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 Bobis35
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 126
what do you mean when you say no chemistryPage 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
what do you mean when you say no chemistry?

I would never say that to someone, and also I don't like that word being used when it comes to finding a match, or describing a match. Chemistry is a course you take in high school and in college.
 sanyoman112
Joined: 3/21/2010
Msg: 127
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 6:05:44 AM

I would never say that to someone, and also I don't like that word being used when it comes to finding a match, or describing a match. Chemistry is a course you take in high school and in college.


When it comes to online dating, it means they saw your picture and were not physically attracted, so "Chemistry" when it comes to online dating is a misnomer.

But REAL Chemistry comes to when people meet face-to-face, that's where it happens.

To saw there's no "chemistry" when you haven't even met the person, is not the right word.
 Bobis35
Joined: 6/4/2010
Msg: 128
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 6:16:05 AM
^^^^So basically this is the same thing as calling someone ugly or unattractive.^^^ That is why I would never say we no chemistry to someone. I find it to be rude. Cheers.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 129
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 8:01:20 AM
Going to a web site that's full of people with failed relationships is the worst place to ask about chemistry. Everyone here at some point had that special chemistry that made them think they found their perfect partner for life. Then at some point, reality kicked in and realized that the chemistry was a delusional, childish state of mind. But some people don't learn from past mistakes or refuse to grow up and a lot of the women are still looking for their mystical knight in shining armor to sweep them off their feet and take them to the fairy tale land of total perfection and men are looking for the perfect wife who doesn't get fat and is always sexy looking.

So personality, compatibility, common interests and goals in life are tossed aside if there isn't instant chemistry within the first millisecond of meeting someone. Then these people looking for perfection start whining "How come there aren't any good men/women out there?"
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 130
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 8:16:59 AM
The problem with the word 'chemistry' is that it means something different to everyone. If you read all of this thread as well as others on the topic, you'll find people that insist:
1. Chemistry is all about physical attraction
2. Chemistry is about looks
3. Chemistry is the 'spark' when you get along well
4. Chemistry is the combination of compatibilities (emotional, spiritual, intellectual) plus physical attraction
5. etc.

So each person who says there's 'chemistry' or not will be meaning something different.

True compatibility will spark attraction eventually if not initially. Msg 79 had it exactly right:


Chemistry involves a deep desire to want to be with someone physically because they stimulate you in every way possible.

And one final thought: interviews with people who stayed married long-term showed that both spouses truly believed their spouse was a good person. You can't figure out if you're truly compatible and if somebody's truly a good person on one date!

If someone passes on you after one date, either something you've said or done has indicated to them that there's some fundamental incompatibility (for instance, if someone makes a bigoted comment, that's an instant deal-breaker for me), or else they're dumb enough to believe that 'chemistry' can be detected instantly or not at all. In either case, you don't need them in your life!
 MisterDynomite
Joined: 5/8/2010
Msg: 131
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 8:37:47 AM

^^^^So basically this is the same thing as calling someone ugly or unattractive.^^^.^^^ That is why I would never say we no chemistry to someone. I find it to be rude. Cheers.



Jeez.. can you run to the 1 dimensional extreme any further?


No chemistry :

Not my type (doesn't mean they are not attractive.. it can mean she is cute in a ''little sister'' way or he is seen more of a ''brother''.. but who wants to date someone that reminds them of their sister or brother? )

Not able to blend together (one being social, the other being anti-social.. or one being an extremist and the other not being one.. one being depressing as hell and the other not so depressing.. or even more depressing lol )

Different life passions (one likes to travel, the other likes to stay home and watch tv or go to the same club every weekend)

Different sense of humor (one having a sense of humor and the other having none)

Clashing personalities (one being cheery and bubbly, the other being bitter or having no pacience for people)


Chemistry is more than just "looks"



 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 132
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 10:58:42 AM

We don't like the way you smell, or look, or talk to us, or talk about your former loves, or family,,,, basically we don't like the way you make us feel. Something is just off, and we can't always put our finger on it, so we call it chemistry.


While I never use the term 'no chemistry', the quote above comes the closest to mirroring my concept about what the term 'chemistry' means. I'm usually able to put my finger on the reason(s) why I don't think someone is compatible with me. It's often something about their personality that I pick up on---such as giving off a vibe that they might be controlling.
 4rumOnly
Joined: 5/27/2010
Msg: 133
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/9/2010 11:54:51 AM

ok, so I have been on here for a few months now and I have met some really nice women. I have yet to have a "bad date" They have all been really nice, intelligent, lots going on for them. We get along great, go for a cpl drinks, laugh, everything seems to all be going great. Even have ended the night with a kiss on occasion. Then the next day or two I get the email saying sorry no chemistry. Someone please explain this one to me. What does chemistry mean to you?


It means I didn't feel a romantic connection. It may have been a nice date.
We may have shared laughs and whatnot, but the romantic connection just
wasn't there. For most ppl, I think romantic connection includes: physical,
intellectual & emotional connection. Some can even take it to spiritual
level of connection too.

You could have had a great time, carried an interesting conversation and
even shared humor BUT it could have been they were not physically
attracted to you. Harsh but true.


Perhaps it was more of a friendly-chemistry they had with you than
anything. Try not to read too much into it. We simply cannot expect to be
everyone's cup of tea. Be glad you had a nice date. If it doesn't lead to
anymore dates, its not the end of the world. Its just one more date closer
to meeting another that might be the one for you!

 C-Lo25
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 134
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/10/2010 11:13:18 AM
I agree 100%!!! People are out there looking for all the wrong things and they always say things like "where are all the good men/women?" Some people are looking for a lasting relationship with that gorgeous man or woman with the perfect body and aren't really concerned with looking for whats needed to make a relationship last.
 marcela84
Joined: 5/23/2010
Msg: 135
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/10/2010 2:23:46 PM
I have gone on dates with physically attractive men and didn't have any desire to see them again, and I've gone on dates with men that weren't, and wanted to see them again. So chemistry is not all about the physical. I know that's a fact..
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 136
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/10/2010 7:28:09 PM
"No chemistry" often means that someone is not interested in you for whatever reason. Whether it was lack of physical attraction, personality flaws, lack of common interests etc.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 137
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/11/2010 3:51:17 AM
Chemistry is much, much deeper than spark. You can't have true chemistry on the first date. In those situations, what you think is chemistry is actually just spark (a combination of lust and infatuation). Spark is that instant physical attraction to another person compounded with the infatuation you feel when you want to get to know them more - and thus can't stop thinking about them.

Chemistry on the other hand is only achieved after you've spent time with the person and have gotten to know them for who they really are. By sharing in-depth conversations about topics other than your favorite movie or dream vacation getaway.

Spark can be one sided - chemistry is mutual. You can't have chemistry with someone who doesn't reciprocate the interest, attraction or desire to be you.

Chemistry is a deeper desire to be with someone, getting along, sharing similar interests, being able to communicate equally and effectively, understanding each other, and so forth. All spark tells you is that the other person turns you on enough you could bang them a couple of times.

It really takes an inexperienced person to not understand the difference between the two (spark and chemistry).
 Nu2010
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 138
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:35:45 AM
This is for Highkerius....I have never dated a man that had money. In fact, I find it quite the opposite having men wanting me to pay their bills.
 handrelief
Joined: 6/24/2010
Msg: 139
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 10/29/2010 8:24:29 AM
I can hardly pay my bills, but I wouldn't expect a woman to do that for me. In theory, love (or whatever one wishes to call it) is supposed to surpass money.
 Mr No Baggage
Joined: 10/11/2009
Msg: 140
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 10/29/2010 8:30:13 AM
No chemistry for me is when a woman doesn't even try to make conversation and just sits there. It's like having a date with a block of wood.

Also, I can't abide ignorant and conceited people, so even though she mightn't find me attractive, if she's pleasant and friendly, we can still have a laugh.
 msagape
Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 141
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/8/2011 9:24:58 PM
For my entire dating experiences. Every initial physical attraction/chemistry that was mutually experienced never went too far. Never!
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 142
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/9/2011 10:33:45 PM
It means that I don't want to have sex with you.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 143
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/12/2011 2:22:05 PM
What Gwendolyn said. If I can't imagine having sex with you at any time in the future, there's no point in dating you. (Although it's nice when there's enough mutual "friend chemistry" to pursue that form of a relationship.)


this is woman speak for you don't do anything for me and never will. i wouldn't worry about it too much though. live your life, be successful, and then you can sit back and laugh at them for wasting their life over an unemployed alcoholic.


Seems like you're projecting there just a tad...bitter, much?
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 144
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 2/12/2011 7:49:33 PM

this is woman speak for you don't do anything for me and never will. i wouldn't worry about it too much though. live your life, be successful, and then you can sit back and laugh at them for wasting their life over an unemployed alcoholic.


Ya know, I have said "no chemistry" to MANY men, yet I am not wasting my life over anyone who is unemployed and/or an alcoholic; indeed, I am not wasting my life over anything or anyone.
 adamni
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 145
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:54:11 AM
What if you don't have any chemistry about you at all. How do you get it? I've now been on over 15 dates over the past 3 months, a couple from here and alot from match, and all have said there is no chemistry. I need to be a chemical, how can I be a chemical?

I must admit, I am an expert now at taking rejection, I simply laugh it off, but 15 dates - the number is getting high, and I try different types of girls too.

But I must admit, in my opinion, chemistry should be nurchured, and takes more than one date
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 146
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:12:06 AM
The word "chemistry" = "physical attraction"

In fact, most catch phrases used in online dating (or dating in general), is often code for "physical attraction".
 StealthyNinjaKitty
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 147
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 9:09:33 AM

What if you don't have any chemistry about you at all. How do you get it? I've now been on over 15 dates over the past 3 months, a couple from here and alot from match, and all have said there is no chemistry.


In most cases, I think the women are telling you in the nicest way they can think of that they're just not that into you...they lack attraction in some way that doesn't translate into future dates in their minds. Now whether that lack is physical, emotional, intellectual, or other...only they can say for sure. Can you honestly say that all 15 of these women that you've been on dates with appealed to you equally and you could see yourself dating every single one of them? Dating is a process, don't get discouraged, and kudos to you for dating all kinds of women...you never know who yo're going to click with until it happens!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 148
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 9:50:26 AM
Gwendolyn2010 said:

It means that I don't want to have sex with you.


Sometimes I agree with Gwendolyn, sometimes I disagree. But I always find that her position is logical, and that her posts are clear, concise, and to the point. This is a perfect example. I don't think that anyone could have stated it better.

And it makes every other post on this 6 page thread redundant and unnecessary.
 Majordork79
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 149
what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 11/29/2011 12:59:31 PM
Chemistry is a mainly female made up term, unless you have something wrong with you, it can translate into "I'm not really dating material" on the womens end. If you have things in common, are physically attractive, can hold a conversation, want similar things, than a women saying no chemistry, is just immature, to put it lightly. I've got it before. As every guy has.
 adamni
Joined: 11/13/2007
Msg: 150
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what do you mean when you say no chemistry
Posted: 12/1/2011 1:39:04 AM
When looking at a womans forum on internet dating, they always complain about the guys who never contact them after the date, it makes my wonder, if after the date, you don't contact them, and almost play the 3 day rule, that they may actually start chasing you
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