13:18 AM | My personal feeling are that any man who would be the love of my life reaches that point because of who he is.. not what he is.
I really believe that men are far more unhung up about sex than women are.
Believe me..I do not leap into a relationship with a man because of his supposed sexual performance! The right man for me is: intelligent, caring, supportive, has a good sense of humor, active and enjoys the outdoors, loves animals, takes care of himself. Did you see anything in that list that includes sexual performance?
If there is an issue with prostate surgery/cancer and sexual activity..it is in the mind of the men. It never stops amazing me what men will do for sex....sticking needles in there? wow.
So.. if you are the man for me, the sex is a secondary issue (or even third). Do not define your sexual issues as being the woman's need..... it is yours. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:34:22 PM | Curious if any here have decided not to have treatment , after being diagnosed?
Was this an option for any here, that you considered?
Sorry to open another 'can of worms", would like to hear what you think about this though. It can take in most cases , 10 years to succumb to Prostrate Cancer, have a fairly natural one at that.
Is it worth going through, to gain another 20 ? Especially when you are single, hard enough trying to find love anyway at our age? | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 8/26/2008 4:00:26 AM | Dunrich,
I think it may depend on the situation. The majority of prostate cancers are extremely slow growing and often times a physician will even feel that a man can go with symptomatic treatment and live a normal life span; however, often when a man is diagnosed at a younger age (lets say less than 60 years of age as being younger) the cancer often is of a faster growing variety. The more aggressive form of prostate cancer holds a life expectency of only 5 years. So if a man is 50 when diagnosed, it makes sense to me that he might undergo treatment to gain 20 years rather than die at 55. However, if a man has a slow growing form and is diagnosed at 75, why undergo radical treatment when you might survive just as well with symptomatic treatment that is less invasive? | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 1:28:40 AM | i'm reviving this thread in order to help a friend. searched and copied all the other related Prostate threads. my friend is 61 and was always in good shape. he then got an aggressive cancer, which he beat despite the odds and with some pretty hefty chemo. now, six years later, he has an enlarged prostate and is getting tested for cancer again. being a macho kind of guy, he is flipping out a bit. so, i am doing this research for him. having had lymes i know a bit of the fear that comes before yet "another test". however, i did not fear death because i knew there was treatment.
so, these are my remaining questions. thus far, enlarged prostate w/o cancer, prostate cancer and an agressive form of prostate cancer have been discussed. what is the more aggressive form of prostate cancer and is it a different kind of cancer altogether, just landing at the same site? my friend had liver cancer. i don't know the details. do you know if this aggressive prostate cancer is due to other kinds of cancer linked to or preceding it. ie--is it located in just the prostate or is it the type that comes from elsewhere or else spreads elsewhere?
has anyone had both prostate and another type of cancer as well. what do you recommend? is proper diet too late? i know he's in excellent physical "appearance" and does watch his diet. no drinking or smoking, a lot of camping out, et al.
how i deal with this sort of thing? he is not a close friend, but we connect pretty readily when engaged in communication face to face. i will be there for him or any friend or neighbor to the best of my ability and if he will let me. i am finding out more and more, that men (especially the seemingly strong ones) bury their feelings, rather than deal with them. i cannot force a horse to drink, even if i can lead them to the water.
being there for someone who has medical issues is a tightrope walk. i've been on both sides of the tightrope, but walking it with another takes trust and skill and willingness on both sides. i remember when i reached out for help and nobody was there for me in my immediate life. so, i found others to help me and swore i would be there in the way that nobody was there for me. that being said, i made it through. it was very lonely, but it made me very strong. i learned to take as well as to give. i learned that not many were willing to give. sooooooooooooo, remember this if you are ill. just keep plowing through the ice and eventually it will melt.
i appreciate whatever medical links between prostate cancer, prostitis and any other form of cancer that anyone can share wtih me. i have helped a friend way back with breast cancer. i just get into my cognitive mode and carry out what needs to be done. if the person will let me, i have lots of tissues and do not judge tears. in fact, i believe tears are necessary. they eliminate toxins and help in the coping/healing process. i think when life sucks, we all need some holding. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:13:46 AM | I had an occasional casual dating friendship with a guy who got this diagnosis. I dealt with it by making him supper a time or two, and checking to see if other friends were looking after him. (They were - and he lived quite a distance away, so I really did all I could.)
He was able to tell me about his discomfort and fears. He beat it, I'm happy to say. We were never destined to be a couple, even before the diagnosis, and eventually we drifted apart and he has left the area to retire near family. But to the extent that I was able, I was there for him. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:46:42 AM | The American Cancer Society is a good place to get some general information. It can be frightening because it says that prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancers deaths in men. HOWEVER, if you read more in depth, it also tells you about the survival rates, which are pretty good if he receives treatment right away.
No, an aggressive form of prostate cancer is not a different cancer... because it starts in the prostate, it is still prostate cancer. Some cancers stay "encapsulated" better than others--- they don't extend out into the tissue so are less likely to spread. Most prostate cancers are like that because prostate tissue is slow at reproducing itself. Usually fast growing cancers arise out of tissue that replicates itself quickly... such as lung tissue or skin tissue. However, some prostate cancers are not as well encapsulated and may look more like a jelly fish... with portions of the cancer stretching out into the surrounding tissue. That type of cancer spreads more easily--it is prone to breaking off and being carried to new sites (metastasis).
I think your friend needs to try to avoid reading too much or worrying too much until his testing comes back letting him know what's happening. At his age, an enlarged prostate could be a very benign situation. Living a healthy lifestyle always helps. He should try to avoid a high fat, high protein diet unless told otherwise by his physician. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 10:13:19 AM | thanks! i understand encapsulated. in breast cancer you can have a worse "stage" but it is easier to treat if encapsulated. so, if i get you right, the opposite cannot happen-- meaning his "old" cancer didn't spread into the prostate and that just vice versa can happen if it is discovered to be aggressive?
i agree. he needs to find out. he says he will this week. then i could help him better with the "what if's".
thanks, scw | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:43:56 PM | It is unlikely that his old cancer spread to the prostate--- which is a pretty tough old gland. Cancers usually have a "typical" spread for the type of cancer they are (not always, but often times)--- for instance, breast cancer often metastisizes to the lymph nodes under the arms, but also often to the lungs. Prostate cancer usually spreads to the back/pelvis and thighs. I've not heard of another cancer going into the prostate. But I'm not an oncologist to tell you that for certain.
Anyway, good luck with it all. I will be going off POF in a few days and won't be here to follow up on this thread. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...How I dealt with it.
Posted: 1/18/2009 8:39:49 PM | | I don't know if this will help anyone. Recently I met a man with ED from diabetes. The various pills didn't work. Yet, he has TWO girlfriends and the wife he is seperated from wants him back. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 1/18/2009 11:17:52 PM | | Oldstock, I would love a man whether or not he had a serious health issue or was even disabled, if he and I hit it off. The major sex organ is the brain. And to be delicate, there are so many ways for a loving committed couple to pleasure each other. The late Christopher Reeves and many others, including my late husband proved that sexual satisfaction can be had many ways. | |
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SC0821
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Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 63 | |
| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 2/21/2009 9:53:57 AM | floralily wrote on 6/11/2007
"What is even more difficult is the women has to fight within her mind wondering what to do about her sexual desires, how to fulfill the needs or try to make the feelings go away. (the dildo doesnt do the human thing!)
One of two choices are made........ divorce after a lifetime of investments physically,financially, mentally and destroying the family by breaking it up over no sex or stay married and stray for the sexual physical needs only.
Most women in my situation, after a long term marriage are not getting divorced and breaking up families, but straying outside the marriage for the sexual need. Just like men do when the wife does not have a desire for sex anymore.
You asked, this is my experience. I probably have just opened a huge can of worms on this reply!!!!"
I agree with floralily.
My husband is a prostate cancer survivor which unfortunately left him unable to become erect. We tried medications but nothing worked. Injections or implants are not an option. We've talked about it and he just won't go there. We've been married over 35 years and I would never divorce my husband but I am so unfulfilled as far as our sex life goes. We do do other things but I just so much miss and desire to have penetrative sex. For whatever reason I cannot have an orgasm with him anymore no matter what he does and there are times I just can't wait to be alone so I can "service" myself. I don't mean to offend anybody, just being honest. My libido has always been somewhat high and I'm just having a hard time with this.
Now I'm somewhat ashamed to say I have discreetly joined this site in hopes of at least finding a commiserating woman or an understanding man. I'm 58 years old, still fit and still considered quite attractive.
Floralily...I hope you see this, I would love to communicate with you. I tried to send you a message but for whatever reason, it was rejected. So, please click on my profile and send me a message and let me know how I can contact you.
You know...there are support groups for men experiencing problems of this nature....Why not a support group for us wives who are just so darn horny but still want to keep their marriages????
Thanks all for listening!
Victoria | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 2/22/2009 6:40:01 AM | | Well I am happy to have read all these posts and learn something about male prostate. Of course we all think we would do the right thing when we are confronted with it personally. I have not had that experience. I am just fifty and my boyfriend is forty-seven. Everything is up and running, so to speak. I have a very powerful libido so not having sex is not an option for me. That being said I am also very loyal and am a one man woman so I would have to be pretty creative about how to have sex with my partner when my partner would rather pass a kidney stone. It is a conundrum, for sure. Kudos to you gents for being so open and clear about how it all happens. And I have also taken into consideration the post from the woman who has lived with it for years. Peace and Love. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 2/23/2009 7:55:51 AM | I'm going to repeat, again, what I've said elsewhere. Poking/being poked does NOT equal sex. If any woman is using "high libido" as an excuse to cheat on/avoid a male with ED, it's their loss. Worse, they are lying to themselves about their level of sexuality: high sexuality is easier to please, not more difficult. If she is having difficulty with the situation, I'd heartily recommend that she hie herself to her medical professional and get her *own* hormone levels checked.
I do understand that the way a man is coping or not coping with the issue can damage a relationship, even kill it. But lack of an erection is absolutely NOT the end of sex, in fact, it may be just the beginning of a truly grand adventure in sensuality/sexuality. Pity those that opt of the game.
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 2/23/2009 9:01:51 PM | Alan,
I want to give you praise and applaud for this post... 
My ex just went thru the da Vinci Prostatectomy, he had it done last month and is in recovery...Everyday he seems to be in better spirits, but he has had a rough go of it for the past 6 months. Now mind you he is my ex and we are now seperated by a 1000 miles, but I spent 6 months supporting the best I could by phone. Offered to go home and take care of him after the operation and be there for him.
He is currently worried as you about the erectile disfunction, but I keep encouraging him that things will come back....I try my hardest to provide with a positive outlook rather the a negative, I spent months looking for diaries from men with the same problems. I sent him 100's of articles and support group information...He may be my ex but he was the man I loved for over 8 years and love does not just diminish because the relationship does...
Several of the thoughts you have shared, he has shared with me as well....The fear is real and the reality of the situation can be so crippling...So here's what I tell him everynight...There are people all around you everyday who love you and cherish you, they have never experienced love making with you or any intiment moments, but love you regardless,,,,,find your strength to heal in body and mind with them....for in the big picture of all life they are truelly the angels God sent to you in sickness and health.....
This may sound a bit corny but it seems to help him everynight even if just for a moment...
All my best to you and yours!!
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Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 67 | |
| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 2/25/2009 7:03:05 AM | Re: woobytoodsday on 2/23/2009 10 51 AM
I suggest you don't judge anyone if you haven't walked in their shoes. My husband and I are both suffering. Prostate cancer is a " couples" disease and until that is totally recognized and the proper support is available we will continue to suffer. Your response was very offensive and hurtful to anyone who is in a similar situation. You obviously don't really understand. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 3/2/2009 4:31:48 PM | I have been seeing a 46 year old man for the past year and a half. He has a family history of prostate cancer and goes for frequent checkups. That's how they caught it early. He is currently undergoing another round of chemo and radiation treatments. It has not diminished nor has it spread. As far as sex....it's still outstanding. He often is afraid it won't work. But it always does. I tell him each time he comes over that I would be just as happy to sit and chat or just snuggle. But he says that he's so turned on by me and my sexuality that that is the reason he can still function. Needless to say I am very flattered. And we always have amazing sex.
I think you just need a loving, patient, and understanding partner. | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 3/2/2009 10:44:41 PM |
I suggest you don't judge anyone if you haven't walked in their shoes. My husband and I are both suffering. Prostate cancer is a " couples" disease and until that is totally recognized and the proper support is available we will continue to suffer. Your response was very offensive and hurtful to anyone who is in a similar situation. You obviously don't really understand.
Short form: the man I most loved in the world was a colorectal cancer survivor. Massive surgery, chemo, and radiation made the "mechanics" somewhere between totally not working-to-random. Had he, or I, believed that poking was all that was involved in lovemaking, we'd both have been SOL. I didn't see him as *diseased* -- he was simply the man I loved. He died two and a half years ago, and I'd give a lot if that hadn't happened. And I'd be delighted to have him back, plumbing working or not.
I *am* sorry* if you felt I was hurtful, but I've watched way too many, men and women, get on these boards and make men with ED feel awful.
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 3/22/2009 9:20:34 PM | anyone that's been diagnosed owes it to their-self to get the "rest of the story" that other survivors have. doctors tell only what cures.
Survivors tell what life will be like afterward.
Diagnosed at an early stage in 2003 . Got radioactive seeds in '04 for a cure. The several months of pain at the moment of ejaculation finally passed.
Now, getting accustomed to a woman, knowing she and I match up well, knowing she's someone I can trust, has more significant effect than the radiation.
Sure, I am not as virile as when I was 20 or 30. I wouldn't probably be, even if I hadn't had cancer. At age 47, things can slow down some. | |
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| Time . . . continued!
Posted: 5/17/2009 1:36:44 PM | Hello,
You have an interesting profile, but I don't understand this message for the life of me!
...Cheryl | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 6/17/2009 8:31:50 AM | | Hi, It has been almost two years now since my operation. I think my nerves are improving. It has been extremely frustrating sexually. I tried everything from viagara to needles. I really don't like needles because of other friends who have used them incorrectly. My wife passed on a few years ago so I am still interested in the other sex. I still go to Cuba where I don't worry about how I perform or get an erection or not. I am still haunted with incontinence and whether the disease will come back. Email me for your views | |
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| Prostate cancer ...guys,how have you handled it/or not...Ladies, how have you been supportive/or not
Posted: 6/17/2009 2:15:47 PM | Jove said:
q Keep your fat intake to around 20% of your
daily calories.
q Cut back on red meat, and aim for two to
three servings of fish per week.
q Use plant-based protein sources (e.g. beans,
peas, lentils, soy) more often.
q Eat five to 10 servings a day of fruits and
veggies and at least two helpings of
tomato sauce or juice a week.
daily.
Very sound advice and in fact a a lot of it is due diet, and I do wish more people paid proper attention to what they are eating. Another thing that causes erectile dysfunction is being overweight. Those men that have come to me to lose weight that is their motivation for wanting to drop the pounds. I tell them it may or may not happen even after you lose the weight.. Due to my own experience with helping men drop the pounds I can tell you when they have that function back they are soooooo darn excited. I wish I could guarantee people it would happen in all cases unfortunately not. Same with those that suffer from sleep apnea unfortunately..
Good thread and applaud all you men for openly discussing this problem.
You would need to find an understanding partner that was focused on your health and well being.. and not your body parts..
In the meantime eat lot of beans.. a great source of protein and fiber..as well as them having other goodies that are of great benefit. I make a mean bean cake that would would swear was chocolate cake. I might even post the recipe for those interested.
In the meantime enjoy some chili
thecatsmeoww | |
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