| Jerry~Are You Listening?
Posted: 1/27/2007 8:48:48 AM | So he had 'Dating' on his profile, I had 'Long Term.' I wanted to contact him because he was so attractive to me...We went on 4 dates and I think he had a great time, as I did too. Now he tells me he is not sure of what he wants. Would a guy go on 4 dates if he was not interested? I do not think he is the sort that is looking for 'one thing' and after he gets
'it,' then he takes off. Besides we have not done 'it' yet. The latest is he put 'Friends' on his profile. Not sure how I am supposed to take that.
We did not spend any time together this weekend. And I am seeing other guys. I still think he and I could have something and not sure what to do about it. He has many of the qualities that I am looking for in a man.
So I guess you could say that I am deeply interested in someone I cannot have...Any help please. | |
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Ahhh!
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Joined: 11/25/2006
Msg: 127 | |
| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 1:20:39 PM | I had him, I lost him...I'm not losing sleep over him, but I do miss him alot. I find myself thinking about the 'if only's' and I just end up feeling so frustrated.  | |
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| Jerry~Are You Listening?
Posted: 1/27/2007 1:30:16 PM | Sharabi - If you are dating other people then just keep dating them and reorient your thinking of him as just somebody you are dating rather than someone you want to have a long term relationship with. He has time to figure out that he wants you or if he doesn't you are not wasting your time waiting from someone that is not going to come around. And even if he went on four dates, if he has described himself as dating then he does not currently want long term, take him at his word.
I think most people have loved someone they cannot have whether it is because they became involved with someone that was married whether they did so knowingly or not or because they fell for someone that didn't love them back.
You get over it. If you waste time pining over it the only person you are hurting is yourself. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 2:46:23 PM | What is it about this someone that hooked/hooks you?
Usually we are attracted to types who represent something untapped in our own being. You might consider listing the stuff you like about that person, and compare it to yourself.. then you could find out it wasn't that other individual, but certain qualities you wished you could have ~ and probably do, but you were experiencing their reality through someone else.
Hands up, whoever thinks that makes sense...  | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 2:54:16 PM | sorry to change tack - but Ive just been shopping and put on make up for the first time in ages and considered myself to be looking ok (never great but ok) and I met in with the man i have found attractive for about 5 years(on his own in supermarket with basket ?single?) - hes nice and friendly to me i always get the impression that hes kinda shy too like me- but I just spoke a load of rubbish to him - i now find myself back home wishing that I could have said something intelligent or even asked him to share a glass of my cheap wine with me.............ahhhhhh (beating myself up)
sorry for venting my feelings - but the cat just looks at me weird if i tell him my woesxx | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 3:08:19 PM |
(on his own in supermarket with basket ?single?) - hes nice and friendly to me i always get the impression that hes kinda shy too like me- but I just spoke a load of rubbish to him - i now find myself back home wishing that I could have said something intelligent or even asked him to share a glass of my cheap wine with me.............ahhhhhh (beating myself up)
sorry for venting my feelings - but the cat just looks at me weird if i tell him my woesxx Time for some detective work, eh ... oh, and I'm sorry your cat is such a snob ..  .. the nerve; you feed and care for him and he couldn't care less.
~ now ~
If you think you'll see *him* in the supermarket again (which, if you live in the same town/city, isn't impossible, right?), this is what you do. Just say "hi there ... y'know I was thinking you reminded me of a picture I saw once. (this isn't false: the guy is in a MIND picture you've carried all this time, right?) Do you like photography?"
If he's at all interested, he'll think of some reason to like it (if not already). If he's just polite and doesn't stick around to chat, well .. at least you'll know.
In the meantime, LIVE and OBSERVE everything around you. Learn the person YOU are. Why did this particular guy strike your fancy? And why are you so afraid to do anything about it? So you might get hurt. You might be embarrassed, etc ... okay, then you dust yourself off and say "well, self, what next?" ... what you do with your experiences is UP .. to ... YOU.
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 3:20:14 PM | | Been there done that too many times!! I can have the one I want now,but he is scared!! I just can't get him off my mind and we didn't even have an LTR.He claims he is scarred for life,but my heart will always be with him even as just a friend,But if he doesn't even want that,than he needs to let me forget him by not showig his face.I know all too well how this feels.I live it every day.I have a severly broken heart that needs mending by someone who is not afraid to love meand be loved back. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 3:32:51 PM | | yes being in love with someone who you cant have or you have had and they dont love you back can completely mess with your ablity to date or socialize with other men, and will effect your daily life. its best to try and get some closure so you can deal with still loving them but moving on. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/27/2007 3:50:42 PM | that's me too......really, really, really like someone a lot.....but know nothing can come of it because of 2 big reasons. When you're in a situation like this you tend to "daydream" about what if and when you talk on the computer or by phone it all seems like it could happen.
You just have to stay focused and keep seeing other people then eventually one of the "others" will win your heart and you can let go of the "Mr. Right" you can't have. | |
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| Such Good Advice
Posted: 1/27/2007 4:12:19 PM | | Thanks packagedeal~That is great advice, maybe he'll come around. If he doesn't then I have not wasted my time. This is very do-able! | |
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| Such Good Advice
Posted: 1/27/2007 5:19:37 PM | | sadly I think I'm in that situation, the lady in question is a good friend, we talk, we laugh but she doesn't want anymore than the friendship, I on the other hand do. I know it won't happen and it hurts like hell but thats life as they say. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/28/2007 2:57:45 PM | ya know, i think a lot of people fall for the ones they know they cant have because they want the chase, and chances are if they caught them, they would not want them any longer. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/28/2007 2:59:34 PM | | I was in love with me husband when he was my husband but he choose to have another much younger woman and divorce me. The hurt was lasted along time , about 3 years . i was married 32 years. i have moved on and have my own life. It just took time. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/28/2007 5:16:04 PM | Yeah!Moving on is definetly a good idea! I wrote my friend a week ago,he had to have received it by now.Busy or not,it takes 5 min. to show someone you care even as a friend.That's all I asked from him.Now I guess I have my closure.I'm talking to other guys and just connected with my ex from years ago through my space.I'm so happy there is someone that still cares and is willing to talk to me.Now,it will be much easier to move on and not waste my time caring about someone who doesn't care about me unless it's convienient for him.It's his loss,someone else's gain.MOVE ON!!!!   | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/28/2007 6:01:19 PM | aye and hes younger than me aswell but the thing is now hes got a bird n i shudve told him b4 he met her how i felt but i didnt i told him after he startd going out wi her hes been bak once but his girlfriend dosnt know n every time i see i hate it cos hes with her its really hard i wish i wid hav kept my mouth closed n not told him how i felt any1 any ideas on this i know i was stupid but love does stupid fings 2 us all  | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 1/28/2007 6:05:22 PM | yep! im in the same thing as you probably all know. you can both show massive amounts of love for each other, and attention etc. but indeed, you gotta figure a way out. that is to keep on movin, singing your favourite songs out loud, carrying on and unlimiting your life regardless. even when you get used to that, you can always fall back on it. in my case, im just waiting for her to get that bit older and change her want to "yeah hes that guy who was always there for me". call that a long waste of time if you like, but ive set up barriers. it wont stop my life in anyway. yes it hurts when she get some "large guy" for a dirty weekend and then shares all the details with me. yes it hurts when she tells me all about her future dates. but theres nothing i can do about it. however, im older and wyser now, and its no skin off my nose to invest a bit so to speak. if it works out someday, wahey!!!!!! if it doesnt, ill have met more possibilities by then. never throw away that little red book. it grinds like a nutcracker, but you have got to, and i mean got to keep on truckin. besides, if you loved some one to that degree like i do, you gotta let them know they are the centre of your universe, but that you can function without them. as wisely spoken by someone else here that i can remember who. trust me, im soft as hell. "beta" if you like, and you just got to get that grip.   | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/3/2007 11:22:47 PM | I am used to watching every woman I've ever cared about fall into another man's arms. It's the story of my life. But there is one particular one who I met four years ago who affected me like no other before or since. We dated for 5 months and remained friends since. There is someone else in her life now and I envy him so much and have never even met him. I still think about her every day since, remembering how it was but knowing how it is now. We still talk once in a blue moon on MSN and meet for coffee maybe a couple of times a year. She so excites me even now just to talk with her or look at her but deep down there will also always be an inner pain that will never completely go away, knowing that I will never know her touch again.
I have dated quite a bit since then but it has never quite been the same with anyone else. One girl did come a close second to what I want so at least I know that it is possible that I will someday meet someone as wonderful and exciting, other times I feel discouraged and sad thinking that there will never be anyone quite like her. I hope I am wrong but only time will tell.
Meanwhile, the pain remains. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/3/2007 11:27:35 PM |
are you in love with someone you can't have?
I could never understand loving someone you can't have.
If i can't have her.. i get over it the same day. Onto the next thing/person/whatever.
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:19:48 AM | message 144 - tigger....having resurrected this thread, perhaps this might help.
it seems a natural tendency for most people when they think they start feeling love for someone is they attach emotionally. in your case, you attached to your previous girlfriend of 4 years ago and even though you split up, you have been holding onto this attachment ever since - why it still hurts you so when you think about her.
so, the way to end your pain and what hopefully we all learn (and mr. d knows this, hence how he can detach in a day), is to realize that this emotional attachment to another that we believe is love is not real. not really. it feels real and it's almost impossible to convince ourselves it is not, for the pain feels so real, but it's only as real as your ego is making it.
the truth is love, real love is not something you get from others that you lose when the relationship ends. real love is what we all are in our natural state and is limitless, has no conditions, no attachments, no expectations, no pain! it is the part of you that is not your ego - the part that is the witness, watching you in pain, but not feeling it.
what you need to do, honestly, is to detach from your ex finally. it is the only way you are going to ever be happy. it is your choice, of course, but four years is long enough to be holding onto something that you really don't have to.
i believe you are asking for help to do this, or you would not have written this post and resurrected this thread.
so, go and do what you love --- whatever that is. and decide in your mind that it's time to change this pain. time to let it go for you really don't need it anymore. and when it rises again, for it probably will for a while, just observe it, accept it, don't get hung up on it, and see it pass.
you are going to be so much happier (for the rest of your life) without this attachment. and the next time you fall in love, remember, love is within you - you are love. you are what you seek. do not look outside of you for someone else to fill a void for you have no void. not really.
allow the love that you have within to grow and shine and only then will you be able to truly love others without attachment to their loving you back. it will be quite different. and quite wonderful. it is already.... as soon as you decide to change your beliefs, your pain will stop and then with lots of deep breaths you are going to be able to live again finally. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:26:59 AM | | Yes I am. It is miserable but it gets better day by day. I knoiw that I love my self, I am filled with love for others, but I still love and will always have a spot in my heart for my ex. That being said I still have a place for Mrs. Right when she comes along. | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:33:10 AM |
If you get over it in a day....Well what can I say? You never loved in the first place and have no idea what it is!!
Dear moron,
read the post carefully before jumping to conclusions
*pats you on the head.
love,
mr dynomite.
P.S. : glad to see i touched a nerve. heheheh | |
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| are you in love with someone you can't have?
Posted: 11/4/2007 12:38:59 AM | | why is it you cannot have the person of whom you speak? is it by their choice? imagine if it is by neither of your choice. the two share a deep desire and love for one another. you have been as much best friends, as well as lovers without control. you understand one another. you pick each other up when their down no matter where you are in the relationship or life and give them your shoulder to rest their head. everything is right. it is comfort. no one has ever made you smile more. it always, just feels right! even though you have all this, it cannot go further than what it is! you cannot have each other totally in life the way it should be. why? the pressures of people around you. the tearing at it too not let it happen. the constant pulling to create as much undo feelings as possible! despite all this, and for some reason both knowing that, it just keeps going. you can never predict the future. you can just live for today. it just feels right. | |
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