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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 4:53:54 AM | We all have been... to say we haven't would be a lie. I similar discussion with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago, and have a theory.... you can shoot it down and probably will its a free country and a free net...
Its safe to love someone you can't have... (unless thier SO finds out *kidding*) miles or marriage. There's no danger of the reality of comittment. You have all the feelings of love but there is no actual danger of rejection. Because it can never be a real situation. Playing house - Grown up style.
Now please take a deep breath before flaming because this is directed at no one in particular. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 10:06:59 AM | Sam Elliot...ohh and I thought I was in love with someone that I couldn't have but in reality if I could have him I would probably kill him...take that Michael  and your little guitar too!
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:23:54 PM | Yup. Together for 5, apart now for 4.
It was an unhealthy relationship. So, it's good to be out of it.
But even though the relationship ended, the dreams of what could have been, what would have been (we were engaged) and what I hoped for...well they stay with me.
I still mourn that loss...the loss of my dreams.
I still have to see the person..often because of our child. I hate his behavior, his philosophy about life, his values, very much about him I hate..BUT I love him still.
Deep down, he has a hold on me, that no ONE ever had. When I met him, I gave him my heart...and I just never got it back.
It really does suck. Especially since he found someone new...for two yrs now. There is NO chance we'd ever get back..so what I do is ask my friends to remind me about all the horrible things he did to me in the past...and I read my journals about how much he hurt me and then I think "Well, she has to deal with him now, and the selfishness and the hurt that will no doubt come one day"..I used to lose sleep over it..OMG I did. A lot. But now, I fill my time with other interests...try to meet new people, make new friends, focus on my kids, work, my home,....and I remember..if it was meant to be, it would be. Evidently it's not. I think that if we should've remained together, we would still be together. So, sometimes I just use the 'fate' card.
The way it affected my life.
I learned a lot.
I learned NOT to give my heart away so easily.
I learned to trust my instincts early on. If something at all feels wrong. Listen to it and get the hell out of it...before you really get hurt. I should've listened to those red flags.
I learned sometimes even poor choices can have great rewards. Our son. Wouldn't go back and undo that, no matter how bad the end was. I have my beautiful son....
I learned no one can replace a person. And if you try to, you will find yourself kissing someone else staring at the face of the person you love. You can't 'run away from it'.
I learned the more you allow yourself to 'feel' the hurt..the less chance it will cripple you.
I learned not to jump to conclusions.
I learned to be independent.
I learned about dignity and grace when you want to curl up in a ball and cry.
I learned never to beg for forgiveness. It's degrading. And you can't make someone forgive you. You have to settle any wrongdoing you've done to someone with yourself and your higher being.
I learned no matter how bad something can be, there is something to be learned if you look hard enough.
I learned not to compare.
I learned how to say no.
I learned how to say goodbye.
I learned you can NEVER go back. You can never go back to the same river. Cause the river is never the same and the man is never the same (? quote)
And most of all, I learned you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another. And that it truly is 'better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all'
And I hope, (hope being the operative word) that it's true that there is more than one person out there for us..someone once said, if you moved to Alaska, you'd find someone there for you...if you moved to Italy, you'd find someone....I hold onto that hope, everyday..and all that stuff above, keeps me smiling everyday!!!!!
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:41:16 PM |
Meditate? You can do better than that, just bang your head in the wall.
I believe many people overlook just how many problems can be solved, simply by banging your head against a wall. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:43:38 PM | My heart breaks for you...but you must remember that you are dealing with a very ill person. Some will suffer till they die...don't let her bring you down..misery loves company.
It would be a frosty friday when i let someone back in my house after a month of being a-wall. This is craziness..i have to ask..do u do drugs as well? If not ...kick her ass out and find a healthy drug free girl to bring peace and happiness into your world...we're not all bad.
Try to remember my last little words of advice...you can't help someone who doesn't want the help. And truely could you hold your head high with her on your arm after her selling herself. Let the pain die...not yourself. Chin up...everyone has a story to tell and it ain't always pretty..lol.
Good luck | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 2:53:34 PM | | Several years ago I had a situation like that but realized that love that is one sided is more like obsession. The other person and I remained great friends and as time passed I realized that one of the most vital aspects of love needs to be that it is mutual. When I realized that it made me understand that I was expending way too much energy on tormenting myself and I just stopped. Life is way too short to torture yourself over things that are beyond your control. Find someone who can appreciate and love you the way you love them and you'll sleep great at night. However, before you do that love yourself and you'll never have another sleepless night again. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:05:12 PM | unfortunaltely i know all to well how this feels, until just recently i always had hope that i would get back together with an ols girlfriend of 5 yrs ago. i recently had the chance to see her and that hope is dead now....i now know it will never happen but for some reason i still harbor feelings, sounds pretty stupid huh?..i know i must move on and i will when the right person comes along...i am curious as what someone fixate on someone that deep down inside they know they cant have?
brian | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:11:11 PM | I spent a year and a half mourning the loss of love. I have been poking my head out and dating again, and am finding that just getting out and about and having them treat me really nicely and them wanting to be with me has been the greatest healing agent. Seeing again that we are fun people, worthy of love.
Sometimes in the height of sorrow we forget thingsd like that. We forget that the sun can and will shine again. We just have to come out of the basement and go outside to enjoy it. Hard to get over something without filling the void with something else. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:26:13 PM | Very Old Soul,
I think you are right. I am a christian and I was in a situation like this a couple of years ago. If you know Jesus as Lord and Savior, I advise you yield it up to him. If you don't know Him, I encourage you to seek Him while He may be found. Also, if you truly love this person you will want the best for her/him. Love tells us to think of them first. Sometimes that means letting them go even though it hurts.
I also agree that we should not play with the emotions of another woman just because we are trying to get over an old flame. IT isn't fair to the new girl. The best thing you can do is find your sufficiency in Christ and then you will be better able to love which ever woman is His will for you. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:31:26 PM | | I think I have fallen in love with a girl that I knew that I was never going to have. I don't dwell on It for that long and I just wake up the next morning and It feels like a new day and a new beginning almost. I never really taken those situation as a big loss because I didn't really know the person that well and I tell myself It's not worth getting angry about It and just breath and go for a walk and watch a movie that will make my laugh to get my mind off the situation. I do believe that the right girl is out there and I'm confident that I'll eventually find myself in a long-lasting relationship | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 3:38:37 PM | | Try 4 yrs. of torture. Just when I think I can move on and take control of my life he inevitably calls and convinces me that I'm the only one he's loved and things go great for a few weeks and then it's let's just be friends. I have dated several men and always compared them to him and of course as soon as we'd be hanging out again I would dump them. I know it is sooo unhealthy but I just can't stand the thought of ending it once and for all and never talking to him again. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 4:52:33 PM | To all those who are stuck on someone they can't move on from..I recommend a great book which helped me make the final decision to let go of someone that I was stuck on -
it's called "Obsessive Love - When It Hurts Too Much To Let Go" by Dr. Susan Forward.
Good luck! | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 6:26:15 PM | That is a question that i would like to have answered too. Started talking to a guy online then met for coffee hung out a couple of times at his place and mine watching movies. Called me collect to pick him up an hour away from where i live because he had been drinking (would have done that for anyone though) came back to my place and spent the night the next night went with me to a family function and i crashed at his place. Both nights we behaved ourselves but then nothing for almost a month no calls emails nothing. Stopped in and he says he does but doesn't want to continue this. Give him some time to get his head on straight. Told me all the personal details of what is going on in his life and hugged and kissed me before i left but then haven't heard from him again for a while. What do i do????? I really like this guy and think that it couldreally work out but then i don't want to close the door to something else. But like the other guy says do i see other people and get their hopes up? What if i find some one i get along with just as well and then guy #1 says ok i am ready???? | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 6:51:31 PM | You can meet someone and fall in love like you have known them all your life.
You can love someone all your life and not even know them...
So as for falling in love and not being able to be with them...
It Sucks, it like being in Hell.
I know its "Better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all...
The heart and pain say "B.S".
I don't like heartache!
I prefer to never love again! | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 7:00:32 PM | I think deep inside we all do. But life goes on and we have to force ourselves to let go. It like letting then rent a space in your head for free.
Its also unhealthy and I think hinders use from truly looking for a new love.
Further once we find that new true love, I am sure the old one will disappear forever. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/28/2006 7:28:44 PM | ^^^^^ I disagree, c7t1.
Once you fall in Love, the person you love will always own a piece of your heart.
You might get over that person, but you will never forget.
A true loved that was once shared, will remain with you forever. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/29/2006 4:04:48 AM | Folks, I say if you go on a dating site with someone still in your heart, you're cheating yourself and others on here of the chance to start anew. If you need to give yourself some time to get over them, then hide your profile until you're ready to start again. Otherwise, your issues will only get in the way of your love life. It's hard, I know, but soaking yourself in your pain is wasteful. Filling that void with pain is useless.
Do you want to date someone you're really attracted to only to find that that someone was really thinking of someone else and saw you only as a crutch? Do you want to spend time with someone really nice and have the object of your desire on your mind? | |
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Sarbux
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Joined: 11/21/2005
Msg: 73 | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/29/2006 11:02:40 AM | Yes I am...and my whole world around it came crashing down today.
I got to know, got close to and shared some very intimate moments with this person over the course of 3 years. She kept telling me that it wasn't going to develop into something more, but I couldn't help but keep thinking, maybe she'll come around. If I just hang on a bit longer, because I think this person is right for me.
Today I found out that she is kinda dating someone else...I feel so numb right now at my desk at work. I can't think, I feel like I'm going to throw up and I feel so unbelievably hurt. Apparently the guy that she's dating is a lot of fun, but a compuslive liar and she doesn't see it going anywhere long term. I'm trying VERY hard to make sure that this doesn't give me any hope, but right now, I'm really at wits end.
I'm now working on completely cutting this person out of my life and even going so far as to making changes in how I go about MY life to avoid her. I can't cope with it. I have to learn to cope, not just cope.
So yeah, it's huge. I'm living it right now...may God have mercy on my soul...and I really do wonder if my angel will ever come...  | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:38:08 PM | Well, judging from the posts on here, I'm yelling at the wind.
Robbie77 - I feel your pain, been there. This too shall pass. No doubt you've learned a bitter lesson. Such is life.. | |
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