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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 4:43:18 AM | | You seem to be a pretty intelligent fellow. If your a "romantic type by nature". I think love will show up in your life. Then what you do with it is your choice. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:15:42 AM | I can understand why people wish to "fall in love", its very heady and all, but its really just a very powerful drug, one of our own making through PEA neurochemicals in our brains. Some neuroscientist could probably stimulate certain brain cells with electrodes and give that same experience, so there you sit in your little johnny in a sterile lab with a big old smile on your face.
Its great, but is it just the high people want? Really. Is it just the drug?
Relationships are about staying in love, arent they? Not keeping that high so much as sustaining a wonderful, intimate connection and partnership.
These dating sites put so much emphasis on magical first dates and first kisses, etc., all this fairy tale stuff .... for me, that doesnt mean much of anything except that a person can have the good or bad luck of having sexual chemistry right away, however you see it ...which I have had, sometimes with disasterous results when I got to know someone later .....but I think more along the lines of what things might look like ten years down the road, when it matters.
Look at couples: all fell in love at one point. Some sit at a restaurant, looking away from eachother, quite silent, obvsiously bored .....others are active, happy, talkative, still enjoying eachother .... those are the differences that are important, right? | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 6:38:41 AM | | Steven, I have to agree there. Falling in Love is more ego boosting than being in-love and in a relationship. That is where I believe choice comes in. And it takes work, no matter what anyone says. Everyone is different and to remain in love with someone, you have to work on accepting and blending with that person inspite of their shortcomings... JMO | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:24:58 AM | Aged wonder, dont get me wrong, "falling in love" is great, its very liberating, but its really just a "high" after all, a natural one, not a pill or a shot in the arm, but its just a "high" and in that respect, just a drug people are looking for to escape some kind of drudgery. I'm not sure that relationships are just the price to pay to have to deal with other people's "shit" to just keep the high, though, as you seem to imply.  | |
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zooom
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Joined: 10/27/2006
Msg: 80 | |
| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 7:32:06 AM |
Look at couples: all fell in love at one point. Some sit at a restaurant, looking away from eachother, quite silent, obvsiously bored .....others are active, happy, talkative, still enjoying eachother .... those are the differences that are important, right?
Obviously bored, maybe, or maybe less obviously basking in the certainty of acceptance and love that fills silences past where words are needed for reassurance. I can look at two lovers laying motionless ignoring each other and suggest the fire has cooled, or I can think they have made love and are resting in the bliss of simply being together. Enjoyment can be subtle, without fanfare. Connection abides lapses in conversation and eye contact. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 12:03:19 PM | | People are made of many components. Each of us bring something new to the table. I'd say throw away the caution and get back out their. Why rob yourself of the fun? Your never to old at all. You can always met another and fall right back where you left off. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 2:39:32 PM | Aged wonder, dont get me wrong, "falling in love" is great, its very liberating, but its really just a "high" after all, a natural one, not a pill or a shot in the arm, but its just a "high" and in that respect, just a drug people are looking for to escape some kind of drudgery. I'm not sure that relationships are just the price to pay to have to deal with other people's "shit" to just keep the high, though, as you seem to imply
Steven, not at all implying you have to deal with other people's "shit".. I said you have to work at a relationship and if anyone thinks that it comes naturally, well, I beg to differ there. That is why so many grow apart, they want the high but don't want to pay the price. If you are in love, you will work to keep it alive. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/4/2006 4:29:50 PM | Yes it does get harder to get over it, I was married 27 years when we got a divorced, and I was living with someone over a year ago that hurt me badly, I thought he meant what he said, I fell for it hook line and sinker and got hurt, he left in the middle of the night with out saying any thing, and I still don't know why, but it has taken me this long to try and met other people, still haven't dated, I guess I am being careful and don't want to be hurt again.
Just let it happen, it is hard getting out there and meeting someone you might like to go out with. You might meet someone at the fittness club, or out if you run, you never know where one might meet someone.  | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/5/2006 10:31:20 AM | I'm 56, and awaiting the end of my first marriage.. We have the final divorce hearing in 2 days. It's over, and I know it.
Part of me feels dead inside, knowing that the marriage failed. Part of me feels like I'm doomed to remain alone.
Part of me feels like I'll never be a suitable man to attract a good woman.
Part of me knows that I need to grieve, heal and grow before I'll be ready for another relationship.
I have a lot of growing to do. I need to do a few things to take care of myself.
I need to go out, find a good Fitness Center, get in shape.
I want to take some classes, enhance my education.. and yes I want to meet people.
If I go out there, and do stuff that makes me feel better, I'm bound to run into plenty of good women.
And if I'm lucky, a good relationship might come as well. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:02:09 AM | | course you can , i got out of a relationship where there was nothing but fights, verbal mind, bad feelings all day long, her way or the doorway, was fortunate on a different site to meet someone also getting out of an abusive relationship and we get along great,we know what we want, what we dont want etc,sex is awesome lol didnt really think it would ever happen at same age as you but i was lucky, was i lucky ? lol you bet lol | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/6/2006 11:24:22 AM | Little arrows in your clothing
Little arrows in your hair
When you're in love you'll find
Those little arrows everywhere
Little arrows that will hit you once
And hit you once again
Little arrows will hit everyone
Every now and then.
If it is gonna happen, it will.
squeak | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/6/2006 6:15:37 PM | Statistics show that most men over 55 do not ask women for dates and therefore do not enter into relationships.
I do not know the reason for this. I suspect it has something to do with loss of sexual function and they have no need for female companionship on any other level, such as mental companionship or friendship.
They all deny loss of sexual capacity of course and claim to be super studs till the end. And they do still like porn and phone sex and fantasy. They just don't like the real thing anymore.
A lot of their fantasy involves thinking they look, feel and act much younger than what they really are. But when you look at them and get to know them you see nothing but a 56 year old couch potato who looks and acts 56 years old. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/6/2006 6:46:58 PM | Suthn:
Speaking of good old songs, whatever happened to ABBA? (Ooops! That may be off-topic)
ABBA is alive and well on MY CD stand! lol. Sits right in there with The Doobie Brothers, The Stylistics, Seals & Crofts, Simon & Garfunkle and The Hollies.
But you're probably right - I imagine that is a "little" off topic, but hey...music is a part of love isn't it? What would love be without all the old love songs? JMO.
Goldi
Edit: I think I'm gonna stay away from that '30' thing myself. | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/9/2006 7:38:23 AM | statistics show ? you been doing research on this topic alana ? lol if "most" men over 50 dont ask women out then who does ? is it all the lonely women ? of course us older guys bother about how we look, for a 56 yr old not to when he`s pondering falling in love again its uppermost, because even though we get older our perceptions both male and female dont decrease, we all like someone who looks reasonably good, its not fantasy, its b/s to be talking to someone telling them your this and that when your far from it, but your assumption that we "just dont like the real thing anymore" had me shaking my head and smiling at the same time, what do you base that statement on ? personal knowledge ? i`m 56, married twice, with someone now who when shes on form is up for lovemaking, sex, fxxxxxg, call it what you like 3 +times a day lol, shes 51, very experienced who before we got together used to joke i wouldnt be able to keep up with her lol duhhhh didnt happen, doesnt happen lol sometimes our self doubt is what gets in the way, falling in love, being in love is what we all exist for, like i said in an earlier reply, "course you can" fall in love, thats why sites like this exist, bringing people together, 56 and in love for the umpteenth time, nothing like it in the world lol
your basing your assumptions on quite possibly a lousy selection lol, surprised you havent had more lambasting, we have our pride lol couch potatoes indeed, not all, not all lol
ok "loss of sexual function" as you put it does become a factor, but we still crave mental companionship and friendship, and we possibly just try that bit harder with other things, more and better foreplay etc different positions, maybe we`re more comfortable with our bodies than you think lol
for me fone sex and fantasy are b/s lol, mags and fone charges are both way too high priced lol | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/9/2006 5:28:46 PM | I think this thread was indeed about falling in love at 56 at one time. Till the frisky ladies got hold of it! 
I would definitely like to read the study that produced THOSE statistics. 
But what if we don't wanna be lowly couch potatoes in 27 or so more years? What then? Is it carved in stone? 
-Suthn_Boy 
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/11/2006 8:20:52 PM | You know, Viking, I was pondering the question just the other day. Sometimes I think it's just me, but I'm starting to think that this is fairly common in our age group.
Do we start to give up at a certain age? Does the thought of going through the "getting to know you" process turn us off because we've done it too many times and it's become less exciting? Do we fear another heartache and choose to not risk it? Do we get too set in our ways and don't want to change anything to accomodate a mate? Or...do we just get too lazy, too complacent with ourselves and our comfort zones?
Me? Hey...I'd love to meet a mate to spend the rest of my life with. But at what cost? Continue to kiss a lot of toads in hope to find that "prince?" Tolerate the "head games" with the hope that eventually *HE* will show up.
Naw...I just don't seem to have the time or patience for it anymore.
If love comes to me...great. I hope it does.
But if it doesn't....so be it.
To be honest, I'd rather stay single and happy than stuck in a bad relationship and miserable! There ARE worse things in life than being single.
~Irish~ | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/11/2006 9:58:33 PM | Oh!! I thought you wuz a-talkin' to me, cuz I are a Viking. Although I never plundered or pillaged! No, Honest! I'm innocent I tell ya!
And I had an elaborate response all prepared. But I went back and found out the OP is a Viking too. So, so much for that response.
I think it's a loss of youthful flexibility primarily though. One could call it 'set in our ways' or 'structured lives'. And yes, it is very common over 45.
You said it precisely here Irish:
Naw...I just don't seem to have the time or patience for it anymore.
If we really want to make a go of it, I think we have to fight those kinds of urges of maturity and open more doors for ourselves than typically would be the norm. But is it really worth it? Probably! Still, it's a good question to ponder.
-Suthn_Boy
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:20:23 PM | | .. I think the "fallin' in love" is the easy part ......... the "stayin' in love" a little harder at times .... whether its our baggage, our tendency to hold back sensitive parts of our hearts and souls, the time constraints of living in this day and age ....it can all add up to failed relationships. I hope I'm up for the "work" involved in maintaining a great relationship after the "fallin' in love" part ..... which I also really enjoy!! .... lol .... | |
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| Could I fall in love again at 56? Do I want to?
Posted: 11/11/2006 10:24:49 PM | I have only read half the posts in this thread but I think it is the wrong thing to discuss.
Can you fall in love and do you want to? Ok, suppose the answer is yes. So you go out and look for someone to fall in love with. I just don't think it works that way.
If you asked should I date again and do I want to? That is a valid question. Go out, meet some great people and if you happen to fall in love with one, great.
As far as is it possible to love at such an advanced age, of course you can. Heck, you are a young kid compared to a lot of people who have fallen in love. | |
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