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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 9/19/2006 9:42:11 PM | Who isn't?
Head and shoulders above any other, as if tailor made for me, but I was not the one for her. Fair enough since I have passed over so many. What baffles me is why I always fall for a woman that doesn't want children. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 9/19/2006 11:54:25 PM |
I learned no one can replace a person. And if you try to, you will find yourself kissing someone else staring at the face of the person you love. You can't 'run away from it'.
I wholeheartedly agree. I know that some people don't feel that way, and some do. To me, everyone is entirely unique, and I feel it to my very core. Once in a while, I will even come across an unusual stranger, for even a moment - and the special moment will pass, and I will feel a little pang, thinking "Wow. How sad. What a beautiful person and I will likely never see him/her again - ever." I guess I'm particularly sensitive to loss. Things can be replaced - I don't care WHAT it is - but people? Never in all eternity will I find that 'one' person again, once lost.
There are a many responses here that give the advice to "get over it" already. I'm curious to know just how they suggest doing that. IMHO, there's no getting over it until you're over it. Who the h*ll knows when that will be? I don't particularly relish being in pain. When my xbf and I broke up - it was excruciating. I turned myself inside out to think of ways to "get over it"...
- I journaled my guts out - every single day, for MONTHS
- went to 12-step meetings
- prayed the rosary daily
- prayed some more, daily, hourly, minutely, secondly, in chords.
- had people offering to pray for me, for godsake
- bought the self-help books, did the stupid exercises
- spent time on forums daily to help myself 'get over it'
- tried to find hobbies
- made myself 'not think about it'
- made new friends
- immersed myself in work
- got counseling
- practiced 'letting go'
- tried meditation
- exercised
- set goals for myself
- talked on the phone with friends as necessary for support
GUESS WHAT PEOPLE - NONE OF IT MADE ME STOP LOVING HIM!!!!! And while (thank GOD) not in that horrific pain anymore, and I can go a day without thinking of him (more or less), I also know that I will love him for the rest of my life. But that's ok. There's room for more in there, I'm reasonably certain, LOL!
Now, if anyone here thinks this isn't a reasonable enough list of things done in the name of trying to "get over it" - by all means, do say so. My point here is that, no amount of wanting to 'get over it' or trying to 'get over it' will actually 'get you over it.' Not until 'it' is good and ready to get over YOU. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 9/27/2006 7:47:11 PM |
that horrific pain anymore, and I can go a day without thinking of him (more or less), I also know that I will love him for the rest of my life. But that's ok. There's room for more in there, I'm reasonably certain, LOL!
How long does it take to get to the point where you can go a whole day without thinking of them? How long did it take you? How long has it taken others? | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/12/2006 4:51:06 PM | My very first milestone was - two months later, i noticed that an entire hour went by without me thinking of him. It was New Years Eve, which surprised me even more! The thing is, that he was a vendor who came in once a week to my job so that made it harder. He finally left in April (5 months later) - which made it much easier. It was really in May that I started feeling so much better - if I thought of him, it was really in passing, didn't have much of an effect at all. To the point where, even if he did cross my mind, I didn't even notice because it was just like any other regular thought!
So for me, it was about 6 months to where I felt significantly better. It really is different for everyone though. I really believe that the more you allow yourself to feel whatever it is you have to feel, and accept yourself - knowing that your heart and mind knows what it's doing (cleaning out, repairing, healing) rather than trying to stifle it or distract it too much, the faster it will happen. Really howling and sobbing out loud in the car as I was driving helped, LOL! But I will say, thank GOD that's over, I thought at the time I'd never ever feel better. It's a year later now, and I feel better than ever! Looking back I can definitely see the tremendous growth I've gone through as a result. It was a hard and lonely time, and while I was going through it, I thought, "NOTHING is worth this pain!!" but now - I'm reaping the benefits. (YAY!)
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:08:19 PM | I am in love with someone I dont think I'll ever have... Even though we've shared thoughts, caresses, and kisses... and then came to think the world had just stopped, so I could enjoy that moment to the max...
It was (and always will be) one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, yet the one nobody ever want to let go...
It's hard to explain, hard to understand and also hard for yourself to believe a moment like that has just happened... and then you wake up everyday thinking about her:
"Will I see her today?? Actually, will I ever see her again??"
And then you realize there's no answer, only time will tell if you can meet her again or not... but meanwhile it feels like hell.........worst part of hell......... | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/12/2006 5:21:26 PM | Well ...... why wait on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow when it isn't there!. Life goes on and you wake up to a new start everyday .... make the best of it and tell yourself he/she wasn't worth it .. a broken heart is hard to mend, but your feeling get hurt over and over again.
I know .... married twenty-eight years and she decided that she wanted to hang/be with her gay friends. Now she has them all she wants and i live a great life partying until the cows come home.
I am a pilot for the local area here in ft worth .... so i can enjoy my time with people who care and have true feeling. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/13/2006 10:32:32 AM | | What can I say, I have loved and now I have lost. Sometime I may eventually move on because acceptance may come that hes not coming back, but I know I will never stop loving him. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/13/2006 6:54:04 PM | heaven's no, I could lust after someone I cannot have - I could become infatuated with them, but I cannot love unless that love is returned - anything else is not real - and if they're not over their X, then they aren't really able to love.
I do not mean this in a mean or bad way, I just think it's important to recognize the feelings for what they are. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/14/2006 12:11:45 PM | I know how you feel i dated a guy wayyyyyyyyy back in High school for 4 years we broke up and he left town we both got married had our own lives I always thought about him never could ever get him out of my heart, I always said we would come back to each other and wow after 25 years we did, we dated a few times went for dinner everything so I thought I was great then one day he emailed me and told me he had met someone, but still wanted me to keep in touch whew how many times does he think he can come in and out of my life!!! but everyone is right life does go on its hard but it does!!! what is that saying "the hardest way to miss someone is to be right beside them and know you cant have them" anyway enough of my 2 cents
Life does go on!!! with or without them!!
Im sure the perfect person will come along someday!!
Have a great day!! | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/14/2006 2:45:00 PM | Love is so strange...
Take my situation, for example.
I was with a man for 8 or so months and things got serious between us quickly. Thing is, when we first met, both of us had just come out of relationships that left our hearts broken. So, I guess you could say that we were both on the rebound and our relationship helped us both to move on and mend our heart.
Although I had gotten over the relationship before him, I wasn't completely convinced that he was over his. He was adamant that he was over his ex, but I always felt that he was in love with her and I was playing second fiddle. This woman hurt him deeply. While living with him, she was cheating on him while he was at work, and when she left him for the guy she was cheating with (and later married), she stole money, a computer, and other material things from him upon her departure. I can't count the many times he told me he hated her, would NEVER go back with her, could never again trust her...and was completely over her. He told me everyday how much he loved me, wanted to spend his life with me...even bought me a diamond ring as a "symbol" of our love and his committment to "us."
Our relationship was a rocky one...many ups and downs. To begin with, he was moving too fast for me. He wanted to get serious much too soon in the relationship (a sign of rebound if I ever saw one!). And ALWAYS I felt he wasn't over her...that I was second best. As a result, we broke up many times only to get back together. And on and on it went...
Okay, so this last time we broke up...we didn't contact each other for about 3 weeks. Until one day he saw me drive past him and immediately called me that night. Said he missed me horribly, NEEDED to see me, to hold me, and that he couldn't get me off his mind no matter how hard he tried. Initially, I was hesitant, didn't think his coming to see me was a good idea. Finally, against my better judgement, I agreed.
He came over, we talked for hours, made love and fell asleep in each other's arms. We woke up early the next morning to go to work. He called me shortly after he got to work to tell me he loved me, and would call me later that night.
He did call me later that night, as promised, and said he had some errands to run and would call me when he got home. That call never came...which was completely out of his character as he always calls when he said he would.
So, the next day I decided to drive out to his house after work to make sure he was okay. He had mentioned having nose bleeds from high blood pressure so I was a bit worried. When I got to his house I noticed a strange truck parked at his house, and because the front door was open, it appeared that the owner of this truck was in his house. However, his truck was gone so I assumed he was still at work.
His truck was at work, so I drove in and waited for him to pull up (he's a logger..drives a logging truck all day). When he pulled up in his logging truck, I approached him and told him that I was worried about him because he didn't call, and that I knew he had a woman at his house (the strange truck parked in his driveway), which explains why he didn't call. His face completely fell...it was apparent he was caught off guard, never expected me to show up like this. I called him a filthy liar for telling me he loved me, missed me, and wasn't seeing anybody else. He tried to tell me that he wasn't seeing anybody at the time...(gee, a whole day ago!), and that he never cheated on me when we were together. I pointed at him and told him to never call me again.
I drove back to his house, knocked on the door and it was then I realized that the woman at his house was his ex! The same woman who cheated on him, stole from him, broke his heart...and married another man (and is still married!).
Since this time, she has left her husband (for the 5th time!), and has moved in with my ex.
Now...here's the kicker. All this time he pined for her, now that she's back with him...he has attempted to contact me. Has called my cell phone several times (at odd hours of the day and night...all of which I have refused to answer), and has re-arranged his driving route to make sure he and I pass each other during my lunch break when I drive home. While we pass by each other, he looks at me intensely, and has tried to smile and wave at me. Of course, I refuse to look at him...pretend I don't see him.
Strange...you'd think now that he has "the love of his life" back, he'd be contented. So WHY is he trying to contact me....driving past me everyday?
Makes me wonder if sometimes a "rebound" can turn into the real deal?
Like I said...love is strange.
~Irish~ | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/15/2006 11:14:47 AM | I sure do, see as we set her typing,my man is out seeing a 55yr. so called lady,People can't do this,(she might still be inlove w/him)(her man).I've been w/ my man for 8 going on 9 yrs. and yes we fight,but that is what makes u work at a marrage,I'm sorry,when i read your thing here I just got really upset,cause the person at home who washes his dirty underwear and makes his lunches,takes ALL the crap ,when he's mad at every one else and takes it out on ,who (YOU) the one at home. and then we have the girl (YOU) come along and says ALL the sweet things and maybe touches him in a different way,because let me tell you,I do still touch my man and I still give him the rub downs after work, but she, this so called Lady come into MY life and This is just SO f-- up ,My heart is breaking and it's NOT far!!!!!!! | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/16/2006 9:29:40 AM | Inflateablesoulmate ,I feel for you ,I really do,see I've been with this guy for 8 to 9 yrs. and it's really hard just to stop loving them,but if they keep there habbet up or r bringing u down with it all,then all mean get out now and stay out,see with my friend he has a meth head, and we r no longe.acouple and it's soooooooo hard!!!!!my heart breaks. i can't ever see them two togeather,never!!! you need someone to talk ,rasberryears@sbcglobal.net write me soon............. ras  | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/16/2006 9:45:08 AM | Its happened to me..
My horoscope for what its worth, said that I need love but I am afraid to loose my freedom so sometimes this might cause me to seek the unattainable for fear of loosing my freedom..
It has a ring of truth to it..
Everything affects my life because I ponder it and try to learn from it..
But thats me...
Loose Sleep, yes, if i am wired up about something sleep doesnt come :-) | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 10/16/2006 4:52:45 PM | I know that I was just thinking about this a few days ago. If not, a few times already. Right now, I feel as though as much as I REALLY don't want to think about love, it's basically still there, although way back in your mind. As much as you don't want to think about it,...it's still there. I remember one time someone that I know e-mailed me about if I believe in love at first sight. That part on the other hand, I happen to think, "I really don't want any part of that." Because if you have a major crush on someone, or your basically head over heels with that person, and that person doesn't share the same thing back, you're clutching onto a false hope type of a form that you really wish it to be true, but in the long run, it's not going to happen. As much as I'm very sad to mention that, little alone I'm even sad about that part, but hey it's true. I feel as though that's something that I don't like. It can work out for some people but it doesn't work out for everyone.
For those people that have happened to them and it has worked, they should be TERRIBLY greatful for what they have. I know for sure as heck I would be. Besides that, I know that I'm friends with more than a few women right now. Most of them are very attractive, very beautiful, but I'm just friends with them. As much as I wouldn't mind asking one of them out on a date, I know that I'm risking a lot. Therfore, as much as I want to go on ahead and ask them out and they dicline my love for them, I know that I'll be shattered. Then things between her and I will never recover. So, I'm just friends with them. I'm sure they're totally comfortable with that, but I feel as though I'm not. I'm not forcing any of them, if anything, I'm not doing anything to them at all. Then again, that's where the whole part of, "Clutching" onto false hope comes into your mind and heart.
Therfore, we are just friends with them so we don't make any risks towards them of what we have established. of course, once again, they are BIG time happy with that, but then again, I'm not going to say, "I'm totally uncomfortable with that" but more like, "I don't feel so great about it." Then I look up to God and say to him, "Okay well there! I'm friends with them. As much as I'm feeling sorta down about that, but none the less, I'm friends with them. I have given them EXACTLY what they want. Even though I don't exactly feel all that swell about it, but then again it's not like my saying matters." Of course, while we are dating someone, and something goes wrong, and they just want to be friends. Some women get that, some don't. However, I know with my last one. I couldn't do that because I was completely uncomfortable with that. Then I have some women that I'm friends with, and I just think to myself, "Okay well there. I'm sure this is what they want. As much as I would love to ask another one out, but I'd be risking what is between us, therfore, I shouldn't risk the friendship and destroy it. Well, I'm sure they are happy about it, if not, they are just not paying any attention to you. However, I know that I don't exactly feel all that great about it."
Oh boy! I hope this isn't depression again. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 12/26/2006 3:48:00 AM | yes i am in love with a guy from grande praire alberta canada.he tell me all the time that he loves me..i am going there januray 2nd to spend some time with him to see how thinds work out, and he has asked me to marry him..and if i can not have him when i get there and come back home i do not know what i am going to do..we have never met in person.but we talk when ever we can on the phone,and i have never felt like this towards someone in my whole life...   | |
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