| some child support help...
Posted: 10/7/2006 2:55:35 PM | | RIVER GIRL......The judge heard my reasons for not wanting child support from my daughter's father and he granted it and yes when my 2 yr old daughter is old enough to understand my reasons I am sure she will give me a big hug and say "You did the right thing mom". | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:16:51 PM | | I had to post this in general reply to all that would read this. I am a father of 3 great kids. They are everything to me and life really sucks without them. I really feel dead. They are living with their mother in Washington and she wants money. No problem. I know that some of it will help them out. but I also know that SHE wants the money. THAT is my problem with this whole thing. I can't have them to raise them and she uses them as a weapon against me. Even though she tells me that 'They need their father'. She says that she is SO tired of raising kids but will not give them to me to rais. I went to the school on a regular basis (I lived on that island for 2 years). The school never knew her (she has been there for 5 years). I went to ALL the girls softball games and everything I could get to for all my kids..SO, to my point. Why the hell should SHE get to raise children she don't want to have( she spends MOST of her time with her boyfriend and leaves them alone) and yet I HAVE TO BE THE ONE PAYING FOR THIS CRAP !!! Ladies, if the father of your children does not want to be in their lives ask him WHY? If he just don't want anything to do with them then make his sorry ass pay. BUT if he really wants to be in their life then MAKE him work something out that he really feels is worth it. SO, after you read this, really think about what you are gonna say. If it is hate mail then I have some hate words for you and I would see you as one of those females who probably drove that man away, and can't figure out why he don't wanna come around. Can you tell I am still in pain? Can you tell that I resent having to pay for something I am NOT allow to be a F***ING part of ? If you really knew the damage you inflict you would change your tune. (I know that there are A LOT of REAL (really bad word) Jerks out there, but not all of us are. I would rather be in jail than live without my children. Let her F'n boyfriend buy his OWN dvd player...catch my drift? I hope that I have not truly insulted anyone too bad (can never please EVERYONE). Please, remember that there are some of us that really love and care for our children and really want and need to be a part of their life. I am sure that I would want to edit this but I am gonna let it fly.... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 11/26/2006 10:33:02 PM | | Hey.. well from one mother to another.. Money shouldnt be the main factor when it comes to children.. BUT at some point thats sadly what it comes down to.. Your daughter as well as yourself deserve that money.. I think you should take him to court.. The laws now are a little harsher when it comes to child support.. When ordered to pay you could face jail time if you dont pay.. BUT again.. If you can make it without his money.. and some how get him to sign off as the father.. I think me personally I would do that especially with his "problems with the law" hes obviously not a great influence.. Your daughter and yourself deserve better.. My sons father isnt in his life and i dont get a cent... Im happy, my sons happy.. Ive made it on my own without his money.. You become a stronger person.. Its tough from time to time.. but you get through it.. good luck.. and dont forget to kiss your daughter good nite every night.. even if shes sleeping.. ;) | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 12/20/2006 8:11:09 PM | | well a lil update... i did recieve money from him months of sept and oct. but we fueded again late november and he yelled at me he wanted her for 2 weeks by himself and i told him no and he told me he wouldnt pay if he didnt see her, and then he proceeded to tell me he wished i had an abortion and he wished the car accident he and her were involved in that they both died, i was completely enraged and fed up. the convo got worse and it came to me.. i dont want him in my life and i dont want him to screw up hers so i told him i wanted him to drop his rites and he gladly agreed stating he didnt want to deal with either of us ****es anymore. i have yet to get representation as i dont have the money, but i havent heard a word from him since then. i do believe there are good men out there, and i think it is wrong that women use their children as weapons, but this is not the case here. i am not really concerned about the money anymore, i mean it would be nice, but whats more important to me is my childs safety and well being. well take care all and thanks for the posts. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 12/20/2006 8:17:43 PM | Go to legal Aid. Get a lawyer through them.
Small claims court for the money owing to you from loans, as North Exposed pointed out to me LOL You dont need proof to win small claims court.
You definitely want to get this dealt with, as said in other posts, without custody arrangements he has just as much rights to your daughter as you do.
Chances are though, hes so hard up to pay you the money, and doesnt give a shit that he wont even show up just like my ex isnt. So everything will practically go in your favor. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 12/20/2006 11:12:27 PM | sirdodinel
my point EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't ya just love the expression,, these are your kids, whys the cheque late, WAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KIDS!!!!!!
Oh but try to get more time with them.. NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
OH the Cheque was late because i was on strike pay for 3 mos..
NOT my prob, wheres MY money
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/1/2007 2:24:59 AM | if he has text messaged you or left messages on your voice mail or something talking about the money he owes you and owing you back child support......save them. This will be your proof.
Definately take him to court if you want to be done with him. You can get full custody and child support ...... or at least full custody and something stating he is out of the childs life which may be a good thing. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:27:00 PM | | Take him to court and demand that he pay back support. In most states they can take his drivers license, and his tax refund. Go after his sorry ass. It is men like that who give the true good men a bad name...... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 3/27/2007 10:27:45 PM | | Take him to court and demand that he pay back support. In most states they can take his drivers license, and his tax refund. Go after his sorry ass. It is men like that who give the true good men a bad name...... | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 3/28/2007 6:32:09 AM | " he has quite the impressive criminal record"
Dizzy angel and all,what were thinking of??? not enough men out there without such an "impressive" background for ya???gees,i must admit that some ex convict are doing very well and lead very active and productive lives,but by golly gees,wake up ladies,i know thats not the point,but it was to be expected,sorry you have to go through this,however,the sign was there,being young is not a good enough reason to wander off with an ex convict.There are so many nice guys out there to make a wise choice.Not saying what you are going through is right,but dammit,you saw it coming a long way. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 8/7/2007 2:31:23 PM | I can remember being angry about paying child support because my ex is re-married. She has 3 cars, two homes (one at the shore), a boat, and her husbands income, in Washington State.
I moved to Jersey 1 1/2 years ago and I do know, when I see my kids come off the plane every Christmas and Summer, that the money I pay for both of them, goes to them. They are well taken care of and want for nothing.
What I had to do was look at the reason that I'm paying child support. My ex never told me to leave, I did that on my own. I left a very good woman!! What a stupis A S S I was.
When we were making the kids, I knew that I would take care of them no matter what. I still want to be more than a "dad on paper".
We'ver been divorced for 12 years and I pay more than than most pay for rent, but they are my kids. Shame on the man that dips his "wick" and then refuses to take responsibility later. I think it will come back to haunt them in later years.
Just my opinion. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 8/7/2007 4:12:31 PM | | As a legal secretary, I can tell you that court was invented for this stuff - get tough, sweetheart, and then don't back down for anything! The law is almost always on your side, and funky behavior can result in jail - plus, most of the country is integrating databases, so running is often temporary. The hell that would hang over his head forever by trying to hide from his obligations is very real and a great motivator (plus, criminals know how easy it is to get caught up); here in California, failure to pay court-ordered fines gets your driver's license suspended, and they can short-stop tax refunds, etc. You need to fill out the legal paperwork and get as many of the debts declared as possible, and there are almost always legal services available to assist poor folks with this (although you will often have to sign over any support to the DA if you are on any type of welfare). If you have a computer and the right software, you can fill in the forms online, and your county clerk can help direct you through the process - just don't try to get legal advice. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 8/7/2007 4:37:53 PM | | dont' be discouraged. Child support is to help you the caregiver of that child. You don't have to prove he gave you anything at all. Do yourself a favor and go and speak to a child support counselor, it won't cost you anything and they will answer all of your questions. It took me 8 years after being divorced and always waiting to see if I got anything from him, now he send his payment and the court sends it directly to me. I am so sorry it took me so long to get the courage. He was very upset at first, but now it's all smothed out the way it should be. Good luck. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/4/2009 7:52:07 PM | Personally ... have it ordered. But, take this advice from a guy that was ok paying $1000 dollars a month for Child support.... That money was for my boys, flat out!
I even up'd the amount from the "standard" amount to help out a little more. Not everyone is like me, but I believe in the "two to tango" phrase. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/4/2009 8:04:01 PM | | Call your local child support agency and let them know you want to file for support. They will set up an appointment and then set up a court date for your Ex. As far as showing he has payed before has no bearing because they will pick up from the day you file. Even though you had the child all this time they only go from the date of filing. I had my daughter 6 months before I filed and i showed custody papers to show wehn I got custody but they said they could only start from the day i filed. and I got no back support for the other 6 months. Actually in the last 4 years I have not even gotten 1 years worth of support and she is ordered to only pay 190 a month and as any parent knows that amout doesnt even touch what it takes to take care of a child. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/4/2009 8:26:38 PM | Y'know, it sounds like your ex is one "swell" guy ... and getting support from him may be like "getting blood out of a rock". If he is anything like you say, I would wonder if a couple hundred dollars a month (if that) is really worth it?
I was trying to figure out how old you were when you would have gotten pregnant, but here you say you are 21, but your profile says you are 23. I was trying to figure in his age too, if he has a child from before you were involved... wondering if he is just very immature or truly 'dangerous'.
If it is the latter, I personally would just let it go. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/4/2009 11:53:30 PM | | This isn't about you, your ex. It's about making sure your child (and his) is properly supported. Take him to court and don't lose any sleep over it. Let the system work for your little child. Kids deserves that. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 8:41:04 AM |
he has quite the impressive criminal record
Fatherly rant: Why? Why? Why did you want to have a child with this man?
i worry that if i threaten he will run away and i wont be able to find him, or he will start threatening my life again.
So.. the guy doesn't pay support on time now and you worry that he will run away? Worse, he might threaten your life? What does threaten mean? Does he take action or is it verbal abuse?
My advice is have minimal contact with him. Get an education, find a career and raise your child well. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:06:18 AM | All you can do is get the support ordered. I've been going through this for about three years now. My ex won't pay unless they start threatening to throw him in jail. They rarely do this so he owes more than half of his back support. After they put the order in I warn you it's rarely collected but the debt never goes away. What my ex doesn't know is that when he's finally able to collect social security he will find a big garnishment for back child support owed. I figure it's the retirement fund I'm unable to save now because I'm taking care of his child with little to no money. At least you have that. You will need that later because I guarantee you aren't able to save for retirement now.
Right now it sounds like you need the government help. If you get that often times they try a little harder to collect support since the goal is to try to keep people off government help as much as possible.
It actually sounds like you're in a better position than you think. You have your daughter and you. In your situation you can go to school get grants and have everything paid for. I figure that's what those things are for and if our country isn't going to be serious about making these guys be dads and is going to continue to allow these guys to be deadbeats then they need to cough up the cash to help the people affected by their behavior. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:19:45 AM | Oh yeah, if he is continually threatening and you feel afraid there is no reason not to call the cops. It's actually a lot easier, and cheaper than getting a restraining order. I've done it before. The results were amazing. My ex never threatened suicide or anything else ever again. Also, if there is no order for visitation you don't have to let him see his daughter at all. You should remind him of that. Also, you may want to think twice about letting a man who makes these sorts of threats take your daughter.
I'm going to tell you something that's really going to scare you I work in a hospital I've only been there four years but I've seen two cases where the father was threatening the children. In the first case the mother had told the cops that he threatened her and the kids. There were several police reports and arrests made and the courts still allowed visitation. The father drowned his two children in a mud puddle both were below the ages of three. In the next case the mother was pregnant and her husband, who was abusive to her all the time and her neighbors called the cops on several occasions, shot her in the belly with a shotgun killing her baby and nearly killing her. These are extreme cases but you and your daughter be on your guard. It may be a good idea to cut off all contact until something is settled in court. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:51:56 AM | OP, I'm not sure how it works in Illinois but in my state, deadbeat dads are dealt with swiftly and justly. I was married to my ex for 17 years and when we split we had a verbal agreement which he of course, went back on. All of a sudden he just didn't have the spare money to support his teenage children. I went through Social Services, paid my $25 fee and they handled finding him, going through his finances and setting up a garnishment from his check. I receive support now every two weeks that is direct deposited into my account. If he should stop working for whatever reason, he will be made to make the payments in whatever manner he can or go to jail.
This man helped create this child and he is financially responsible for it just the same as you are. If he runs, what have you lost? He's already not paying you. You may not get any of the back support (which I didn't) but at least you will start to get assistance from him. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:57:39 AM | | You need to get court ordered support and a proper visitation schedule for the father. You have to stop playing games , it is wrong to withhold the child from him and allowing him to decide the terms of his support payments he cannot be trusted. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 12:06:44 PM | As for you men who are complaining about paying support, why do you think that you shouldn't have to pay if your ex remarries? Guess what, those men did not father those children, you did. For those complaining their children are states away, pick up and move to where your children are. If they are all that fired important to you, then you'd move heaven and earth to be there for them. My SO did. He moved from NY to my area because he was not going to be denied the right to see his children. If you're so worried about your ex spending support on their boyfriends, demand receipts for how they use the support. I would happily do that and show my ex how he's not pulling his weight.
The custodial parent is there for those children no matter what. They provide for them and make sure they are taken care of. If they get laid off of their job, they don't expect you to pay more just because they are not working. No, we custodial parents do without so our children have what they need. Quit your whining and be responsible for the human beings you helped create. Your kids need clothing, food and a roof over their head no matter what. | |
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| some child support help...
Posted: 1/5/2009 12:08:36 PM | | You need to get court ordered support and a proper visitation schedule for the father. You have to stop playing games , it is wrong to withhold the child from him and allowing him to decide the terms of his support payments he cannot be trusted. | |
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