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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/4/2008 8:46:37 PM | Don't display any emotion. None.
Even anger at being harassed can be interpreted as unacknowledged passion on your part.
The stalker believes this: "(name__) really does love me, deep down, __ just can't admit it yet. If I keep hoping, it will come true. Look how angry __ gets, __ must care a lot." Stalkers don't understand that their behaviour is wrong. In their eyes, they are the victim who is being misjudged and thwarted in their innocent attempts to show their love. It's NOT an intentional trespass. They just can't see themselves as they are. Telling them they need psychiatric help is a waste of breath ..
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For the record, restraining orders are virtually useless because they are just a piece of paper that, if violated, will prompt law enforcement to do one of two things:
- ignore it, because the harasser hasn't been actually witnessed doing anything wrong, or
- arrest her, but even if booked, she'll be released very soon, only to be even more vicious and aggressive. You don't need that.
www.antistalking.com
Excellent source of information and help. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/5/2008 11:00:33 AM | Well sometimes you just have to be a prick - Tell her if she doesn't stop harassing you that you're going to get a restraining order... psychos can't be allowed to get away with that kind of thing.
ditto | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:47:34 AM | I know of this first hand... But the police will do nothing until a threat has been made. Yes document and log everything. But until they(stalker) threatens you. This is when you can take action. I can tell you that private name/number calls can be traced..ask you phone service provider. Blocked calls can be traced...You can download a simple program from the internet and log IP address'.
But here is a question one should ask. Is it ok for them to hack this site, and use your information to contact potention dates, or newly made friends on here to bash you?? no. What happend when they hide their profile??
It becomes a hate crime, and libel,defimation of character. I can go , on and on. People like that should just move on, and leave the others alone.
GOOD LUCK.. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:14:56 AM | Take your voice message off your voice mail if it is on there and go to the automatic, so she doesn`t get the "fix" of your voice. Then don`t answer her calls. If she e-mails you, save it , and also request for no further communication in writing and document it. If that doesn`t work, on your next request, tell he this is the last one and you are ready and will take legal measures as you are considering this as hararrasment.
With most people , this will work. It sounds crazy to have to get this blatant. But when you are dealing with crazy people, sometimes you have to get out the big guns.
I was threatened and stalked by a police detective for 3 years, one of the scariest things I have ever dealt with, and now I am pretty hesistant to date. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:32:24 AM | Op I''m just gong to play devil's advocate here...there are many and I do mean many men, and possibly women on here (although I am not one of them), who do give a girl the impression that there is a relationship...a handfull of dates??? Well exactly what does that mean.....2, 3 or 4 dates...was there sex involved? Personally I would not lead a man on and I will know the first date if there is going to be a second. I think that many people on here bring it on themselves when they lead someone one. For example, if you have been with this person for several months, led her to beleive you are in an exclusive relationship...got what your ego wanted..(the thrill of the chase)..and once you got her in the palm of your hand , you decide to head for the hills.....That's why we get all these people on here complaining about how she or he dated someone for many months and all of a sudden , the person disappears.
Many people on here, both men and women, love the fact that they can get someone to fall for them and once they do, they take off, leaving the other person scratching their head as to what happened.
Please be fair to the women your dating...if you don't think there is a spark, do yourselves a both favor and dont lead into a second date, let alone a 10th. It's not fair and it leads people on...You have a part to play in this too. I am not really sure what you meant by a handfull of dates, but from the sounds of it , you lead the girl on.
Now you have to call her and tell her the truth....once she realized that you don't have it for her, she will leave you alone...at least most normal people at that point will. Yes she will have a broken heart, but that's just life and thats why we all have to be careful when dating that we are not leading someone on....think about why you did this..your ego, your sesne of satisfaction that you finally have her where you want her and now that you do, its time to leave? Please people, we are all human beings here and we should not be playing these types of games....if on the first date, you know its not for you, dont turn it into a second...and if you turn it into a second to give it another chance , please please please...dont turn it into a third...its not fair to anyone....respect each other and enough with the games. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:03:04 AM | Hopefully sense 8/18/2006 which is when this thread was started, the problem has been resolved.
At least he's still alive peeps and why waste time on an old thread
geesh..? | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:11:20 AM | I totally agree with you, Angelheart. You said it perfectly.
I was reading through all of the posts and was alarmed at how loosely and easily "stalker and psycho" was used. In this day and age of singles, dating, easy sex, and "fast food" relationships (defined loosely) there are too many broken hearts. With getting over their broken hearts people will phone and e-mail the other person looking for answers or closure. I have a friend who works for the RCMP in another city and let me tell you, there are too many people wasting the police time complaining about being stalked. Most of these are from people who said "I dumped someone and now they are phoning me and e-mailing me.....".
Please grow up. This does come with the territory. Deal with it.
Best thing to do is sit down with that person in a neutral territory and have a meeting with an impartial 3rd party in the room. Get it all out. Negotiate for a closure and live with the agreement. Be firm. If you waffle and let them think there is hope, then you are the a$$hole. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:15:48 AM | | Do not reply to anything. You have told her to stop. Any response from you, be it negative or postive, is just that, a response. That is what she wants, that is what she is feeding on. Dont add any energy to the problem. If you do come across her in public, stay neutral, keep conversation very limited. "I do not want to see you anymore", repeat this a couple of times, and only this, no opinions or rationalizations. Dont answer any questions from her. Keep track of the times she tries to make contact. There is always a restraining order, but unless she has threatened you or yours, not a good option, cause with stalking, a restraining order escalates the stalking to physical violence. copy what you have so far, to document your telling her to leave you alone. Then block her from the computer, phone. then keep a listing of all times she has still contacted you. These episodes usually become less frequent over time. My ex only contacts me once a month, now. Through the US postal service, I dont know if I can block that or not. My therapist says is only takes a second to drop mail in the trash. I open the mail, to see what is inside, then make a note of it, for prosperity. Then it goes into the trash. I do not allow myself to waste time worrying about the jerk, cause thats what he wants. He wants me to think of him. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 8:21:26 AM | Female psychos and stalkers ?
Hummm....? I always found it endearing when women would show that much interest in me. I guess I could've been a p*ssy and whined about it on a web-site. But I never did. Perhaps I didn't really have a psycho. She would at least call and ask, " If I felt like having company." When I didn't want to be bothered, she didn't. I would think of a psycho as someone who was trying to hurt you and not a woman who takes the time to give a damn about you. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:25:26 PM | Javan2  i heard that..
see some men freakout over the simplest things, o god she likes me an actually wants to to spendtime with me outside the bedroom,ya mean she wants more then just an occasional booty call? or just a 1nighter of sex??.. an she wants to see me more then once a month or every couple of weeks, o no she calls too much ive already talked to her once for 5minutes last week..
O no this means i have to man up an tell her the truth an talk to her? instead of punkin out dissapearin, an continually avoidin her an the situation, until i think the coast is clear.. an carry on about my life like nothing happened..
WOW who would of known? people could be so kind an caring. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:42:19 PM | to ignore is just rude!..
Its a major pet peeve of mine, and I am sure I am not alone in feeling that way!
Just tell her to go away, if she wont take no for an answer....be rude about it!
When she see's that you have gone on with your life..she will get the hint. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:29:30 AM | | If what you are saying is the full story and not "drama stalking". In my opinion you should handle it like a man. If you have been out with her a couple of times and especially if you had sex. She deserves a respectful personal let down. You should have invited her to lunch and been straight up with her. Tell her you are uncomfortable with how things have escalated, you found someone else, you dont feel you have the same interests anymore, etc. A lover is bound to leave you alone if you are honest and they know it's not their fault. Now so noone gets false hopes, tell her you will not answer your phone anymore because it's over and best for everyone. . It's called closure. Blowing her off was the WRONG thing to do. If you would have sat down in person or had the "talk" she would most likely understand and leave you alone. Maybe now since things have gotten upsetting you should write a respectful email to close the door. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/10/2008 9:21:30 PM | Can you tell me what the difference a "psycho" is from a heartbroken and confused woman who's lover has disappeared from her life? The same lover who doesn't answer any e-mails, phone calls, or gives any explanation of why he disappeared?
Any man who does this to a woman deserves to have this happen to him.
I went through this same thing when a man pursued me until I gave in. This was just after my marriage of 20+ years went down the drain after my serial adulterer husband and I called it quits. I was looking for my sense of womanhood and desirability again. He came along and did this to me. I was shattered. I spent 2 weeks almost going crazy from hearing nothing! Then a relief came. It was an acquaintance friend of his who gave me #'s of other women who he did this same thing to. We all had a rendevouz (4 of us) and decided to beard him in his den. His home. Well...he had to talk then (after we all took verbal abuse from him about being a bunch of crazy ****es who stalked him and didn't know that it was over when he quit phoning). He took a blast from all of us and finally apologized. He found a new woman that same year and got married and apparently is a good and well-behaved husband.
So, you see, it is not good to ignore somebody and hope that they will go away with no explanations. It has the opposite effect. Take responsibility for your part in the closure. Only when it becomes unrealistic and eerie, then you take it to a higher level as what was described here by various contributors to do. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:25:42 AM | And he says in his first date catagory:
First Date
Just hang out and listen to music, and if you don't like my cd collection you can get dressed and go home.
wait you can get dressed an go home?
#1 why in the world would listening to somebodies music selection be a good idea for a date, check it,,nothing wrong with going out to concerts live bands an etc etc or even sittin around listening to differnt intrest of each others music..but why does it all have to be about you?
an what you like??
#2 who said that anybody has to get undressed.. why does a woman have to get undressed to listen to your music,
#3 an then you had the nerve to say if you dont like it get dressed an go home..
an this is from a man talkin bout psychos an stalkers,,LOL
ya right if anybody has emotional an mental issues with women an commitment it's you sir.. MAN the f u c k up an quit actin like a scared little b i t c h when it comes to real life an real feelings,, you can't run away from everything..forever.. | |
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| Female psychos and stalkers. What to do?
Posted: 2/11/2008 2:01:01 AM | ^ Angry much? Step away from the keyboard and take a Valium.
Can you tell me what the difference a "psycho" is from a heartbroken and confused woman who's lover has disappeared from her life? The same lover who doesn't answer any e-mails, phone calls, or gives any explanation of why he disappeared?
Any man who does this to a woman deserves to have this happen to him
Here, I'll clarify the issue for you. If the heartbroken person is a man, he is automatically labelled a stalker. If it is a woman, then we seek to find reasons like so many of you have.
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