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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:48:18 AM | Before you "tell the world", consider the legalities of making a post alleging something criminal like gross sexual imposition.
You wouldn't be saying "He's ugly and his mama dresses him funny." You would be posting an accusation that has overtones of libel, slander and defamation of character and could open yourself up to some serious legal problems.
I have read SO many posts made by angry women who want to do things like this. I am not condoning these kinds of illicit behaviour, but don't do something out of anger that could end up finding you in court. And losing if you have no proof.
If a man does anything like what was described, get enough space between you to get to your cell phone and call the police. This needs to be dealt with, but POF forums are not the place to extract revenge.
Noodnix reply prompted this post, but it is not directed at her. I can tell from her last sentence that she is not childishly vindictive and would only go to these lengths if there was a serious offense. I agree that a bad date does not call for a scathing negative testamonial.
Just be careful. In a society as litigious as we live in now, you never know. The man could be an opportunist who does this on purpose to find people to sue, "this" being goes JUST far enough to bait the woman into doing something like we are discussing and then nailing her with charges.
Sad world sometimes. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:51:43 AM |
I wrote a negative on a "players" profile, then she deleted her ad/profile and will probably be back as someome else anyway.. 5 weeks of yakkin' emails and IM's and she was just playin' around.. Whatta waste of time that was! this statement actually says a lot about the person who wrote it. Many of us will have a bad experience on here. Most people won't decide to write negative things on the other person's profile because of it. | |
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vhdc
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Joined: 7/18/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 11:22:30 AM | | I had some guy IM me and in his testimonial was a woman saying what a great kisser he was. She mentioned nothing but his great kissing (she mentions it at least 3 times) which led me to believe this was the only thing he had going on for him. Am I wrong? Who cares, it gave me the creeps. I am on the fence about the testimonial thing. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 5:58:50 PM | | ...and what if the person completely misrepresented himself/herself? and what if, after a few months of dating, you discover that the person is not at all who he/she claimed to be? i suppose that there's really no point if those people are not on each other's "favorites" list any longer...but what about a "heads up" to others who may fall victim to these charlatans? | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:17:12 PM | | That was my point earlier. When I originally got the email from POF explaining that they were adding testimonials I got the impression that they were doing it so that people would have a better way of judging potential dates...thus taking some of the fear out of it. But it's turning out to be a pat your buddies on the back club. Not that I have a problem with that...it's always nice to hear good things about someone. But there doesn't seem to be any way of warning others on this site of the people who are out to con, or misrepresent themselves, or are abusive, etc etc. And even if you report someone, as I did, sometimes nothing is done and they remain on the site. Unless you are on their favourites list, you cannot say anything...and even if you are and can write something, they can delete it. So what's the point? On the other hand, I can see where the system could be abused and just because someone had a bad date, or decided they didn't like someone, they could write a scathing review of the person. Don't know what the answer is. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:26:31 PM |
Don't know what the answer is.
Maturity?
For all of you that want to "warn" others about a person with whom you have had a bad experience, let me ask you this hypothetical question.
Let's just say for sake of supposing that you are an extremely thin skinned person and you went into your little date extremely paranoid and "on guard", and as a result you read something nefarious into every word. So you put your little "warning" up and ruin that person's chances to meet someone because YOU over reacted.
Nope. You shouldn't post negatives unless someone designates you to be watchdog for teh world.
As far as the testimonials being "pat your buddies on the back", what do you expect people to say about people they like? Remember, you have to be on THEIR faves list to leave them a testamonial. If they think you are a jackass, will you be on their faves? | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:45:05 PM | | ^^^if you read my post again EastsideEddie, you will notice that I do not condone writing a bad testimonial about someone because you had a bad date, or decided you didn't like them. I believe I even said that this would be an abuse of the testimonials. I am talking about someone who is misrepresenting him or herself about their marital status, or about someone who is a conman...or is abusive.....serious issues. And I also believe I said I had no problem with people writing nice things about each other. I believe I said "It's always nice to hear good things about someone". My point was that there is no way to stop the preditors on the site. Perhaps I misunderstood why the testimonial idea was created...I got the impression that it was to help weed out the bad ones as well as praise the good ones. But the way it is set up, the bad ones can block any bad messages about themselves either by having their favourites section empty...or by deleting a testimonial. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 7:56:16 PM | Nooooooooooooo. Negative testimonials are just that. So you didn't have a great time with someone and want to vent? Do it with your friends instead of on a public forum.
Just my take. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 10:30:05 PM | | point taken...however. when you are in a 3 month relationship with someone and suddenly the veneer starts to chip off and the "real" person emerges and he is NOT what he initially billed himself to be...what doyou do? it's not so much a case of bitterness as it is a warning to others to be careful and not buy into the bill this dude is selling. personally, i'd like to know, because there are enough flakes in the bowl without nuts adding to it. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/11/2006 11:18:42 PM | the "real" person emerges and he is NOT what he initially billed himself to be...what doyou do?
Well then you move on, or sit around and get all flustered, and let this rule your every thought, and influence how you approach new relationships.
Many write testimonials about people who they share a friendship with, but that is not the same as being in an intimate dating realtionship, with someone.
How many have found themselves in situations where a friend or family member, has set them up on a date, well same thing.
If you want to get to know someone, then talk to them, and let them answer the questions that linger inside of you. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:51:27 AM | I agree here. If you can't say something nice..then don't say anything.
Unless they have done something really bad that you should warn others about...
Like date rape or something. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 7:59:34 AM | Gaze, if the guy is guilty of date rape, you tell the police, not POF. Have him put in jail for his criminal act.
Why is that even an issue, given the nature of who can write a testamonial on here? | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:22:29 AM | I don't think anyone should write negative testimonials. What happens between two people on this site should be kept between those 2 people.
I have met people and it hasen't worked for various reasons and have been upset @ times as well I'm sure I've upset men as well.
It doesn't mean that they are bad people overall it just means you 2 did not click.
Unless of course they are married and claim not to be, they tried to rape you or they are outright lying about themselves etc.
No one needs a bad rap unless they really truly deserve it.
There is enough people bashing and negativity on here and we certainly don't need anymore.
Cheers and happy dating.
If one doesn't work then keep on fishing.
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:28:22 AM | The worse mark you'll ever get with me, online or real life, is a zero. At that point, you no longer exist, in my books.
I don't do negatives, since it serves no good to anyone, and is more a reflection of your inability to place it in the proper context.
Anyone writing a negative testimonial on someone would quickly be ignored by me totally. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:37:15 AM | Negative testimonials? That's simply silly. First, what purpose does it serve? Second, delete. Someone wasted their time and a couple clicks. No one is going to leave a bad testimonial on their profile. Well, maybe I would ~ it could go right along with my email hall of shame. When someone writes me nastiness, I cut/paste it for all fishies to see. It's my little gift back to those who lack tact, maturity as well as those who are seriously lacking any sense of humor. So, in rethinking, I might not only leave it ~ I might bold it just to make sure no one misses it. Why is this? It says very little about me ~ but it screams who/what the writer is about.  | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 8:49:33 AM | | I'm not sure I'd write any testimonial. If the guy's great, I don't want to advertise it to my competition. And if we didn't really have chemistry and I write about what a great guy he is, it feels bogus, you know, if he's so great why aren't I dating him? And vice versa. The concept of testimonials strikes me as unecessary since it isn't likely to shed light on much. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:27:48 AM | I won't stoop to such lows as to write a negative testimonial. Furthermore, I would hope the people I've been in contact with have the respect to refrain from such behavior also.
After all, what you say is a direct reflection of yourself.
Be kind, be respectful, leave everyones' dignity intact. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 9:42:34 AM | I don't have any experience with the testimonials, but it really sounds like a screwy system. I was under the impression that it was a warning system, but if someone can just delete the bad ones, what warning can it provide?
I certainly don't think people should write negative testimonials due to a bad date. Stuff happens, dates go bad, move on. However, if someone is grossly misrepresenting themselves, I think it calls for a negative testimonial. Like you could say, "Ladies watch out, this 'single' guy is actually married," if it is true. Or if a guy says that he's not just looking for sex and then he's groping you the entire first date... it's not criminal, but it's worth warning other women about.
Too many people don't have the courage to care about anyone else. Then they hide their cowardice behind old sayings, one-liners, and the fantasy of being "nice". I personally prefer to protect other people when I can in whatever way I can. I think it's a whole lot nicer to protect good people from some of the bad people out there, instead of always running from any problem. But, if liars can delete the truth, what's the point?
I think a better system would be to have each person make an indication somewhere that they were going to go on a first date with the other person. Once you get to that point, the other person can write a testimonial and you can't delete it. It would be a great advertising tool for POF, they could say, "We set up ######## first dates." Plus, if someone isn't willing to indicate on this site that they're going on a date with you, it'd be a major red flag.
I also find it strange that some people expect only friends to be on a favorites list. I've got a few people on my favorites list who I've never talked to. They're people I'm interested in and I don't want to lose track of, but I’m unsure on. It gives me time to see if I get more or less interested in that person as time goes by. Sometimes the interest increases for whatever reason and I email her, sometimes it goes away and I remove her. It also works as a feeler to the girls on the list, if one subsequently puts me on her favorites list, it's a guaranteed email. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 10:33:57 AM | Ren, the problem with that is that people are vindictive and could say ANYTHING they want to harm someone.
Once again, remember, you couldn't leave a "warning" about me if you weren't on MY faves. And I have control over who I add to my faves, though you have control over STAYING on my faves.
I can't imagine having someone on your faves that you think or know has an axe to grind? | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:24:44 AM | | I don't recall who posted it, but someone mentioned that a negative testimonial will in many people's minds reflect more on the person who wrote it and not so much on the person it's about. I saw one profile on this site that was almost exclusively dedicated to this person venting about a bad experience on here. Not a testimonial, but their actual profile, and a lengthy one at that. All I could think was "ooooo, better stear clear of this one"...... | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 11:31:33 AM | | I don't understand the point of these testimonials anyway.......one persons opinion of someone isn't going to be the same as the next persons. | |
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| Should we write negative testemonials?
Posted: 9/12/2006 1:42:41 PM | ^^^you nailed it ladytyndall
The concept is good in itself, though open to abuse if someone is being negative. Even positive one's ultimately nowt to go on:
"one persons opinion of someone isn't going to be the same as the next persons." | |
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