| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 9:45:01 AM | I put friends because that is something I can always use and have close to me. If something more happens, then it will be mutual, the attraction and chemistry there to want more, and the desire to make it happen......
Life is to short to be looking for such specifics that you have no choices but "one". Why eliminate those that you can share with, enjoy, know, and be at least friends with? Maybe since I have no desire to marry again, and enjoy my "self" time, that I look at things somewhat differently......
I do not need to date many, or play the dating game, and I much prefer to have an exclusive relationship, with mutual friends that the both of us have, but I am not out there searching for the one and only that will be my spouse and for me to take care of them, or they me.....
Finding others that will fit in your world as equals, have the same thoughts and feelings, work hard at taking care of themselves in all ways, and not needing to be taken care of, looking to share but not command or demand, and just enjoy the situation and ride, can be very very hard to find..........so, I just seek to start the process as friends and hopefully more will happen if right, not expected......  
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:03:30 AM |
OMG; if I search for age 47-60 men within 25 miles of MY location (no other criteria) I get 17 profiles
Your choice is easier than most.
Either expand your range to 18-80 or choose one of the 17 and marry him.
I wish I could get as clear an answer. During NYE I sat quietly and watched the couples, the dancing, the interactions of men and women and I realized that "independent women" don't exist. The great, great majority still seek a "male provider", which means they really seek "long-term commitment" regardless of what their profile says. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 10:49:39 AM | The great,great majority still seek a " male provider" which means they really seek " long-term commitment" regardless of what their profile says
Bongo! Give this man a cigar! I most definitelty want a " male provider". A man who can provide for himself. A man who can also provide a supportive ear and a lending hand, when needed. One who is not stingy in the romance department with hugs and kisses, can lead when we dance and can carry on an intelligent conversation. Of course, I'm willing and able to provide the same. ( except for the dancing part, of course) LOL
To each his own, in terms of whether or not people want a " long term committment". Some men and women do and some don't. Certainly their choice, to make.
I wish I could get as clear an answer
If the rest of the world is jumping off the bridge, does it mean you have to? Your answer lies within yourself and hopefully you'll find the perfect woman that wants the same thing as you do. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:24:35 PM |
I wish I could get as clear an answer. During NYE I sat quietly and watched the couples, the dancing, the interactions of men and women and I realized that "independent women" don't exist. The great, great majority still seek a "male provider", which means they really seek "long-term commitment" regardless of what their profile says.
Broward; it amazing me how you can so consistently make such stupid blanket statements. I didn't even have a "provider" when I was married; he wouldn't even get a job. You know nothing about women and your posts continually prove it. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:30:14 PM |
If the rest of the world is jumping off the bridge, does it mean you have to?
That's the not the point.
The point is that women can't seem to know their own selves.
I have to assume that each relationship is viewed as long-term, regardless of what I'm told. I have to "interpret" what's really "meant" from the Great Communicators.
WTF. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:32:24 PM |
You know nothing about women and your posts continually prove it.
Yes but I'm learning!
For instance, I now know that no matter what YOU say, it IS true that the great majority of women are seeking "strong male provider", regardless of what they claim.
You just proved my point!
Thanks! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:50:39 PM | Phoebe..
I so agree with you on the "provider" points. You hit that one perfectly!
Desi..
Been there and done that too! I was the "provider" in more ways then one!
Broward..
Not everyone is looking at marriage for a financial provider. Actually..from what I've been reading..most..males & females alike..are looking for LOVE! Maybe you should give that a try..what would it hurt to bring down those defenses..get rid of the barriers..the bitterness of past relationships..and just look for love..for love's sake? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/1/2008 6:54:04 PM | it IS true that the great majority of women are seeking " strong male provider", regardless of what they claim.
If you're insinuating financially, I think your generalization of women is incorrect. I, for one am looking for a 50/50 partnership. I'll wager to say that most women don't need a man for his money. In fact, I'll further bet, that what some men have monetarily would be "chump change". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:40:47 AM | | Someone who simply wants to date doesn't really want something serious, but someone who wants to date can want something serious. It's really hard to say. It doesn't mean if you put long-term that you don't want to simply date someone. It just means you are open to the idea with the right person to have something long-term. I think as long as you make sure the other person you're seeing is on the right page or knows where you're at and isn't surprised, then you're fine. As long as there is no real confusion from any side of the equation. I put long-term, because I would like someone I date to possibly turn into a long term relationship, but if it doesn't, I don't care....I will just enjoy it for what it is.. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/2/2008 8:36:40 AM | | I agree with the premise that you have to first date, but at least for me, its the mind set. What is your long term goal? For me it is long term, a lifetime. And I totally agree you have to first date before you can ever think about is this the person, is this who I want to spend the rest of my life with. First and foremost you have to become friends and that is only possible through dating. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:04:52 PM | firstlight said:
If you come to my profile it says dating. I suppose you will pass it by and never read the rest
Not exactly. I would pass it up because you're on the other side of the country and want somebody in your neck of the woods, as do I. If the stuff at the top of the profile all fits, then I go on to read the rest. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/2/2008 6:31:58 PM | | I have to agree with artz (post #45) - subcategories would be nice for the dating category. I have gone back and forth on what I've had on my profile. I want the long term relationship with the right person (but am not desperate for it), wouldn't mind meeting more people as friends (but don't want the 'benefits' situation) and so the latest choosing has been dating - it seems to be the 'happy' medium so to speak and has prevented some of the misunderstandings that occurred previously. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 10:37:27 AM | | You're overthinking it. WhenI see dating, the impression I get is that the person wants to date socially, with nothing serious on the horizon. When I see long term, I get the idea that they are looking for a significant other to possibly be looking for a future together. Obviously you would be dating, but with that in mind. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:24:11 PM |
My view on this is much different. I have LTR because I want prospective dates to know that that is my end goal so in other words, if you're not looking for the same thing, don't waste either of our time
Exactly. If a person is highly social they may enjoy spending the next 5 or 10 years just meeting many different people and dating a few more than once.
But were I dating I would be sizing the person up right from the start as to whether I could fall in love with them, how they make me feel etc. because I want someone longterm in the future. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 3:30:21 PM | I agree with horselady. I agree you have to date, but I want my end goal in there. There are some. dating means.. I want to see how many men or women I can date, they do not wnat a relationship they want fun. I have had that said to me.
So I put LTR as she said to make it known what my long term goal is, if someone is spooked by it, they can pass on me.
I did for a while date alot of people, no not all at once.. I became rather bored and confused with it. So I will date some until I find the one thta wants LTR.
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 8:40:25 PM | ok.. yeah, i like the idea, that we, have sub, catagories.. with alittle more, specifics.. i of course , put dating.. thinking that it may or may not turn into something, more, long term.. but from, the dates i have gone. on.. well apparently.. the guys are thinking, i am easy and just want the" dating.. in , hopes we will sleep together.. but not really into the long term".. so , it leaves. me frustrated! cuz , its not what i want and of course, it leaves, them frustated too!..lol  | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:06:14 PM | When you think of it you have to date first, then become friends, or friends first , than date and if it goes anywhere it could become long term , if that makes sense ,so to me it takes the first date to get started, anything goes.
I have also changed back and forth. I realize some are afraid when they see long term and vise /versa.
If they want to know you they will hang in there long enough and decide for them selves. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/3/2008 9:43:36 PM | | Does there really have to be a difference? I mean I think everyone wants long term eventually. NO, that does not mean marriage for everyone; just having that one special person in their life they know will be there. I know my profile says dating. But also it says you have to start soemwhere. I don't expect to meet someone and just have a long term relationship, right off the bat. You have to have something to build on. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/9/2008 7:06:19 PM | How can you say long term when you haven't even dated someone???
How can you not say long term if that is your ultimate goal? By setting the dating/friends/long term feature on your profile it allows you to filter your search results and helps others with the same goals find you.
My view of the two?
Dating = seeing and/or fkucing multiple people without any thought of commitment.
Here's something straight from the dictionary:
"to go out socially on dates: She dated a lot during high school."
Long Term = looking to having relations with one person and ultimately develop a long term committed relationship.
Finding someone who you're happy to commit to can happen through dating that's for sure, but it might be one sided if all the other person is seeking is random dates.
To find someone else that's interested in a long term relationship your chances are greatly increased if you initiate contact with someone who has "long term" in their profile.
Make sense?
Sex and dating is easy, maintaining a relationship isn't. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 2:39:51 PM |
Yeah, what he said. I'm a man looking for a mate, that's why I put long-term. If you just put "dating", then I assume you just want fun and games and no commitment and I'll pass you by. Just because I ask you out doesn't mean I'm going to propose on the first date, for cryin' out loud! Nor am I going to try to maneuver you into the sack. Call me old-fashioned, but I lose respect for easy women.
Exactly...
dating .. means to me that you will SETTLE for mr/ms RIGHT NOW
long term .. means to me that you will keep searching till you find Mr/Mrs Right and will NOT settle for Mr/Mrs RIGHT NOW | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 3:13:40 PM | OMG........now I have to change my profile back to long term again.
In the course of the last month, I've changed it about 6 times. First dating, then LTR then back to dating. Every time I hear another opinion, I change it.
I want a long term relationship but I think you have to date first. Now you tell me that if I put dating in the category, I'm settling for "mr. right now" and I sleep around. I do NEITHER!!!! Who knew?
Give us newbies a break!
Ya know what might be better? If you like everything about another's profile except this one category, you might email them and ask them to clarify what they want in their future.
Just a thought. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:57:03 PM | First, this is my first post to POF forums.
Okay, 'nuff of that. Here's my two cents worth. I have LTR in my profile because that is my ultimate goal. I've been divorced for 5 years and have 'just dated' enough. I have a few ladyfriends that I can take to dinner, a movie, drinks, or ask to accompany me to a social function, but for various reasons, none of them are long term.
Although we may make a clear determination of what each means to us, the existence of this thread proves that there is not a clear consensus.
I can't control whether a 'good catch' might pass my profile because they interpret LTR as looking for an instant wife, but if they seriously think that, then they haven't been on dating sites very long and are probably still recovering from their last serious relationship.
So, what I do is hold down the CTRL key and select both dating and LTR in my search. Don't have to search twice to check and see who is there. I can review all the profiles, and if I see someone who I want to contact, then I can explain what my intentions are in my message. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 6:37:52 PM | Welcome karl-in-pcola to the forums. Just arrived myself. Now, about your statement:
I can't control whether a 'good catch' might pass my profile because they interpret LTR as looking for an instant wife but if they seriously think that, they haven't been on dating sites very long and are probably still recovering from their last serious relationship.
Are you trying to tell me something? If I'm a new person to internet dating am I vulnerable to something? Are men who state they are looking for an LTR talking out of the side of their mouths? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 7:44:41 PM | I think that people should put what they ultimately hope to find.
If you..righ now...ONLY want to date and have no desires to be in a committed long-term relationship then put dating.
If you want to date with the hope of finding a long-term partner.......then put long-term.
Some people date like it's a sport or hobby...others date to actually meet their one and only. | |
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