| DEADBEAT DADS (and moms)
Posted: 3/31/2005 3:11:07 PM | How about deadbeat spouses.......when I read what some women post about there ex's I could drop my ex-wife into the story with very little revision and it would fit like a glove. Mine used are kids as pawns in the courts and when she lost they became expendable, the boyfreind is more important, her freinds are more important etc. She has minimal time for them which means they reside 80% of the time with me (I pay child support....the law sucks). Parents should be expected by law to support their children...no problem there....however shared parenting should be the expectation of the courts and society (inability to parent or safety of the child has to be proven not just alleged) rather that the feminist agenda based laws we now have that discriminate against fathers. Until family laws in Canada and the USA are overhauled to treat parents equally and enshrine the rights of children to have access to both parents, childish emotional fights between ex's and unscrupulous laywers egging them on, children will continue to be the losers which they have been for 30 plus years directly related to no fault divorce laws. I say bring back fault to divorce, along with responsibilty for your actions, your children..your choices.
Anyway I brought children into the world fully expecting to support, care and nurture them to the legal age and beyond, which I will do no matter what.....obviously my ex did not and won't. Who is the real loser......our 10 year old son and 7 year old daughter who still ask me to this day after 3 years...Will mommy ever come home? | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 3/31/2005 6:32:44 PM | giannaD - he was a loser and you chose him.
History repeats itself. Settle for a nice guy, not for excitement.
Otherwise you'll spend the next 10-15 years living a miserable drama.
Good luck. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS (and moms)
Posted: 4/1/2005 9:12:02 AM | | Stephen....great post. You have summed up yet again my thoughts. I totally agree that fault and morality should be brought back into the court. I also think a 50/50 custody should be just that....50/50 of everything including visitation and expenses. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS (and moms)
Posted: 4/1/2005 8:02:45 PM | | ...deadbeat biological father of my child.....don't even get me started! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 4/3/2005 2:24:40 PM | Well andy i left my daughters dad because he was abusive to me............... and it may sound sad but when i left .......... he never tried to see her again.............. but he was paying child support up till 2 years ago.... he figured when she turned 18 it would stop....... but he got fooled....he had to continue to pay till she finished her university education which is 2 more years.......... he hasnt seen her since she was 7 and has stopped paying over 2 years ago..... he has had me in and out of court and he keeps losing..... now the FRO-family responsibility office is now taking him to court.............. Jail time soon if he doesnt start paying...... but what he lost the most out of this........ is his Daughter...... She has lost all respect for the man........... which she will not refer to him as her dad......... she calls him her sperm doner..... he crushed his lil girl................
hE HAS missed out on alot........... but i have gained in return......... shes my baby girl and always will be
Darlene | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 4/3/2005 3:06:10 PM | | my daughter is 3 yrs old & her dad refuses 2 see her & pays no money 2wards her up bringing .... i dont understand how men can just walk away from their flesh & blood i couldnt do it | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/25/2005 11:48:15 PM | | They are obviosly not responsible. This applies to both sexes. There a women who do this also. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/26/2005 7:05:06 AM | | There's no excuse for a deadbeat dad or mom. We were all involved in making these little creatures and if one doesn't want the financial burden, it then becomes society's. It is true that some of the deadbeats are just people (men, often) who have given up on fighting with a nasty ex-spouse who wants control through the kids. Divorce is divorce. I wish people would truly separate and put the kids first. The child support guidelines are a little off in Canada, though - they don't take into consideration that the "visiting" parent has to keep bedrooms for the children, etc. Just my opinion. I take responsibility for my kids. Better if everyone did. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/26/2005 7:52:05 AM | Well..I don't know why guys do that..I support my kids, even though my ex has a kick ass job and certainly spends less money on the kids then I give her in support. Especially when you consider that she is the one that messed up the marriage (i had found out about it a day after my dads funeral - nice, eh?). My only guess is that with child support payments, it makes it next to impossible for a man to start a new relationship with someone else. Between payments and taxes, I do NOT have a lot of money left, and most women want a guy that has NO responsibilities. So these dads become deadbeats because the ex has stupid restrictions when he can see his kid (though this is not my case), and expects just the money. (dad are NOT walking wallets). The whole system is messed up.
Personally, though, how many deadbeat mom are out there? There is a chance I'll get soul custody..and she made enough last year to pay me $649/month...come hell or high water..if I get custody, I doubt I'll see a penny, and there is nothing I can do about it. (yes, I have talk to singles dads with custody, and NONE get money from the mom) | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/31/2005 1:26:29 AM | | I'm still trying to figure that one out myself. I recently seperated from my kid's father and he does not pay child support,hardly ever sees the kids,has no responsibility in their upbringing whatsoever!!What I don't understand is how he can just walk away like that ,although it was me who chose to end the relationship!! He would always say he couldn't live without his kids- seems to me he's doing just fine!! I am with them 24/7 and although I love them dearly and they are my little angels , I could sure use a break !! So I try to encourage him to spend some time with them-not for me but for them so they can still have a relationship with their Dad but everytime he says he is gonna see them , I never hear from him. Is it so wrong to try to encourage him to see his kids?? I know I shouldn't have to ,but I'm doing it for the sake of my kids!! Sometimes I just feel like giving up on him and I think maybe it's better if they don't see him at all!! What good are they getting out of seeing him every few months even if that!! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/31/2005 8:43:57 AM | | My father left me when i was 6. I only saw him once in a while cause he was always out of town on business or had work to do. When I turned 13 he left the country permanently, he always tried to screw my mother out of child support, always tried to be cheap, never saw me, and I have to say I'm a better person for not seeing him. If your kids are old enough Princess, tell them the truth about their father, don't hide it. Make them see how much of a piece of crap he is for not wanting to see them ever. Show them that you wanted your kids to have a relationship with their father, but that he did not do anything. This way they will understand a lesson about people in the world. If you cover it up, they will then hate you for lying to them in the future. Do not set yourself up to be the bad person at the end of the day. Your relationship with your kids should be primary. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/31/2005 1:38:51 PM | I just thought i would write in an say i am a single mom of 3 great kids , 2 that are grown now and 1 that is in high school. I have done it all on my on since the youngest was 1 1/2 years old she is now 15 years old. My ex has payed child support if that it was you call it 301.00 a month for 3 kids. and he used to come and get them for some weekend, but when he married the woman that he had affair with. it all stop and i had to get the law involve to get any money to help me with them. now that 2 of them are grown and have kids theirself. He still doesn't see them very much my granddaughters he has only seen them once or twice and they are 2 years and one is 5 months now. this is really sad for my kids. i wish he would do more for them. will if any one has anything to help me out let me know o.k. thanks for listening. Susan | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/31/2005 1:45:47 PM | | Man i understand just what you mean. My daughters that are 19 and one is 15 don't see their father and they are very bitter and i see in their eyes everyday and i try to make it up to them some how not sure how you do that. Susan | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 7/31/2005 6:49:42 PM | GIRL! I completely understand you're side of it. From what you have said on here, I think that you are giving too much by letting him have supervised visits even! I know a man who has supervised visitation and his mom is the supervisor?! She lets him take the baby and do whatever. He isn't being supervised at all. Personal story coming up in 3...2...1.... My child's father is in jail and he wants me to bring my 2 year old up to see him and I told him NO! I also told him that if one day she chooses to meet him, then I won't stop her and i will help her set it up, but until then he can kiss my butt! He didn't do anything but donate the ingredient needed to make her. I never received any emotional support, financial support, and he was cheating on me the entire pregnancy and before and after, and now he's paying for his wicked ways and I say good riddance. STAND YOUR GROUND! Do what's best for your child. Don't worry about people who say that it's not fair for you to not let the child see his father, because they don't know what it's like. YOU do what YOU think is in the best interest of the child. To hell with those who think different. Sorry, I'm done now! Have a wonderful day! lol  | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 9:59:47 AM | | 19% of men pay child support voluntarily that means 4 out of 5 have to be FORCED to pay so tell me more about the poooor dead beats dads your compassion needs to be with the children My ex owed me over 25 thousand dollars when he decided to surface,,,,,,,,,,, men are not socialized in this culture to be resonsible sadly | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 10:36:06 AM | My exwife left me and our daughter because she considered partying and drugs to be more important than being wife and mother. I have full custody of our daughter. Its been 8 years and she refuses to participate in any way and wont contribute any funds or time whatsoever. I dont trust the child support department enough to involve them so I guess she just gets away with it scott free.  | |
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danbfl
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Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 92 | |
| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 11:32:26 AM | | What about DAEDBEAT moms? My wife just left with hardly telling the kids goodbye, and now said she is going to give me full custody. How can a mother be so cold hearted to her children. She got a high paying job and money is all that matters to her, even though our childrens lives are priceless and money can't buy a hug from them. Guys that leave their children are deadbeats but moms that do it are in a whole knew catagory considering the child grew inside of them for 9 months. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 11:49:14 AM | I must agree--men can say that they aren't attached-I dont get it but God blessed me with carrying two beautiful boys in my body for 9 months. I vowed the moment I held them to love them forever and even as mouthy teens (not always:) I love them more and more each day.
Their dad tried last year to come back into their lives but they havent been too open to him-too little too late I guess. Sad for him but saddest for my sons.
All any of us can do is look at what we have and what the other has lost. It is hard-lord knows I'd love my life to be better financially but in the end-I have two sons who love me and are able to live productive lives and even add spark to this world!! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 4:12:06 PM | Hello I would like to weigh in on this one. I am a very tenacious person, strong willed and minded, I went through almost 4 years of hell before the courts finally saw the BS and gave me sole custody of my child.
For almost 4 years any time my ex was displeased with me, I did not get to see my son. I took her to court to increase my access, for 6 months after I filed the papers she refused to let me see him. I gat a new girlfriend, didn't get to see my son for three months after that. She wanted money (more than my ordered support which was on time the entire time she had him, and more than the guidlines too), if I said no... boom u don't care about your son, you don't get to see him. I started a job with shiftwork and so I needed flexible days.... didn't see my son for almost 2 months, till I got a court order. She would even deny me access, and then tell everyone we knew that I refused to see him and did not care about him. All I could do was let the police reports stack up (here where I am, unless specifically stated, family court orders are not police enforceable, all the police do is document cases where the access was not provided at the specified time, once you get enough of those you go back to court, pay a fee (I believe mine were $25/report) to get copies of the report and enter them into evidence).
Many times I got frustrated, many times I thought it would be easier for everyone if I just walked away. Many times I verbally gave up and tried to convinvince myself it was better that way. It was the most difficult thing I have ever been through, and I don't give up easily. It was emotional terrorism of the worst kind. I've seen a lot of it since I started a support group divorced dads.
Anyway... what I am saying here is, please don't prejudge every guy who does not see his children, you have no idea what the actual circumstances are. And secondly ladies/men..... cut the guy/gal some slack, he doesn't have to answer to you in order to have a relationship with his child, nor should he have to kiss ur butt. As a matter of fact, he should need to have no relationship whatsoever with you, short of hi and thank you in order to see his child, and there are even services where drop offs and pick-ups can occur to remove the need for even that. The relationship is over, don't use your child to punish him, you are doing more damage to your children than anyone else. (BTW this goes for any guys that may find themselves in a similar situation) | |
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| DEADBEAT Moms
Posted: 8/1/2005 4:57:58 PM | Oh and BTW
She Nets more/month than I did when I was paying her support, I get nothing from her.
She hasn't bothered to visit her child in over a month, I am very good with being flexible, in fact the last 3 weeks in a row she has called to ask me to change the day, I have agreed, waited around all day on the day she asked for (ok well not like I ever go anywhere anyway) and no show no call.
He is almost 5 years old and his birth has never been registered (a fact I only found out after I got sole custody, because no-one would talk to me before, I was just a sperm donor till then I guess). Here a woman can register a birth without the father's signature, but a man may not without the mother's signature. I'm still just a sperm donor in the sense that I still cannot register him, but As a reult he has no valid health coverage (need a birth registration number to renew a newborn's health card) although I have convinced the Ministry of Health and Long Term Care to extend his coverage until I can get this mess straightened out.
In the 3+ yrs he lived with her she never once filed for the Child Tax Benefit, $240/month (likely because you need a birth registration number to do so), but freaked if I changed the week I paid my support in (I usually paid near the beginning of the month, but occaisionally something came up and I would need to bump it down a week or 2 and of course, I was legally only obligated to ensure that it got paid by the end of the month, but I tried to time it so that it did the most good for them)
Finally, I had a much easier time getting my son for overnight visits when she had custody, on the days she received the support money. As broke as she was always claiming she was, she always seemed to be able to go to the bar with her friends on these nights and therefore needed a babysitter.
So yeah I think a more apt title for this thread would be deadbeat moms | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 9:55:12 PM | | Hi I am from Illinois and if you are ordered to pay child support the amount you pay is based on your income. I have three kids by 2 different guys and neither one of them come to see their kids. The first guy moved out of state and was paying child support but he stopped. He hasn't seen his kids in over 4 years, he never calls, sends a letter or anyhting. But if he was to come knocking on my door tomarrow and want to see his kids i would let him wether he was paying child support or not because i beleive that he should be involved in his kids life. The second guy lives 20 miles away and never comes to his kid and yes he is paying child support but once again even if he wasn't i would still let him see his kid. Here in illinois if you don't pay child support and it is ordered by the court then you get your license taken away then jail time. For all you guys that say women don't pay child support I happen to know a few that do. If your that worried about it then just take them to court like us women do. One more thing for all those who think that we can stop visitation because the father or mother is not paying we can't. At least not in illinois. That's all | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/1/2005 10:03:54 PM | | I have a ?. I need some advice. My oldest son is going to be 6 soon and he comes to me starts crying and asks me why his dad don't ever come see him. I have no idea what to tell him. So if you have any advice please share it with me. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/2/2005 2:59:52 PM | | Well my ex is and abusive alcoholic, so he has his own issues, that is why he's a dead beat dad. He has 5 kids now, I have three of them, well two and one on the way. All of his kids are experienceing the same things missed birthdays, no calls, definately no support. My kids are young, my oldest is three, so the memeories will be few, but i can hope the memories she will have of him, will be the best of him. Dead beat parents is a sad topic, i wish my kids had a good dad, and i feel somewhat responsible for having kids with him. All I plan to tell my kids when they start to ask, is that daddy has some issues, in my case, daddy is an alcoholic, and is sick, he can't look after you till he's better. No reason to make him seem like a bad guy, and put my bad feeling towards him on them. Good luck parents, this is a tough subject, I hope more parents think more about their kids, then themselves, make for a lot less dead beat parents. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/3/2005 7:34:43 AM | | My ex walked away about 3-4 yrs ago and has spent in total about 1hr with his son!! He knows how to get a hold of me-been at the same job for over 5yrs now..his family lives in the same town as me plus he's been in town and hasn't bothered to try and contact us!! He does pay support but doesn't have a choice..took him to the FRO..if it were up to him, he wouldn't pay..his family has disowned my son since they feel that he's not their grandchild, etc and the reason for this?? Since he doesn't look like his dad, they feel that he's not his son!! It's pretty sad cause they've missed out on his first three yrs of school as well as 2 seasons of him playing tball....as far as I'm concerned, he's nothing but a deadbeat and always will be!!! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 8/3/2005 10:36:07 AM | | well i hope you have proof in court that your ex did all that because otherwise you will end up where i did that was his word against mine. hell mine used to write poetry about murdering me in my sleep, he told me my oldest girl was possesed by the devil yeah i am not making this up by the way this is the guy that decide hey your my wife now so now i own you, yup he actually said it, so if you have proof dig it up because it was my word against his and he still got access, but on a good note it is possible to force your ex through parenting classes, i did that with my ex i told the court that if they were going to give him access that no way would i release my kid to him until he had atended at least two diffrent sets of parenting classes offered through cfs, the court had no problem enforcing that. | |
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