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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:14:41 PM | | I do the work thing! The way I figure I am a lot of fun and I also only go with the intention of making friends. Being someones friend should not hurt them (much lol). As for no reply I don't mind as I have my small group of very good friends and they can attest to the fact that it is a missed opportunity to meet someone entirely "special" in many ways as I am sure your friends would attest for you too. People are very superficial these days, myself I would do Rita Macneil as long as I am on top. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/8/2006 7:23:54 PM | Op - you are a nice looking fellow. I don't know where you are looking but I wouldn't cast my line in just one or two ponds. Be open to look else where then online.
If all else fails just take a break from dating from a while and get involved in something that will take up your spare time. Better yet work two jobs and save some $.
Good luck and we have all been where you are. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/9/2006 11:02:19 AM | Just a suggestion, but there's a great thread about finding the one when you're not looking and how it just happens unexpectedly.
I actually think this is true, Bucs. I find after a relationship, I go through a period of 'grief' (well, unless it ended really badly, its partially a 'relief' then, but always somewhat of a loss at any rate)... basically feeling the "lonlieness" of being alone again... then I start to get comfortable with that, I don't feel lonely, look back on it more as "what attracted me, what trouble signs were there that maybe I missed, the good, the bad, etc"... and then I go past it and am generally comfortable with myself, being alone, not neccesarily "looking" but open to finding someone again...
.. and then someone new pops into my life :-P
I personally think its the "confidence" level that projects. Right after the end of a relationship, we all feel a loss, and I think that projects a certain "neediness" in the way we act. Once you get past that, and are "comfortable in your own skin", you are just the basic person you are again, and that shows as confidence/comfort to the world, which is an attractive quality (vs. neediness, which is unattractive). And I think people that are out "looking" can sometimes have that neediness projecting (again, unattractive).
Just be yourself. Don't "give up", but don't *try* so hard that it projects that you have this *need* to be in a relationship. I don't need a relationship, but I sure as hell would love to find a good one, and meet that person I could grow old together with... isn't that what all of us want, in the long run? My parents are celibrating their 50th anniversary next year, and are still best of friends... I'm a bit old to ever hit that 50, but I could still hope to have that best-friend/partner and hit 25... | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/9/2006 1:06:34 PM | but in the end are too picky or too superficial or too arrogant to give good people a chance.
Some people have said that about me, especially the "picky" part. 
Just a suggestion, but there's a great thread about finding the one when you're not looking and how it just happens unexpectedly.
Oh well. There's still that one girl that I want. Maybe something will happen with her. That's how I met her. I wasn't even looking and didn't even care. Now, I don't know if I'll ever see her again. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/9/2006 2:07:41 PM | OMG the thing is Women want someone that would value them as a human being not as a PINBALL Machine.,.,,, you know what I mean? I have my share of disappointments in here too I have met guys who perceive me for one thing.... first date sex but I am more than that.... i am a person with feelings, character & I value a person for who they are & not what's in their pants or their looks for that matter... I myself, is taking a break from men & dating..... I come to realize that the more I try to put myself out there the more I get hurt bec its not fair.... | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 8:42:38 AM | | I'm just about there. After 12 years without a relationship, 7 months since my last brief date, and not a peep of response from anyone (I can't even get on anyone's "favorites" list) I'm starting to think there really isn't anyone for me. And spare me the crap about "finding someone when you least expect it". If that had any grain of truth something would have happened for me by now. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 9:43:54 AM | I've been asking myself these very questions lately... I live in a town of 4,000 and the internet seemed like a logical place to expand my horizons and see who was out there. I thought that I would find a lot of single people like myself, who are truly searching for companionship and hopefully have an open mind about being a half an hour or an hour away if we actually did click!
So here I sit... A year after signing up to POF... It seems as though I need to find some new hobbies and give up on the idea of finding someone! Being genuine and honest doesn't seem to cut it, because there's always 10 more people waiting in the wings. Wow, I almost felt sorry for myself for a minute! ha! My friends seem to think I'm such a great catch... so when I find out what I'm doing wrong, maybe the tables will turn! | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 9:47:12 AM | This thread is one of those ones that come along just when it's what you were thinking about. It's almost sort or eery.
I could spin drivel about how it comes along when you least expect it, but if you're single, you are always aware of your status, so therefore always expect it, so that's crap.
I could say that obviously someone liked you at some point if you ever even had one relationship, so the chances of you being alone for the rest of your life from this point are slim, but I personally think that's crap too.
We all know people are together for every reason but love more often than not, so just because you had someone at some point, does not make you loveable or capable of love.
I've always been the single person. I've also always been the advocate to anyone who decides to befriend me, that there are indeed, more things in life than chasing the opposite sex. In fact I get pretty peevish and distant with anyone who constantly discusses their bf/gf who doesn't treat them right yet they won't leave, or their constant whining about how the opposite sex constantly uses them, and they never meet the "right one".
There are so many more important, extremely important, and relevant things that happen and exist in this world besides relationships. I sometimes feel the need to list them all because people seem so naive and stunned to believe there are things that exist beyond the tip of their nose, but I'll spare you this time. I'm just going to assume you're all aware.
I have a knack for over-thinking absolutely everything, or what I call, simply thinking. I want to know why things are the way they are in every realm and angle, and so far, what I've seen in the world of relationships is total and unbalanced random chaotic pointlessness.
The absolute facts you can rely on are that the less class and brains you have, the more likely you are to pair up. That looks matter more than absolutely everything else. That no one believes in tomorrow, having a full life, or learning anything simply for the sake of learning. Am I being pessimistic? Oh hell yes, I'd never deny that, but I'm simply stating my observations.
Think of it though. At the very best: life should be like the movies, you should find true love and that person will simply be everything you ever wanted, and if you don't have that now, you should chase that dream until the day you die
or
At the very worst: despite what we do and achieve, we're nothing more than animals obeying our biological urges to breed with a thin veil of civil interest into this gift of awareness we call the human condition.
So search to the end or don't. Enhance yourself as a person, or don't. Nothing will really improve your chances unless you can afford enough plastic surgery to look 20 forever, and even then, you may get nothing. There is nothing certain in life, and getting frustrated will get you nothing but frustrated.
I had one, one year long term relationship with an abuser 7 and a half years ago, which gave me a son, and since then, I've had nothing but those classic "90 nighters" which is nothing more than "sex and company until we're bored". Not one serious relationship based on anything emotionally healthy, fulfilling, or even remotely based on love. Ever.
I joined this site because I was bored, and ofcourse, like everyone else, we can't help but entertain a shred of hope.
Over time though, this site has become nothing more than something similar to occasionally flipping through a magazine of pretty things you can never afford, shouldn't have, or have no need for. The only difference is, in singles sites, you have that added self esteem boosting experience of the things you observe having no interest in you, and being sure to let you know it in many artfully subtle ways.
Alright, sorry I'm in a long winded mood. Most people have stopped reading by now anyways. I had a point, and I think I made it. Basically, look or don't look. I don't think it truly improves anyones chances of having anything real and meaningfull, let alone anything at all. If you do find something, good for you, you beat the random lottery! | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 3:00:07 PM | I would be 'never give up' responder. In fact, I'm so pathetic that the core of me believes that, beyond survival and the basic necessities of life, finding love is what life's all about (this may very well be at the root of my own problems).
Anyway, what are people's thoughts about the alternative? If by choice or not, people are living their lives single...aren't there negative consequences? Are they really happier?
I, for one, am turning into a crotchity old b**ch and I don't feel 35 is old enough for that! I've had one or two serious relationships but for the most part I have been single. I do feel like I have had a lot of growing up to do so if I would have settled with anyone I've dated along the way I'm not sure it would have worked because I really wasn't ready anyway. But I'm not so sure I haven't just been too picky either. I don't know.
For the sake of this conversation, being alone takes it's toll on you too. I have a great family with loving parents. Pretty much all my friends are married off with kids. I do get them out sometimes and actually manage to stay quite busy, so it's not so much boredom or loneliness. For me I think it's getting old always being secondary. I'm noone's number one priority and noone is mine. Noone really knows or cares when I'm doing not so great and noone knows or cares when I'm doing oh so great. Noone (except my parents) likes to do things with/for me that they wouldn't normally do just to make me happy (I am kind of in a poor me mode here. My apologies). It just feels like most of what I do is what others want and what makes them happy unless I want to do my thing alone, and that just ain't so much fun.....and I'm getting very irritated by it all.
I say...don't give up. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 4:26:46 PM |
For the sake of this conversation, being alone takes it's toll on you too. I have a great family with loving parents. Pretty much all my friends are married off with kids. I do get them out sometimes and actually manage to stay quite busy, so it's not so much boredom or loneliness. For me I think it's getting old always being secondary. I'm noone's number one priority and noone is mine. Noone really knows or cares when I'm doing not so great and noone knows or cares when I'm doing oh so great. Noone (except my parents) likes to do things with/for me that they wouldn't normally do just to make me happy (I am kind of in a poor me mode here. My apologies). It just feels like most of what I do is what others want and what makes them happy unless I want to do my thing alone, and that just ain't so much fun.....and I'm getting very irritated by it all.
This is pretty much where I'm at too, except most of my family has passed and the rest live far enough away I can't see them very often. I live with two friends who happen to be a couple, but they're ALWAYS busy with work, school, each other, and hanging out with other couples. I'm the only single person in my entire circle of acquaintances. Everyone else has a significant other, and I feel sometimes that nobody knows quite what to do with me--so usually they ignore me and go on about their lives. It's been months since I actually had a fun night out with friends. So, with no dates, and no friends who want to spend time with me, and no close family, I'm very much alone here... And this is why I have to wonder why I even bother to try anymore. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 9:21:29 PM | Have you tried going out into the real world and meeting people? No offense to the creators of plentyoffish but I think you would have better luck meeting people in the real world then meeting them online. As far as giving up no I wouldnt do that. When Thomas Edison was asked if he felt discouraged by the 1,073 failures he had before inventing the electric light bulb. He said “I did not fail 1,073 times. I found 1,073 ways not to do it.” Perservere. Eventually you will have success. I was in books a million tonight and I saw a dude who was like 5 9 and had to weigh around 240 with the cutest little blonde. This wasnt the first time I saw a not so good looking person with a good looking person. My point is this: Even someone whos not that attractive can find a partner. You just have to keep trying.
Did you ever think your meeting potential partners but your not approaching them because you think "they wouldnt be interested in me." You have to believe your worthy of meeting someone and having a relationship before you can have one.
Also I know you said you werent complaining but if you think about it you really are. No one can change your situation but you. If you want your life to be different you have to change it.
Here is a quote that I keep on my computer to give me inspiration when things arent going my way. Maybe you will find it inspiring as well.
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “Press On” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
- Calvin Coolidge | |
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nev46
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Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/10/2006 9:57:03 PM | i"ve all but given up.
so instead i'm just trying to maybe meet and make a few new friend.
i figure if i was meant to find someone, i most likely would have by now.
i guess some people are just meant to be single.
we might like that idea but for some people it's just the way it is and most likely will be.
but hey thats life. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:24:23 AM |
Have you tried going out into the real world and meeting people? No offense to the creators of plentyoffish but I think you would have better luck meeting people in the real world then meeting them online.
I think that's part of my problem. I don't get out enough. For years, my work schedule didn't really allow me to have much of a life, and when I did have time off, I was just usually glad that I didn't have to be anywhere, so I stayed home.
In this city I live in, the singles scene is bad. Pittsburgh was voted one of the worst cities in the US for single people. All there are are bars and clubs, and that's not really my scene. I worked at a nightclub once for a summer, and I know what they're like. | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:40:06 AM | I'm just about at that point as well....time to just close the account and just be by myself....I think I have high expectations as to what I am looking for. I want someone who has their own life, yet would like to see me perhaps once or twice a week....kind of like a travelling salesman? LOL.....you know, gone during the week, and then home on the weekends, that would be perfect....only problem, I don't think it exists. I've been told I am too busy with my life, but at this point in time, I can't change anything...I have to work, unless that lottery ticket of mine wins, and I have to raise my children.....Oh well, what to do???........ | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/11/2006 8:00:12 AM | This online dating thing never ceases to disappoint me...lol I do believe however that there is somebody out there for everyone. As convenient and tempting as it is, the internet may not be the best place for everyone to find true love however, so don't invest less time trying find it offline because of it. You may just need to take a break---sometimes things come to us when we're not looking. Another suggestion, if you're not already doing it would be to update your profile and photos periodically...they become stale after a while and people will just bypass the same old ones they're used to seeing.
Good luck,
TJ | |
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| Should a Person Simply Give Up Trying To Date? If So, When?
Posted: 9/11/2006 8:42:22 AM | ~OP~ I think your original post brings to mind one thing that is being overlooked here: Geography. For me, the state in which reside ~ has very few members here on POF. There are other sites that have TONS of Idahoans on them. POF simply has not been heard of yet. I see new members ~ but not all that often. I found it by doing a "forums" search on google. Unless you are open to distance, you may need to find a site that is more accomodating to your geographical needs. Also, there are sites that are interest-specific. Maybe try a site that is centered around your interests, hobbies, etc. Just ideas ~ I don't think there is really any "sure way" to meet someone. I personally see no need it dating at this stage, but if someone wonderful were to appear (hahahaha) I might go to dinner or to a mosh pit or something.  Good luck OP.  | |
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