| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/10/2008 8:12:13 PM | Sorry Phoebe, no personal attack intended, just statements of opinion.
When I first posted a profile on another dating site (yahoo), the profile had a simple question, "Do you want more children?" I didn't think twice about saying no until a few weeks later when I was talking to someone and she said she was hesitant about replying to me because she had kids and I had said that I didn't want anymore. My comment was meant to point out that most people who have been on a couple of dating sites have realized that there are often more than one way to interpret someone's answer to an ill-defined question. Just like the "Unread - Deleted" "Read - Deleted", "Read", or "Read - Replied" stuff (at least if they delete or reply, you have a clear answer, but what does "Read" mean, lol? Someone who has been divorced for a few months after a 20 year marriage might have their feelings hurt the first time they see the word deleted. Once you've spent a couple of months online, you learn some of the ropes and to realize that there are many people who don't interpret things the way we do, and there are also a few rude people, liars, and everything else out there.
Oh, and the "and" in the last line of my previous post should have been an "or".
And, yes, people who are new to internet dating are somewhat vulnerable to things. I can't believe the number of women who post pictures of their kids on personals sites, or when single mothers want me to pick them up at their home on a first date, gawd, for all they know, I could be some psycho. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:59:09 PM | I agree with you upallnitetoo
It depends how you interpret the "question"!!! I have Long Term on mine because that is my long term goal. To get there, I know I have to "date" first. By dating, I mean spending time together and get to know each other.
My short term goal is to "date" and see what happens between 2 people. I've never been one to "date" more than one woman at a time and choose between them. When I go out with a woman twice with plans for a third, I've made a commitment to myself to see where, or if, it's going to go anywhere. Does this mean we know each other, of course not. I feel it means I've made a commitment to myself that I want to get to know her. Dating other woman during this time usually ends up confusing, damaging trust early, etc. Does that mean we have had the "commit to each other" discussion? No, I feel if 2 people have MUTUALLY decided to see each other 3 or more times, they owe it to themselves to see where it can go. We are now, or should be, mature adults and owe it to ourselves to reach for our long term goal and to get there we need to start with a "date".
I hope this makes sense. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:03:31 PM |
I've never been one to "date" more than one woman at a time and choose between them.
I completely agree. Although personally I list my profile as "dating", mainly because even if things don't lead to a relationship I would still hope to be friends with that person. I figure that putting "long term" might put off people that are looking for friends as well. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:37:54 PM | Yes, you can take these terms a couple of different ways. In the end, since you only have one choice for the box, you pick the one that means what you think most people that you would be interested in mean.
I have 'long term' because it suggests that you have your act together. You pretty well know what you want, and kinda have at least your own world figured out. When I see a profile with 'dating'.... (sure you have to date to get to long term)... it gives me the impression they are not real sure just what they want.... other than dates.
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/25/2008 7:58:03 AM | I thought "long-term" meant that if we went out on a date it would be like being sentenced to a "long-term." One of those time stands completely still where even "just cup of coffee" stretches into forever. I was just trying to be honest.
Hmmm… I better work on my profile. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/25/2008 8:01:54 AM | Hi, this is my first attempt at writing on a forum so please excuse if I get this a bit wrong.
I would think that any long lasting & successful relationship would more or less follow the sequence of 1--->talk/email, then 2--->friends, 3---> date, 4--->long-term relationship. There is a natural progression of getting to know one another progressively in which either person can decide to limit the progression or bail-out of the relationship at any of those stages.
From my limited experience I'm seen & known many people who seem to "serial date" for whatever personal reasons. I've put the option or choice of LTR on my profile because I eventually would like to progress to the 4th stage & make some lady happy with me long-term. I appreciate that before you get to 4th base you have to start at base one or two - yes? I agree with some other views that it may be beneficial it PoF were to include an optional definition to each of their categories, but then as this forum has already shown, we all have our own & different interpretations (or hang-ups even) about what "dating" or "LTR" means to us personally in practice. I personally don't wish to be thought of as potentially lacking commitment to the right lady, or maybe checking out several ladies at a time or looking for a series of short term fixes or even one night stands; so I chose not to click the "dating" option. I don't wish for the reader to think that I view dating just as a form of recreation. I also hope that any lady seeing my LTR option would not think that I wanted to rush too quickly into a LTR - that would be rather shallow, yes?
I guess the best you can do is think carefully & write an honest profile of yourself, your wishes, dreams & intentions to further clarify where you would ideally like any relationship to go. I've tried to read quite alot of profiles of ladies & am surprised that a sizeable proportion are very short in length & particularly of informative content & yet all it takes is one attractive photo to be on several hundred "favourites" lists. Make your own minds up about that  .
Hope you all find the partner to make you happy & you in turn contribute to their happiness in turn. Regards, JohnnyJT. (x - x - x <----- for the ladies only.) | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 1/29/2008 4:34:31 AM | | I put dating because I just ended a second LTR and, although eventually, I'd want another, right now I need a little freedom to be myself. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't commit to a person and I agree with JohnM0527's views on dating. You really cannot learn about a person if you're trying to juggle more than one at a time. That being said, sometimes you get those situations were it is possible to perhaps date 2 people if there's enough time so that both don't feel slighted, but even that becomes cumbersome IMO. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/5/2008 7:12:59 PM |
OK maybe The POF administrators need to ad some subcategories.
Dating looking towards a long term
Dating but just looking for company once or twice a week.
Dating in the hopes we will sleep together but not really into the long term.
Dating but really hoping we get married in Las Vegas ASAP, but divorced within two years
or have a new category
I have no idea what the Hell I want ! Most excellent post artz! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/5/2008 9:57:10 PM | Dating = seeing and/or fkucing multiple people without any thought of commitment.
Here's something straight from the dictionary:
"to go out socially on dates: She dated a lot during high school."
Oh for goodness sake!! Your dictionary definition did NOT insinuate anything sexual. Dating is a pleasurable fact finding mission to see if there is compatibility. Helllllllo? It isn't synonymous with boinking everyone who asks you out! What small minds.. Heaven forbid one of you glance through a profile for clarity as to why the person listed "dating" or to get a sense of who that person is...
What did you guys do before there were dating sites? How did you categorize people then? When you asked someone out for a date did you first clarify that you would only take them out if they would consider you for long -term? If you say you did then I'll know you're related to Pinocchio!
If you limit your search to 25 miles... what if "the one" lives 27 miles away? You can see through these posts there is confusion whether to list "dating" or "long term". What if "the one" you're looking for listed "dating" because she reasons that dating is and rightfully so, a prerequisite for getting to know someone to see if there's a possibility for long term. Boxing yourself in over semantics could leave you out in the cold.
I have dating on my profile. If someone is interested in me, I would HOPE that he'd read my profile to get a sense of who I am, my personality, the attributes I desire in a person... If he doesn't want to read about me, then I wouldn't be interested in him anyway because it means he only contacted me because he liked my photos... If someone passes me up because they assumed I listed dating on my profile because I'm a serial dater just looking for a good time and jumping in and out of everyone's bed, then he is small minded and opinionated - thank you for passing me up!
You guys have insulted me by your asinine assumptions - I'm sure you all get tons of mail.  | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/6/2008 6:25:21 AM | | I put Long term on my profile because obviously to find someone with whom you would have a long term relationship with, you'd need to date anyway to find out. In my understanding it just means you are dating with the intention of long term, ie: not looking for flings, or casual dating etc...More like long term which for me would involve marriage and kids (not in any particular time frame). | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:40:07 AM |
throw my rod out there haha. Here fishy fishy.
I thought us men were supposed to do that?
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octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 87 | |
| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/6/2008 7:50:54 AM | To me,
I'm 39 and have graduated from 'just dating' to long term, I've already got my son so ready for the full committment of marriage and more kids otherwise don't waste our time since most dating on the internet is for casual anyways. It's just like a good job, do you change your whole life and routine just for temporary til something better comes along or permanently so you don't have to screw around with it anymore and your family can enjoy it's long term fruits? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 2/10/2008 7:22:24 AM |
I can't control whether a 'good catch' might pass my profile because they interpret LTR as looking for an instant wife, but if they seriously think that, then they haven't been on dating sites very long and are probably still recovering from their last serious relationship. So, what I do is hold down the CTRL key and select both dating and LTR in my search. Don't have to search twice to check and see who is there. I can review all the profiles, and if I see someone who I want to contact, then I can explain what my intentions are in my message. Great points and thanks for the advice about the control key Karl!! | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/1/2008 4:34:21 AM |
Does there really have to be a difference? I mean I think everyone wants long term eventually. NO, that does not mean marriage for everyone; just having that one special person in their life they know will be there. I know my profile says dating. But also it says you have to start soemwhere. I don't expect to meet someone and just have a long term relationship, right off the bat. You have to have something to build on.
When a woman selects "Long Term " on a her profile then a larger percentage of men who contact her are looking for a serious Long term relationship then if she puts down "Dating" on profile.
Dating on a woman's profile means for MANY men that she is just looking for a casual relationship and nothing too serious.
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/1/2008 5:32:44 AM | i want to know how this,how will you get the long term without dating first?dont you have to date to see if the long term possibility is there? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/1/2008 10:15:53 AM | | I think that is a matter of perspective. Some people have dated for a long time for been through several relationships, so they want the final one. I was married for some time, so a long-term partnership is a very desirable goal, but not my raison d'etre. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/1/2008 6:11:50 PM |
i want to know how this,how will you get the long term without dating first?dont you have to date to see if the long term possibility is there?
Putting "Long term" on your profile means your are DATING to find a long term partner.
Putting "Dating" on your profile means your are dating only and spending a few hours per week together (weekend boyfriend/girlfriend) ....
Since i am looking for long term then i do NOT look at profiles of woman who select "Dating". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:27:01 AM | I think this thread is a good example of the problems people have communicating. (I'm not talking about a man/woman thing.) If we can't even agree on something as basic as this, how difficult is it going to be to talk about more important stuff?
Perhaps there needs to be different categories. I put "Dating" on my profile, because I figure that's what I'm initially interested in. Although I do want an LTR, I don't want to seem like that's all I want (as others have stated). In other words, I'm expecting to have a few dates from my time here, and if that's all, that's ok. I can have a good time with a woman even if we don't have an LTR. I have some very nice woman friends who I dated, but didn't marry. But I WOULD like something that lasts. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:44:23 AM | hello?
'long term' is wht u WANT in the END
saying dating means ur not ready to settle down or just got outta a situation n only wanna date
kathi
pretty simple actually | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/2/2008 12:46:34 AM | carlin pensicola
ur soooooooooo rite bout the kids thing havin the guy pick em up at home whateva some peeps r too dumb to date for REAL kathi | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/12/2008 5:33:13 PM | | I think this whole thing is ridiculous, actually, and people are over-analyzing these category names. I put "friends" because I believe in friends first, so that's what I'm interested in at this point. If it turns into dating or eventually long term, great! However, no one seems to even pay attention to what I put anyway because I receive responses from men in every category! Is putting "friends" a turn-on or a challenge or something? Or is does it portray a feeling of simplicity, which is what a lot of people want who are just re-entering the dating world? In my opinion, I think they should change the name to "friends first". | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/12/2008 7:29:14 PM | | Simple -- say "I would like long-term," but first I would like to date until the right person for a long-term relationship comes along. | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/13/2008 4:37:32 PM | I think if you just saying friends or dating many men seem to take that as casual sex type relationship.
I think if you put your end goal like ltr, it is the way to go as you are making yourself clear on what you are looking for. I think you should also consider the other types when reading the profiles as some of them may be looking for ltr too.
broward, actually I think your profile is a pretty good fit for me well until where you said no marriage. :p Oh and the 12,000 miles distance thing lol.
I guess I don't get what you mean by there are no independent women left? Are you thinking that just because they would like to be married again someday they are looking for a provider? | |
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| Dating vs. Long Term?
Posted: 3/13/2008 6:35:51 PM | If I look at a profile that says "Long Term" ... I wonder that if I was to meet this person..would I feel pressured over his expectations?
If the profile says "Friends" ... that could mean anything!
All couples start as friends no?
I thought the POF mail settings allow you to control who messages you?. This aids in filtering out the individuals with different intentions to you. | |
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