| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 8/30/2006 3:14:46 PM |
I originally had "long term" on my profile because that's eventually what I want. I changed it to "dating" because one guy accused me of looking for an "instant husband." I did find it odd when I read his profile that he was MARRIED...... I do agree though that you need to date before you can make a detemination if you want long term with that person.
Long term means you would like to have a long term with someone and are dating to find the one you want to have long term with. Also means you want to commit to the right person.
Many who put down dating are not ready or want a long term at this time. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 8:03:29 AM | | If I find a good one, I definitely will try to date him for as long term as possible. If the dating stops, so does the relationship. But, that's just me. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:07:54 AM |
Many who put down dating are not ready or want a long term at this time.
Phooey! This is an assumption. And, you know what they say when one ASSumes.
When I joined a few weeks ago, I started out stating I want to meet friends because I'm relocating. And, it would be nice to meet other singles with similar interests to do activities with. But, in the body of my profile, I clarified the " friends designation" by saying it would be nice if I met a nice man, in the process.
After a week, I changed it to dating because I think you've got to start somewhere. It certainly DOES NOT mean that I'm not ready or want a long term at this time.
I think each person has a different take on what each designation means. When in doubt about why someone has stated friends or dating or long term on their profile, ASK them to clarify what they mean.
Here's another blanket assumption:
Some people who state they want long term, do so because they think it's the only way they'll get the other person, into the bedroom.
See? It doesn't pay to assume. I just made an A** outta myself with that statement. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 10:38:40 AM | I have...dating in my profile....because I thought dating means to date the same man...but not to live together!(smile).
Now I know...I was wrong! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 11:46:46 AM |
Now I know...I was wrong!
Not necessarily. These terms mean different things to different people.
It's nice if they clarify them on their profile but a lot of people think they know what the term they have listed means and therefore everyone else does.
I wish POF would give some suggestions when filling out your profile to elaborate on the term you have chosen.
Or at least direct them to the various threads. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 4:11:24 PM | | i agree. i put ltr because i want everybody to know that in the long run. that is what i am searching for. of coarse you have to date somebody to get to the ltr, but too me. if you put dating, you are only looking for dating. which too me means seeing others as well. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 4:34:45 PM | | I put down long term because ultimately that's what I want. But yes, it starts with a date...I think the intent is that "dating" means you're going to date a lot of guys and "long term" means you're looking for one special someone... | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 4:35:10 PM | What if dating turned into long term relatioship, or a long term relationship turned into dating? Or if you were both dating and had a long term relationship with the same person. How crazy is that. Is it even possible to date and have a long term relationship with the same person?. Sounds confusing! What is dating anyway a prelude to a long term relatioship if you like each other. What I think happens is you date for a while try each other on for size. Then you may decide to have a long term relationship. Or not. Happy new year to all! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 4:35:30 PM | I think the problem with anything you choose to put down to cover what you are looking for … it is open to interpretation. And based on the responses to this topic it is obvious that people interpret this information differently. However, since I am a relative novice at dating I found for me that if I focus too intently on finding someone special to begin a long term relationship with I risk opportunities to enjoy the company of some wonderful new people. I also found that when I focus on finding someone that I can begin a long term relationship with I come across as being desperate & we all know how just the hint of desperation can often scare people away. So, for me … I’ve elected to take a break from dating until I am comfortable with being single. Then when I resume dating I plan on enjoying the time I spend on my dates & resisting the urge to look beyond the wonderful evening we are spending together. I realize this may not work for everyone but it’s what I’ve decided is best for me.
Oh & regarding the original question … I pay very little attention to the classification someone has listed on their profile (i.e., dating, long term, etc.) simply because it can be interpreted differently by everyone.
Gary | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 4:43:05 PM | Steven, I'd put LTR on my profile just for you but you see there's a few problems. For me, you're too young and you live too far away. But, the biggie for me is, you're only separated. Now, how can I have an LTR with you? when you're still legally married?
On the other hand, I'm single and without legal encumbrances, therefore available for an LTR but would like to start out a relationship by dating that might lead to an LTR.
So, which of us have our ducks in a row? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:07:45 PM | | Many years ago while busy building a career, school and raising a child solo, anything more than casual dating was out of the question and the very last thing I was interested in was a long term relationship. Fast forwarding to today, my circumstances have changed, so my profile reads long term rather than dating because I interpret a vast difference. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/30/2007 9:19:39 PM | After reading this thread, I changed mine from friends to dating. I thought things grew in stages. You meet someone, they are a friend first, but they might ask you out on a date.
Then you are dating. It takes a long while of dating to turn into a ltr. It would be nice
if POF gave us more categories or some guidelines so we were all on the same wave length.  | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 4:54:57 AM | I put down dating..just because of the names of the men I saw that wanted long term. One was..yournexthusband. I thought..wow..I wonder if this guy already has the rings..the church on standby..the minister/priest on hold??? LTR just sounded too desperate for marriage..to me. I want to date ONE man for awhile..see how things go..then..maybe..just maybe..go those steps further. I'm not so sure marriage is those steps..or live-in for awhile either. So far? It isn't looking so hot! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:28:05 AM | | OP - by the same token, you would only ever put talk/email on your profile as any relationship has to start with talk - right? So the way I see it, the options are there to show what you ULTIMATELY want. There again, I think some people put dating because they think 'long term' might scare people off and others put 'long term' when all they want is a quick shag.. You can only tell what people really want by meeting. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:35:50 AM | I should have put on my profile "Waiting for a Date" but that wasn't the option
The closest I have come to a date is someone wanting to meet me after a 1st IM and was getting insistent... Thank God for the delete/block..
Maybe next year will be better!
Happy New Year fellow POFers. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 10:56:10 AM | I put down long term relationship, because that is what I want in the long term, but it hasn't stopped married men from asking me out, nor men who have dating/friends/talk-email on their profiles. I think we assume sometimes that everyone will interpert what we put, the same way as we do..........wrong... LOL
I won't make my decision to go out with a man based solely by what he says on his profile - bar a few exceptions, like married, S & M, and just plain weird or rude. LOL
I think you have to get to know a person before you can say whether a match is possible, or not. It is after all an important decision we make when we choose a life partner, and I think a lot of time and effort should be spent in making it. I was told I wasn't getting any younger by one man who expected me to leap into my car and drive 500 miles to meet him - a stranger; he was right, I am not getting younger, but I am sure getting wiser, and making better choices in my life. Profiles are only a brief glimpse at a person, not the person themselves.
Have a great New Year's Eve everyone and may your fishing net be filled with happiness and good cheer in the New Year! Hugs! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 11:12:22 AM | niceguy99a said:
IF you put down "long term" then you are dating for the purpose of finding the right person for a long term relationship.
If you put down "Dating" then you are not really looking for a long term relationship at this time.
I am looking for long term so if i see "Dating" then i skip the profile.
Yeah, what he said. I'm a man looking for a mate, that's why I put long-term. If you just put "dating", then I assume you just want fun and games and no commitment and I'll pass you by. Just because I ask you out doesn't mean I'm going to propose on the first date, for cryin' out loud! Nor am I going to try to maneuver you into the sack. Call me old-fashioned, but I lose respect for easy women. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 1:42:58 PM |
I'm a man looking for a mate, that's why I put long-term. If you just put "dating", then I assume you just want fun and games and no commitment and I'll pass you by. Just because I ask you out doesn't mean I'm going to propose on the first date, for cryin' out loud! Nor am I going to try to maneuver you into the sack. Call me old-fashioned, but I lose respect for easy women.
If you come to my profile it says dating. I suppose you will pass it by and never read the rest which says:
In my fantasy world we would start as friends and that would blossom into a LTR.
Since when did dating become intimate encounter? Seems like quite an assumption to me.
I thought dating was what you did to get to know someone to see if you might develop a LTR. I really don't see how people our age can set out looking for a LTR.
I can understand looking for an LTR for the younger set. Those that want to have families and have so many more options and years available to them.
How can you decide you want to marry before you even meet someone? I am confused. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:10:41 PM | | Friends first. No pressure. A chat could turn into a date...a date into ltr....ltr into marriage....if contact doesn't turn into any of that....nothing ventured , nothing gained. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:12:02 PM | OK maybe The POF administrators need to ad some subcategories.
Dating looking towards a long term
Dating but just looking for company once or twice a week.
Dating in the hopes we will sleep together but not really into the long term.
Dating but really hoping we get married in Las Vegas ASAP, but divorced within two years
or have a new category
I have no idea what the Hell I want ! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 12/31/2007 2:14:27 PM |
What are your views?????
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. POF is the land of "assumptions", rarely do people seem to actually take the opportunity to *ask* and communicate, rather than jump to assumptions.
... then again, if they run their lives based on assumptions, not sure you'd want them anyways, because they'll probably do the same in a relationship, assumption over communication.
my 1-1/2 inflation adjusted cents, anyways. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:39:35 AM | Forums,
POF aside, I think people as a rule make way too many assumptions. Maybe becasue it's easier or lazieer to do that vs. find out for yourself. Unfortunagely, in the end the one who loses is the person making those assumptions becasue THEY are the one who miss out on a great opportunity to make a new friend.
Gary | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 8:38:46 AM | B I N G O!!
niceguy has it exactly right......Also, this is what the 'PROFILE' section is for to further elaborate your intentions (don't write a whole book). | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:10:03 AM | Being fairly recently divorced from a 20+ year relationship and not really ready to jump right back into a long term situation, but looking for a little more intimate relationship than just dating, I choose the "Other relationship" catagory. It now seems to me that the "Other relationship" catagory has some stigma attached to it for reasons that escape me but I've never changed the catagory as it still seems most fitting to what I'm looking for at this time.
However, as we all know, the heart wants what the heart wants, and it certainly could happen that I'll meet a woman that puts a lump in my throat every time she comes into view and leaves a hole in the pit of my stomach every time we're apart. Then, with her, all cards are off the table and I'm looking for long term! Shit happens! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:32:51 AM | If you are women you must check 282 + 478 mens profiles.
OMG; if I search for age 47-60 men within 25 miles of MY location (no other criteria) I get 17 profiles. I used to have 'dating' on my profile for the reasons people here state, but I see too many men into serial dating. I'm looking for long term, not date-of-the-week, so I changed it. | |
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