| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/13/2007 5:14:34 PM | I for one gravitate towards single dads. But me having 3 kids and them only having 1 usually runs them off rather quickly. :)
I think it would be VERY hypocritical of me not to want to date a single dad. Not to mention idiotic. Single dads are almost always responsible, mature, etc.. how else would they take care of a kid on their own? | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/13/2007 7:43:46 PM | | Thanks so much for reviving this thread,I believe it to be my most sincere one that I have ever started. I have been thinking about so many of the topics discussed in these posts lately. I am still sooo not sure whether I want to date a single mom or a woman that doesn't have kids. I have seen so many pros and cons to both sides. I mean you would think it would be better to date someone with kids if you already have kids,but not necessarily true. The age of the kids of the other party is as important as whether they have them or not. I know that I would like to date someone who has around the same age kids as mine and/or having a boy and girl. Also,sometimes it is great dating women that DON'T have any kids because the time that I don't have the kids is quality time spent with that person. I guess that one must judge each situation individually. I have dated great moms and great former moms and also some that have never been moms... | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:40:15 AM | i think there is a lot of singles mums that will not date single dads.
im bringing up my boys and iv been single a long time and i do know a few single mums that will not date dads.
but by the same token i do know some single mums that will not date a guy unless he has kids.
i will date someone i feel i could care about kids or not makes no diffarence to me.
the one thing i know is most mums or dads will put the kids first over the needs of a partner and a few ppl find that hard to handle.
i will always put the needs of my kids first they are and will always be the most important ppl in my life, | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 8:57:28 AM | I think the problem is not so much the fact that the man may have kids but that he makes them his "number one priority". How many times have we all read that on someone's profile on this site? I know that whenever I read it, I move on...
I will tell you a little secret...
Women want and need to feel that they are their man's number one priority.
If that position is already filled by some children, then it will be a no-win situation for her.
Who wants to play second to a bunch of kids? I know I don't!
Even healthy nuclear families should have a ranking system where the husband and wife are the priority and the kids are second. Psychologists will tell you that if the bond between the parents/parent figures is strong, then the children will be happier and better adjusted.
But, expecting a woman to be happy with the notion of being second or third on their man's priority list is not realistic.
I have a child. I only expect that the man I date like children. I do not expect my child to always be the numero uno position. That would be ridiculous!
So, the next time you wonder why women do not want to date a single father, look at your profile and see what kind of position you are offering to give your prospective dates in your life. My guess is that you will find the answer...
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:07:01 AM | I think people can be hypocritical across the board. I personally never really gave it a thought until recently. I am a single mom with an 8 yr old boy. The father is and was never involved, and I'm ok with that. His parenting style leaves something to be desired. 
I recently got out of a long-term relationship (7 years) that had cycles of "things are great, things are ok, things are getting bad, break-up, make-up," and the cycles went on and on. He does not have kids, and when we first met he was all about kids. He didn't understand the responsibility children involve. As I said, we broke up 3 or 4 months ago, and I am looking for either a single man or a single dad. I have been thinking lately, that a single dad would be more understanding of time constraints and responsibities that kids entail. Here's hoping that things will work out either way. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:20:25 AM | I question when a single guy with no kids is interested in me if he can handle sharing. I don't think it is a matter of one person always having "the" top priority, to each according to their needs. However, if I am forced to have to choose between a man and my son, my son will win hands down.
I watched my parents divorce and the one thing it taught me is that your SO may not be your SO forever, but your children will your children for the rest of your life. That is why any man who is with me needs to understand that if I have to make a choice and can find no way to compromise to everyone's benefit, he will be on the losing side. A single dad should understand this and any man, father or not, who does not or does not want to understand this is not the one for me. That's why I tend to date single dads, but do not exclusively seek them out.
I do not want or expect to always be a man's number one priority- please speak for youself, Sprite. I admire a man who can apply balance in his life. I want to be an important PART of his life, not his whole life. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:49:30 AM |
I do not want or expect to always be a man's number one priority- please speak for youself, Sprite. I admire a man who can apply balance in his life. I want to be an important PART of his life, not his whole life.
Well said yankee.
I do not like needyness, nor do I give it. A man who can balance his life, give to his kids, give to me (meaning balance) is a pretty stable man in my book. A man who constantly has to label from past experiences and is in constant worry/doubt I would question his stablenss and outlook on life. | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 59 | |
| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 9:54:43 AM | I'm a single mother of 2 girls, I understand the children will always come first as long as the children aren't going to play one-upmanship. Yes I'd date a single dad, as long as he doesnt think I'm there to pick up after him and his children.
I've also known friends who have kids, the kids call the guys that come in and out of the front door "uncle", personally I'd rather wait to see where things go than bring guys in and out of my girls lives. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/28/2007 5:14:21 PM | One thing that I have never asked of a woman is to be my maid or my babysitter...Believe it or not single fathers can be put in the same situation. I understand Sprite for her feelings about dating single dads and I used to be a single man with NO kids,so I have dated on both sides of the fence. Balance is the key,a woman has to know when to allow her man to take precedence in her life at least equal to the kids. I have dated many a single moms who didnt think that they got enough attention between the kids and them...oh well. I only get my kids 6days every other week. I plan on giving them plenty of attention during those 6days I have them. Now with that said,I also need a little of my own time,so that wouldn't necessarily mean a women would get a full 8days with her. It is all about balance and if your going to choose to date a single parent both need to work out a balance. | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 62 | |
| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/29/2007 4:05:17 AM | I agree with johne102 and iamtheone.
If your a single parent and cant find a balance with your new partner then why bother dating at all?
Yes the kids should come first, but they also need to learn you need a life outside of them. Your partner needs to know they are just as important as your children after a while, it's a give and take situation.
If the kids keep coming first, i.e giving up time with your partner to spend with the kids, or dropping what your doing to pay attention to the kids then there is something seriously wrong.
If like iamtheone said he has his children 6 days a month, is that so hard to understand that if the male has kids and he spends time with them why should we bemoan that fact?
They are his kids after all, we shouldnt expect the new man/woman to look after ours and not see their own kids, they need the quality time just as much as ours do.
Depending on how the other halfs kids feel about you, having them get used to you is just as important, or it might be a case of just leaving them to it and doing something you want to enjoy or again turning it into a big family group outing. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/29/2007 9:43:26 AM | | I agree with johne102....Being a single dad of three myself i have experienced it myself. I think it has alot to do with gender attitudes...when we read a single mom's profile and she seems appealling to us we tend to picture the guy who left her as an ass. I think women who read a single dad's profile tend to wonder what terrble thing he could have done to cause a woman to run-off and leave her kids.... | |
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duckys
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 64 | |
| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/29/2007 10:00:21 AM | rebootedlife, I'm not in the minority that wonder what the guy has done to have the wife leave him with the kids; I wonder what she was thinking having the kids when she wasnt prepared to stick around for them.
If people dont want them say so at the beginning, if your not prepared to take full responsibility for them then use that much protection there is no possibility of having a child.
Yes I know theres the drunken nights of sex that all precautions go out the window, the day you were sick and used a condom and still got up the duff. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/29/2007 10:18:17 AM | I dont see how they can be hypocritical. thats crap. I had a guy tell me one time while we were on our 3rd date, that it was very unattractive to have a son, and that no one would ever like me because of that reason. I slugged his ass right then and there. How dare someone say that to someone. It felt good at that moment, but it felt better when the ambulance got there and started laughing after they heard the reason why I hit him that hard.
But on to the subject, I would rather date a single dad because they understand what its like to have a child. The ones without kids, they understand a little bit but they will never fully understand what its like to be a parent, til they become one. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 8/29/2007 5:47:48 PM | | Not defending the ex...I have to say though,the reason why I have 42% isn't because she is a sorry Mom,but because she was looking after the kid's hearts instead of her own. I have to give her that,she knew I wanted a joint task in the care-giving and the heart giving in raising my kids and I wouldn't have settled for a day less without a court fight that this town would have remembered. Sometimes the Mom actually cares about how the kids feel and that is why the Fathers have a share in custody. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/2/2007 9:35:12 AM | ^^^^^^^^^ Thank you for pointing out that not all single mother's are selfish, and some do consider their kid's needs and feelings, and the father's, above their own.
I think it has alot to do with gender attitudes...when we read a single mom's profile and she seems appealling to us we tend to picture the guy who left her as an ass. I think women who read a single dad's profile tend to wonder what terrble thing he could have done to cause a woman to run-off and leave her kids....
Maybe I am in the minority here, but I don't think so. I have never wondered what terrible thing a guy did to make a woman run off and leave her kids. MY first thought is....what kind of woman would run off and leave her kids behind without a second thought?!!! I understand there are some valid reasons sometimes, but as a mother, I can't imagine leaving my kids behind no matter how terrible he was. It just isn't in me, nor I think in most mothers. I try not to judge when I hear about absent mothers until I hear the whole story...sometimes they are forced into it and have no choice...but I must admit, that is my first thought. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/3/2007 6:16:49 PM | Funny thing,emailed a really nice lady who is a member on this site. Well,after seeing that I am a single father(even though I only get my kids 42% of the time) she emails me back saying she is not interested...I asked,"because of my looks?" no," because of my hobbies?" no...she replies that it was because I had kids,and that HER kids had just left the house and she didn't want to date a man with kids...O.K...I see,if I didn't fight for my kids to share almost half of my unselfish time with them,I could have her...NO THANKS! and for any other women who won't date a guy because he has joint custody of his kids,SHAME ON YOU!
You know I was a single man once,actually for about 39yrs,and I NEVER didn't date a woman because she was a single mom. Now what if that lady that emailed me had lost her former husband while she was a single parent and her kids were still living in the house...OH,O.K...I see...now back to the point of this thread... | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/3/2007 9:09:07 PM | I have no qualms about dating a single dad myself, as I adore kids. I just don't want to end up with another single dad like my ex where I thought he was a good dad based only upon his every other weekend parenting, but when we started having our kids he was like a totally different dad... and not at all what I signed up for. So I am a bit gun shy I'd say with single dads...
But I am also looking for a guy that does want more kids, even if we all end up having a million and two between us ;o)
Emmy
Mama to Five Monkeys | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/4/2007 4:31:27 AM | I am in the same opinion that "some women can be hypocrital when it comes to this, I am a Fulltime single dad to a kid, have been looking after him for 11 years now since his mum died, & I find Single girls don't want to know, & single girls with kids don't want to Know because they don't want anymore children so i'm stuck & can't win either way. yet yo udo hear of girls complaining why doesnt a man take interest in me just because i have kids,
This has to work both ways just like us men who cant have their cake & eat it with cream & cherries so the same should apply to girls
We all want the samething to be a part of a family unit | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/4/2007 8:40:31 AM | | ^^^^^I agree with you but the number of threads and comments from single mother's calling men shallow is unbelievable. Yet many of them will not date single father's. I say you can't have your cake and eat it too. Some want someone to take on their child and raise them as their own child but will not do the same for someone else...go figure!!! | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/4/2007 5:01:25 PM | Thanks johne102,but what is even worse is when they have already raised THEIRS because they got knocked up at an early age instead of waiting until they were stable and settled to have children, then they don't want to date you because YOU waited until you were stable and settled to have kids...now that is about as crazy as it gets! I am not going to feel guilty or apologize for having my kids when I was 39. I am glad I waited and my kids have made me a better person. Who wants to hang out in bars and try to pick up women when they are in their 40 and early 50s?   No thanks,I had my fun in my earlier days,then I grew up and became a MAN... | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/4/2007 5:35:06 PM | | You have a good point here, however its not so common to find a situation very forth coming in many instances. If so be the case it is very rear. You see many times either party might have the fair one will treat the other better than the other but our human nature is only diversify in one way.... simply cannot be at 2 place at the same given time. i am of the opinion all this unfortunate circumstance has to do with the way someone is brought up. Notforgetting human mistakes to be in such situation is very apealing to the manner we make decisions. It is very critical we understand what our desire are, our needs, putting outself in other people situations and have a real point of view in that regards, be honest and upfront. If you not ready do not indulge! | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/5/2007 12:43:05 AM | so many fantastic posts on this and its heart warming that there is a lot of good women who would like to date a single father.
there is also a lot of girls that respect and admire a father.
but the truth is most would think twice about dating a guy bringing up his kids on his own.
as most single parents no we dont get a lot of free time im lucky i get four nights a month to spend as i please.
a single mum if shes lucky might get the same. so makes dating hard its much easier if there is only one of you who has the full time responserblity of kids.
and thank you pixydust its nice to get a pat on the back now and again.
i must admit i find a loving and caring mother a very atractive quility to.
i gravitate toward single mothers because they understand the ins and out the ups and downs of bringing up kids alone. | |
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