| | Are all single-mom scenarios the same?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | Yes, of course there's definitely a possibility that she's just not that into me. I wanted some feedback, because I wanted to know from other people's experiences whether it can be an illusion of interest dropping down with single mothers who feel guilty about leaving their child's side when it's unnecessary (she has admitted that; not just a single-guy's opinion).
I think definitely after that last weekend, she's not that into me... and for all practical purposes, it is over, due to the conversation in the long car ride home, past concerns, and her not calling me. Ce la vie! | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/7/2006 6:39:27 PM | | If you can't talk to her about it, your not in a relationship.And no don't expect that from all single mothers but with someone going through a divorce I'd be ready for anything. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/7/2006 6:57:09 PM | All single moms situations are different, I want to meet someone that will enjoy spending time with me and my children....me to begin with. But he needs to understand that my kids are my #1 priority and no man is ever going to get above that. It's not a control thing or being overprotective, it's just stating what I want and what is most important to me  | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/8/2006 6:00:04 AM | Well OP....here is what I have learned from my own experience. Being a single mother of two small children....when I first started to date after my divorce I kept having this thought of "I just don't have TIME to date." I kept telling my mother this....well, my mother, who I must admit is extremely full of wisdom told me, "When you find someone that you truly like and want to be with, you will MAKE time."
Oh boy was she right. When I met my fiance I made sure to MAKE time for him. Yes, it was difficult but it happened.
The guys I "dated" before him....well, I just wasn't into them. 
No offense to you, but you two just wasn't a good match. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/8/2006 11:10:30 PM | WOW first off I commend you for your tolerance and patience with this women not too many men who are just dating someone new would bother with all of this mess! I did not hear anything about love in this? But somehow I feel that you had more feelings towards her then she did with you. You said 'We basically have broken up", and I think that she was not meeting your needs and your a terrific guy and I am sure that so many single women who read this said why am I not with someone like him!!!! Your a great catch! I say, sweetie move on! The ball is in your court! Let her deal with her issues, and you move on, date someone who can meet your needs, give you the time, and attention, and appreciation of what you also offer to them back to you! I got a headache reading what you allowed yourself to go through, it got old fast, boring, lonely, isn't that telling you what it's going to be with her? And your not even married to her! Count your self lucky I say, she's not calling! Go out and date, have fun! Meet mingle and find the girl who can meet your needs! Good Luck!  | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:33:39 AM | OP... DUDE... This might be a moot point at this stage... but I think
YOU WEREN'T THAT INTO HER!!!
If you were you would have set some BOUNDARIES with her. Set up some PARAMETERS. Let her know what YOU NEED to make this loving relationship work.
Also, if you were that into her... you would not have been so concerned about what YOU were NOt getting out of the relationship. You would have been more concerned about HER needs.
You would have TAKEN CHARGE. You may have said things like this to her:
"Babe, I really care for you and I really love spending time with your little one and your family, but I need a little alone time with you.... Meet me half way on this... You are a great lady and I really want this to work out. Okay? So... next Saturday, let's get a babysitter and we'll go out cow tipping or frog gigging... or what ever. Okay? And by the way... what can I do to help make this work for you?"
It's not about BROWN NOSING... it's about genuinely BEING INTO HER.
I don't think you really were.
She just wasn't MISS RIGHT for you... she was MISS RIGHT THEN.
Happy Fishing, Brother!  | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/9/2006 4:46:56 AM | I think everything sounds so serious so quick.......
When me and my ex broke up there were custody issues,support issues,living arrangements to deal with.
We went to court
custody was established
payments were arranged
I bought a house
routines were set up
things were set
Only then did I ever think about dating.....when I knew what I wanted and what I had to give.This took two years.Why is dating someone so important when you have so much going on in your life?....before you even know the future of you and your kids.
I say figure out what is going on in your own life before involving someone in the drama of your major life changes
my 0.2 cents | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/10/2006 10:55:31 AM | Carol27,
Great response. People will make time when they're interested, and sometimes it's all timing when meeting someone. I believe her problems with me playing a role with her child, and offering my concerns and 2 cents about her child, were the things that started things downward. Making time is difficult for her, and the timing wasn't right, because with no dating experience on her part and having a child, all it took was a post-honeymoon phase.
Funtastic!,
Thank you so much for your post! The relationship was about as serious as a relationship can be in the short-term -- one of those where you feel like you've known the person for a long, long while. I did have a lot of patience, and I can't get on myself for not handling a few events in a mistakable fashion -- but I did more than enough. However, I never thought it would end like this, in a cold-hearted manner on her part. I didn't ask for much, except total open communication with two people adjusting -- I guess that would just cause her stress. Thanks again, cutie!
BUBBA FUDD,
You're jumping the gun, not having the whole story, but you do have a point. I have had set desirable parameters that would be feasible -- and have had similar talks with her more in the beginning, as you proposed. Problem is, near the end, I did have a gloomy tone to my description of feasabilities, and it was more just me talking -- but much of that was due to the fact that the relationship and she herself was a little strange, too. This caused me, combined with me not seeing her during the week, to be "not that into her" -- more of a natural result and just a temporary bubble. But whether we were really meant for each other, would be decided with real, open communication -- like any couple of any sort should have. And yes, I started and pushed for communication with her, significantly. Obviously, the lack of desire on her part to do such a normal thing says a lot -- essentially, that I was a rebound.
I can tell ya that I'm not that into her anymore, and I really don't want to talk with her. I have lost a lot of respect for her, moved on, but I guess I always have curiosities about relationships -- even my own! :) | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/11/2006 1:28:28 PM | My ex is the father of my child to be, his girlfriend loves
the idea of me being pregnant pretty much i'm trying to
move on and let them be because he is bad for me and
I just want to forget this situation,have my child,and
maybe find a new love that will treat me good,and
won'thurt my feeling's 24/7.
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:41:17 AM | Regarding the first post,
No, not all single moms are like the person you described.
I hardly spend much time with my family.
I spend most of my time with my kids.
That woman has to realize that if she wants a man in her life,
she can't expect him to just hang around the family. She should
give the guy some of her time. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/12/2006 4:06:52 PM | Huggablehottie,
Thanks for your input. What I didn't put in my first post was that after the argument in the car, I left, as she negated any opportunities back at her place with family members there, to say that I could stay or to walk me to the car alone to talk and say goodbye at least (she brought her child in her arms outside to wave goodbye, after I've already said goodbye to the daughter). I called her once where I left a voicemail, and she's never returned my call in nearly a week, and it happened over a week ago. I assume, by logical standards of course, that it's broken up.
I guess what I wanted, is not to "win her back" by any means necessary, but for her to realize how cold it was to do that, and that it wasn't "picky" of me to want her to at least *want* to spend time outside the company of family members or to genuinely show it... Breaking up the right way is what it's about. If it were a 2 week relationship, it'd hurt but just be a pain in the ass for a bit of time. This one was a lot more than that. In many situations, the way you break up is a reflection of what you have thought of that relationship and person as.
Todd | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/12/2006 5:55:14 PM | Babydoll,
She has alot on her plate right now. This from someone that went through it through her eyes. I wish someone had told me back then to STOP & not date ANYONE for @ least...@ least one year during that whole process.
You not being alone w/ her sounds like her family is trying to protect her in the court's eyes. They are still legally married if I understand you correctly & regardless of where you & she are physically or mentally, you could be linked as a cause w/o her family around & add more drama onto her shoulders.
I'm sorry I'm not upbeat about it. You asked...lol It might not be a bad idea to back away & give her & the whole marianna breathing room. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/12/2006 6:26:26 PM | The impression I get is you are "very needy".
It could be that very thing that has made her seem in your eyes more distant.
All single mom scenarios are not any more alike than single dad scenarios, we all all single parents which is the common thread.
She has a lot on her plate right now and it's understandable she may seem distracted because in all honesty she probably is.
I would just give her your support not crowd her because if she feels already you are similar to her ex you will be history.
What exactly are you looking for?
She can't be oblivious to her daughter or her family but it seems like you are expecting that of her which seems unrealistic and unfair considering the short length of time involved.
Possibly she is not ready.
Ultimately it is up to you.
To either wait it out or move on. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:17:20 PM | You know a lot of single moms complain about men not wanting to date them,
or only wanting sex, blah , blah , blah,
You hear of Todd, who sounds like a good guy with feelings, and wanting
to be with a mom.
There is nothing wrong with that at all! | |
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Karl73
| | Joined: 9/12/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:16:10 AM | | I agree with some of the other posters. She is not really into you. If she was, at least for while, you could do no wrong. Anyway, the ball is in her court. If she is interested, she will find a way to let you know. Frankly, you are not the bottom of the barrel. You don't have to so you shouldn't put up with her crap. There are plenty of women that would be delighted to date and treat you right. There are a lot of women that have issues. It is best to avoid them. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 12:56:58 PM | Thanks for your posts guys -- again, regardless of your opinions. I know me writing about it in detail can imply I'm needy at first glance... or replying to people's posts to fill them in on it can imply that I'm not "letting go". :)
It was a really intense relationship, went too fast, and I was biting off more than I could chew, and so was she. Just a rare shame that she refused to talk with me without warning, after an argument and no talk about breaking up. I guess after leaving a voicemail 2 days later, flowers 3 days after that, and a voicemail 3 days after that -- I did more than my part to let her know that I was a caring & dependable guy, and she'd be hard pressed to label me as anything different overall.
I've moved on -- and no, I don't think all single mothers are like that! Just ones who have issues with men, relationships, and/or other things! :) | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:17:39 PM |
But basically, are single mothers like this? Is it just me? Did she just want a guy for a while, but it wore off??
I don't know if you can categorize single mothers all into one group.
However I do think you can make some basic assumptions about supply and demand.
The single parents, both men and women, who have the most to offer in a relationship ( good looks, financial stability, educated, a true career track, social networks, family support, etc) don't stay single for very long. They have enough to offer to offset the obvious issue the come with bringing a child into a new relationship.
Then there is every other single parent out there, with varying degrees of problems and pluses like any other person. But just having a kid in the first place is such a legal/financial/emotional/social minefield for the average single person that you would need alot of upside to counteract the obvious disincentives to date most single parents. Most people don't have that level of upsides.
So are many single mothers like the problematic situation you had? I don't know. I do know that the single mothers who represent the very best catches don't stay single for long. Sorry bud, it's like going into the bakery. You come in late in the day, all you have left are plain bagels and day old bread. Maybe some women will be pissed that I said this, but even in dating, you cannot deny the reality of supply and demand.
There are some single mothers out there who are good catches and have good situations for dating and mating, but like anything else in life, they are probably few and far inbetween. Might be best for you to keep looking man. Looks like the woman you were with, she'd sit on the bakery shelves for a while for most. Life is too short to waste on those who represent no future for you.
Good luck to you. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:19:29 PM | wow...being one of those moms...no we aren't all the same..BUT I do understand some of the things..I'm going through custody this coming week actually, and the dad has NEVER been a part of my childs life..and yes I will admit to being a little possessive/protective of her, but I think that comes from 1 - being treated badly in our own childhood...2 - perhaps the way she was treated by the childs father...3 - the fear of the child being hurt again, etc etc etc
And dont forget that even if you are "good" with kids...and do want to take on responsibility of discipline, care, etc of said child, that the single mom is the one who has to care for and deal with that child 24-7 and their "rules" apply..they are the ones who would have to deal with things when youre not around :( | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?answer:No!
Posted: 9/19/2006 10:39:53 AM | Ok dude, here is my take on what happened. It probably freaked her out, or maybe even pissed her off that you corrected her child. There are ALOT of parents like that. I am very leary of even introducing a man to my son, unless we have been seeing one another for some time, and by then we both have a clear understanding of the others opinion on such matters. I also think that you were just more invested in the relationship than she was, and
she probably was on the rebound or she was one of those women that say they want a confident, secure man... until he has an opinion about her life. If only all women were as perfect as me. Just kidding! Single - moms are like all other women, some have it together and some don't. Better luck next time. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/19/2006 11:35:58 AM | But what if she were into you,, what if these things were more important at this juncture in your relationship,,, and just needed a little more time WHAT IF!!!!!
You will never know how to mend a broken heart unless you allow it to be broken in the first place!!! | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/19/2006 11:48:10 AM | I will not date a guy that need "strangers" on the internet to make a "lifetime" decision  I think u need to have more friend, social life and grow up to be able to make your own decision instead of asking silly question like this. Please take this as an advice no hard feeling, k? | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/19/2006 4:57:48 PM | ilovebali,
LOL!
I will not date a guy that need "strangers" on the internet to make a "lifetime" decision I think u need to have more friend, social life and grow up to be able to make your own decision instead of asking silly question like this. Please take this as an advice no hard feeling, k?
And what question was that? What lifetime decision was I asking for? Getting feedback from others on how common or uncommon scenarios are with people who are divorcing or are just dating with a child isn't exactly a lack of a social life or dependance on strangers for attention, sorry. | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/19/2006 5:14:58 PM | I refer to that book as " The Bible" It was fun reading and it speaks the truth. 
Seems that girl isn't ready for a relationship. She was only separated from her ex for 8 months. Thats not really a long time.
and the daughter is still a baby. Maybe she feels guilty about leaving her with others or maybe she is afraid of losing her full custody and wants to spend evey minute she can with her baby. If this guy is looking for a one on one relationship... dating a single mom is the wrong person to date.  | |
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| Are all single-mom scenarios the same?
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:21:11 AM | Don't u think u need to talk with HER instead of starting such a thread in this forum? will our feedback help u? We don't even know u nor her lol.
I took it as a lifetime decision (long term relationships ...marriage...not making the same mistakes...hello? ) because you seems to enggage in quite a serious relationship with her (based on your writing) Pardon me if I'm wrong. If you are not serious with her then why would you bother to open a disscussion here?
If u think your issue is serious then my advice is get advice from people who know you and her well. I could've say... "Let her go" because I want to fish you..u know
Last but not least, sorry if my previous posting ticked u off . Seriously. | |
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