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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/12/2007 7:08:49 AM | Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
9. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
10. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
11. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
12. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
13. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
14. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
Why I switched to Tequila
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/12/2007 4:56:54 PM |
Why I switched to Tequila
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "tequila" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in pints, fifths, quarts, or 40 ouncers, and may be offered in the form of shots, or****ails.
“Tequila" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "tequila" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.
After several "tequilas" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "tequila," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "tequila" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "tequila" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages. | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:00:58 PM | Nope!!! Fatter of mact... I aint going there again...been ther broke down...took all I had to get out...
That town is one I put on my list as NTFVA (never to visit again...without the F)
My GPS dont even go there...it's listed as hell next time Im driving the bus instead of just being a passenger... | |
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ceg33
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Joined: 1/8/2007
Msg: 81 | |
| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/12/2007 6:45:54 PM | My sense of humor will get a kick start and I am sure those beers will now be followed by vodka as I am not a HUGE beer fan! | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/12/2007 7:03:58 PM |
Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "tequila" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.
There is one antidote...the man must drink the entire bottle until he gets to the worm. Place the worm between your upper lip and teeth. Approach predatory woman (if you can still see), with said worm distentending your upper lip and go in for the kiss.
This will cause aforementioned bar-fly to beat a retreat out the nearest exit.
Although you will have worm guts between your teeth, you will have survived another night on the town! | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:11:38 AM | Tequila does not contain a “worm”. You are referring to Mescal.
Tequila and mescal are Mexican aperitifs, distilled from the sap of different species of the agave plant. Tequila is to mescal as Cognac is to brandy. Legally tequila can only be produced around the town by the same name, near Guadalajara -- just as champagne only comes from the Champagne region, near Paris. Oaxaca is famous for mescal, distinctive for having a dead caterpillar at the bottom of each bottle to prove the high alcohol content. | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:54:12 AM |
distinctive for having a dead caterpillar at the bottom of each bottle to prove the high alcohol content.
Is it dead BEFORE or AFTER they put it in? Do they have a caterpillar wrangler who puts them "down" in a humane manner?
These are questions maybe better left to another thread... | |
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Mia828
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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 88 | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 5:56:31 PM |
Where do I see myself in 5 beers? I see myself sitting there wiht 7 more in the case.
AHEM...cough cough...that would be 19 more in the case...Im guessing you better shut her down... | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 6:07:27 PM | | ordering another one and of course a shot of jose, sounds like a night out with the girlfriends! what a great idea...gotta go and call up the girlfriends | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 6:18:55 PM |
AHEM...cough cough...that would be 19 more in the case...Im guessing you better shut her down... I may be a big guy - but if I drank 24 bottles of Keiths I am sure I would be dead...  | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:04:52 PM | Well I hate to break math out on ya Trooper...
Case=24 at least that's what it was at when I bought a case a at time..
So if you drank 5 you would have 19 left...
Now if'n Im wrong...ill eat crow in the morning... | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:23:08 PM | Sweet SS...have one Silver myself...and im sure ifn your at the bar im gonna have to fill up at least (humm 9 miles to the gallon) indefinately...ill be there in a few weeks...hope your still sober
have one set up for me will ya? | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/14/2007 7:45:19 PM | | It's an SS/RS actually! I'll be sure to look for you under the table passed out from Canadian beer.....can you handle it? | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/15/2007 12:16:33 AM | Tonight is an unfair question, I've had t'flu. Recovering'Recovered nicely and/but 1 beer lit me like a christmas tree. On number 4 so I'll get baG to you after the
burp. Where was/am I? The first thing you do is click Start down in the lower left corner. Scroll up to.. huh? scroll? No magic there no. Or is there? Ask the penguin, he knows. | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 2/16/2007 5:12:38 PM |
Hmm - maybe I dont know the correct terminology for a box of 12 bottles...
Trooper that would be a 12 pack or a 12'ver...found 18 packs are cheaper though... | |
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| Where do you see yourself in 5 beers?
Posted: 3/31/2007 4:30:34 PM | Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned. | |
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