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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a      Home login  
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 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 126
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lotPage 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Well, I wish you would give me the defintion of a jerk and a nice man.
Or give me examples. I believe OP is saying this due to feeling rejected.
We all get rejected!
I, personally would not want to be with a jerk for any reason!
 Rettam
Joined: 1/30/2005
Msg: 127
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 9/27/2006 6:22:31 PM
I think it's fair to say that as you move along the aggressiveness continuum, starting from a very passive person, and move towards a point where the person can be called outgoing, and then towards assertive, and towards aggressive, you may find that the further you go the more likely you'll see that person described by someone as a jerk.

This doesn't mean aggressive people are jerks, of course, but they tend to get themselves out there in people's minds so opinions are more likely to be formed about them than people that are more introverted and simply don't make an impression.

In the world of relationships, the old standards still apply, and men are supposed to go out there and make the first move, so if you're not naturally active in making yourself known to women, that is you are rather passive and introverted, you will not do well. (Exceptions exist with the "super cute" guys, but still an introverted super cute guy will have a harder time hooking up than an introverted super cute girl).

Men are assigned the position of being on the prowl, so if you're very passive and introverted, you're sorta doomed.

I don't think being nice has anything to do with it at all. It' smore to do with assertiveness and getting yourself noticed or "out there." I'm not even convinced that confidence is as large a factor as it is played up to be

Obviously confidence is important, but I think it has less to do with that and more to do with assertiveness or outgoingness or just a willingess to take some first steps. I have seen many extroverted guys that are not really confident at all, but aren't passive or introverted and they seem to do okay with women despite it. Lots of introverted men are very confident and (some surprisingly think way too high of themselves, even) but lack the tendancy to assert their presence around women or to make first moves. Just because a person i sintroverted or super passive doesn't mean they aren't confident.

All in all, I think that is really the kernel of the problem - not confidence, not beign a jerk or a nice guy, but rather just the ability to make first moves and get yourself in situations where you make a good impression rather than being invisible.

All that being equal, it also doesn't hurt if you're really cute. Guys tend to think it's all about "game" and maybe its comforting for men to think that there's some sort of "skill" they can work on and get better at. There probably is. But woman react to looks more than guys like to believe. That's probably why guys dream up theories about having game or being a jerk and acting aloof - when maybe the other guy is just cuter and better dressed than you?
 Unique3
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 128
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 9/27/2006 10:04:17 PM
There are simply 3 types of men, there are NICE guys GOOD guys and then simply JERKS.

If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories about women dating big jerks that took them for a ride -- literally?

The fact is that women generally don't want nice guys, or maybe they're too busy chasing after jerks to realize that they do. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact. Who do you suppose brings out these same irrepressible emotions in women? The jerks, of course.

So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but in the same instance, no one wants to be perceived as a jerk either. That is why it's important to have a balanced attitude towards relationships. A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge.

In other words, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends.
 wsrfr33
Joined: 6/16/2006
Msg: 129
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 9/27/2006 10:40:25 PM
I have some opinions on this, but right now it is "no comment"
 Skorpio2
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 130
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 9/27/2006 11:13:21 PM
The good ones appear boring, we don't frequent the bar and dance scene regularly because it's expensive and we have better use for our hard earned money. To go out for entertainment and have a good time is fine but in moeration.

We don't take advantage of drunk women or look for one night stands, not a reputation that we care to have.

We end up the friend who listens about the drinking, physical abuse and wasted money.

Asthetics, buy that flashy car that is expensive to ensure, repair and the mileage sucks. I had a plain jane volvo 240 that never quit and i miss it and still see it taking the fellow's wife to work everyday.

The same type grabs their attention again so it must work behaving like an a$$

I act like an a$$ for no one sorry, besides I want quality over quantity and imagine I'll find a person that prefers the same
 METALLlC BLUE
Joined: 5/17/2006
Msg: 131
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:22:14 AM

There are simply 3 types of men, there are NICE guys GOOD guys and then simply JERKS.

A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge.

In other words, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends.


Words of wisdom.
 step1
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 132
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 10/3/2006 2:21:25 PM
Interesting thread, I’m going to try to break this down for myself. I’ve been told I’m nice.

I’m not sure if this is a race, so I’m not even thinking that “Nice guys finish first sometimes” Looking at it more as trials and tribulations in life and trying to work through it – moment by moment.

“…but they just don't get laid a lot.” I’m not sure what a lot is – I’ve turn down a number out of respect of the other or myself. Is that wrong?

People tell me that I’m blessed. I kind of like that than making marks on a bedpost. Oh I do have the tools … I hate making marks on bedposts.

“Just a step1 thing”, I guess. Hope this helps.

step1
 freak77power
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 133
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:33:19 PM
Things are simple...

If girl doesn't find you attractive, you have no chance end of story. You can be ugly or good looking, stupid or smart...girls are just like that if she finds you attractive you will get laid if not you won't. Now, there are a lot of guys who simply don't get laid, and answer is simple. A lot of girls don't find you attractive, just live with it till you meet one which will and make sure you don't push her away cause you might not get second chance. What can you do to change that? Not much...you're what you are...
Really sad part of the story is when guy gets rejected by many girls and finally there is one who likes him, unfortunately he doesn't find her attractive and many guys just can't go over the fact that they can't get good looking ones but some ugly chick is their only chance. And what they do, they reject that chance and they stay lonely.

I know life is a ****...
 blueangel33
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 134
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:39:41 PM
The way I see it , it is the nice guys that finish first and get the action.,,,they are the ones with the patience, understanding and respect and somethings are worth waiting for...
When they get laid it is for real or keeps,,,it's the nice girls that don't get much action because they are waiting for that nice guy who doesn't come around too often.
 Centennial
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 135
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 8:28:40 AM
Well just ask a man with a french tongue!!!!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 136
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 9:10:38 AM
If nice guys don't get laid a lot, it's because they tend to hang around women who aren't attracted to them hoping to change their minds (no to avail most of the time) instead of moving on to women who are attracted to them. Believe it.

Mutual attraction first, THEN friendship. No mutual attraction from day one, move on. Write it on your hand or something if you have to...
 Blk_Archangel7
Joined: 12/21/2007
Msg: 137
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 9:58:15 AM
freak77power,
so are you saying that every nice guy should settle for someone that they are not attracted to? I think not.

Yeah sometimes life can be a **** but get over it and keep going after what you want. That's what will make you successful in the end. Just cuz some attractive females turn me down because I'm not what they're looking for, doesn't mean that I should just settle for someone I'm not attracted to, cuz I would be only lying to myself and to her.

Nice guys don't know how to handle rejection well so they complain about it instead of doing something about it or they take it the wrong way.

Best way to handle this is, Go after what you want and not settle for less.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 138
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 10:04:34 AM
Look, there are plenty of advantages to being a nice guy. You've just got to get your mind around the fact that being irresistable to women isn't one of them. And it is not because women prefer jerks. It is because women don't owe it us to be attracted to us, not matter how nice we think we are. Nice guys do not have some God-given right to get laid, any more than anyone else does.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 139
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 10:18:33 AM
As if you had a choice, you are what you are. Being nice has nothing to do with it, its about being aggressive, take it like you own it, if you're shy get over it or suffer, go big or go home. My friends are probably nicer than me and get major action, because they have game, the look, and are less discriminate...I wouldn't touch anyone they've been with. Did I feel bad they got laid more than me, yeah sometimes....but in the final analysis, every man has to catch his own fish.......or die from hunger.
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 140
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:25:49 AM
I think I'm a nice guy.
And I don't get laid a lot.
But the conundrum is: if I took advantage of all the opportunities I have (which would seem a lot to me), I don't think I'd be as nice.

I recognize that for most women most of the time, sexual attachment follows an emotional attachment.
And that pleasurable sex fosters and increases that emotional attachment.

So receiving an invitation(or an invitation to invite) to bed means I am probably already in a "special" category, however marginal that may be. If I don't feel the same way, my choice becomes telling her "I don't think you're that special" before or after sex.

The nice guy tells her before.
Also the smart one.
 Erinlove
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 141
The doormat jerk.
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:04:22 PM
In my experience "nice guys" are just whiny door mats that don't know how to make a move. They just call themselves nice guys and women say they are nice guys because saying "pu5sy" is too rude for most people.

Women do not want jerks, we like guys being nice! As long as he isn't more feminine than she is. I have ran into the most repulsive creature known to man; The doormat jerk! Most women have met this man at one time or another, he says he is "nice". In fact he doesn't understand what attracts women at all. He buys flowers and never makes a real move. He is wonderful, you know because he tells you 5 times a day. You are sitting with him then the phone rings:
"I told you quit calling here!" and he slams down phone.

Whoa that wasn't very nice. He goes on to tell you a story of how he got dumped for being "too nice" so now he is a real mean guy when she calls, and now she calls a lot. She is not worth even talking to if she didn't want him right when he wanted her....

Skip ahead three days and he has you lifting heavy things and paying your own way at lunch. When you stop to say "what happened"?!? , he throws a fit and leaves you alone in his town on the street. He is all the disgusting parts of a man we wish weren't there.
He is a door mat, until he is a jerk.
Even his skills in bed (if he has any) wont help your need to run away and scrub where ever he touched you.

Believe me, being "too nice" is not the problem so quit saying that.
 quatrecinq
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 142
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:03:22 PM
Nice guys finish FIRST!
Pushovers finish last.

Huge difference.
 coveredinpaint
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 143
The doormat jerk.
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:20:16 PM
It's like the people on the talk shows I see, or political correspondents. I think it is highly rude to try to speak over someone to make your voice heard over theirs. Everyone can have a turn to speak in a normal voice. Yet you constantly see people trying to speak over or out assert other speakers. Unless you play by their own game and try to overwhelm them by speaking loud, then they will take control of the conversation. However, if both of you are shouting at the same time, it just sounds like a jumbled mess that NO ONE wants to listen to.

As it relates to this, nice guys will never win because the douchebags do things which make the nice guys come out behind (hence, that is why they are douchebags). The nice guy's only recourse is to become a douche himself and fight fire with fire. But with nothing but douchebags around, nobody wins.
 unique1011
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 144
The doormat jerk.
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:39:10 PM
This online dating site is a weird place where there are too many self claimed nice guys yet too many women complaining that there's no nice guy here at the same time LOL
I don't even get the definition of that ambiguous word "nice" in the first place. All I know from my experience is that usually self claimed nice people play "victim cards" often when things dont work the way they want. I definately steer away from them not to feel guilty about something I don't even intend to do.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 145
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:20:31 PM
How do you know that those nice guys are not getting laid???? Are they reporting to you their score every weeek ?
Girls are people like you, they want nice thing in life whether materials things or people that will enhance their life, but it is not guarranted,~~~~~ material things vanishes,and persons turn into jerks,,,,,,,,,, , , but life goes on.......


<div class="quote"> Girls don't want to have sex with a nice guy ,they just want to marry them after they've been used by jerks.
How do you know that the nice guy did not turn into a jerk.. Do you know what the saying is ? " It takes two to tango"............



 christopherfoster
Joined: 11/16/2009
Msg: 146
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 2:39:20 PM
Nice guys get more period. A steady girlfriend means a steady supply vs. a bad a** who is hunting more and doing it less. lets do some simple math.

Bad a** gets it 1 time from 52 different girls in a year. Thats pretty good, a new girl per week. That 52 times and lets throw in another 23 times for the fun of it! A total of 75 times in a year.

Nice guy gets a girl and they get "friendly" after a two months. They have sex 3 times a week for the next 10 months. Thats 44 weeks multiplied by 3 times a week for a grand total of 132 times in a the first year, and on the plus side its better and a lot more special. Nice guys finish first!
 _allen_
Joined: 6/14/2009
Msg: 147
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Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 3:07:59 PM
Am I a nice guy? Who the f*** knows. I fall somewhere between that meaty part of the curve. I've been told I would make a great husband by some ... an a$$hole by others. All in all, I think I'm a nice guy.What Reefer typed (on the 1st page) would describe me "almost" to a tee. Kind and caring but not a pushover. Funny thing is, I get some of the best looks and smiles from women; and when I approach them correctly, I get the usually "sweet" let down. Mixed signals or should I keep my mouth shut after approach? Who knows and who cares.

Funny thing is, when I'm in a bar alone, drinking the hardest spirits on display (stressed out of my a$$) I get approached and sexually harrassed by some of the most beautiful women, some may well be in fact - - out of my league. Hit the local coffee house in the mornings - annoyed, gruppy, and tired from the night, I usually get chatted up by some real beauties. It's weird how I put myself out there, I get nothing but when I'm not thinking about a woman, opportunity is always there holding my hands; swinging them with glee.

Nice guy or not, I find myself very selecive in choosing a woman to date and I think most nice guys do.
 FarmExe
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 148
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 6:22:56 PM

There are tons of nice guys who get laid a lot.

Nice guys should be nice human beings who know what they want and are very selective. If they were laying a lot, they would be just jerk or crap.
 dot*
Joined: 10/9/2009
Msg: 149
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:10:35 PM
My good God, I am SO tired of this "good guy" whining crap. I know a lot of wonderful guys who always finish first because they have some *gasp* CONFIDENCE and basic social skills to help them along the way! And trust me: They get laid plenty.
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 150
Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot
Posted: 12/9/2009 7:14:26 PM
I don't see the "connect" between nice guy, and getting laid! I don't know how this thread even survived the axe!
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