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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > When is flirting cheating?      Home login  
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 caf55
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 351
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When is flirting cheating?Page 15 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Sorry didn't finish that .
You only care about what you want and the purse strings. And of course if Momming agrees with your choice.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 352
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/2/2010 6:12:42 AM
my ex was a total flirt,she was very pretty , in a mass media sort of way, tall blond, boobs ext.... but she never ever cheated on me, she never made me feel humiliated, she would always come to me and make it clear who she was with, some women(men) just like the attention, no harm done
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 353
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/2/2010 7:25:19 AM
Well, if you find your mate doing some flirting behind your back and you feel hurt by it, it's cheating.

Same thing if you do the same way by your mate.....

Respect and love are two way streets.
 bsradar
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 354
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/2/2010 3:59:52 PM
Hi, I'm new here and I must say, one of the reasons I'm checking this scene out is exactly what this subject is all about. Thanks to you all for helping me understand this situation a little more clearly and realizing I'm not alone. The original reason for coming here was to check out what all the hoopla was about and why my lover of more than a year finds it impossible to leave it. He was here before I met him and understand he's met and maintains friendships here...mostly female, but fine at any rate. When I approached him on this he became angry but changed his profile, just....at least the pic one...I think it's safe to say there are several other profile names he's using and possibly more than just this dating site. The thing that crosses the line for me is that he refuses to let go of intimate, sexual and flirtatious emailings with woman he's met on these sites. He tells me not to worry as they live so far away nothing will happen. I feel totally disrespected in that this hurts my feelings and he knows this. I feel this only leaves the door open for further developments, if he so desires. I'm thinking what if she decides to decrease those miles to 0 and meet him? Am I just suddenly left cleaning up a mess? He claims this relationship to be exclusive and I have very deep feelings for him, yet I'm not willing to allow those feelings to dictate my decisions and give away the farm, so to speak.. I think it best to realize this as a glorified FB situation and just enjoy it until one of us moves on...he's clearly not done looking around. Do you think I'm over-reacting? I'm not up for suffocating, checking up, policing or trying to change him in any way. I'm also not uptight about mild flirtations or looking at other woman. I just don't feel this is truly love on his part. What cha think?????
 walking the pooch
Joined: 10/31/2009
Msg: 355
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/2/2010 7:22:17 PM
I wouldn't worry about it. She is probably sleeping around on you anyway. Have your innocent fun and get checked for std"s.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 356
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 6:49:29 AM
If intention is not to be considered when it comes to flirting, then it must be excluded from other situations as well. If flirting is cheating regardless of intention, then by extension, anything one does that might attract the opposite sex is cheating. Sorry, gals - short skirts are out. And guys, no more tight jeans highlighting our packages.

Personally, anybody who was that insecure and controlling that she demanded that I behave differently would soon be looking for somebody else to change.

Of course, in the end, it comes down to personal choice. If you don't like flirting, then don't date a flirter. Why must this become such a hand-wringing exercise? If you're that insecure - don't date.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 357
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 7:58:33 AM
Well said DBB.

We can't change the core of who we are for anyone and should not try. It only ends relationships badly.
 Bottle_Neck
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 358
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 11:58:44 AM
I've been following this thread and the more I think of it I am coming to more of an in-depth thought of the whole process. This discussion (as well most i guess) has two camps. People who find flirting to be harmless and people who have an issue with it as it can lead onto other things.

I think there has been aspects that have been overlooked in the thread so far and that is flirting with whom but more so how many times with someone. Alot of people suggest that harmless flirting is just a way of communcating. But lets dig deeper into that. Lets look at the following with the "harmless" side first:

With whom - applies to only flirting with select people. People who they find attractive of the opposite sex. You obviously dont flirt with everyone of the opposite sex, right? So why should it be so selective to people you find attractive if its harmless?

As for "how many times" - I mean what if a person in a relationship continuously flirts with a certain person? Lets take a co-worker for example. Dont you think that continuous flirting will take things to another level? ... What if after a while that co-worker tries something on with you? You were flirting with them. Especially at an event like a christmas party or a work-night out when alcohol is involved?

My point even if you believe your flirting to be harmless arent you potentially creating a situation for yourself down the line?


I personally think "oh my flirting is harmless" really is a "i do what i want to do" - in a serious relationship arent we meant to take certain things on board? things you dont do.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 359
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:30:59 PM
If intention is not to be considered when it comes to flirting, then it must be excluded from other situations as well


Intention IS always considered as flirting is a deliberated act.
Anywhoo, try this one: “sorry darling, it didn’t had the intention but my penis sliped inside your best friend.” Will she say “ooooh it’s ok you didn’t had the intention.” (insert anything here).
Aren't you even aware of what you are doing? are you comatose? Does someone force or oblige you to flirt? No!? So you well know what you are doing; am repeating for emphasis: you - know- what -you're- doing,
So it's a voluntary and conscious act that you do toward a third party.

If flirting is cheating regardless of intention, then by extension, anything one does that might attract the opposite sex is cheating. Sorry, gals - short skirts are out.


Rofl! incredible how some try to justify things! There is a wooping difference between Flirting: which is a voluntary and conscious act that you do toward a third party, an outward action; and dressing: which is an inward action and obligation that you do for yourself!
- You know you are in a couple, but you decide to flirt with another and act on it.
- You are dressed in a short skirt, it is because it make you feel good; if it is pleasing to others by the same token, so be it, but it doesn’t mean that you will interact with those persons in any ways!

Personally, anybody who was that insecure and controlling that she demanded that I behave differently would soon be looking for somebody else to change.


Rofl!
Everyone that is in a couple change in a way or the other. why? because they care, love and respect their partner, they have grow and adapted to have another person in their life! Of course, unless you are narcissic or simply are using/abusing/manipulating the other person.
I will even go to the length that this type of person, whom when caught cheating will even put the guilt/blame on their partner for their own action. (It’s your fault if am cheating).


Of course, in the end, it comes down to personal choice. If you don't like flirting, then don't date a flirter. Why must this become such a hand-wringing exercise? If you're that insecure - don't date


Agree it is a personal choice: respect your partner or don’t, be a cheater or don’t, be self centered and self oriented or don’t.
If you have no respect and only think about your little own narcissic pleasure or your need to fill you self esteem problems, yeah by all means: Don’t date!


Edit: "To flirt when you're "taken" betrays serious self esteem issues"
Right on Eldrida!
 Eldrida
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 360
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:32:24 PM
I seriously boggle at the motives of a person in a solid relationship who flirts with others. Flirting, so far as I see it, is an ego-boost thing. To flirt when you're "taken" betrays serious self esteem issues.
 lonemonkey
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 361
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/3/2010 8:53:49 PM
Well, your 55. Maybe your partner is beyond caring if you flirt with women on line. Maybe your permanent partner is a platonic friend, and as long as your online flirting doesn't affect your relationship it doesn't matter to her.

To me, it would be more interesting if you confront the state of your relationship with your partner. You might be surprised to find that she flirts with other men, has had affairs or fantasizes about being with someone else.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 362
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:11:05 AM

Anywhoo, try this one: “sorry darling, it didn’t had the intention but my penis sliped inside your best friend.”


And this is how you support your argument?

I would suppose that if that is how one puts together an argument, then I can see how their thinking is also otherwise limited. Let's lump the ridiculous with the sublime.

Previously, you made a claim that a dictionary definition that said that it "may" include intentions to be all-inclusive. Perhaps further surfing might have yielded the definition for "may."

Before we go any further, shall we decide to include only dictionary definitions in our discussions? Problem is: both the words "denotation" and "connotation" appear in mine. Common usage has its place as well.

Again - if it makes your partner uncomfortable, then the issue needs to be addressed.

But please stop assuming that you know what is going on in my mind when I flirt. You won't find what I'm thinking in Wiki.
 forumologist
Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 363
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:17:30 AM
Lets see. Is 2x2=4 the same if I switch the two's around. Hmmm.
Would you be ok with you permanent partner doing it?
The equation is not rocket science. Neither is the reverse.

Flirting - sometimes I quip that flirting is just good manners lol - personally I can flirt with absolutely no intentions whatsoever but I never do it with people who I truly think may be looking for more than that from me - that's rude

However - few partners are secure enough to tolerate it in their SO and few can be trusted not to let it lead to cheating.

Your call if this applies to you and your SO but regardless I think it's very risky and if you ever did it in front of her that would just be CRASS. Even if you have absolutely no bad intentions with flirting, what do you think would happen if she found out. Do you really need ego strokes that bad to risk it. Like I said - your call.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 364
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/4/2010 8:22:31 AM

Would you be ok with you permanent partner doing it?


Been there, done that. The answer is yes.

Agreed, by the way, that you should never flirt with someone who might take it as an advance when that is not your intention. That would be extremely disrespectful.

As for the self-esteem issue - flirting is hardly a proper barometer.
 larryunmarried
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 365
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/4/2010 10:58:20 AM
it might be considered cheating if you feel the need to hide it from your partner?
 22SOF
Joined: 1/12/2010
Msg: 366
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:48:10 AM
If you do anything with another person (opposite sex) that you would not want your significant other to know about, it is cheating.

Internet flirting is not an innocent pastime when you have a significant other. When people are online with each other they don't know everything that is needed for a true relationship. They fill in the blanks of "What they do not know" with "what they hope for". This fantasy always seems superior to reality.

I have been there. My ex from 2005 fell into this very trap.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 367
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 4:36:56 AM
The OP started this thread a few years ago but still has his profile up. I couldn't imagine wasting my time "chatting" with an overweight, bald, married guy. Blech. I'd rather watch a 6-hour documentary on tooth decay - over and over and over and over and over again.

I think having a profile to find "chat friends" - on a DATING SITE - is pretty damned transparent.

You want "chat friends" OP? Go to a board where you share a common interest with others (stamp collecting, kite flying, bass fishing, smarmy married people innocently claiming they just want "chat buddies" online, etc. etc.) and find your friends there.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 368
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 5:56:27 AM
I think having a profile to find "chat friends" - on a DATING SITE - is pretty damned transparent.


So, let's see now: the trouble is that by being on a dating site in order to find chat friends is transparently a lie according to jgirl. So, the problem is then that the person isn't being sneaky enough? Seems odd that you'd be complaining that a potential cheater isn't hiding his efforts better?

By the way, I've made many chat friends here. So has my SO. Shall I devalue them simply because desperate singles need a scapegoat to explain away their lack of success?

Funny how you keep reading the same themes on POF, namely in this case personal rights and the freedom to do whatever you want.

Unless, of course, it's use a free web site.


You want "chat friends" OP? Go to a board where you share a common interest with others (stamp collecting, kite flying, bass fishing, smarmy married people innocently claiming they just want "chat buddies" online, etc. etc.) and find your friends there.



Conversely, if this site it too crowded with people you find so objectiionable, you too could vacate this site for greener pastures. Unless, of course, the problem really isn't great enough to motivate you beyond spouting silly rants.

Face it, people. It aint gonna change. Might as well quit bellowing and move on.

You lose.

EDIT TO ADD: Just read jgirl's profile, where she posts a pic with her "handsome guy." Apparently, jg, you're here just for the forums yourself. You state so in your profile.

Hypocritical, no?
 HELLuvvANGEL
Joined: 11/12/2005
Msg: 369
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:20:18 AM
Personally i believe in open honesty even if its online. I dont thiink flirting is cheating, so long as your partner is aware of whats going on. I know im different than many women in that i dont get jealous very easily. I was with somone from online and they flirted alot in front of me as did i. But we both knew it was all in fun and the "flirtees" also knew we were with someone else in a relationship. Never hide that your chating online or perving online,,, you never know he/she just might join ya. Just be honest!!!

uvv
 sealbeachcat
Joined: 8/9/2007
Msg: 370
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:38:26 AM
If you can't tell your wife you're doing it, are making excuses for it, posting it in a forum and trying to justify it...what do you think?
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 371
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 9:17:38 AM
If you can't tell your wife you're doing it, are making excuses for it, posting it in a forum and trying to justify it...what do you think?


Quite agreed. However, defending an accusation is too easily cited as justification. Given the lack of the conditions you list, flirting would not be cheating. Agreed?

By the way, what's wrong with justification? It means to prove correct. You have a problem with people proving themselves correct?

Or is your problem with honesty? If so, then please state it as such. To complain about a person defending themselves against accusation is lazy and self-righteous. Matter of fact, given how strongly people feel about their rights, isn't it actually un-American? You know, guilty until proven innocent and all. Right to defend one's self.

 deedlit
Joined: 2/7/2010
Msg: 372
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When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/12/2010 9:30:16 AM
IMO.. flirting is cheating because the intent is there but if you're bf/gf is okay with it then I guess it doesn't matter. I think most people who flirt/cheat don't have any respect for their partners and it seems to me that the people who are okay with this are flirters or cheaters themselves. They should all just stick together.
 Divorced, Broke, Bald
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 373
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/13/2010 8:43:08 AM

flirting is cheating because the intent is there


I would agree if you changed the word 'because' to 'if.'

I flirt. I have no intention of having sex with the women I flirt with.

Go on, then. Call me a liar. Call me a cheat.

Your words and closed mind do not make it so. No more so than my saying that a person who doesn't flirt is obviously hiding their intentions. Such an assertion is equally as ridiculous as the assumption that you can read my serious intentions from words I do not say seriously.
 no_BS_woman
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 374
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/13/2010 11:45:11 AM
Flirting is not cheating. It is just social interaction. Work would be way less fun if my coworker and I didn't flirt and make dirty jokes (on break time, of course) on a daily basis. We both know it's not going anywhere.

As the bald, broke man said, you have to take into consideration whom you flirt with, though. Don't flirt with people who are "taken" if you think they might take you seriously. Obviously.

My ex flirted all the time, with waitressess, business women, friends...it meant NOTHING...usually, it was simply funny.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 375
When is flirting cheating?
Posted: 2/13/2010 11:58:05 AM
I view flirting as a fun and playful way to interact with people. I usually flirt without intent, the people I flirt with know I'm flirting without intent, and it's fun all around.

Flirting is only cheating if it breaks the boundaries you and your SO have agreed to in your relationship. Personally, I don't agree not to flirt occasionally with others, so it's never been cheating in any of my relationships (and yes, this extends both ways--an SO of mine is welcome to flirt with others as well).
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