| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 3:26:56 PM | Hey, cuihope, my answer would be an emphatic yes.
I think most deadbeat dads are created b/c they're beaten dead by the courts. It was more pain than I ever imagined a lifetime could know, let alone endure. I just felt that I would not give up loving my kids even if it killed me. Many's the time I wondered if it would.
I won custody of our oldest but it split our family even more. I got a visitation so the kids would always be at the same home on weekends (hers or mine).
Over the years my ex eventually grew up. It took super human patience & perseverance but I was determined to turn the other cheek until she saw the light. Things are actually very good now. It is the best, only, way for the kids and they are much, much better off for it. As are we, too.
One moment with any of my kids is worth the millions (seemingly) without them. My youngest & I plan an overnite canoe trip this weekend. (Well, depending on TS Ernesto's travel plans! lol)
Love will give you the power in your darkest hour. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 4:13:58 PM |
Funny how when we hear of a single Mom we we are brainwashed to pity her. When we hear of a single Dad we think one the other or both of 2 things; Admiration for him or wonder who the slut junkie is he was married to. Rarely is that fair or true. If there's anything I've learned is that each situation is entirely unique.
I agree, I've been a single mom for years, by choice. My relationships didn't turn like I had anticipated, I got out and chose to be single. I don't want pity, I don't feel ashamed and it's really no one's business where their dad's are. (always the second question after how many children do you have)
I think single dad's should be commended, but so should single mom's, afterall, we are all raising our kids. :) | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 4:30:49 PM |
Funny how when we hear of a single Mom we we are brainwashed to pity her. When we hear of a single Dad we think one the other or both of 2 things; Admiration for him or wonder who the slut junkie is he was married to. Rarely is that fair or true. If there's anything I've learned is that each situation is entirely unique.
Thanks for pointing that out celtic one, I totally agree. Single mom or single dad, cuddos to all who do what is naturally right by your kids. It's kinda weird to have admiration for one that does something as simple as love their kids, I mean it's a nobrainer if you ask me. Unfortunetly there are people that just don't have that parental instinct or are too selfish to see what they are missing. I will admit I was not aware of so many single dads left to fend for themselves with the children. As a mom, I just can't even comprehend ever leaving my kids. But I know women that do, and have to say the kids are better without them. Oh this world worries me to no end. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:21:38 PM | | for the longest time i was stuck in thee illusion that i was some kind of oddity,being a working single father raising two children but after reading this i was blowed away.When my ex started to run around and hang with others guys i.e"the wrong kind"i knew that i couldn't let my kids be a part of that so there was no choice they had to stay with me ,for there own well being and it is overwelming but that is the challenge even with family and freinds to help but the even more impressive thing is those that do it without the help of say parents and or freinds.as for for your colum on guys that run from single moms with children all i can says is that we are all not like that i think i would appreciate a women with children that way we both would have a good understanding of the backround and challenges that we've come from.( p.s don't laugh spelling is not one of my strong points lol) | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:35:14 PM | | Your right the courts are very sexist. And for those of us who have had to go through that, found out right away we are dealt the dead beat card. Fathers for equal rights helped me out alot, I cannot say enough good things about the gentlemen who helped me. I will always be greatful to them. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU/ Tiffany
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:52:44 PM | Just a note to all single dads out there, i have been a single parent since 99 and raising my little girl, by myself and with no help from her mother. She left us when our baby was 18 months old. Then she tried to get custody after about a year of being gone. NOT HAPPENING. As time went on and through some serious couciling and courts, they decsided to let her have vistitation and eventually joint custody. But after about two years, she got into trouble with meth and went to jail,treatment,back to jail,more treatment,half way house and then this last march she got out and wanted to be a mom again? My point is this, how can a mother do such a thing to their kids and exspect to be a parent after 5 years of not being around? Also, when she first went to jail, our daughter was spose to go to her house for the summer and when i found out what she had done, and how long she was gonna be gone, what was i and how was i suppose to tell our daughter(6) at the time why she wasn't going to her moms for the summer? I know that my daughter is doing fine now but she wasn't at first and i'm so happy that i got her into counciling for her so she could learn how to cope with things and it also helped me too. i just wanted to vent alittle and tell my story and hopefully someone will learn from my experiences. Thanks to all | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:53:05 PM | Hi
I am fighting to keep my daughter and son who live with me and am trying to fight am get my other son back with me ,, hope i win custady ov all 3 cos i love em to bits,,
Will let u know out come,,
She not junkie not sure what went wrong except she had an affair and wants her new life more,,
bye shaun x | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/29/2006 7:45:43 PM | Hi Tiffany,
I have been a single father for 13 years now,and have handled it great.I have two beautiful daughters one 14 and one 18.My ex left us for another guy when my youngest daughter was one year old.The guy she left to be with didn't keep her around to long.She got pregnant with his child she left him and that child also.She has had a few other kids and gave them up for adoption.I have only received on child support check in 13 years.To the courts that is OK
S he goes on wefare every time we go to court,that way she doesn't have to pay anything.....and trust me i've tried many times
DEAD BEAT MOTHER OF THE CENTERY.............. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/30/2006 11:21:17 AM | I have 100% custody of my 14 year old daughter, both legal and physical. I got my daughter from foster care, her mother, my first wife, had lost all 3 of her kids to the state. The first wife had gotten pregnant when we were splitting up and I didn't see her for several years after that. My first wife, as it turned out, has Bi-Polar Disorder, and as she was not diagnosed for several years after this she was pretty unfit. She still is, my daughter and I live in the L.A. area of Calif, her mother lives in Seattle, WA.
I get no child support. My daughter also has Bi-Polar Disorder which makes thing very difficult at times, however having 100% say in all things relating to my daughter seems to be the best thing since I can help her manage her illness without outside interferance. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 8/31/2006 2:38:56 AM | I`ve taking care of my 2 boy a lil over a year 1/2.
I just got my divorce Aug.3. I tell you sometimes it gets hard but we pull it out.
my ex has not done anything for them. she walked out and left us. she is now staying where ever she can lay her head. I thank God for for everthing he has allowed me to go thur.maybe 1 day she will start to do something for them. (mr. mom/dad) | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 1/31/2007 6:35:36 PM | | my someday soon ex prefers the houston honky tonks to being a mom to our 13 y/old son. she rarely calls to check up on him. every dog has his day and this dog is looking forward to his. in court. i hear that texas courts don't like it when a mother abandons her family. we'll see. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:33:50 PM | | What I'm hearing all the men here say is how hard it is to raise children alone. Welcome to "our" world....women have been doing it for years! I'm glad to see that men are taking more active roles in their children's lives, but it is sad that so many women are shirking their responsibilities. As fever 777 said, every dog has his day. The most painful price will be the respect and/or love of their children. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 2/5/2007 12:50:21 PM | | My ex already had been single with two kids before I met her. It was to ohard for her to be a single parent again. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 2/5/2007 1:13:52 PM | | I got custody of my Daughter when she was 2 years old Her mother couldn't stay put moving every other month unstable they call it. I was also granted Child support from the courts but like i will ever see it or really care. My Daughter is my pride and joy my everything. if anything does come in from child support it's dropped right in to the college fund i have started. My Daughter used to see her Mother every weekend but that has slowed to maybe once a every few months She doesn't like going over to her Mothers because she can't find time for her. no drugs involved just an open legged women that keeps spitting out children thjat she can't take care of. She Has 7 Kids By 6 fathers WOW now we know the truth.. Good post glad I could respond. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/10/2007 10:05:13 AM | What really makes my blood boil is why is it when a man is a single parent two thumbs up yet when a womans a single mum people jugde make nasty comments and just expect it, yet dads get how wounderful is he.
its his job and hers mums skick beside thier kids, somethimes the dads so they should. single mum myself for ten yrs, my boy is a A grade student, come out of school with all his 12GCSEs hes polite, gives repect and honest and all thougth in his life hes witenessed 3very very painful deaths from ones he loved very dearly, had a absent father whom abused him mentally with differant woman, lies and pure cruellty from his absent my boys turned out well, but even thougth i wouldnt wee on his father if he was on fire due to what he did to my preoiuse boy id still like to think if hed been differant he to may have brougth my boy up to be all the best he is now. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/10/2007 6:52:45 PM | I'm A single Dad, my Daughter lives with me after living with her mom for 12 yrs on and off. Her mother could'nt handle the pre teen yrs. So now my Daughter lives with me. And I could'nt be happier. Although I still pay child support her mother could not give that up. Small price to pay to have my Little girl safe with me! | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/11/2007 6:00:14 AM | | I am a single father of my 11 mo old son.She moved to VA with her new bf 2 weeks be4 x mas.She left our (at the time 6 mo old) son because she didnt know the guy except off of the internet.she has called several times since but has made no atempt to see him.Her calls are getting fewer with time and she keeps making claims to see him and never does.I very seriously doubt either of us will ever see her again.She was once a drug addict and her new bf is a heavy metal drummer in some band.Cant say for shure but if it looks like poop...Doesnt matter he will be treated with as much love as i can offer him.He is the greatest blessing anyone could ever have.If i were to have another child though i could never discard i would just have to spread my resources a little thiner.No child deserves to be left behind. | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/11/2007 2:02:12 PM | | i have my 3 kids aged 13,11 and 9 after my ex ended our marriage 16 months ago. shes a good mum and not a junkie or anything but they wanted to live with me and not go with there mum so she had to respect what they wanted. | |
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| Its good to talk about this
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:04:37 PM | From my perspective your wrong:
My x is neither is a bad mom, a drunk, nor a drug user: She suffers from depression. She refuses to deal with. My inability to deal with it and the toll it took on my mental health started our downward spiral I feel.
After a while I felt I could do nothing right in our relationship so I gave up trying to please her and concentrated on raising the boys, house work (she sleeps 12 or more a day if she can), church choir duties, work, and being a neighbor who active in his neighborhood. She resented my ability to talk anyone and to not look at everyone as wanting to get something from or over on you. She decided the solution to our problem was to move back the country were she is from and for me an IT professional to become a ranch hand out there. I was already doing the ranch hand thing on the weekends and was able to do all she and her mother needed me to do on their farm. My solution was to have dual residency so the boys could stay in a good school district, then I could continue to do the job I loved, and she could spend more time with the horses. She was really ready to leave the city completely I was not. She started a relationship with her best friend’s husband who worked part time as a ranch hand at their farm. This is where it gets strange. Her best friend knew the affair was going on and condoned it. She was done with interment relations with her husband. My x asked me I would be willing to do a husband and wife swap a few months later. I was not. She finally left me and the boys while I was recovering from an ankle surgery, on crutches, with two children 2 and 6 to take care of, and didn't call for a month not even to talk to the boys. I guess she was waiting for me to crumble and agree to her plan. When she did come back to town she stated she was taking the boys and moving out to the country and there wasn't anything I could do about it.
For months prior I knew she was having an affair but I did not think it was her best friend's husband. I played it cool at this moment and got her to agree to bring the children back in a week. She did so. In the mean time I had started the paperwork. A week later we then came to an agreement it was best to keep the oldest in school and might as well keep the youngest too while she looked for a job and prepaired her mothers house which is overrun by dogs. We came to an agreement to let the children visit her on the weekends. In 30 days the paperwork arrived on her door step while the boys where with me. She was beyond angry and was done with me at that moment. She didn't even want to talk about things. She went to straight to a lawyer but found she and her mother did not have enough of a case to against me and she didn't have enough money to fight in court. My mistake was to think I could get her to talk about things by delivering the paperwork.
I recount this to show you how much pride and stubbornness can be detrimental to a relationship. | |
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| Its good to talk about this
Posted: 4/11/2007 3:22:52 PM | Single dads are great. I remember being torn apart about my divorce, and thinking that the sad thing was "single guys" wouldn't date me anymore, because I have a kid.
But then I remembered that it opened up a whole new category of dating possibilities: Single Dads  Rawr! | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/11/2007 4:06:07 PM | interesting thread, I know a few people that have abandoned their kids to the fathers it seems to be a growing trend and I don't associate with them as I have lost what little respect I had for them in the first place.
All my my kids were planned, unfortuneatley she died when the littlest was 6 months. 4 years later the road is still just as hard. No insurance but a small pension comes luckily I have enough already. A good luck to all the single parents out there!! | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/16/2007 7:31:19 AM | | I to am a single dad and nothing in this world can ever make me want to change. My daughter is a good child, does well in school, is very happy and a little social butterfly. If you show love and respect to them, you get that back in return. My ex is in her life but only on her weekends. Just remember they did not ask to be brought in this world, but they do ask to be loved and cherished. They are our future, someone who that when we need them they will be there. My daughter sez she will always be with me no matter what, but again she is only 10 right now | |
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| Hey SINGLE DADS THIS IS FOR YOU
Posted: 4/16/2007 5:21:44 PM | I'm a Single Dad, My son's mom isn't a crackhead or anything but the office of the childrens lawyer decided I should have primary custody of my son while he goes to school.based on my education and family support, at the time we both had the same income.
He see's his mom every 2 weeks, I don't get any support and I have to drive to Barrie and Back (drop off and pick up)every 2 weeks(3.5 years x 52 trips =169 trips x 700KM return... you do the math....(court ordered) I'm on my 4th car .lol
But he's worth every cent...and I dont' blame him when I can't afford to date, there will be lots of time when he's done high school.......maybe I should learn to cry?....nah
I've been single for almost 2 and a half years and when I get turned down cause of my son it's just her loss. If she's that shallow, I'm not interested, and she's not worth it.
so stop crying, you're supposed to be men....the good women will find the good men in the end(I hope) | |
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