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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 2:03:58 PM | | Hey my Man....I'm feeling you all the way...I have talked to the same type of Women and have heard the very same words. I mean--we have become well equipped with the Parenting role as much as a Woman has--but they feel that we'll suddenly push the kids on them. I have heard this and many other stupid remarks. One lady wven said--she couldn't take care of another Woman's seed. Shocked I was at first--then I said--considering the source--it wasn't so shocking. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 3:25:03 PM | | i am very hypocritical when it comes to men with kids. i admit it. i am the only parent of a 6 mo old baby girl. i was insainly picky when it came to guys before, now even more so. only the best for her. now here are a few of the crazy things that run through my head. no flaims, just letting you know what goes on up there. 1. single dad? really single dad like i am a single mom, or a man who knocked up someone, and never married her. 2. why are you a single dad? what did you do that made your x leave you and her children? 3. how long will you be a single dad? untill you get married again and make a new family? will your first family be loved more than your new family or vice verca? and what if this dosent work out, are you gonna take my kids from me? 4. where is their mother? will she be calling at all hours? if we make one big brady family here, will she be calling and objecting at every turn at how i treat her kids? 5. how do these kids fit in to my family? if they are little hellions to everyone but their dad, and he thinks they are wonderful, what kind of problems are we going to have? 5. can i make them behave, or will that cross a line? 6. back to the hellions thing, ok he is the best man ever to walk the earth, my star crossed lover come to earth, but his son is 2 steps away from a phyco, how do i let him near my little girl.... do you see how this works, i mean it is only margionaly better for guys without kids or guys who never see their kids. so yes even though im a single mom i do hold it against a guy who has kids. not saying that i would never date a guy with them, just saying that he has to work harder, which then makes me question his loilaty to his kids, if he is spending all this time with me. like i said, my crazy catch-22 mind. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 3:52:14 PM | And so once again,I prove my point,is a single mom,but wonders why I am a single Dad...who said I wanted to be,but I am afraid it is hard to be married to someone when they are living with someone else. 1.I don't have a cell,so ex can't bug me... 2.Why would I want to take someone else's kids from them? 3.You want me to accept your 6mo old in diapers,but you can't take my kids who can potty and dress themselves? 4.Hellions?I am the one who will be listening to crying all night long 5.Don't worry YOU will always be second in my house,sorry...any takers STILL? | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 4:06:19 PM | I am a single dad with sole custody, so the kids live with me all the time. Their mother only gets supervised visitation.
I don't have a problem getting a date, but when she finds out the kids live with me all the time they seem to shy away. Sad thing is they are single moms themselves. I guess they want a guy that is only an "every other weekend dad." What a shame. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:06:35 PM | For me, this is entirely on a case by case basis, at least for the most part. For me, I know I do not want to go back in time in regards to raising or helping to raise, encourage, teach, inspire, young children. My children are older now, with one being an adult already, and the youngest turning 14 today. I appreciate and enjoy the newfound freedom. Of course, I choose to be up front about this too.
I also choose not to have more children nor do I have the means to, since 1998. Older children from a single or divorced parent are fine of course. :)
I wish you the best...and to all of you too! :)
Joy | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:49:12 PM | It seems to me that if a single mom says they do not want to dare a single father she is exercising her choices but if a man says he will not date a single mother he is shallow. I think I have posted that before. I respect ladies who are honest about this. Still the ones that have double standards make me shake my head.
I have noticed on a few threads that the a few (not all but a few) single moms that defend a woman's right too choose not to date a single dad because of the possible drama, not wanting to raise someome else's children or choose not to risk financial liabilty, are the same ones who bash men who will not date single mothers.
Yes women have the right to choose who they date but for some reason to some if they are on the other side of the situation the men are shallow immature etc.
In my own case I have a physical disability, I have a great job and support myself just fine I have had many women tell me they did not dream of falling in love with a guy with a disability. They worry about wht their friends and family will say or think if they date me. I think that is somewhat shallow but I do not bash anyone for their choices.
I have had a few women say they dated a man with a disability in the past and as it ws not a good experience they rule out dating anyone with a disability...that is their choice and really should anyone get bashed for their choices?
In the case of single moms yes many seem to think that others should look past the fact that they have a child because it suits them but do not want a man to have a child. It is like saying they can have fun and do whatever they want but a man can do nothing but jump threw the hoops she sets up to date her.
What makes the woman so special that she can be exempt from her own criteria? Not all think this way but many do. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/13/2007 8:54:15 PM | Hypocritical? No.
If someone asks me whether I have kidlets, I figure it's for a reason, same as if I'd asked her if she had any porch monkeys: we're trying to figure each other out, our points of compatibility, levels of dissonance, etc -- it's not a big deal.
Seriously: if we could take all the single fathers pissing about no dates, and all the single moms whining about the same thing, and toss em into a darkened room, there'd be a frickin orgy, judging from the squishy sounds. | |
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.Lisa
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Joined: 8/25/2007
Msg: 134 | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/14/2007 4:13:52 PM | | Hey man it is funny how many wemon are bothered by a man putting his kids first.I believe in treating a woman as special as i am able to in every way but hey after my divorce .Well i have 4 girls and i have 50% custody.No support and 1 wk. with mom and 1 wk. with dad.Hey and if i'm dating a woman with kids fulltime i never have a problem if they have their kids more.So many wemon get upset if i need to get back to them because i have my kids ya know.Or if i'm slow to introduce them to my girls ya know.They really loved the last woman i was with so i'm slow to bring a woman into that part of it and i think they get offended by that.Kinda unfair i think. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/16/2007 8:02:02 PM | And I always love these questions,"Hey,Do You Have Your Kids This Weekend?" or "Hey When Is It That You Don't Have Your Kids?" or how about,"I Would Ask You To Go To Such and Such A Place With Me,But You Have Your Kids This Week?"...My answer is always going to be,"I Always Have My Kids Even When I Don't Have Them Physically" and "If Your Just Looking For A Piece of A**,Then Look Elsewhere.."  | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/17/2007 4:05:51 PM | I have found that it all depends on the woman. There has been only two ladies since the divorce who didn't have children and above 50% custody.
The biggest question(s) you need to answer and answer now:
1. How do you feel about mothers and their children? Any inclination that you may not be able to handle someone elses children?
2. What is the limit!!!! You have some, she has some. Do you need to lease a bus to get the family around?
Hope that makes everyone think! | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/18/2007 4:37:26 PM | I wouldn't want to put a limit because it could close doors not meant to be closed. I mean I do believe in the divine and if God puts a women with four kids in my path, then He will supply everything I need to take care of them and be the best Dad that I can be. I mean,we aren't on the Dating Game with certain single Moms to choose behind the curtain. I will just have to work with whatever comes my way.  | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 10/18/2007 8:21:45 PM | | that'ts bs a single dad trying to hold down his job and make the lunches for the kids and supper and homework and to top it all off figure out how he;s supposed to pay her allimony when he;s trying to keep his sons and dauhter in hockey to keep them out of troulble in a small town.(4 kids with him)? | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:03:16 AM | | See too many single moms due to the fact they have no man intheir life do not care about the man really just themselves so they do not want other children taking attention away from heir childrn. I know one single mom who says a man with kids just brings more drama and men without kids are easier to date...but say that a woman without kids is easier to dae and boy are you shallow. Personally I think a single parent who will not date another single parent is shallow. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/15/2007 9:39:05 AM | IMHO, I believe it boils down to a person’s preferences most likely based on their age, and current position in life, on both sides of the issue.
At least for me things have changed over the years, as my own circumstances have changed.
Between 20 & 30 yrs of age, I tended to shy away from single mothers, the more kids they had, the faster I ran. Why ?
Primarily, I simply did not want an instant family, I wanted to run and play, and I wanted someone that could run and play with me before “WE” settled down and had “OUR OWN” children.
Not that I never dated single mothers, I did, but I certainly ran into ...shall we say various issues......
My main reasons back then were:
#1 They couldn’t run and play at the drop of a hat like I could. (Hey, I was in my 20’s)
#2 I wanted kids of my own some day, but on more then one occasion I heard “ Sorry I’ve had all the kids I’m going to have.”
#3 Psycho Ex’s, (nobody needs this)
#4 The “You’re not my Daddy” so I don’t have to listen to you BS. (Crude, Rude, socially unacceptable kids that you’re not allowed to discipline)
#5 The replacement syndrome, I.E. you start feeling like your being sized up as a replacement Paycheck/Daddy. This one usually starts out with the following question/questions, “Could you see yourself loving my kids as your own?” or “If we get married would you be willing to adopt my kids ? “ Uhhhh…. not only NO but HELL NO !!!
Now obviously if I had married a single mother I would care for and support the kids, I.E. all the necessities in life, but adopt so that I would be responsible for support for some other mans kids if the marriage ended in divorce, NO WAY !!!
Now I’m not generalizing all women & kids, I just happened to meet all of the above women & kids during my 20’s … sorry was not interested !!!
Between 30 & 40, I was in a committed relationship/married, we ran, we played, we eventually settled down in our mid 30’s and had our own child together. (Just what I wanted)
Since my divorce at 41, till the present some things have changed obviously, but some have not.
I have still met all of the above women & their kids, I guess this one won’t change until I’m in my 60’s. (with fertility drugs maybe not even then.)
The exception here is #1, as she had her kids in her 20’s while I was out running and playing, and her kids are now at an age where she can run and play, where as I can’t as my son is only 9yrs old, so she is ruling me out instead of the other way around. ( a little reverse discrimination perhaps, …naw, not really, just preferences based on where we are in our lives.)
Let’s see, some of the things I’ve heard from women in the last 5 years are:
#1 I’ve raised my kids, and am ready to enjoy my life, but you still have a young child so sorry it just won’t work out. Goodbye!
#2 My kids are in high school and yours is still in elementary, sorry been there done that and don’t want to do it again. Goodbye!
#3 Your son is ADHD, oh sorry but I don’t think I can deal with that. Goodbye!
#4 So you have to pay child support for how many more years ???? sorry, Goodbye !
#5 You have a Son? Do you think he may come live with you when he gets older ? Sorry, I don’t think I can deal with a teen in my 50’s. Goodbye !
#6 Your just too busy with all of your sons activities, you just don’t have the time to spend with me that I’m looking for. Goodbye !
#7 Your son is how old ? that means you have to deal with your Ex for how many more years ? Sorry, Goodbye !
Oh and ya want to see a single mom run, tell em you have no desire to ever marry again as nobody but lawyers and the state profit from the legalities of marriage/divorce.
(I've found the above statement weeds out those looking for replacement paychecks/daddies really fast.)
So based on my experiences I would say the discrimination against single parents goes both ways, If you could even call it discrimination, I prefer to look at it as simply people looking for a partner that fits their current life no matter what the stage.
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/15/2007 2:38:06 PM | I'm a single dad and primary custodial parent. That means i have them all the time, save for every other weeekend, when they're with their mom. I've had the same problem finding quality dates due to me having custody of my kids. So, even though it should be judged on a case-by-case basis, there seems to be a tendency for single moms to avoid single dads. I'm not sure i'd call that hypocritical, but it's certainly not helping their chances of finding a quality man.
MOST men our age (i'm 33) who don't have kids yet, don't want kids (i know i'm making a generalization here, but on average, that seems to be true, too), so they're not going to date single moms. Who else is going to better understand the problems and joys of a single mom than a single dad, anyway? | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/15/2007 6:54:47 PM | I'm in your position brother! I fought for my children, I'm stable, own a house, great job, pretty much the "American Dream". I have plenty of women friends that I believe is partially because of my children, they offer to babysit, come over and hang out with the kids, help with grocery shopping, but NONE want to be with a single father. I have a nanny, I drive the kids to Orlando once a month to see their mother, and yet I'm blacklisted!
If you find the reason for this, please let me know. Everything goes great, until they find out I have a 3 & 4 year old at home.
-Neil | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/15/2007 8:15:07 PM | This may be a little off topic but there is a particularly troublesome legal problem with the blended family that doesnt exist in "non blended" second marriages. I have not heard it addressed in this thread directly but I think it is alluded to in the group's general consensus that the non-biological parent will or may not love and care for the non-biological child like their own. (I believe otherwise, personally.) Initially, I think how callous a step parent must be to treat non-biological children as "lesser", especially if they are quite young. In reality, this could be a subconscious emotional self preservation technique in approaching the relationship with the non biological child with at least some reserve and some distance.
This is sad and I blame the law.
Imagine this: She has a two year old daughter. He has a two year old son. They marry. He loves her daughter like his own sons and raises her daughter with the same genuine love and care he gives his sons. She does likewise.
Some years later this blended family marriage regretfully fails.
The father loses "his" daughter.
The brother loses "his" sister.
The sister loses "her" brother.
The mother loses "her" son.
Forever without any custody/visitation recourse. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/16/2007 7:28:18 PM |
1. single dad? really single dad like i am a single mom, or a man who knocked up someone, and never married her. 2. why are you a single dad? what did you do that made your x leave you and her children? 3. how long will you be a single dad? untill you get married again and make a new family? will your first family be loved more than your new family or vice verca? and what if this dosent work out, are you gonna take my kids from me? 4. where is their mother? will she be calling at all hours? if we make one big brady family here, will she be calling and objecting at every turn at how i treat her kids? 5. how do these kids fit in to my family? if they are little hellions to everyone but their dad, and he thinks they are wonderful, what kind of problems are we going to have? 5. can i make them behave, or will that cross a line? 6. back to the hellions thing, ok he is the best man ever to walk the earth, my star crossed lover come to earth, but his son is 2 steps away from a phyco, how do i let him near my little girl
I think culdron raises some valid concerns, which I would also consider if dating or entering into a relationship with a single father. Not necessarily hypocritical, because I wouldn't rule him out for being single dad. He would get ruled out if I felt as though our situations weren't compatible based on the outcomes of some of those questions raised.
Personally, I know my limits. I have 3 girls and sometimes feel overwhelmed and like I don't have enough me-time. I don't know how many more children I would want to raise in a household. I feel anxiety over the thought of having even more children to raise, discipline, cook for dailyjavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie(''), etc!! But, with a steady, reliable partner perhaps I could grow to love having a big family. Who knows.
But, maybe its not that single moms are being hypocritical, but they just view blending a family might be a bit much to handle. It varies by individuals. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:51:11 PM | hey I'm a single dad (that's a FULL TIME parent to whoever that whinging chick was), I get lots of initial responses, then just get blacklisted. I blame it on the single parent thing, means I don't have to admit to any of my own inherent faults ahahaha.
Seriously though, why the double standard? I've been raising my 12yo daughter for the last 8 yrs, she's an incredibly warm, intelligent creature, and I'm going to take some of the credit for that  , cos that's how I am too ;) | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/17/2007 6:50:19 PM | | "Blacklisted"...interesting term. Everybody at my workplace knows I am a single Dad and they seem to choose the guys in front of me and the guys in back of me,but me? No way! I have been blacklisted as you say,Limeguy...and I am not whining about it at all. I chose this path and I will remain in it. I know that there are some women out there that are still looking for a good father figure and would still love to date a single Dad...sorry,I am trying to be optimistic. | |
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| Are Single Moms Hypocritical When It Comes To Dating Single Dads?
Posted: 11/17/2007 8:26:30 PM | In fairness to some single mother's. I know a few who will not date other single father's for fear of loco parentis laws. That is a legit concern on both sides, but the ones who complain about too much drama and not wanting to be a parent to someone else's child but want a man to accept their child just make me shake my head.
Those who want it both ways are shalow. | |
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