| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/5/2006 8:52:05 PM |
Jail sounds like the right spot for him. All parents male or female YOu have a responsability to your kids period!
Alright I still have trouble with this whole concept of if an NCP doesn't pay support that they should be locked up... Exactly what will that accomplish... I mean while he is in jail it's not like the NCP is going to be able pay support either...
As a matter of fact you will be decreasing your chances of gaining support as the person will then have a Criminal Record... And become unable to be such things as Bonded, which to even work as a simple Security Guard you need to be.
So when I hear of such a action being taken I always question it. Also when the person is in jail we the Taxpayer then have to pony up for a Cell, and 3 Squares a day for this person.. And the Debt is still there after all is said and done.
I do agree with things like loss of a Drivers License.. Or garnishment of wages.. Putting Leans on stuff the person may own... Ext.. But jailing them makes the least sense to me. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/5/2006 9:13:53 PM | Well, if he does happen to go to jail over this, it certaintly wouldn't be the first time. He has lost the abilitly to be bonded long before this. If after 7 years of getting no support, there isn't much chance of us getting any "less"
The chance of jail isn't really an option. But, she does have needs every day, she needs food, clothing, electric etc. If he helps or not. Yes we do great on what I make, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be at least held responsible to help out. He owes over 16,000 in back support. This would make a good downpayment towards education?
He wanted children as much as I, and she shouldn't be made to suffer because he changed his mind. I want to say "wtg" to all you dads who are there for your kids!! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:20:58 PM |
I c you got 2 kids, they even by the same guy? Most single mothers are just that, least round here yo
I see you cant even take the time to SPELL correctly. You talk about lazy women, yet you cant even take the TIME to spell out "see" (c)
go "round here yo" ?????
Im not even going to respond to that. You obviously have some grammer and education issues. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 4:45:12 AM | Ok so i am not a deadbeat dad but the state says i am, here is how it happend i got a new job told the state and they contacted new job. new job takes money out and sends it to ????
no one lets me know a thing untill i get a call from my x saying when u going to pay???? so i head over to her place give her money for food/rent. call state state plays dumb, call work work plays dumb. State says they want money now i tell them kma i have proof money has been taken out and i have paid x in cash. x wont tell state i gave her cash. so now i am just one of the dead beat dads. So the next time you bash one just think you might not know the whole story.
by the way i do not understand how any person could give up thier kids. I try to see mine as much as possible. but the x sometimes plays games | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 4:46:47 AM | | learn from me always always always pay with check so you have a paper trial. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 4:57:00 AM | [/learn from me always always always pay with check so you have a paper trial. ]
I am far from bashing you! I think you must be one of the good guys! You even posted a picture of you and your child, that stands for a lot. I can't speak for any of the other Dads, I was complaining about my daughter's deadbeat dad. I wish you the best of luck. And, no, it certainly isn't fair what she is doing. Luckily, you learned a lesson fast and started paying with a check or money order so you have proof. There are always three sides to every story, hers, his, and the truth which usually is somewhere in the middle. I hope you get to see your child as often as you want to. Having a caring Daddy in a child's life makes so much difference to them. Keep up the good work!  | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:29:10 AM | c11,
I am not bashing you either. But, Id like to know if you check your pay stubs?? Wouldnt there be an indication why a certain chunk was being taken and a short code term for that? Just like with taxes, they take a small chunk out, but it states where it comes from? Did your employer not do this? Sorry things slipped in the cracks for you.
The term means alot to diff. people. My ex hasnt seen our daughter in 4 yrs. and does not pay support. Only thru court enforcement, which up until recently, has proven effective. He is not physically or financially supporting her, so, yes, in my terms, he fits the deadbeat dad category.
Spider,
In conditons of loss of employment, yes, you are still responsible. I may come off as hardcore, but I dont care what the circumstances are, you are held liable to pay. Medical condition renduring you unable to pay, you still have to pay. They are not my rules. They are the states rules. I didnt make them. Lifes not fair. But we still have to deal. In my personal stance, if its medical, there should be a reduction, but, whatcho gonna do? The state doesnt take sympathy and I didnt make the rules.
yeah, itd be nice if we could get a deduction. Id love to call up my gas co., electric company, my daughters daycare, and phone company and let them know, "yanno, its just a rough month, I got into a rough patch. Can you just zero my acct's and let me start over?" But, like I said, life is not fair and we have to deal with what life gives us. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 7:46:02 AM | Yes i check my pay stubs all the time and it just says garnishment for the amount of my child support. and payroll says it is for cs but the state is not getting the money so they say.
I see both my kids at least once a week. and feel bad that it is not more. what hurts the most is when i drop my kids off and my daughter says "no daddy i go with you" and starts crying.
I do know there are fathers out there that turn thier backs on thier kids. my only guess is that it hurts them too much to think about them, or they just dont care niether of wich is accepable. as there is no excuse for behaving badly.
the thing that bothers me the most about this is my x lost my income when she left, but gained part of it back in cs, i lost my house, credit and time with my kids. i understand life is not fair but how much Sh*t do we as fathers have to put up with. but this is getting off the subject. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:09:52 AM | sorry for the last part of the last post. it just that the state now is talking about taking my dl away. because they and work cant figure out to do what me and the x did before the devorce was final.
and yes i can not spell | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:49:34 AM | not for nothin' - but what about DEADBEAT MOM's ? ... As a custodial father, I haven't seen .10 cents in 10 years ! ... and to be honest, early on - (within weeks) - I came to realize it simply isn't worth all the grief it would inflict (on my son - from her) to take her to court and get it enforced.
Seen or un-seen ... visable or not - countinually FIGHTING is taking a toll on your kids.
Try to focus on the long term - bigger picture.
Who's ever right or wrong ... is somewhat incidental. Your children will see the truth at some point along the way. Be patient ... they're smarter than we think ... | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:27:24 AM |
Yes i check my pay stubs all the time and it just says garnishment for the amount of my child support. and payroll says it is for cs but the state is not getting the money so they say.
Dont be offended by me asking you questions, but I have a few more and I will explain why I know..
So, you have reason to believe that its being deducted, and your employer. I can understand.
The CP and the NCP get statements every month. For the CP, we (I) get a play by play of what was owed, and what was paid out, and the said amt. in arrearages. The NCP gets a statement for whatever he paid or didnt pay out and the balance. This is smiliar to a credit card statement. Its more commonly called, "Statement of Account".
Maybe you arent aware of this, but from what I read to understand, you had been paying steadily and everything was going smoothly until the mess-up. So didnt you ever get this when you first started out as paying child support? How much are you in arrears?
I do commend you for being in your child's life, and believe me, Ive done the "how much sh.it can I handle?!" But, I came to a point where I accepted what my ex from what he really is. He is shacked up with another woman and another baby. He and his gf are co-dependent on ea. other and she enables him with his drug and alcohol habit. She even went back to work, so he doesnt. God forbid he get a job and be responsible for his first born.  But you know what? I dont feel sorry for them. They both play the pity me game. "My growing up life was tough..." WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  Ya know what? I dont give a sh.it. This is your life, this is what you chose, deal with it.
God knows as a single mother, Ive had my bouts, but screw it. Ive done good for myself and bettered my life and my daughters. Im not gonna worry about it, because in the end, all that matters is my beautiful daughter and the healthy lifestyle I am able to give her. It is his loss, and he will forever be indebted because he chose to. I know I went a bit awry, but, NCP's and CP's both have had it tough, and it can be an uphill battle at times. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 9:29:39 AM |
not for nothin' - but what about DEADBEAT MOM's ?
Yes. We get there are plenty of them as well. However, the original poster was a female and was venting her frustrations thru HER eyes regarding HER situation. I commend you for taking responsibility. And I agree with you completely on your point. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 12:30:57 PM | | Well the state right now says i owe 2000 and my work has taken that much out. i have contacted both and have given their numbers to the other one so that they can talk amonst themselves. I have hard time with paying the state with my tax money to do something i did for free, and there were not any messed ups.Now that i have paid them to do the job and they have failed to do it, they call me names. i.e deadbeatdad. i have nver gotten a statement. i have to go online to get anyinfo or call the child support person. as of now there is not anychange and i have another pay day comming up so i wonder what will happen will they finaly get it right??? I sort of doubt it. but i hope they do | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 1:21:03 PM | Regarding online--you said you can check info. from there. Did you do this in the past? Do they, or did they ever show any record of payments? (in your case no payments according to them)
I see you are in the states, same as me. And I know in CA not only does the state send me a Statement of Acct. for my records, but they do of the NCP (who doesnt pay). There is also an online way to access both for CP's and NCP's.
Im not doubting you or calling you a liar, but I just find it hard to understand the resources we have out there to gain access to our acct's. You think you are paying, and usually there is a statement of what you paid, or what you missed. Just like with your bank. You get a statement every month, even if you never wrote a check. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 2:04:49 PM | | yes they show everthing up untill the time of my new job then nothing. i have never gotten a statement from the state. just notification that they were starting to garnish my wages even though i was the one to get them the information to take money from my pay. me and the x are now concidering not going through the state because of their lack of compitance. but it would be nice not having to see her 2 more times a month, but it would be nice to see my kids 2 more times. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 2:15:24 PM | From your understanding, the info. was given, and your side was deducting. Sorry if Im asking the same question again, but did you keep ANY record of this $2,000 that was paid? Other than what your employer had on your paystub as "garnishment"? Did it say child support garnishment? Or just the general term? I work closely with payroll in the Corp. office of my job, and we deal with this quite frequently.
I would get ahold of your payroll and have them track down your record of earnings.
CSS can be very difficult to deal with on both sides. Mine is an Interstate case, because he is out of state, and MY OWN f'ing state doesnt even know hes been to court twice already, and he is going back on the 14th. I have to start at ground zero whenever I call, because I get a new worker rep everytime. But now Im dealing more with one social worker from the state he resides-she is totally on the ball and finally, after quite a few yrs. the ball is rolling.
Anyway, if I were you, I wouldnt sit on it. (not saying you are). That is the worst thing you can do. Obviously they are proving incompetent, and the risk of you in regards to child support.
If you havent kept records of payments, seems you might be screwed and have to suck it up if there is nothing to prove. That $2,000 went somewhere. There's documentation youve claimed from payroll. Id let your payroll submit verification, if you can. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 2:46:33 PM | The only proof i have is my pay stub. it just says the basic term garniment, but work dose agree that they have taken out the money for child support, and claim to be trying to fix this problem. the problem is i only make x amount of money and am running out of x amount trying to make sure x gets to feed the kids and keep her apptment. This has been going on for 2 months now. Yes now everything is done by check but i am runnig out of money because state/work cant figure out have to get money from one place to the other. so i am basicly paying twice. and still being called dead beat. i am not sure what to do besides yell at state/work. because my kids are doing with out. but they are not starving or anything like that but things would be better for them if they could get it figured out.
i am sorry to hear about your situation. and wish you the best of luck. just dont give up | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 3:29:22 PM | I hope things get straightend out with you as well.
..and I never give up.
HAHAHAHHAHA
Its my damn persistence that got them to make it an Interstate case, and to which he has been to court quite a few times already. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 8:45:54 PM | Disney Mom: response to Msg 164
You may still be responsible for the payments... But losing a job through no fault of your own I think is a very Viable Reason for non-payment. Should the person still have to pay CS... Yes they should, as they should be out looking for a new job.
However as I mentioned... You say work in a Mining town... Making 18+ an hour... Great Benefits... Blah Blah... Then the company decides to shut down the mine do drop in prices on the market...
Through no fault of your own, your now unemployed... Yet your CS payments were pegged at the income we were making... Not the income you are making now. You spend a couple of months looking for employment... Surviving off your UI Benefits... And Severance pay if you got any... Which by the way both are usually well below what you were making... But your CS payments are still pegged at the higher amount.
And the rules actually say based on evidence CS can be reduced... Just because you were set to be paying one amount... doesn't mean you will always have to pay that amount... If the amount CS can be increased as the NCP makes more money... Wouldn't logic dictate that it works the other way around as well...
The problem is though, unlike a increase of CS, it is not Retroactive from the time the more income was made... It is only valid from the day the decision is made... And most of the time there is a period of roughly 6-7 months before your case can be heard...
So if you go from making 18+ an hour... to making Equiv to 10 an hour on UI, which is not going to last forever... During the time in which you are waiting for the Case to be heard you are still required to pay the amount... And if you don't you go into arrears...
So you say there is no good reason for a person to be in arrears... I beg to differ.. There is sometimes a very valid reason for a person to be in arrears...
One extra thing I remember seeing as well... My friend who is a Single Dad.. He filed for Child Support... He was awarded something like 200 a month based on her income... She became prego... And had another child...
She went onto Mat Leave... She petitioned the courts to say her CS should be reduced based on the fact she needs all her income to support her new child... And she ws having to take time off work to do so... And courts agreed... She had a VALID reason apparently not to have to pay support...
But could you imagine a guy approaching the courts with the same argument... He was going to become a Stay At Home father... They would simply tell him to bad... so sad.. you have to work... As I also seen that argument come out as well... And with the same judge...
So when I hear from my fellow Men out there that in some ways they are getting screwed over by the system... I tend to agree a bit... But does that absolve them from their obligations... NO... But there are plenty of men.. in here as well who could probably atest to the fact they were measured by a different ruler then their ex. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:30:10 PM |
One extra thing I remember seeing as well... My friend who is a Single Dad.. He filed for Child Support... He was awarded something like 200 a month based on her income... She became prego... And had another child...
She went onto Mat Leave... She petitioned the courts to say her CS should be reduced based on the fact she needs all her income to support her new child... And she ws having to take time off work to do so... And courts agreed... She had a VALID reason apparently not to have to pay support...
Check this one out.
Like an idiot I started a battle with my ex last year because she decided she didn't want to work anymore, which pissed me off because I would be expected to make up the difference with an increase in CS. She already makes $15,000+ tax free. Anyway it got to the point where she was threatening me with lawyers and courts, so I went to see a lawyer who specializes in Family Law, custody, blah, blah.
First off, he tells me I was an idiot to have started the battle and if it went to court it was going to cost me a whack more money because of Supreme Court of Canada ruling last year sometime... {Contini v Contini}. We got to discussing the court bias and unfairness of the way things are set up.
He told of a case he had just lost. A couple splits up. The guy is paying CS for a kid or two kids, can't remember. The woman gets married again and gets pregnant. She makes about $40,000/year and new hubby makes about the same. The woman decides to take her mat leave, and sues to have the CS increased while she is pregnant and for a couple of years afterwards because of her lost wages.
The court agreed and ruled in her favour!!!
Yikes....
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:45:12 PM | Swiftone:
Ouch.. that sucks man... Although I thought that if a CP remarries you would no longer be actually required to pay CS anymore.. Not that you shouldn't.... Just a side note... I could be wrong.. Or that doesn't apply in this case | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:51:00 PM |
Ouch.. that sucks man... Although I thought that if a CP remarries you would no longer be actually required to pay CS anymore.. Not that you shouldn't.... Just a side note... I could be wrong.. Or that doesn't apply in this case
Well, Spider, you are wrong.
My ex, or any other woman (person) collecting CS, could marry a millionaire and the guy (person) would still have to pay the same amount of CS.
Relative to other guys, I have it good despite having to pay the ex $630/month even though I have the kids half the time.
I've talked with other guys who really got raped by the courts.
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/6/2006 10:56:11 PM | Swiftone:
Again.. Ouch man.. See I don't fully understand this whole having to pay if you have the kids on a 50/50 routine... It seems a little dumb to me.. If you have the children 50% of the time... then aren't you in fact incurring 50% of the monthly costs for the child?
This whole idea that the person who makes more is supposed to still pay a bit is absurd to me. If the parents wants more money.. When they don't have the kids they are more then welcome to work extra shifts... Do another job... whatever the case maybe...
But ya I also know some guys who in trying to do the right thing, were raked through the coals as well... And it annoys me as well. | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/7/2006 12:07:34 PM | | I don't know how anyone can do this to their own children but grant it there are as many women out there that walk out on their children as men. I have been divorced for years, my ex was so good about seeing his children, being a great Dad and then POOF one day he ran into an old flame, moved in w/her and her children (she was married at the time), and the child support quit coming, he quit coming to see them, etc. It has been 19 months since he has seen his children, the holidays, the birthdays, all the while he is supporting children that do not belong to him. I did (after 3-4 months of non-support and trying to work out payment arrangements w/him to keep peace & harmony) go to court and had his wages garnished. No harm done, I am now getting the child support but he doesn't come and see the children at all, no attempt. He drives by my home each day on his way to work and on his way home from work, forgetting my driveway is where our children live. I don't understand his mind on this at all. It's like he doesn't care. He tells people it is me, I won't let him come and see his children, however I am still the same lady who let him come and get them when he only had supervised visits for 8 years, the same lady who was always polite to him when he came to my home to visit and the same lady who took the child support money from the girlfriend (before he quit paying) and was always civil toward her. I do not speak badly of him in front of the children, they are old enough to realize HE is the one missing out on so much. I would never walk out on my children for any man, no way!!! I hope people do realize tho, it is not all men... just as many mothers walk away from their children as fathers.. no one suffers in this but the children, but they are what matters MOST! | |
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| DEADBEAT DADS
Posted: 11/7/2006 12:50:10 PM | | well...my ex hasn't paid child support since I left him either...I get every excuse in the book...but when it comes down to it...they do it to hurt us...what these men don't realize...they aren't hurting us....we'll get the money to support our kids one way or another...that is what a mother does...they are hurting thier kids out of anger and revenge...and in the end....they will pay...maybe not financially but when these children are older and want nothing to do with them...then they will realize they were a deadbeat dad...not just a spiteful husband. | |
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