| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/12/2005 6:51:25 AM | You know what it's really not that bad..I guess that it may appear to have been this when I put the thread out a few weeks ago...I am confident and look for some commonalities in a person and to be honest..Setting your standards to be at a cetain level..why not...For to long I SETTLED.. Well not anymore...My kids mean the world to me and we have an excelent relationship....which is really cool...
And Scientitst guy ....I dont look at the flaws of the other person...But I guess if it makes you feel good to tell me all that and get it off your shoulders ...so be it...
I still go about my daily routine....and enjoy my life....
and PS
I have met a excellent dude on here....
And my heart is thumpin for him...
Criss | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/12/2005 2:18:36 PM | Juces, you said: "I don[']t look at the flaws of the other person"
If you give no consideration to flaws someone you are thinking about becoming involved with has, you would be the only person on the planet to act that way. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/12/2005 5:18:31 PM | "i was 14 and after that i didn't get any guys for a long time, it was like they found out i had a kid and ran."
DANG?? At 14...well, alot of 14 year old boys would prefer someone without kids. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/14/2005 6:13:10 AM | I have been involved with a couple of women who had kids, and there is one common thread to tie the experiances together.
The kids always come first in the women's life, which is understandable to a point. The problem is why would a man want to come second, or third, or fourth, or in your case # five in your life, when you would expect to come first in his????????
Single women with children do not seem to understand that one day, the kids will leave and have lives of their own. When that happens, they had better hope that the man who came into her life and was treated as a lower priority still cares enough to stick around. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/19/2005 2:04:14 PM | Hey Scientist guy...
Look Dude.....Of course thats the way it is.....About looking at people's flaws...But dude....is it the first and foremost thing your to look at...
common....Man ...give your head a shake...lol
Think about what your tellling...me...
I'm sure you can read between the lines at least a little bit lol
hats off to you dude...
Criss lol | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/19/2005 2:07:56 PM | Oldtoothlessguy..
Unique name lol.....anyway..lol
It's called my friend the art of "balance" ...It's about what, who ,,why or when should come first....
it's balance...and a dude...who has understanding...and a good head on his shoulders...will not only want to help his lady but the lady in return....will help him...whether it's her or him with the babies...
so frankly ...what it boils down to is this...
If ya Jones for the lady...all the power if ya dont......zip it and keep going...
K
Later
Smiles
Criss | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/19/2005 2:52:53 PM | | Well I am a single mother of 2 very young children. I thought it would be very difficult to enter the dating scene again...but it hasn't been. I recently got into a relationship and things are going awesome, I was a little concerned because he has no children of his own...but he loves my kids and is amazing with them. These awesome guys are out there, just be picky and never ever settle!! You will find him:) | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/21/2005 1:03:02 PM | Wow a freind sent me this forum bc she didn't know what to say to it.
After reading through all 4 pages I just can't believe some of the things said on here!
Criss, I'm glad that you haven't taken too much offence over the things said because i have!
I'm not gonna refer to anyone in particular, but I'm just gonna make a few points, and I could care less about whether anyone disagrees with them!
First of all: Everyone has the right to be picky when attempting to choose someone to spend their lives with, when on a quest to find love people should be looking for someone that they enjoy to be with, not some one that they would enjoy to be with providing that they change the following qualities about themselves with a list provided!
Second: Yeah I realize there are guys who wanna date high maintence barbie dolls without a thought in their head, but in reality, she's not gonna look like that 4ever, and some day when she's old a wrinkled and her boobs hit her knees, your gonna realize that discussing how much she likes the color pink doesn't interest you anymore. I know people have preferences when it comes to looks, I do myself, but I also realize that there is more to ppl than that! My best friend is a BBW and I just can't get over how many guys are gonna miss out on such an awsome person because they cannot look past weight. What if all of a sudden something happens to the barbie doll your dating and due to depression she gains weight, you gonna dump her, yeah sounds like true love to me!
Third: Kids are extra baggage, and the guys who are just too busy having fun with little or no responsibilities and don't want any should just avoid single mothers! We already have kids of our own, and don't need to take care of you too! As a single mother I still like to get out now and then, but it's not my 1st priority, and I guess I'd like to find someone who isn't freaked out by a girl with responsibilities!
Fourth:Yes in the case of a single mother the kids will always be put 1st! at least I hope so! and when they move out and start their own families or do whatever with their lives, guess what, they will still be our kids and will still come 1st! honestly I wouldn't want to be with a guy who put me b4 his child! on the other hand mothers are experts when it comes to love, and just because we will put our kids 1st, doesn't mean we can't love other people.
Fifth: Just because a woman has a child does not necessarily mean she's looking for someone to take on her financial responsibilities or another father for her child, perhaps someone stable enough to take care of themselves, like I said we already have children to take care of. Infact if I ever choose to marry or live with someone I'd rather keep seperate bank accounts, take care of all mine and my child's financial needs, and it would take a helll of a long time, before any guy could take any sort of parental role towards my child, they could be more like buddies! I can take care of all the parent stuff! I do it now!
I realize there are always gonna be guys who say: why would I wanna date that fat girl who has accomplished putting herself through school, while taking care of her kids, and working, when I can date that blond bimbo from McDonalds. But I have hope that some of them will grow up, or that there are guys out there who already see how much female accomplishment kicks ass!
No I'm not gonna put as much effort into finding my dreamboat as I am into my job, and my schooling and just the rest of my life, I'm sorry that just isn't what my priorities are!
I personally am not in any rush to find prince charming, not looking to get rescued, but I will admit that hey I get lonely at times too. but hey don't we all, hmmm maybe that's why we're on a dating site! oh no am i just sitting around ****ing now! well I guess I should shut up then! | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/21/2005 1:11:26 PM | OH CRISS BTW! I THINK YOU ROCK! I ONLY HAVE ONE KID, AND I FIND LIFE CHALLENGING ENOUGH! CAN'T IMAGINE DOING IT WITH 4! I THINK WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON THOUGH! I AM HEADING INTO 2ND YEAR UNIVERSITY, WORK PART TIME, AND LIVE ALONE RAISING MY GIRL! BUT I TOO HAVE LOST SOMEONE CLOSE JUST 2 YEARS AGO! MAYBE WE COULD CHAT SOMETIME!
Sarah | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/21/2005 5:39:40 PM | Thanks....I have found someone and he is really good with the kids and is awesome....towards them and they are estatic about him...However taking it slow...and not really jumping right into anything right now...
Tips hat to you girl
Smiles
Criss | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/23/2005 3:47:20 PM | Perhaps I should offer that , although some women are like that, not all would be. I am not adversed to trying the situation again. I just wanted to point out that it can be a problem for single men to balance that scenario of being the last priority for everyone in the house, while being expected to put everyone else first.
It is kinda of funny though, when I read ads from ladies that say they are looking for their "soul mate, someone who will treat me as the most important person in the world" etc etc etc Then I read further and see her also write " that I have a child(ren) who will always come first for me" It sort of sets a man up for a world of hurt.
If women with children would understand men a little better (and God knows we do not understand you any better) they would realize that all that is needed is a little respect and to be that person that is your number one priority most of the time. We should not be treated as wallets. We should not be expected to put all our income into another man's teen agers. We should not be expected to give 100s of dollars to 20 something children that cannot or in most cases will not take care of themselves. If we like to live in a downtown condo after your children leave the nest, we should not be expected to carry the mortgage on a large 4 bedroom house just in case the kids lose their jobs when they are in their mid 20's and want to come home.
Keep in mind that those stories are not mine. They come from other single men I know who have experianced those types of expectations. If a man is lucky, the children would be very young when he arrives in the relationship. If that is the case, then the child(ren) could become his own. and would likely be treated as such. If they are teens when he arrives, they will never be. So why do some women expect him to raise (pay) for them??? They are already raised.
In regards to your last comment (pretty funny but understood) If ya just want us to zip it and move on if we do not subscribe to your way of thinking...............and help out the lady........ Why not check out the threads about single dads looking for love. It seems it is even harder for a single dad to find a child free women to be with.
It is like you say... Balance. That means giving what you get. Many times, (and i mean many times not all the time ) men just get taken for granted in these types of relationships, until the bills arrive. That is a large reason they tend to shy away from them.
I am pleased for you that you have found someone that you like. Being a single parant must be a difficult thing to be. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/23/2005 7:44:08 PM | You know what oldtoothlessone
Let me tell ya something...
Dont be alarmed if the chick makes more money than most men do....Alot of men dont have a bigger wallet...and then some do...well it's up to the dude with the big wallet to have enough common sense to know if he's being played for that reason..If not then he's a sucker..
But there are women out there that make their own money and have their own line of credit and do not wish to have someone they have to carry. Having children is and should be irrelevent to a dude if he's into the lady..
There should be a common thread between the two and that is ....if there is connection in love...then love is the rope that ineviably holds two people together...through rich or poor sickness or health...Lets get back to the basics here...if loves CONDITIONAL then its not love but when love become unconditional the you know you got a good catch.
Criss
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/23/2005 7:58:56 PM | I'm not attackin anyone here when I say...I usually try ta find out about the flaws i cant live with right away...like..prONTo.....simply like was said about not EVER havin ta settle for ANYOne.....and I won't..not to mention that if eITHER has money...it's imperativeI would think for the other to just be aware that you can take care of yerself and nothing more ..untill it's too late and then you know why they truely love ya and then it will never EVER be an issue....just my thoughts...........  | |
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KMT
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 89 | |
| Try getting a date with 7 kids
Posted: 4/24/2005 1:36:48 AM | I can relate to you, I have 7 children, all with my soon to be ex of 16 years..Seems like after we exchange the "how many children do you have" they kinda disappear or try to take advantage of the situation thinking I am so lonely that they can have an easy lay..
you know what though,don't give up, there is someone for everyone and yours will come along..I have made alot of email friends on here seems like the best guys on here for a woman with lots of children are the ones that have custody of their children..
My advice would be make friends, don't start by looking for romance, one can never have too many friends and if you are friends first then possibly something else will develop..
Goodluck and don't give up..
Kat | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/24/2005 5:37:39 AM | Hey,
You are wrong. Although some women have more money then some men, it is unlikely that a women with more then one child does.It usually means that they have stayed home and not worked on a career. That does not mean that there are men who do not work, are lazy, or are looking for a women to take care of them. It also does not mean that women with children, cannot, or is not successful. I am only speaking of statistics. There are always exceptions to every rule.
There is a reason why almost every women on this system list "employed" as a quality they need in a partner. You will almost never see that in a man's requirements. In most cases, we do not care what the income is . We do not care what a girl's income potential is.
We care what a women's loyalty level is. We care about how they will take care of us and our children. We care that if we are going to invest our entire finacial future in someone, that we will be their priorty in life.
The problem is that we cannot almost never get that with a women with children. We are never the priority no matter what we provide. We can offer all of our time, income, sweat. blood, and love. Our wishes will always come after the children's wishes, and if the children decide that they do not like us, we will be dumped. Not all women in the world will agree, nor act on such a situation, but ask most men who are in these types of relationships, and they will attest to it. For most men, they work too hard to build a career and a life, to have it all dictated by a teen who is upset that he/she does not have control of the house anymore.
It is too eay to say that if he is into the lady, the children should be irrelevent. Not true at all. In the end, they dictate if the women stays with the man. That is even more true if the lady is as in control of her own money as you suggeest many are. Love is a nice thing, but it is sad that Love is not enough to build a life on. There are many other things to consider. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:09:09 AM | And you are exactly right my dear...to much emphasis is put on material possesions these days...and yes that is important to a point...I dont know ???
Just give me my Prince! ....(screams) (takes a deep breath) and then (smiles)
IAMO
Criss | |
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| Try getting a date with 7 kids
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:14:49 AM | Hey Kat..
Right on girl...you know it...My desire is to establish a friendship first...And that is the best way...Im confident there is someone...thats not really a prob. it's my dang impatience that sreams ..."I hate being alone"....I know I have my babies and we have a blast..It's like...the night you dont turn off your lamp beside your bed...and he's there to do it...Or when you fall asleep in front of the tv...he's there to say "Common to bed honey"...All that kinda ....mushy stuff I Miss thats all..But I ahve met a few good people on here and thats great....
Criss | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/24/2005 9:18:43 AM | Oldtoothlessone
After read your last post....I never thought about ti way and for one you honestly made me open my eyes...To the other issue and that is not all men are the way we precieve them to be ...not all men are "***holes" excuse the language....
We care what a women's loyalty level is. We care about how they will take care of us and our children. We care that if we are going to invest our entire finacial future in someone, that we will be their priorty in life.
I never thought about that ...hmmmm have to change around my perception a bit on that situation...lol
Thanks...hun For being honest
Criss | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 4/28/2005 2:04:59 PM | criss, well you are a super mom!! I didn't have time to read the rest of the bbw bashing shit so I just skipped to the end for my comments. My mom was single and raised four daughters, for her I know it was very difficult 25 years ago but she did it. She only did it because she put us first and we all realized it then and realize it now. She did an amazing job and we are all productive members of society because of her. She had a very difficult time finding anyone to date her as well, so she gave up and concentrated on us and her. We had so many fun times, just goofing around in our home and knowing how important we were to our mom. When we got older she did find a bfriend and enjoyed his company but that was not until about 5 years after my parents split, so we still knew we were number one!! Don't listen to these guys who say loose weight, do this do that, just be you, because if you find him now or later it won't matter. seems like you have so much on your plate right now it's time to just concentrate on the family and schooling. One thing I do is surround myself with positive people, good girlfriends make a world of difference. Good luck, I am sure that you will make the right choices for yourself and your family, it's hard, but later on you will be glad that you did.
Tangoperu, at first I hated you and your comments, but then I started to understand them, to a woman, a man saying he is in school and working towards the future, is a good point, that is one thing women look for, stability. But your point was if you are looking to attract a man then do what they find attractive, thank you, I have forgotten that. You're right, men and women look for very different things, while some men might find schooling a good thing others may not, so maybe if we know our target better we can shoot straighter!! lol! thanks for reminding me of this. have a good day! | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 5/27/2005 12:43:03 PM | You know it always amazes me how people sterotype. Everyone is different and thats what makes life interesting!
I am a single mom with 3 kids and I am not looking for a "Dad" for them nor am I looking for someone with a big checkbook. I have been on my own over 4 years and never have I asked anyone for a penny nor would I. I am what you call "proud". I am proud of the fact I can juggle kids, career, family n friends and my own house. I am the type of person that juggles all this and still has a smile on her face for everyone. Some days it is tough but you'll never hear me whining about it.
Sure alot of guys who don't have kids wouldn't want to be put 2nd to my kids and fact of life ....i brought them into this world its my job to look after them 1st. The rewards of my kids turning out to be decent people who do the right thing is what I will have for my efforts.
Perhaps thats why I am still single but haven't given up on the "one guy" out there who gets it and me. I choose to date men with kids because they are more likely to get it than ones without.....and yes I know this from experience. Sure its tough finding the time but if you find someone you care about it is worth the effort.
Guys / women without kids if you really don't want to be part of someone elses kids lives then don't. Once you have entered a kids life there is no taking it back and the last thing a kid needs is another partner coming in and out of their life.
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 5/30/2005 1:28:40 PM | Criss,
Don't listen to anyone who calls it a handicap, or anything else. The person inside matters most, and you are attractive. I have found it a lonely life too, and as a single dad of two it's hard to find a date for myself. If I was in Canada I would love to go out with you...I could never root for the Leafs though, sorry!
PS Go Tampa Bay Lightning! | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 6/2/2005 4:27:37 AM | | Im 24 well almost 25 with four kids. I have a job, van and my kids have everything they need or could want. I work and start back to college in january. I have the money saved up myself and wont be using any other funding. I work for a local conservation park as a chainsaw operator. Or sometimes I bounce farms as a labourer. Being a single mom isnt a handicap is a motivation. I dont recieve child support from either father. The one takes his 3 every other weekend from saturday at 1 til sunday at5 when he bothers to show up. Shit happens enjoy life and have fun. All that matters is you and your kids. I get looked down on all the time but I know im better then what they think so it dont matter. | |
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| Try getting a date with 7 kids
Posted: 6/3/2005 3:34:24 PM | KMT,
I actually know a guy (he now lives in Las Vegas) who married a widow who had 6 kids. They then proceeded to have 3 more together. It does happen, although I'm still trying to figure out how to make it happen for me too LOL. | |
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| Single lonely mom 4 kids
Posted: 6/5/2005 6:00:52 PM | | Wow this is so sad how people put u down like that/ Thats just not cool. And because u have a little fat and u wow big deal she hade 4 kids give the girl a break do u realize what the hell having a kid does to your body??? wow should I even bother looking for anyone on this site It seems like there not men at all but little boys. Put your chin up hun your kids arent a overload trust me on that one if the guy realy wants to be with u he will be there for u and not what u look like or how many kids u have. He will understand they r part of your life and will exept that. So dont listen to what anyone on here has to say unless its positive just keep it real and put your chin up and trust me only time will tell... Good luck and take care :O) | |
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