| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:43:37 AM | We certainly can be too picky for our own good!
Check out my thread: Drawbacks of Online Dating | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:49:41 AM |
The only way is to talk with a lot of people and never judge anyone until you've met them in person. But people online are not talking, 99% of message traffic is useless because people don't know how to communicate and to relate without the physical presence. So just have fun, it's playtime
Oh dear. Is this how other people handle/view their time on the net? I find the opposite to be true. If someone can't communicate with me via written word, they probably aren't for me in the real world. If I laugh, sigh, giggle, or think because of what someone writes to me, I know at the very least, we are going to be friends. If I am in the mode to date, there will be a LOT of online time. I don't meet unless there is a connection via written communication (and of course, phone time.) The people I have met in person are the people that I knew I would like in person. I don't meet otherwise. I have yet to be disappointed. Physical presence will tell the difference between friend and more for me, but I don't need that to bond with someone ~ mental connection has nothing to do with physical presence or appearance. At least not in my world.  | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 11:40:59 AM | I'd like to think that a great deal of the social and practical issues that practically FORCED people into marriage have begun to fade away.Now we can AFFORD to be choosy,and with the mainstreaming of "personals" and dating services, we aren't limited to dating people we meet in our immediate realtime world.
Are we all too picky? Probably! Consider it as sort of a backlash/pendulum swing from the previous way of doing life, which was you just about HAD to get married in order to establish your autonomy from your parents/family of origin, and to have children and your own household. And of course the 'menu" of potential mates was limited to the people you met in real time.
The one benefit of "real time" meeting, was that chemistry was established straightaway. That doesn't happen in online dating, where you first contact someone because their picture suggested to you the POSSIBILITY of chemistry(or they said something very interesting/funny/profound in their profile).
If you are referring to the people who have like a 2 page description of required physical, mental,social and financial characteristics/attributes which must ALL be met for even an IM or email to occur, those people are setting themselves up for failure and missing out on a lot of fun!But maybe that's what they REALLY want? To give themselves an excuse NOT to become involved in a relationship? I suspect that online dating is a GREAT cover for those who either consciously or subconsciously DON'T want a longterm/significant relationship,but need to put great effort into PROVING that Mr or Ms Right either doesn't exist( or has already been grabbed by somebody else).
So yeah, I think that there are quite a few of us who are still sorting out how we REALLY feel about relationships,and "pickiness" could be how that manifests itself.
Cindy O | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 2:15:47 PM | I think in this day and time we need to be picky. That's why we are on POF
because there is plenty to go around so we don't have to settle for less. I'm
very picky and I would want to think that he was picky when he chose me. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 6:57:34 PM | | i don't think people are ncessarily to picky(some are) they just don't always give it enough time. it's like everybody is lookin for the love at first site thing instead of a relationship. unless it is an unusually bad date i'm not against round 2 just to make sure it wasn't just a bad day. i've seen people who had good times while on the computer but had one date and gone. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 7:46:43 PM | | Everyone is PICKY, as in selective, choosy or has their own preferences. I think the question, "Are we *TOO* picky?" is significant. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 7:50:13 PM | It's more the "Green Grass" syndrome. Online the perception of possibilities is endless. Maybe you've not so much relaxed your standards as become more realistic. ' ' | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:02:48 PM | Well since we're all beating this dead horse...haha.
Yes, you should be selective (much better word..well and concept) one thing most don't consider is the other aspect.
I've posted this ad naseum and just quit posting, but geez, doesn't anyone else consider that who we're wanting, what we're seeking is what we want, what we desire. Okay, but there's the flip side to the coin, what do we have, why would the people we're wanting, longing for and calling superficial and SHALLOW...UGH the most overused word...consider for one moment, where the attraction factor is for them, what is it about us that they would want, desire or be attracted to. If you can't figure that out, then basically forget it. Online dating, face to face, it's not all about you, it IS about them too!
And all the hot women/men aren't shallow or stuck up, they may just not be interested in you. And trust me if they're not, as graciously as they may say so, you don't want to know the reasons why. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:17:54 PM | The problem with being to picky is your never really seeing the person for who they
are , your just skimming looking for the right person , so you never really know anything
about the ones your rejecting hence picky. Well thats my opinion anyway.
Minimag | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:25:25 PM | Excellent post, bucsgirl! Although I must say I'm far too picky to beat a dead horse; I prefer a dead mule.  | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:30:56 PM | nope not picky at all...i refuse to have anyone in my life an not treat me with any respect what so ever.
The problem with being to picky is your never really seeing the person for who they
are , your just skimming looking for the right person , so you never really know anything
about the ones your rejecting hence picky.
^^^^as for this....we are not given the chance to even meet...let alone get to know another...seems many play the field...who the heck has time for games. i refuse to be a number to most or an option or one of many on their list....i'm not an item you can buy. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:31:49 PM |
...there's the flip side to the coin, what do we have, why would the people we're wanting, longing for and calling superficial and SHALLOW...UGH the most overused word...consider for one moment, where the attraction factor is for them, what is it about us that they would want, desire or be attracted to. If you can't figure that out, then basically forget it. Online dating, face to face, it's not all about you, it IS about them too!
That is so very true. People need to be aware that they cannot expect much more than what they have to offer in return.
And all the hot women/men aren't shallow or stuck up, they may just not be interested in you. And trust me if they're not, as graciously as they may say so, you don't want to know the reasons why.
Bucsgirl, I totally agree and I love the way you state it. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:35:15 PM | Thanks, Ophelia and well what the hey, I have to say I enjoy reading ALL your posts...
I don't like beating a dead anything..if it's dead, can't we just bury it and go have a wake? I've had my share of funerals, I love the idea of wakes, a celebration of life! I'm up for that! | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:46:55 PM | john Thanks for that, and you know, sometimes we just have to accept that that's how it is. I don't even think picking apart how picky anyone maybe or not be should even be a factor. It is a matter of two people, interested or maybe interested or not, for whatever reason, attraction, chemistry. I can only speak for myself, but if it isn't mutual, it ain't happening. The reasons don't matter, it's trivia. I know that if it did happen, I'd be totally horried and mortified to know that I had spent time with someone that wasn't attracted, interested, or had no chemistry.
That's what is missing the (looking for the word, so I'll make up my own...hehe) the mutuality. It has to be there for both people, on the same page, feeling and thinking and experiencing the same thing. Rare, admittedly, worth waiting for...for me, YEAH! I wouldn't want anything less. Check out the posts in the thread on one-sided relationships. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:50:09 PM | At my age I don't have a lot of time to waste on people I have no interest in.
POF seems have alot of guys looking for "pen pals" or "intimate encounters" etc. What is the point in wasting my time on them?? Rhetorical question. LOL. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 8:58:36 PM | I don't waste any time on people I'm not interested in either. Time is the only unreplacable resource we have. And I'm very jealous of my time....Yes, I agree why should you waste your time, then again, why are you here spending your time. You are spending time you had to have a profile to post, so how are you spending your investment, when you could be doing ...well, other things. Being other places, meeting other people, what's the lure? You're here. And please don't even waste your valuable time responding to this post. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 9:08:44 PM | Picky Hum, I think we all look at a static image and read a few lines and think we know all about that person or how about the ones that never even post a picture, thats a whole other topic, blind dating on line is such a gamble it's like the box of chocolatesI
I can't wait till the next step in dating technology starts: Lie Detectors LOL | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 9:23:14 PM | being picky can really pay off in the long run.....I wouldn't be any other way....nor would I want my SO to not be as picky!  | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/6/2006 10:14:04 PM | | I wouldn't call knowing what you want picky. But if that's the word you want to use, guess I'm picky then. I didn't lower my standards because I got older, why on earth would age change that. Guess what? It paid off I got exactly what I wanted | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/7/2006 12:12:47 AM | OP Are you asking if we shouldn't just settle, you can if YOU want to, I'll find her, on our own terms, We'll know , what's what, But hey,...thanks for asking. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/7/2006 9:49:23 AM | To Bucsgirl;
To each his own, as the saying goes. You've been on POF long enogh to know we are all entitled to express our opinions.
I was answering the OP's question. That's what you should be doing....not commenting on MY post. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:20:47 AM | | I find the women here way too picky to go out with me. Even when they get downright desperate they can still do better, it seems. But it's all for the best. Someone has to be the greater of two evils, or some dates would never happen. I serve a purpose after all. | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:41:20 AM | | Omg wtf, perhaps if you were looking for more than an intimate encounter, you would find women who would want to actually date you. Intimate encounters are somewhat limiting in developing relationships, no? | |
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| Are we all too picky?
Posted: 9/7/2006 11:46:25 AM | This might sound cheesy, but it's so true.
"Online dating, it's like grocery shopping. You're only going to go for the 'best produce' on the shelf." | |
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