| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 9/9/2006 12:57:34 AM | | the one year anniversary of my best friends passing was June 29th...We were best friends for 21 years. I don't think it gets any easier - I still miss her dearly and I don't think that will ever change. Very hard on me, as she didn't want a funeral or a burial (they scattered her ashes) - so I've nowhere to go... very hard thing to deal with. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 9/9/2006 2:10:33 AM | | also, to add to my last post, the last conversation before she passed, I was angry with her, because she was blowing me off at a time when I really needed her...never got a chance to "make up"....and I wasn't there when she passed (it was unexpected)...The overwhelming guilt still gets to me, because I've always been there for her...The lack of closure - because I didn't have it - I'm finding it really hard to get over. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 9/11/2006 10:33:24 PM | Don't know if I ever properly thanked ratero-man (sorry for any misspellings) for starting this thread.
I think it's possible it honestly helped save my life.
What no one knows is that my life has totally fallen apart once again. And I've purchased three boxes of OTC sleeping pills in the last week. Plus, abused a med my doctor was trying on me.
In this thread, I was able to admit to the Ativan use. Although I had told one friend about it, I've never had the courage to tell anyone else about it. And it's obviously been ripping me apart.
Only it's not that that was ripping me apart. Just yesterday I started having, uhm, bad thoughts again. I was out of the pills the doctor gave me, so I purchased OTC sleeping ones. Then I was checking my MSN list after taking one. (Just so you know, they mess with your brain and allow you to become more depressed.) I thought a friend of mine had deleted me. I wasn't thinking about how I have MSN Live and can change the name so it wouldn't come up as their email address, but rather the name I gave them.
So I ended up taking two more and had more bad thoughts.
And then made a phone call...to our local detox center.
Mind you, they did a sort of intake. The person assessed that since I was having bad thoughts so I would have to be evaluated by the uhm, bad thought department first. Well, that was a joke. Because even though you don't even have to see a doctor, they still make you wait to see one. Took 5 1/2 hours to see a doctor and then the doctor asked if I could come back in the morning because the bad thought people couldn't see me then. I left because at this point I was getting cranky and was out of book and smokes. And I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow anyway so it can't hurt to have a doctor's referral. I also have some papers to get filled out for work.
But please, don't ask me why I had to sit in the waiting room for 5 1/2 hours for a doctor when I wasn't even there to see one. Oh, yes...she had to check my "vitals." I see. But, let's not go there. She is just lucky that I finished my book yesterday and needed a new book.
And I guess I can look at the bright side. There was an officer in the waiting room. And there was an out of order bathroom. I didn't ask to be handcuffed though. I'm surprised, considering how nervous I was. It isn't easy to speak with your mouth for the first time. Oh, and if you're wondering, I wouldn't have asked to be handcuffed for any other reason than for some wild sex with him. I don't know if it's the gun, the handcuffs, or the uniform. But *growls*. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:01:43 PM | Don't know if I ever properly thanked ratero-man (sorry for any misspellings) for starting this thread.
I think it's possible it honestly helped save my life.
What no one knows is that my life has totally fallen apart once again. And I've purchased three boxes of OTC sleeping pills in the last week. Plus, abused a med my doctor was trying on me.
In this thread, I was able to admit to the Ativan use. Although I had told one friend about it, I've never had the courage to tell anyone else about it. And it's obviously been ripping me apart.
Only it's not that that was ripping me apart. Just yesterday I started having, uhm, bad thoughts again. I was out of the pills the doctor gave me, so I purchased OTC sleeping ones. Then I was checking my MSN list after taking one. (Just so you know, they mess with your brain and allow you to become more depressed.) I thought a friend of mine had deleted me. I wasn't thinking about how I have MSN Live and can change the name so it wouldn't come up as their email address, but rather the name I gave them.
So I ended up taking two more and had more bad thoughts.
And then made a phone call...to our local detox center.
Mind you, they did a sort of intake. The person assessed that since I was having bad thoughts so I would have to be evaluated by the uhm, bad thought department first. Well, that was a joke. Because even though you don't even have to see a doctor, they still make you wait to see one. Took 5 1/2 hours to see a doctor and then the doctor asked if I could come back in the morning because the bad thought people couldn't see me then. I left because at this point I was getting cranky and was out of book and smokes. And I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow anyway so it can't hurt to have a doctor's referral. I also have some papers to get filled out for work.
But please, don't ask me why I had to sit in the waiting room for 5 1/2 hours for a doctor when I wasn't even there to see one. Oh, yes...she had to check my "vitals." I see. But, let's not go there. She is just lucky that I finished my book yesterday and needed a new book.
And I guess I can look at the bright side. There was an officer in the waiting room. And there was an out of order bathroom. I didn't ask to be handcuffed though. I'm surprised, considering how nervous I was. It isn't easy to speak with your mouth for the first time. Oh, and if you're wondering, I wouldn't have asked to be handcuffed for any other reason than for some wild sex with him. I don't know if it's the gun, the handcuffs, or the uniform. But *growls*.
I appreciate that and I really felt it is good to just let whats in your heart go and help others in the process and I hope things get better for you and for anyone else that is struggling. Keep up the way to happiness!! | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 9/30/2006 6:19:34 PM | whenever a birthday, anniversary of a wedding or death nears us, we all tend to get lonely and depressed. i myself think of all of the goodtimes that we had, sometimes i laugh at the badtimes. i also find myself talking briefly to myself out loud letting to know whomever it may be that i still think of them, i love them, and miss them then i say happy birthday or anniversary and i'll see ya when i get there, save a spot.
just a few weeks ago i sent an email to a friend of mine from pof and i called him nick (a very dear friend). well, it was nick's birthday and he's been gone for a few years now. needless to say my friend got mad at me (until i explained who nick was) and nick also knew that he was not forgotten. now tomorrow (10/1/06) would be 2 years since my 1st ex husband passed away. i still love him, he knows it but all i can do is say a prayer for him.
i'm not a church going woman but i still remember something my godmother always told me..."god and your lost loved ones are just a prayer away". i still believe in that and it works. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:10:30 PM | I brought this back up because it has been on my mind a lot in the past week and a bit. I never thought I'd be widowed so young and while I could tell myself I was okay, and moving on with life, as the date approaches, I find I'm getting more emotional. When I try to think of the happy times, it makes me sad to realize that I will never have those again. I do know life goes on, and I did meet someone else who unfortunately isn't well, so there is that on top of this.
I've discovered asking friends for help is alright at times but even they can't always be there when I need them. I honestly don't know how to deal with the actual day when it arrives. Do I ask a friend to spend it with me? Do I go home to the place I've avoided for a year (different city)? Or do I spend it alone, thinking about the past and knowing for all the pain I may be in, he's in a better place? | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/11/2007 11:35:55 PM | | I lost my father feb 99 from a very rare disease i was pregnant at the time it was very stressful then i lost my mother jan 2000 of cancer that was even harder because i didnt believe she would die then just recently jan 5 07 i lost a very dear friend but i managed to get through it all i believe because of my daughter i live for her and i know that none of these people i have lost would want me to be drowned in sorrow but to live on and take care of my daughter the best i can my parent's taught me that death is not nessasary a bad thing they were very religous people we were taught that to try and be happy for them because now they are in a better place they feel nothing but love never sorrow or hate | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/14/2007 12:31:41 PM | I lost my husband two years ago. Special occasions are difficult times. He is buried about half an hour from where I live. I put on some good music and enjoy the drive to the cemetary. I stop at Tim's and get a double,double for him and I. When I get to his grave, I sit on the grass and pour half the coffee on the grave and drink the rest. Then sit and have a chat with him. I tell him all what is going on in my life.
Sounds crazy to some but, it helps me and makes me feel good.
I tell him I love him, have a little cry, then head home.
You do, whatever comforts you! | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/15/2007 7:51:49 PM | ^^ true.. I'm thinking I will have to do this, and make that drive. I've avoided it because its so hard and I didn't want to go alone but perhaps it would be best. I'm not too sure if they'd appreciate me pouring a good scotch on his grave but he might understand it if I did the coffee idea.
Thank you for the help in these posts. It does help alot. | |
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Keljo
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Joined: 12/28/2005
Msg: 86 | |
| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/15/2007 8:08:54 PM | I think of my friend Lizz every day. We have been friends since 1981! the anniversary of her death is especially painful since she died on September 11th, 2001 in the terrorists attacks. She was on Flight 93 and the crash site is only 45 minutes from my home. It's an anniversary I can never escape. It's in the papers, its on the news, its in my heart and my soul.
Going to the memorial is especially hard. As I get closer to the temorary memorial I get a lump in my chest and my throat and feel as if I am just going to suffocate. It feels like someone kicked me in the chest. I usually feel a little better once I actually get there and stand at the top of the hill and feel the cool breeze. I like to think of the breeze as her way of 'hugging' me and letting me know she is there.
Every time I go to my mom's house, I have fond memories of the times we spent in that yard, in the woods behind the house as young girls. I have every card and note she ever wrote to me in a box along with some pictures of us together as children. I keep that box in my bedroom and when I am missing her, or need someone to really talk with, I find myself looking at the pictures and rereading her letters. It makes me feel closer to her.
The death of any loved one is always hard. I don't know of any way to make it easier for anyone, regardless who they lost or how they lost them. All we can do is be there for one another to comfort in our individual time of need. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:25:06 AM | | Dear Ratero, greift is a natural thing after and death occur.. it is most certainly an process.. the time needed for each of us to work thru it is different for everyone.. my thoughts are that regardless of the time needed .. or the way you do it . that you experenience it at every level .. that you do every thing that you need to do to go forth ..realize that your greift is a personal thing .. thuo you may have many in your family that share your lose .. what you feel is yours .. and at times it is like no other .. it totally belong to you .. enbrace it .. For myself when i have lost someone i loved in a physcal manner .. i had to learn and accept that they are not lost to me only that they are not here with me in a physcial sense any longer .. once i grasp that and understood it i was able to recall .. remember shared times.. places .. and the love we had with out saddiness .. but this took some time for me to reach that point.. what was more important was for me... you not to allow anyone to tell you when ..how you should handle or how to go thru this .. it is your journey .. because all that you felt for the person was unique to you .. you own it .. so you deal with it .. wishing you the best at the process. and Happy New Year!..with warm regards..E | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/16/2007 4:45:40 AM | | In just over a one-year span I lost both my maternal grandparents and my dad, (July 4th, 2005, grandmother died)............2 weeks later my grandfather (her husband of 57 years) was diagnosed with lung cancer. Thanksgiving, 2005 I learn my dad has pancreatic cancer. My grandfather succumbed to it (his cancer) in May of 2006, exactly one month the the DAY before my 37th birthday. In July, 2006 my dad dies of his cancer and we bury him exactly on one month to the DAY after my 37th birthday.....so yeah, I definitely know, it can suck! All I can say is that somehow one has to find a way to deal with it. Life throws a lot of hard curve balls our way.............I have learned to deal with it, and deal (and have dealt) with it pretty much alone throughout. Count yourself lucky if you had a significant other or really good friends/close family to help you cope. Not all of us are so blessed. I guess what I am trying to say is that what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:04:23 PM | I have found it much more fitting to celebrate the life of a lost loved one than to mourn. My father died 12 years ago. He was a very handy guy, worked with tools, carpentry, automotive and cooking. Every year I buy a new tool on Father's Day in his honor. I just built a HUGE drafting desk. I know he would have been proud.
My Grandmother died 18 years ago. She had the most amazing garden filled with veggies, fruit, flowers and herbs. I volunteer in her honor at a local community garden.
I think it's more important to get past the death and celebrate the life of someone special. If s/he was a gourmet chef... take a class at your local culinary school. The person loved to read... volunteer to help a child read (check your local library or SMART program).
Yes, you are going to have times of sadness. It's okay. Cry, be sad. Then you stand up and do something that your special person would do. Remember the person and smile.
Best wishes,
Gretchen | |
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jo~
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Joined: 1/2/2007
Msg: 92 | |
| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/16/2007 12:10:24 PM | | Broke my heart reading this posting..........Wanted to respond and say MY HEART goes out to ALL who are suffering the loss of a loved one......... ........I have been very lucky and have not suffered as some have here........Just wanted to give some big hugs to YOU ALL!!!!!........If I could I would do it in person........God Bless and Take Care!!!!!! | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/17/2007 11:18:21 AM | | those days for me were 12-23-75 and 1-11-82 ....when my sons died....I generally get through the days planning on the holiday stuff or working on crafts suitable for the next holiday BUT this year I had a real hard time with it...and it was many years ago...not sure why it hit me so hard this year....one was 9 days before my birthday the other 9 days after....this year I turned the spped limit...(55)....not sure my getting older has much to do with it...any opinions????....Plus no shoulder to cry on doesn't help either..LOL.. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/18/2007 5:43:44 AM | | Actually it's never easy , when my parent's anniversarie's come up , I visit the cemetary , place flower's and stay there for about an hour { I still miss them } : I think of all the fun and good time's we all had together , going on trip's , going crabbing with my Dad , going to yard sale's with my Mom , the list goes on and on : But most of all , I treasure my child hood { and even into adult hood } : Especially when my Dad was teaching me how to drive when I was 17 ~ LOL : And lastly , I know that there both in good hand's and in a much better place now : | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:17:00 AM | We lost are mom January 26, 2002 ,Not a day goes by that i don't think of her and
the fun time we had . she might be gone but not forgotten in my heart ..
~Crossing the Bar~
Sunset and the evening star,
And one clear call from me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar
When i put out to sea
But such a tide as movingseems asleep,
Too full for sound or foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell
When I embark.
For though from out your bourne of time and place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar... | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 1/18/2007 6:44:47 PM | It hurts, but as the years pass by it's gotten atad easier...baby steps :)
This is something by a gent named David Harkins that helps me out when I think of her...especially since her birthday is coming up next week.
You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on. | |
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| Approaching an anniversary or remembering day that someone close to you passed away....
Posted: 2/8/2007 9:45:35 PM | Having lost my father while he vacationed with Mom, was difficult. I pray everyday that my Mom can find the strength to carry on after 50 years of being together with him.
I like to be able to celebrate Dad's life and remember his infectious smile rather then mourn his loss.
After his death, I went down to his workshop and found a small trinket that he had made from shells and coral from his last vacation. On the bottom of it was inscribe 'To Angela love Dad' (my sister). To keep his spirit alive at Christmas, I wrapped it up and gave it to my sister with love.
God bless all of you who have lost a loved one. Keep smiling for them. | |
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