| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:18:35 PM | Thank you for caring
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I guess I should explain this
And why it has touched me
I remember when my oldest daughter
Called to say that she was going to be an Aunty
That her fiancé’s sister was having triplets
These two kids, who I have never met
Tried so hard to have kids
Until it came down to fertility drugs
And intervention
The family was so happy and all seemed as it should
Until at 5 months one the triplets was born too early
I justified it that he made room for his sisters to grow
Too crowded in the womb
Then a couple of weeks ago the twins were born
2 little girls came out fighting and crying at 23 weeks
I started watching the blog every day
This wasn’t a TV show it was real life
My daughter was there when the last baby died this morning
They had taken her off all the tubes
And this young Mother who is in her late 20’s held her baby
For the first time
That just got me and I lost it
I told you that prayers don’t work
It didn't matter how many people told me not to care
that these babies were too young to make it
I couldn't not care
I know the grandmother and I can only imagine
how she must feel right now - helpless
and I know my daughter and how this has touched
another young couple just starting out. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/13/2009 9:55:45 PM | . . .
One day her Daddy bought her a small black car
She felt as if she was blessed and the luckiest girl
On this planet to finally have her own wheels and
The freedom to pick up and go when ever
The first day she moved to the big Apple someone smashed her
Front window over night - another time she was sideswiped by a woman
Who sped away and left her mark on the sleek exterior
I heard tell about a Mexican truck full of shovels and rakes
Forced her off the road
Popping two tires which needed to be replaced
And left a nice dent in the car from the contact
No licence, no insurance just another headache
My daughter told me that in New York people will deliberately
Shove a car forward or backwards to get into a parking spot
They will park half way out on the road if the parking spot is too small
I am wondering if my daughter has moved to an alien planet?
In some distant uncivilized world where cars don’t mean much any more
Today without wind or rain or lightening storm
While sitting in her office a tree fell on her car
I heard it took the fire department
With the assistance of some pretty hot looking
Firefighters to remove the tree from the now squished
In car with the smashed window
This little black car has been fearsome and strong
It has warded off a gang who had knives
Had its interior ransacked and everything stolen
I am her Mother and I read about it on her wall
With the headlines being “Tree fell on my car today”
Perhaps I was a little miffed that she didn’t call me
When this all happened but at nearly 26 it’s her choice
All she said to her sister was, “This has been a bad, bad week!” | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/13/2009 10:18:18 PM | Still Ranting...
I have been thinking a great deal along the lines of God and Santa Claus
Throw in the tooth fairy if you wish and
A million prayers sent up into the sky by people on their knees
Just archaic smoke signals and mistaken identity
Confusion over prayer and purpose?
They took the book “To Kill a Mockingbird” out of a school curriculum yesterday
Said it was a racial slur and not appropriate for a grade 10 class to study
I didn’t send up a little prayer for its return to the library shelves
Didn’t write a careful note and stuff it up my fireplace.
Because of Santa Claus
We blame God for everything
You can ask Santa and it happens
The tooth fairy carries around silver coins
To place under the pillow at night
A giant rabbit comes hippity hopping right up to your front door
With chocolate to die for
A magician can pull a dove out of his hat
But because of these grand illusions
We think that every good little boy can pray
And be rewarded
Every mother can pray for her child
And the child is healed
Pray for water in a drought
Electrical storms are up and lightening striking down a mother
And her children in a park when the storm was not even over head
We take away books because one parent thinks the kids shouldn’t read
Something of that nature
I wonder is prayer really a joined connection with the universe
A form of being a part of God and love
Not an instrument for our own man made misfortune
I wonder. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/17/2009 9:32:03 PM | I wonder what’s hidden
in that head of yours
words or thoughts
which never made it to your lips
suppressed, oppressed, forgotten?
come to think of it
when was the last time
I saw a man whistle as he walked down the street
or jiggle that loose change in his pocket
absent minded professors lost in the ambiguously futile cave
have replaced the small town joviality
sometimes you perch on your grandiose stage
pontificating like Monty Python or The three Stooges
but that is usually for the guys
and if I look real close I can picture
you standing on you head wiggling your ears
do you ever get that swing in your hips
and out of the corner of your eye
catch someone looking at you
and you pretend you didn’t notice
but of course you do
something’s missing from life that use to be there
not sure what flavour you would call it
or if it even had a name
but what are you’re thinking
when I take you down to the beach
and sit you under a full moon
with every opportunity of confession
you eyes are moving but your lips stay closed
I think some would call it mystique
man world, man-o-pause
deep thoughts huh?
aliens hidden in the closet
how old would they be now?
just tell me I’m pretty and I will forget about it. | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/17/2009 10:03:08 PM | Two and a Half Weeks
It’s time to quit smoking
every inconceivable excuse has been used
exhausted
the real reasons why
have rolled over
like a dead dog
and regurgitated
as the smoke curls around your fingertips
in a blessed attempt to alleviate
the warnings on the pack
fear in the back of your mind
complete with pictures
and new age prejudice
if you are caught enjoying, using, abusing like a drug
you are looked down upon and even alienated
then one day you wake up and say it’s your last
there might be an old butt in the can
at the back of the house
but otherwise
the store is off limits
withdrawal, edginess, flatulence
food cravings…
the world starts to smell a little better
you catch a whiff of scent
on a passerby
taste buds start refining
sweet and tart
it just the beginning
your mind becomes the convicted
and one step at a time you find a field of wild flowers
and you lie down right in the middle of that field
asking the earth for strength. | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:11:10 PM | you know what, Autumn, I continued to smoke for two years after I quit. Yup, I would pride myself on being able to have one cigarette and quit again...sometimes, I still do it, twenty years later....
I smoke sometimes in my dreams. Every bit as satisfying psychologically as actually smoking. I had not even thought about it, or set out to do it...in fact, at first I was certain I still did smoke, and could put it down "any time I wanted", but the details were maddeningly vague. Until hmm, a few years after I quit I finally "got it" because I actually remembered a dream, I was smoking in my dreams.
The mind is fascinating, and mysterious, and can do strange things to aid you without your knowledge or consent. Another odd thing, when it comes to smoking it's like I'm stuck in time at the point I quit. I'm 27, I'm still married, and still tell people not to let Craig know I sneak cigarettes...even now, if and when I dream I'm smoking... | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/18/2009 8:38:04 PM | I am a nurse...I was married to a non smoking but non judgemental Vascular surgeon and I had some health issues that smoking exacerbated and yet I continued to smoke for years! I think I quit about 28 times before "IT" happened and I was able to leave the fags behind......."IT" being WANTING to quit. Now 10 yrs smoke free.
If you do nothing else...this will be the single most important thing you ever do for your health
You go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/19/2009 12:39:00 AM | omg.......that is the ultimate thing I would like to kick to the curb!
It has buried many of loved ones
It has conjured up spells and phlights
Of this smoke that i take in so frequently
I am afraid of its God Almighty Light~!
If I only seek to find solace
in a hole blowing rings from a heart
I could find it in many other things
Curse the hole and the soul from the start!
I have risen to find such a place
Where smoke doesnt blow in my face
One where loved ones can go...
instead of avoiding me soooooooooo!
a heavenly....smokefree place! :) | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:27:58 PM | I didn't realize I had a quitting smoking club going lol but it has been 3 weeks today and still smoke free!
Breathe in
let the new energy count for something
live longer
chase that little devil off your shoulder
who in moments of weakness
tries to convince you
to stop this foolishness
and go to the store
don't listen to him
you are stronger than that! | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:39:58 PM | congrats af...i hear it's harder to beat that heroin...at least that's what my mom says (who still sneaks a smoke in her bathroom...she's such a hoot!!)
breathe in
deeply
honor our body
as a temple
feeling graceful
stronger
more beautiful
everyday
because
i love
me | |
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| Not Exactly The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/19/2009 10:25:49 PM | Thank you Rosie for the encouragement - it helps
Psychoanalysis
A young child who is tired or stressed will often reach out for comfort
Instant gratification attached and totally enjoyable
Without a blink of an eye or any preconceived thoughts
That thumb will creep up and plant itself inside the mouth
Such joy is happening with that rush of endorphines!
The little appendage on the left or right hand
Has the power to calm and soothe
Infants are born with this natural instinct - even in the womb
One day the higher powers will tell you that the thumb has to go!
Misalignment of your teeth, your bite – do you really care?
It sucks to be called a baby and you notice that no one else is doing it
So each day if you don’t imbibe
They pay you ten cents
Thumbs anonymous for a 4 year old
And every night you struggle to forget about that soft, wet thumb and wonder if
Maybe they had rocked you to sleep or sang you a lullaby or read you a story
It might have helped – shoot the blame back in their court
So you take the money and head to the candy store
And you fill up on penny candy
When your blood sugar drops, agitated
Pressured – feeling off centre
You sucked on a lollipop, taffy
And the birds sang again
The cloud formed strange animals
There was much rejoicing that all was right with the world
A trip to the dentist for the first time and 7 cavities later
You cut down on the candy and thought about kicking the habit
Something to do with the pain principle
Later on - one day in the future you wake up and things just aren’t right
A boyfriend cheated on you
You have huge essay that has to be written
A cigarette will walk in and promise
To become that hidden appendage
And melt away stress
You quit when the babies start appearing
Suddenly stopped with the first wave of morning sickness
And that lasted for a couple of years at least until…
You are at home with this little creature
Who has a nap
And that same creature cried and whined
Teethed, spat up food and made a complete mess
Of your nerve endings
So you sneak outside where the air is fresh
And all is quiet and peaceful
Light one up and feel that same empowering feeling
Of that little wrinkled thumb. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/24/2009 11:30:38 AM | Today I am alone – free
the world stops at my windows
bows at my door
in reverence for aloneness
I love silence
music
is in silence
and it caresses my body
with love
I don’t need voices
my fingers speak
as the cat snuggles closer
a gentle purr of contentment
I excuse myself from life
when allowed by circumstance
I don’t have to do anything today but breathe. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/24/2009 1:19:39 PM | ~For all the times
I hurried through life
simply acting, without
thought or gratitude
Gathering my sticks
Polishing my stones;
revisiting days of old
Reminiscing has become
so cold and bare.
Nobody to hold me
Lifes not fair.
I say a prayer
for the hearts
just like me
Each day
I live
smile
be~ | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:14:13 PM | Thank you Jules here is my version of living in the now...
My mind has been going on mini vacations
Absentmindedly I break an egg into the gravy
And realize I was out the window and down the street
Maybe a million miles away as my hands followed the recipe
Haphazardly throwing ingredients in and out of sync
And anyway who said I was a great cook to begin with?
The kids are packing and here we go again
The (almost) empty nest syndrome
Laced with (they come home eventually)
So why get upset?
They are buying out the stores
With me flailing along by the purse strings
Unemployed but still somehow spoiling the kids
Now it’s accessorising, co-ordinating, colour matching
On a mile hike through Ikea which is like a giant warehouse
So full of people on a Saturday my youngest and I nodded in agreement
The main reason why we hate to shop in crowds or under duress is right here in front of us with people all around walking like blinded dears in the headlights
The nights are getting colder and it’s only August
Not only the weather - feels off balance
Strange things just keep happening
Take a deep breath and feel the fresh air flowing through your lungs
One month smoke free
They still haven’t stopped whining for a cigarette sometimes even begging – I even put A plastic pretend cigarette in my mouth (a pacifier) and chomped down on it but Unless it’s filled with nicotine my urge isn’t calmed one bit and I still get edgy
But someone did bring me roses this morning in bed. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:28:54 PM |
Gathering my sticks
Polishing my stones
good lines Jules...
and Autumn, one month! Woohoo!   | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/18/2009 10:20:22 PM | Music so personal
Fluctuating into so many dimensions
On that spectrum or xylophone within our minds - stereo vibrations
That echoes inside our heads
The last sound as your fall asleep at night.
A lute in an empty hall with high ceilings
A didgeridoo in the hills calling as it tells a story
The sound of wind in the trees approaching
The gentle whispers of a brook as it crests the rocks
The roar of the ocean during a storm
The pounding rain on your heart
The crystallization of ice falling from the sky
The sound it makes as it hits random branches
Window panes, your mind
As if someone is walking on glass
A horse galloping across a moor
Falling asleep to the melody of a corn field
The cool air tickling your nose
As you hide under the covers
Mesmerized by the whole feeling of sound
Including the sound of silence. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/18/2009 10:26:07 PM | Hey autumn I loved that....I had to google didgeridoo LOL..
and now that I have seen it I realize I know someone who owns one in Colorado. I had forgotten the name of it. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/19/2009 8:15:17 AM | We have a customer at work who makes instruments by hand...he shows me pictures of the finished ones, and sometimes brings the actual instruments in so we can see them. He went to a gathering in (North Carolina?) and they all played their didgeridoos...
I guess women aren't supposed to play them...hmm...so now that's two things. We can't be the Shriner clowns that drive the little cars, and we can't play didgeridoos. Oh please, we won't get blood on the seats... | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/19/2009 7:53:00 PM | | Thank you Drea and it is so nice to see you feeling better and even popping in for a visit. Brizo only guys with lots of hot air can play those things. It's a whole language I have heard too - honestly we need to ask Always Dreaming but she is lost in love on the desert methinks. | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:27:53 AM | I drive a school bus for a living
junior kindergarten to high school senior.
All drivers are cautioned about child interaction, men and women alike.
However when it comes down to it, there is a double standard.
All the male drivers I know are hyper conscious when a child gets too close physically
We back away, We are afraid. I see it every day.
I also see female drivers hold a child’s hand, place an arm around him or her without a second thought.
There was a grade four girl who almost always fell asleep on the ride home.
I was hauled over the coals for calling her Sleeping Beauty every now and then
as in “Would someone mind waking up Sleeping Beauty?”.
But I have heard women call their young passengers
“Love”, “Sweetie”, “Darlin’”, “Honey”.
Perfectly acceptable..
I know a male driver who lost his job because he asked a young boy, after he returned from the washroom, if he’d washed his hands.
A mother close by took issue and emailed a number of other parents
complaining about this remark,
wrote his boss and the school board pressuring them for his dismissal.
She was successful.
Two days later I heard a woman ask the same question of another boy and
no one batted an eye.
So…
Women may grouse about exclusion from driving Shriner’s cars or playing didgereedo
But you won’t lose your livelihood or become stigmatized if you do.
If a compassionate man returns the hug from a child
His motives are suspect, he must be a pedophile.
You may joke about not getting blood on the seats, but a man,
An innocent man, has the blood of children and women on his hands.
*just a thought...This is not a slam against women, but I'd rather be excluded from the harmless activities of some males than be included in the violent ones of others* | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:33:52 PM | | I understand what you are saying Fishion and I know teachers aren't allowed to touch the kids but how do you not give a child a hug? | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/23/2009 3:56:41 PM | uh, that's twice now...name's Fishin...lose the 'o' *he rolls his eyes, hints at a smile, and shakes his head* Or FM for short....
You don't give a child a hug on fear on losing your job...sad but true.
anyway 'nuff said | |
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:33:14 PM | double standards suck no matter which side of the battle you're on... reality is, women and men each get to see a different slice of it.
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| The Age of Innocence
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:21:23 AM | my apologies to any I offended
Purely unintentional
'nuff said | |
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