| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 11/19/2008 10:44:49 AM | My older sister went from being a tomboy to looking like a supermodel, so by the time she was 14 was so hot, that my dad said to me that I had to be her chaperone. So, for the first couple of years, we hated our guts, but later on we leaned to use each other. So what happened was that when I was 13 I had to hang out and go out with my sister and her cadre of girls that were all ages 14 to 17. Because I didn't want to be there, to begin with, I treaded them like sh¡t. But something strange began to happen. Boys that wanted to get close to the girls had to come through me, so they had to befriend me. So I met and ended up for friends some of the so called cool guys. Then, because I was surrounded by this girls, saw them in their underwear at home when they were slumper partying and what not, my sister friends began to have the hots for me. My first serious girlfriend, was one of her friends. Actually I was not mean to her, but rather ambivalent, until she began to come to my room to watch TV. I would ask her, where was my sister and she would tell me "I don't know." So one day, while watching TV we began to fool around.
Actually, because this had happened without any effort in my part, while all the other guys were trying very hard at parties to get the girls, dance, get game, do things for them, I became more ambivalent, more interested in surfing, running, cycling climbing mountains and doing my stuff. So I never thought of myself as one with the social graces to pick up women. It just happened that a particular type of girl was always attracted to me, and like bees and honey we always found each other. These were kind of tomboyish girls that were border line bad girls, that went in the woods and didn't care to go skinny dipping or hanging around their house naked when their parents were away for a weekend or so. This really clashed in the country where I am from, since most men there are there are taught to taylor to women, open doors, buy them drinks, do stuff for them, while the women are used to begin what in the US would be considered super High Maintenance. So I stopped going out altogether with women from my country and met a lot of girls from Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Germany and the US.
Then I came to the US and was back to square one.
So I guess with me is not an issue of confidence but rather interest. Only women with exotic attitudes have interested me. | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 11/19/2008 11:02:37 AM | when i got pissed at being used and treated like shit by the girls I cared about ..so o quit giving a shit whether they liked me or not and suddenly they were crazy about me ...women are crazy ..they only like you if you dont give a crap whether they like or not ..they only want it if they think you dont want to give it to them .... if you treet them nice they treat you like crap ... most women will argue this point ..but i have prooved it many times ... i have went into a bar and ignored a certain woman or even been rude to her and she then chases me right into the sack ...a man should always make the first move ...directly away from the woman he wants ...works 8 times out of ten
whytwater my friend you reek of confidence | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 11/19/2008 11:15:04 AM | Confident about what, exactly? In some particular result?
When I can do that trick Paul Hogan does with the water buffalo, I may convince myself that I can steer a woman to my purpose. Lol.
You direct your question toward coping with an entire gender, all at once! It makes sense only on a case by case basis.
More to your point: when I learned that I may be better off without that woman, or women, at least at the time, or immediately following, the "interaction"? Lol. It's a variation of the nothing to lose approach. Kinda like, whew, I've escaped and I am free to live another day!
To get to that point, I needed some experience with a woman, a relationship, or the initial parts of them.
I have read too frequently in these forum pages that confidence is attractive to the opposite sex. I would say it differently, based upon my own experience. Self-awareness is far more sustaining than bravado, and an unassuming approach, laced with gentle curiousity, more often wins the day. Btw, my recommendations work on me with devastating effects. | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/16/2009 11:55:39 PM | Maybe it was from being in dance and voice and music lessons and all those blooming recitals and being on stage all the time, whether in church or the theatre, but I've never once been shy or hit with stagefright in my life. Hell, in kindergarten I used to play with the boys and we'd take turns knocking each other down and exchanging kisses! LOL (Todd N. and I had a good laugh about that at our high school reunion, he and I did that so much we got sent to the principal's office!)
I think I had a rough stage in middle school, when all girls go through self-esteem issues, when your body is changing and nothing quite fits together the right way, but I got through that pretty quickly.
I always had more problems with the girls than I did with the boys. I had a circle of friends that hung together from kindergarten on through senior year, but there were always times of great drama, bickering, in-fighting, girl-stuff.
Come to think of it, it was usually over boys! LOL
Beth | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 3:38:07 AM | Confidence... years ago. I don't care if they reject me or not. Life is short, so I just keep going and never end up disappointed.
Being happy brings about confidence, being unhappy radiates to all aspects of your life. If you can't be happy on your own, you are not going to be sooo much better when you find someone. | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 2:51:36 PM | I was always confident about interracting with the opposite sex and always related better to men (not talking sexually) than women. I started getting an appreciation for my girlfriends in my early 40s.
I start gaining true and complete confidence with myself in my mid 30s...how? lots of bumps and bruises along the way, life's lessons, introspection....red,red wine (kiddling on that last one ;o) | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 3:27:40 PM | I never really had a male around the house and was surrounded by women all of my life. So when it came to boys/men, I was at a loss.
I remember I used to get really excited when I was in my early teens about boys. And when they'd approach me or try to get my attention, I'd get all flushed and giddy and I couldn't stop giggling. My heart would flutter and I would just get all chatty. Well, my best friend (and of course she shared this with all of my friends) told me that I looked pathetic and that I was going to completely turn him off (the boy of my dreams or so I thought). So I backed off and stifled what I felt . It worked and she went out with him in the next few days.
In my late teens (17), I went to a bar with a group of friends. Back then they were pretty lenient about drinking age. Being new to the bar scene I really didn't know how it all worked. There was a guy there that I had the total hots for. I thought he was so beautiful! I wanted to ask him to dance and he was with a whole group of his buddies. So, my friends kept telling me to go ask him. So I did. He yelled "what do you want from me?!" in my face. His friends all got a good laugh. I was so humiliated. I had never approached him before so I didn't understand his hostility. Needless to say if someone had a gun, I would have shot myself from the embarrassment. I ran out of the bar crying. I was not prepared for boys. My friends stayed and partied.
I've had quite a few more humiliating experiences with men, well, more like pr*cks than young men but there was eventually some point where I decided I wouldn't go there again. It wasn't a risk I was willing to take.
So now, I am not intimidated by men at all. Many of my best friends are male but I don't expect a thing from them. I take what they give as friends and that is all. I reciprocate in turn.
Every man since has always approached me. And it'll stay that way. Or I'm willing to be single the rest of my life to avoid the humiliation I went through again.
Confidence? More like complete disconnection. | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:04:48 PM | | Shortly after high school. I graduated in a small comunity where everyone knew each other and well woman seeemed to date guys from out of town. When I moved to the city started noticing woman seemed to find me attractive however I think it's my attitude or positive vibe i give off rather than looks but hey Ill take it. Then with practice I got better at sex and I must admit being able to please woman in the bedroom has been a huge confidence builder. | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:37:48 PM | I just recently got confident with the opposite sex, I would say proabably 7 or 8 months ago. I was married for many years and I really let myself go. I was very unhappy with my looks and just disgusted with myself in general. I would say an unhappy marriage can really add to it. So after my body was done being a baby making machine and my ex was done being husband and he left, it's amazing the weight just really starting coming off, and I would say that the more weight I lost the easier it was to interact with men. I no longer am afraid to wear that little mini-skirt cause I think someone is going to think I am too fat. I found happiness inside of me and that's when everything else fell into place~~ | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/17/2009 11:50:50 PM | | Well I've always been a flirt. I can't say I was ever not confident really. I don't want to sound like I think I'm all that, but I just never had any problem dating. BUT when I turned 35? I went crazy! Everybody talks about women hitting their peak or whatever at 35 and I thought it was a bunch of bs. But it took about a month of being 35, I got divorced too, that helped, and now I'm a total freak! haha jk, I think everyone eventually, hopefully, reaches a point in their life where they are finally comfortable in their own skin. Yeah I got a couple laugh lines, some stretch marks, (thanks kids, mommy loves you!) but I never felt sexier in my life then now! Am I right ladies? | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/20/2009 8:26:14 AM | When I decided that life was no longer just about me. I found that not caring about my ego gave me the ability to freely express my feelings; to allow sensualityto occur withour question; to kiss like tomorrow is not going to happen; and to let the poet inside my soul lay bare. I cannot, will not, put a time/age to this event (probably early Alzheimers), but I know that since this epiphany, I have found that interracting has been a mutually satisfying experience. I'm just saying | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 8/20/2009 12:26:25 PM | I'm 25 and still not there yet lol!!! I tend to shy away from Women that I'm attracted to. Which is why my sex life sucks
never really had a relationship in my adult life yet, which I'm fine with for now. I'm still young & have plenty of time . But I do look foward to the day that I become more at ease & less shaky when approaching....... | |
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| At what point in life did you get confidence about interracting with the opposite sex?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:23:22 PM | | I was going through a transitional period where confidence came to me in a matter of months. Before I lacked self esteem.. looked to others to make decisions and accept me but once i befriended an exchange student.. something interesting happened.. my life changed from doing nothing to talking and a new curiousity for life overtook me.. I used to let life pass me by but when i decided to want to know more and learn more... my focus wasn't did i come off ok to the other person... my focus was being enriched i asked a lot of questions and after 20 to 30 times hanging out i got comfortable with talking and began to joke. Then i hung out with people who were supportive and i felt very likeable and that started to reap even more success. I then posted an ad to meet new friends and the more people i met the more fun i had.. I realized it's a skill and it takes practice. Now i'm able to think on the spot, say things that make people crack with laughter and generally enjoy life very well. I owe this to the exchange friend i had.. because he informed me of a culture and encouraged me to participate in this world... so my word of advice to anyone who wants to have confidence isn't to just accept and love yourself because that's easier said than done but to put yourself in situations where your confidence can fluorish. It has everything to do with personal power and not giving it to others. Also you know the people who you would never give the time of day to? well you should. maybe not relationship but go out, bring out the best in them, take off the superficial lense and see their hearts.. you'll find a charm that only they have and once you can honestly say "I don't judge" you'll stop being nervous around that gorgeous guy or girl you have ur eye on. | |
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