| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:46:38 AM | I've dated both men with kids (he had custody of all 5) and a man without. My preference is a man with kids. They understand your struggles better as a single mom.
If they don't have custody of their kids, they damn well better be paying child support and spending time with their kids when they have the opportunity. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 7:50:14 AM | I have dated single dads, before I had my own child.
once such relationship last 5 yrs. ( I wasnt ready for the stress [his career] added to the relationship)
At the time his girls were 2 and 4
They are 18 and 16 this yr
They know if they ever need anything they can call.
One such call came 3 yrs ago. The oldests BF wanted her to commit to a romeo and juliette suidice pact. She didnt want to.... was scared and confused.
After I got off the phone with her, I got on the phone with her father........
together we got her through the mess.
I would love to find a single father again......... someone who would love me, accept my child into his life, as I would love him and accept his child (ren).
Alas it hasnt happened yet, however a girl can hope cant she. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:22:42 AM | Wow... that is great, she is lucky to have had you to call upon when she needed to talk to a woman. I have a son(stepson )from the marriage that gave me my 16 yr old son that lives with me, he went to live with his dad when mine came to live with me 13 yrs ago. He is 20, still calls me dad and we see each other alot. Some of us men aren't flakes who desert their kids and it's nice to know that some women know that.
Again, hats off to you Mommy2 | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:35:29 AM | The point is not all of us run from single fathers.
Good, bad or indifferent........
There are great things that can come out of dating a single parent.
I may have not birthed them...... but they will forever be my little girls.
people tend to get too wrapped up in their own lives and it becomes all about me.
Well guess what you get so much more out of life when you open up and allow others in.
Over the years if I counted all the kids who have called me MOM or look to me as a mother figure....... I guess I have about 30 children. (1 son by birth)
Each child has special qualities and each child knows they are loved...... even years later... | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 9:57:20 AM | I have a friend who is a single dad of 5 kids. He has custody of all of them. He says that women who are single mom's run from him fater than those who do not have kids.
I think 5 kids can be alot for anyone to take on. I just find it interesting he gets more dates with single women with no kids. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 11:06:10 AM | I just re-entered the dating world. Do I have a problem with single dads? Depends on these things:
1: Already divorcing a man with 3 kids that he pays child support for. I have literally had to work my ass off 6 days a week to make up for his paying child support. I guess I don't want to be stuck in this situation again. I shouldn't have to wear myself out to take care of someone financially because of their child support. I already have 2 teens I have raised without child support, so don't need the extra burden. Now if the man works and helps with some of the financial obligations and not just expecting me to support them..that's a whole different story.
2: Also I am spoiled on the fact my kids are 17 and almost 16. They can make something to eat if their hungry, they know how to entertain themselves. One reason I had kids at 24 and 26, didn't want to be a older parent like my folks are. Now if the man has teens , I can work with that..but not wanting to raise a lil child again. I have raised a ex b/f's sister, she is now 24. I have other kids that call me Ma, but the difference is they can go home too. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 3:39:57 PM | Never had it happen until recently. A friend was talking to one his friends about me and asked if we would like to meet.
She said no, I don't date single dads because of the drama with the ex and that they never have any money left over. Never had this response before, but oh well, her loss not mine (oops that's me being arrogant again, dam got to stop that ). | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 4:04:23 PM | Hello, Im a single mom and i have no problem dating a single dad, as a matter of fact i kinda would rather becuase they at least know what it is like to have kids. I think its sexy when a man is raising his child and being responsible, at least I know he isnt going to run from responsiblity when it comes along.
Another thing, I applaude all the single parents, it isnt an easy job. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/26/2007 8:08:15 PM | lyricallady...I will give you the 1% you speak of,np...but "generally speaking" is what we are talking about in this thread. Sprite summed up this thread perfectly,thanks sprite,just as I was about to think I was wrong.
No matter what anyone says,in general,a single dad is the only one that can truly show a "real love" only learned from having children. I mean,I know,I was a single guy til I was 33 years old..sure I would date and even hang out "briefly" with the single moms,but when it came down to settling for good...they weren't my first choice. I mean,why do I want the burden of someone else's kids?...I wanted my own flesh and blood,my own children one day and I wasn't going to settle for second best. My ex for instance has nothing to offer a husband,when at 25 she got fixed. I mean,most men do want their own kids eventually. It just takes the guys longer to figure when that time is. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/27/2007 10:44:55 AM | Iamtheone:\
I am on many threads where single mom's complain no one will date them. I point out thgere are lots of single father's but they say that they and their children should be the centre of attention and they do not want to raise someone else's children. They are entitled to that but the minute a man says that they want to have a child of their own and perfer not to date a single mom they get bashed and called shallow. I have even read response of "Well my kids will become your kids" That is a recipe for loco parentis. Not all single mom's feel this way but most of my friend's that are single mom's do as do many that post on these boards. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/27/2007 7:53:45 PM | | I knew that I wasn't imagining the title of this thread. I had to do a thread about it because 1 out of 2 chance it is true. Believe me,I don't want it to be true. I would love to date a single mom,but the only bites I get are from women who are over 50, and either their kids have already left the house or they never had any to begin with. I am not dog ugly,but yet I am still single,living proof that "single dads" don't get the dates. Disneymom,I am not whining about it,just stating the clear facts. Hope I will be proved wrong. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/29/2007 1:30:35 AM | OMG...let me get you poor guys some ritz crackers to go with your wine and cheese....and a few sour grapes for garnish!
Do we need to review the threads on the single parents site where all the problems and financial dilemas and relationship crisis are totally to blame on all single mothers everywhere?...oh I forgot to mention we are all money hungry opportunists too....
If you have a hypocritical view of a single Mom or even think they are hypocrites before you date them....you have already made you decision....wow...so many women are taking the alpha role these days...and too many men are playing the victim......... | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/29/2007 9:35:17 AM | I will defend you single dad, you were merely asking a question, not making a final decision. There's no need for rash judgments when we really don't know a person. Why can't people just be open and loving? I applaud single daddy's and hold them in high regard, especially if their loving, supportive and playful with their children!  Many single moms, myself included, would love to be with a single dad. It is true though that the blended family thing can be very tricky. There may be two completely different perspectives of parenting and it would require both adults to be mature enough to work out a solution, compromise, and be adaptable. It's just not easy! | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/29/2007 10:11:25 AM | | I don't think there's anything hypocritical in looking for what one believes to be best for one and one's children. As a full-time single dad, I have tried to blend families with a single mom with kids of her own, and found it was a huge culture clash. Not that it HAS to be that way, but there's a risk of that and other difficulties; it's just a very hard thing to pull off, as another wise poster said. So, I am now looking for a woman with no kids of her own. Narrows the dating pool considerably--but it's simply all I am prepared to take on in a relationship, at this point in my life. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/29/2007 11:20:06 AM | | i dont know i would say its hypocritical. its a matter of choice though. when i was raising my kids who i dated didnt have much bearing on if he had kids or not. but now, that my kids are grown, i dont prefer to date men who have minor children. it may come off as selfish, but for me, for now, i dont really want to "parent". i also dont want to wait while he does the "daddy weekend" thing. it might be selfish but so what, im 47,, still have my looks, etc,,and now my life is about my desires and aspiriations. my needs and desires have been on hold while i was raisin my kids. now im making it all about me. but for my younger single mom sisters,, if they choose to date men who dont have kids, im sure their reasons are just as valid. i mean hey, you dont want just anyone around your kids, and that includes the kids of the guy your dating. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/29/2007 6:21:21 PM | | And I don't like women who are selfish-minded and want the world to revolve around ONLY THEM. Let's see,single moms,show me one single guy that is caring,loving,giving that doesn't have kids and I will show you hundreds that have their kids and would give the shirts off their backs for a woman. When will the ladies get it? If you want a guy that will stick around,be affectionate, and not cheat on you,date a SINGLE FATHER. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 5:47:20 AM | ya know, i had a feeling you would take the "this may come off as sounding selfish" comment and remove it from context then run with it. and you did, like wildfire.
i dont expect that until your kids are grown will you really come to appreciate that comment i made. when do you suppose you will get it?
we dont want the shirt off your back, what we want ,, least i do, is a fella who has time available. when you are raising minor kids, time is at a premium.
my kids are grown, i can be selfish now about how i spend my time and who i spend it with. and unless you actually have your kids there every day with you, all day,, custody of, and you are the sole provider for them, you are not a single parent, you are a part-time parent.
when my kids were younger, i dated single dads,,, three of em were cheaters, not just on me but on the women who divorced them too. not all single fathers, or mother for that matter are honorable ppl. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 12:02:13 PM | well let me address this question and this is from my personal experience
when i lived in cahttanooga and had joint custody of my 3 daughters and had them 4 days every week i had the biggest propblem finding someone who would except my kids,i even heard a woman complaing that she couldnt find a man willing to accept her kids and i told her i would and she replied byu saying sorry you have to many responsiblities(talking about my kids)
so after a couple of years of this i did a survey and asked 50 women (ages 21-40),if they met a man with 3 kids would they a)give him a chance or , B)turn and run
survey says:48 said they would turn and run
now ladies if you want someone special trying dating a single father,make 1 of your first dates kinda like a family outing with the kids there cause you can find out more about a man by watching the interaction between father and child
if the father shows his kids affection and they shy away from him then it could be a sign that they arew not used to it or unsure
but if they respond by giving the love and affection back then its a good sign that he is really a loving man and not putting on a front | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 12:47:40 PM | I confess to only having read bits and parts of this forum but I thought I would throw out my opinion. I am a single mother of 4 children. I would glady date someone with children. I have, however, turned down some single fathers. Not because of the fact that they had children, but based upon their relationship with their children. My kids only see their dad 3-4 times a year (his choice). So when I meet a single dad, one of the first things I ask about is how involved he is with his kids. While I realize that not a guarantee, I do think this is a good indicator about what type of a step-dad he will be. If he is not involved in his own kids lives, why would he be involved in mine?
I've also noticed some people talking about ladies running from the number of kids you have. Just wanted to say don't give up. There are those of us out there that consider children a blessing and aren't scared by the numbers.
As for those who say that single moms are just looking for a guy with a high paying job, I take exception to that. I just want a man that knows how to live within his means, whatever those may be. I keep my bills paid. May not have a lot leftover but we don't have to worry about the bill collector either. I don't want to be having to worry about your bills too. Been there, done that. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 3:09:17 PM | You have to be one in a million single dad. I think that if you & your ex are still friends, thats great.You should talk about everything & anything. Its great that your son comes first i know my kids do(i have 6)
any single mom should agree with that. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 8:30:37 PM | p-trish-THEdish,I am really trying to understand your point,but let me clarify a few things first...I am NOT a part-time Dad. Just because I don't have my kids full-time doesn't mean that I spend any less time taking them to eye appts.,dentist appts.,PTA meetings...etc,etc,etc...How can one ever say that they are a part-time parent? You just labeled yourself with those words. I always am available to my kids 24/7. The parenting time is just a legal document,not reality. I have played the games and lived the single life from the time I was 19 til I was 39,why should I look forward to a time when my kids aren't there? Maybe you should take a time out and realize just how special your kids are! So,am I supposed to look forward to the time when I am 60yrs. old when I can hit the bars and do the cha cha...lol. I think the women would run FROM me if I did. Hopefully, girl you can find that one true man that is single and has NO kids just so he can spend every waking hour with you,and not give you a moment of privacy. You know some of us single parents actually enjoy our free time w/o the kids and we don't have to have anyone breathing down our necks. I really believe p-trish,that you need to date a homeless guy...why,you ask?
1.No job,has plenty of free time to spend with you.
2.No bills,doesn't have any credit card debt either.
3. Won't have to worry about him giving the shirt of his back,he already did and now doesn't have one.
4.Will always be by your side,asking you for rides,money,and a place to stay.
There you are,no kids and plenty of attention,good luck! | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 9/30/2007 9:47:46 PM | | interesting opinions here... and the ladies' comments here do illuminate some things that i've noticed since my return to the dating pool (don't dive in the shallow end, y'all). i am a full-time single father with primary custody. my son stays with his mom every other weekend, so i've tried sneaking in a date on the odd free night for the last few months, and it's been somewhat disappointing. i somehow got the idea in my mind that dating other single parents would make the most sense -- not necessarily involving the kids right away, but spending time with another who was sharing the same kind of experience, had the same concerns. though i've developed some pleasant if unimpassioned friendships, i've found that there is an instinctive distancing that takes place with these dates - and it's mutual. i don't want just anyone coming in and out of my son's life, and i'm sure most single moms feel the same way. i want to know that someone's going to be my friend first, to know that they'll not ever have to be a stranger if or once my son learns their name. but then, since family is scarce and babysitting money is tight, i might only be able to see someone a few times a month if we DON'T involve the kids. so i've mostly experienced this-is-great-until-reality-sets-in flirtations. i think with the right person we could bypass all that, but i don't see myself letting just anyone in, and you have to appreciate that single moms want to protect themselves and their children in the same way. as it turns out, there are twice as many moats to vault and the walls to scale are twice as high when both have kids in their kingdoms... | |
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