nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 126 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 9:08:29 AM | oh, and waspleg...
"Heh. what's wrong with "big words"? specificity is important in communcation."
That's exactly what I mean. I'm pretty much taking pop shots at all of the "faakin" and other 2nd grade types of words. Come on, we're adults.
"getting sexier by the minute nikki" Yeah, I didn't read that whole thing and I'm now seeing that it makes me seem a bit slutty!! The reason why I've never had sex within the parameters of a relationship is that I never make it to that point! I can't stand the guy I'm dating long enough to sustain the relationship title to the sex. This really isn't sounding much better so I'm going to stop :)
"i'd have to disagree wtih the character part unless you mean the character they created and showed to the world in the hopes of getting a response (aka bait, this is a pond right?) all you can see is a few paragraphs of someone whose unique personality and world view has developed over the course of at least 2 decades and possibly longer; i don't think its fair to say that these profiles even constitute a snapshot (unless you happen to be Sliv with an autobiographical study for a profile) of who people really are."
The thing is, a lot of people on here, whether or not they should, make snap judgements about people based on the info they put in their profiles. Look at just this thread even! There have been some pretty nasty comments made based on prof. information and we don't know each other at all! I agree with you in that they don't provide much info. However, they're used to try to "bait" people into talking to you. So if you don't put the right info on there, then you don't get the responses. It's a really quick decision, and not based on anything other than whether or not I find your profile interesting.
"how does this square with the women-love-being-treated-like-shit theorem?"
It doesn't square with the theorum at all. That's what I'm saying!! Women DON'T love being treated like shit. Women love compliments and being told the right things at the right times and yes, there are a lot of jerks out there that know how to do that so you may see her with someone that treats her bad in the beginning but if she has ANY self-worth at all, she won't stay there. | |
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Posted: 3/31/2005 9:46:36 AM | the women-love-being-treated-like-shit theorem
Here is my view on the above theory.
Women, like men, always want what they don't/can't have. When a woman is with a sweet caring guy that adores them, they require some "machisimo" in their relationship. When a woman is in an abusive relationship, they strive to find that sweet, caring guy. This is human nature and we are all guilty of it in some aspects. I know when I was married, I was very happy and loved my wife, but at the same time I wanted something different. Knowing that it was only human nature, I never went after anything else, but I wanted to at many times. I have even spoken to exes whom I've remained friends with and they say that I am not controlling enough. That sometimes a woman wants to be controlled. In my work I am able to control people all day long, but at home, with someone I care about, I can not or will not control no matter what. It's a sign of respect and love. But when these actions aren't present, then it becomes a character flaw. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a pushover in my love life. I make decisions, but am able to back up my decisions with reason. So, in conclusion, what we all need to do is figure out what will make each one of us happy in the long run. For me it is someone that is willing to care for me as much or more as I care for them. For others, they require more attention and in fact crave it. And for others, they require independance. The bottom line is don't change who you are, but seek someone that meets your relationship needs.
I realize that this post is rambling a bit, but you get the point.
Ciao for now,
Joel | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 10:13:47 PM | This is going to be fun.
That's exactly what I mean. I'm pretty much taking pop shots at all of the "faakin" and other 2nd grade types of words. Come on, we're adults.
Some of us 
"getting sexier by the minute nikki" Yeah, I didn't read that whole thing and I'm now seeing that it makes me seem a bit slutty!! The reason why I've never had sex within the parameters of a relationship is that I never make it to that point! I can't stand the guy I'm dating long enough to sustain the relationship title to the sex. This really isn't sounding much better so I'm going to stop :)
this is going to bite you in the ass in a minute, watch me weave.
The thing is, a lot of people on here, whether or not they should, make snap judgements about people based on the info they put in their profiles. Look at just this thread even! There have been some pretty nasty comments made based on prof. information and we don't know each other at all!
people make snap judgements based on everything from clothes to religions to hair colors, the process is elimination.
I agree with you in that they don't provide much info. However, they're used to try to "bait" people into talking to you. So if you don't put the right info on there, then you don't get the responses. It's a really quick decision, and not based on anything other than whether or not I find your profile interesting.
true, although I personally will even write people with shitty profiles just to let them know, usually with syrupy sarcasm.
And now we come to the meat, are you ready?
It doesn't square with the theorum at all. That's what I'm saying!! Women DON'T love being treated like shit. Women love compliments and being told the right things at the right times and yes, there are a lot of jerks out there that know how to do that so you may see her with someone that treats her bad in the beginning but if she has ANY self-worth at all, she won't stay there.
DIRECT SELF CONTRADICTION, you have already stated the guys you **** don't give you what you want (aka treat you right) HOWEVER YOU STILL **** THEM, and end the "relationship" so they ***hole gets the ass; point set match 
waspleg
on the ferris wheel of fate | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 10:32:31 PM |
Women, like men, always want what they don't/can't have. When a woman is with a sweet caring guy that adores them, they require some "machisimo" in their relationship.
the (gr)ass is always greener corollary? i suggest you ask a beat cop about how an abused woman feels about her man he gets called out to deal with weekly. how about a direct quote from a co-worker whose niece was in an abusive relationship, "if he didn't beat me at least 2x a month I wouldn't think he loved me."
his is human nature and we are all guilty of it in some aspects. I know when I was married, I was very happy and loved my wife, but at the same time I wanted something different. Knowing that it was only human nature, I never went after anything else, but I wanted to at many times. I have even spoken to exes whom I've remained friends with and they say that I am not controlling enough.
marriage is a scam, it asks you make impossible promises (ie how you will feel about someone for the next oh 40 years). i don't talk to my exes, no comment on that.
So, in conclusion, what we all need to do is figure out what will make each one of us happy in the long run. For me it is someone that is willing to care for me as much or more as I care for them.
sounds like a business deal to me, quote i like "love holds dear, fear holds close". afraid of being taken advantage of?
...but seek someone that meets your relationship needs.
i don't think if you go into a relationship with needs from it you will be happy, i also don't think most people know why they get into relationships and have only vague notions of what they really want.
my next one will be planned not "fallen" into, that much i can say for myself.
waspleg | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 10:58:24 PM | | Instead of being a nocturnal introvert, and disect everyones posts, why don't you come up with some ideas of your own. It's much easier to judge someones opinions than to have one of your own. | |
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Posted: 3/31/2005 11:23:24 PM | | Not at all. I just believe in a society that doesn't judge. If the world was like that, then we would all be better off. And I find your statements to be judgemental. It's one thing to find a contradiction, but it's another thing to say that someones opinion is wrong. It's called an opinion for a reason. | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 133 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 11:25:06 PM | :) Nice try. Totally didn't bite me on the as$. Why, you may ask?
Because the men that I've had sex with are not as$holes. Well, I shouldn't say NONE of them are because I'm sure they have their moments. However, they are some fantastic guys. There are just reasons why things wouldn't work, other than them being as$holes such as extremely different views on life: religion, politics, want or lackthereof of children, distance, lots of things. We're just different people, but were both looking for sex! It all worked out in the end, and I still won't go with your "women only want as$holes theory :) | |
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Posted: 3/31/2005 11:29:22 PM | WASP- why is it that every time you make a post its always like five sections of various quoted paragraphs with commentary after each? One topic at a time perhaps? Or you're being economical/ efficient? Too long and boring.  | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 11:46:06 PM |
WASP- why is it that every time you make a post its always like five sections of various quoted paragraphs with commentary after each? One topic at a time perhaps? Or you're being economical/ efficient? Too long and boring.
some people have more than 30 second attention span, and i like there to be no mistake about what i'm referencing in my posts because i often use words that create double meanings and require thought to understand.
waspleg | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 3/31/2005 11:50:37 PM |
Not at all. I just believe in a society that doesn't judge.
then you're not living in mine (the USA)
If the world was like that, then we would all be better off.
so you admit you live in a world of your own imagination, okay.
And I find your statements to be judgemental.
i re-read my last two posts and can't find anything objectionary, maybe you'd like to point it out for me.
It's one thing to find a contradiction, but it's another thing to say that someones opinion is wrong. It's called an opinion for a reason.
isn't saying someone else's opinion is wrong my opinion? and arne't you saying my opinion of their opinion is then wrong? pot kettle black?
i think i struck a nerve.
waspleg
sunrise antecedent | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/1/2005 12:23:50 AM | No nerve stricken here. Just disappointed of what this forum is turning into.
To answer your rebuttals though, I will say this. I am not an American and proud of it. I am Canadian and believe that Canada can be alot less judgemental than the USA and other countries. Are we perfect, hell no. So I do realize that my idea of a non-judgemental world is an imagination, but I don't live in it. I live in the real world and try to respect people regardless of who they are. This is all one person can do. And maybe I used the wrong word 'judgemental'. The main thing that I found upsetting was you called marriage a scam. Marriage is not a scam. Marriage is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Although I am seperated from my wife, I still believe this. To promise someones love for 40+ years is definately not a scam. The scam is when people lie to their significant other when they say they will love them. This is a blame the person, not the institution, situation.
I didn't write to your attention to pick an argument or anything. I was mearly trying to get you to write your own ideas on the topics being discussed. In the beginning of this forum you did that and I enjoyed most of your comments. Much like Eborys, your comments have gone downhill and I would like to get this forum back on subject.
G'nite | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/1/2005 1:00:55 AM |
:) Nice try. Totally didn't bite me on the as$. Why, you may ask?
actually i was hoping you'd submit to my ass biting so i didn't stop to ask why ;)
Because the men that I've had sex with are not as$holes. Well, I shouldn't say NONE of them are because I'm sure they have their moments.
everyone does, some more often and longer than others
However, they are some fantastic guys. There are just reasons why things wouldn't work, other than them being as$holes such as extremely different views on life: religion, politics, want or lackthereof of children, distance, lots of things
hmm.. interesting
got distracted (2 hours on IM) dunno where i was going now..
waspleg | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 139 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/1/2005 11:34:03 AM | I'm with Joel here. I'm getting really disappointed in this forum and how petty it seems to have become. Although I guess I should have guessed. It just makes me a bit sad really because it makes it seem like human nature becomes to cut one another down whenever you can't win an argument. Let it go and take the forum for what it was, a request for some optimism!
And wasp, just because you want to believe in something doesn't necessarily make it a possibility. Joel didn't say he was living in that society, he said he wanted to believe in it. trying to make something better is a noble thing to do, believing in a better society can only help you take steps towards it. And of course you don't find objectionary statments, goof! You're the one who wrote it! But I think that whole opinion thing is a judgemental statement in and of itself. I think it's fine to tell someone you don't agree with their opinion, but to say it's wrong is unfair and...oh...judgemental. Just because we choose to live our lives differently doesn't mean that one is necessarily wrong and the other right. It's just different.
Anyway, that said, I hope everyone is having a good day!  | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 140 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/1/2005 11:35:28 AM | | And by the way, did my thought (opinion) on the whole as$hole thing make sense? I'm surprised you didn't come back at it. I'm just making sure I was clear. | |
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Posted: 4/1/2005 1:38:56 PM | Its my fault the forum went downhill. I ruined it with my moronic behaviour just like Joel said...
Well lets try and believe that hope springs eternal rather than pessimisim and try to get it back on track... | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 142 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/1/2005 1:57:35 PM | I don't think it's your fault! We all contributed to it!
I really hope you're not being sarcastic when you're going with the hope part. I honestly wish that for everyone!!! Yeah, this is a tough game to play and it's really easy to let it get the best of us but really, what does that accomplish? You win some, you lose some, but it'll happen!! Find your own silver lining in everything and move on. | |
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Posted: 4/1/2005 2:17:08 PM | Wow, Nikki. You've had this thread going for a while. Quite interesting. I'm new to the "forum" world. I'm amazed at some of the insight you've extracted and also by some of the bitterness. BTW - I am also a really cute, nearly plus-sized woman. Had a real nice response-volley for a while with a great sounding guy. He's still would be a great friend, however, I kind of shied away from any further communication because some of his mails were a little possessive. If I didn't mail for a day I'd get something that said "Are you ignoring me?" or "Have you forgotten me already?" We'd only communicated for about a week or so (had lots of fun and funny moments) and I'm taking it slow on the whole "can-we-meet" step. Know what I mean?
Anyway, my point is. No response or limited response doesn't mean your profile hasn't generated interest. Sometimes it's just a matter of timing and decision. It's always worth getting to know someone, but the idea of POF is having the tools to choose whom you want to get to know. It may not be about looks, it may be about the temperature of your profile. Modifying a profile to fit what you (proverbial/general) think others expect isn't going to help you find that perfect someone.
Unfortunately, we're a cosmetic society. Books do tend to be judged by their cover. I like mine comfortably worn, easy to read with surprises beginning, middle and end.
Damn I talk alot. | |
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Posted: 4/3/2005 12:57:31 AM |
And by the way, did my thought (opinion) on the whole as$hole thing make sense? I'm surprised you didn't come back at it. I'm just making sure I was clear.
i have to admit i've been ignoring my duties sniping the forums, let me re-read that in a minute, i have to pretend to work right now
waspleg
read my profession
jack of all trades, master of one | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 145 | |
| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/3/2005 7:58:23 PM | Let me know! :)
(and isn't it a shame) | |
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Posted: 4/4/2005 4:11:43 AM |
There are just reasons why things wouldn't work, other than them being as$holes such as extremely different views on life: religion, politics, want or lackthereof of children, distance, lots of things
this would get back in to opinions again, for me i'd be willing to work around most anything if i were in love with that person; i wouldn't even notice most of the criteria you mentioned or would be willing to change them to fit them if it were that big a deal. i also don't **** people casually most of the time and if i do there is no relationship involved at all so long term factros play no role. what constitutes being an ***hole is based solely on one's own judgement, usually based on experience and societal norms.
waspleg
crimes against boredom | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/4/2005 4:23:40 AM |
Sometimes it's just a matter of timing and decision. It's always worth getting to know someone, but the idea of POF is having the tools to choose whom you want to get to know. It may not be about looks, it may be about the temperature of your profile.
okay, i have to know, what temperature is my profile?
Unfortunately, we're a cosmetic society. Books do tend to be judged by their cover. I like mine comfortably worn, easy to read with surprises beginning, middle and end.
i like you already
waspleg
the spice of life | |
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Posted: 4/4/2005 5:20:16 AM | Wasp:
Lukewarm, quick to boil. Some like it hot. You're a tester and teaser. I honestly don't think you mean any harm. You like to test the waters with your wit and intelligence. I read your correspondence with Nikki (and the rest) and I saw it more as challenge than sarcasm. You like to "talk" and the best way to engage in conversation is to broach a subject that interests the other party. Usually that interest being themselves, human nature. I like you too. Though I think you'd require a time-out now and then for insolence :) | |
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nikkiw
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Joined: 2/23/2005
Msg: 149 | |
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| Pessimism Reigns
Posted: 4/5/2005 1:29:49 PM | | Should I have included a spanking with that punishment? | |
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