| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 4:54:45 PM | | You see I guess I'm different. I don't see myself as disabled, or others who are challenged in that light either. They are people first. It is the peron inside them that counts, not the physical package. I think to be less is to be self absorbed. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:01:11 PM | | Disbility comes in all forms: Prejudices, bigotry, closemindness, anger, fear, violent behavior, cruelty, and many other avenues. You don't have to be in a wheelchair to be disabled. But in this thread I am speaking of physical disability. And it makes me sad to know so many would think I am not worthy because I've had an accident of body. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:05:01 PM | | I can't count the amount of emails I recieved here from men and women alike asking my opinion or advise on something. It has been amazing. Being honest in this thread about my disability to me isn't frightening in the least. In fact it is empowering. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:15:05 PM | | That's mostly what I do too, but I was curious as I recently met a man with a cane and have been spending some very nice time with him. I was just wondering how others felt and thought I'd bring the subject up. I've nothing to hide and I am certainly not ashamed. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 5:20:42 PM | DATING
I seem to attract men who want to take care of me. My basic feeling was that they wanted me to be their doll.
46-year-old woman with bilateral upper extremity amputations since birth
I have never dated a man that has been as close as what I'd want him to be because I think it's the wheelchair that scares him away. They're afraid to get too close for some reason or other. I don't really know why that is. It's not that I hadn't tried.
37-year-old polio survivor
Women with disabilities were less satisfied with their dating frequency, perceived more constraints on attracting dating partners, and perceived more societal and personal barriers to dating than women without disabilities. Women with disabilities who were less satisfied with dating tended to have certain types of disabilities, such as stroke, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy, or traumatic brain injury; acquired their disability earlier in life; had more severe functional limitations; and had hearing and speech problems in addition to physical limitations. These women also tended to have higher educational levels and lower self-esteem.
More than half (58%) of the women with disabilities were single, compared to 45% of the women without disabilities. Regarding sexual orientation, 87% of the women with disabilities were attracted to men, 4% to women, 7% to both genders, and 2% to neither gender. The majority have been sexually active; 92% have had sex with a man, 16% with a woman, but 6% had never had sex with anyone. Women without disabilities were slightly more likely to have had sex with a man (94%), but were significantly more likely to have had sex with a woman (23%), or with both men and women (21%).
Women who were disabled earlier in life tended to begin dating later than women who were disabled later in life or who were not disabled. Women with disabilities also tended to move away from home later than did women without disabilities. When the woman lived with her mother and her disability began in childhood, she was particularly susceptible to being overprotected. The women with disabilities whose parents encouraged dating and going out with friends tended to have more effective social skills.
The most troublesome problem for women with disabilities was attracting partners to date. Factors that were associated with problems in attracting partners were having low self-esteem, less education, communication impairments, and societal barriers to dating, such as someone being interested but not asking her out because of what others might say. Women who reported societal barriers to dating were those who had communication problems, a high level of functional impairment, and personal barriers to dating, such as rarely getting out of the house to meet people. Women with cerebral palsy, low self-esteem, or a high level of functional impairment perceived that they had personal barriers to dating. Even when women with disabilities were socially outgoing, with strong social skills and many friends, friendships were less likely to evolve into romantic relationships than they were for able-bodied women.
The timing of onset of disability, and the response to disability of family, friends, and society in general, were critical in establishing patterns of dating behaviors for women with physical disabilities. Parents who encouraged their teenager daughter to go out and meet people, who gave her the expectation that she could marry someday if she wished, who equipped her with the information and social skills she needed to attract dates, and most importantly, who made her feel valued and attractive, set the stage for having positive dating relationships. Laying a strong foundation for future adult relationships gave the woman with a disability the strength to deal with social prejudice against her dating as an adult. Conversely, parents who overprotected their daughter, who told her not to expect to date or to get married, or who were neglectful or abusive set the stage for unsuccessful attempts to establish dating relationships, repetitive exploitative relationships, or unplanned pregnancy.
Acquiring a disability during or immediately before adolescence disrupts dating, a crucial time for sexual rehearsal. In some cases, dealing with disability during this time period postponed dating or ended it altogether. In others, the girl strove to date anyone she could get, regardless of how badly he treated her, in an attempt to disprove her fears that she would never again be worthy of love.
Women who were injured or acquired a chronic disabling condition as an adult were faced with the challenge of learning how to date all over again with an often severely altered appearance and new functional limitations. They feel as though they have been thrown back to a situation akin to first dating as an adolescent. Women reported having no experience in how to interpret and deal with unexpected responses to their disability from potential dates. They must learn again to take risks, knowing that potential dates may reject them outright when faced with visible signs of disability, such as a wheelchair. Some women with disabilities who became involved in a relationship were overly agreeable to the partner's desires in an attempt to hold onto the relationship at any cost, even the loss of their identity, economic security, or safety.
For those who are already involved in a romantic relationship, the partner may not be able to deal with her disability and break off the relationship. Not knowing whom to trust or how to approach dating as a person with a disability, some women gave up and eschewed romantic relationships. Others adopted the societal view that they are no longer eligible for dating, that they have become asexual and should no longer expect anyone to be attracted to them.
The woman who is able to successfully master the challenge of dating with a disability achieves a new stage of personal growth. Despite such obstacles, many women reported eventually forming a long-term relationship with a partner who accepted their disability while cherishing the unique characteristics they had to offer. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 10:28:40 PM | I have had the pleasure of meeting many people with disabilities of all types. One thing I can say is that these people are some of the most incredible, beautiful people on this earth! If you take the time to get to know someone, look past whatever type of disability they may have and get to know the real person inside, you can easily find someone you can love 
Would I date someone with a disability? Absolutly!! | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 11:09:02 PM | | because there are different levels of disability. for example georgie has a limp. that would not bother me and i could date someone like that. now someone who is confined to a wheelchair, i would not date. i could be friends with any type of disability, but dating is different for me. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/11/2005 11:54:04 PM | | the chair is not their disability. they asked for our opinions and i gave them mine. sorry to hear you have a problem with that. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 12:50:19 AM | Allow us to look at the perks:
1) Great parking spaces!
2) You get to board flights first!
3) I'm sure there are more, but I really didn't invest too much time in the answer because I started this in jest...anyway....
I'm not amazed at the number of people online with health problems and disabilities. Just like I'm not surprised at the number of heavy or unattractive people that inhabit these cyberspaces. If you think about it, it just makes sense. Some looking for people to accept them for who they are (regardless of their outer appearance), others with a lot of time on their hands that don't get to go outside the house much...It's kinda like a match made in cyber-Heaven.
Anyway..an answer to the original question: would I date someone with a disability?
Honestly, I'd hate to say it does depend on the disability. There are a variety of disabilities and illnesses that people have, and in order to deal with them I think you really need to be "vested" in the person.
This is a bit of a toughy, because no one really wants to be labelled as "anti-disability", but a relationship like this would take some adjustment (and a lot of work - moreso than what you'd have in a relationship with 2 able-bodied people).
Okay, I'm done...That's my two cents!
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 1:32:30 AM |
For me, I AM the one in the wheelchair, so I wouldn't date someone who was also in a wheelchair
That's what those grabber arm things are for. HA! ....but seriously, I know how you feel. Sometimes I'd feel frustrated d if I were dating another disabled person too. Whether they were in a wheelchair or not for that very reason.On the other hand, you could also understand each other's disabilities. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 2:37:46 AM | | If you are in love that means that you accept a person for who they are. I don't think a disability matters one way or another in affairs of the heart. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:08:14 AM | My answer to the question is, yes.
I'm also able to look at this from the other side of the fence as I too have a disability. ...I don't consider it one but it is. I laugh at people that post in their ads that they are looking for someone that can keep up with them, as I could probably run circles around most. And I make it a point to tell people about it in the first email to them, as this weeds out the ones that would have a problem with it. ...but as this post proves, there are allot of people out there that will look past something physical.  | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:12:14 AM |
I once dated a paraplegic...wouldn't bother me a bit...as long as his mind was sound...
I admire that. Talk about tough... and very sweet. My mom is in a wheelchair. I may be in one eventually. I don't want to think about it really. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:20:00 AM | | We are all have diabilities of some kind. From the time of birth through life, we risk having a disease or accident. Yes, definetly but I would not want that to be the only reason to date someone. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 7:24:22 AM | ^^^ Exactly.
...as I stated on an earlier post. "She may look like a super model but someone, somewhere has to put up with her Sh!t." Everybody has something. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 8:03:45 AM | | ANd think of this because it could happen to any of us at any moment. You may be physically undisabled at this moment, but that could change at any moment -- hit by bus, car crash, lift something too heavy etc... would you still love your partner if suddenly they became disabled? Most of us nearing 45 and over have health problems starting.... the older you get the greater the chance of having to accept some deficit. | |
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| Would you date someone who is disabled.
Posted: 3/12/2005 10:11:36 AM | As I've grown up I've watched my mom become progressively more disabled. When I was 10 or so years old my mom, step dad, and I had moved to a new state. My mom had to get a surgery on her leg which would buy her more time to walk. They started living apart. My mom couldn't work. She couldn't take care of the apartment. My step dad moved to the farthest part of the state just to be far away from my mom. She had to have a second surgery and I was the only one who could be there. It took several more years before she gave up her dreams of working everything out with him. What a high price she paid for love.
My mom hasn't always been so bad off, but I've still been there for her. The last few years things have gotten worse. There have been so many times I wanted to move, but I stay anyhow. I have left for short periods, but I always come back to help. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, and laundry are almost all done by me. When I do move again, I'd probably live very near by. At some point though she'll need more care than I can provide. Until then I'll do what I can.
Guys are supposed to be virile... to be strong. I don't look forward to the possibility of being disabled myself. Things could be worse, but that changes nothing about how I feel. A couple of people on POF have said that I look at things differently than most people -- in a good way. The story of my mom and I is a big reason why.
That still doesn't mean I've got all my stuff together, I don't deserve to be put on a pedestal. I can be as selfish as anybody else at times. I do appreciate the nice people I've met though. | |
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