|
|
|
|
|
| | 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..Page 10 of 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11) | | That doesnt make any sense to me. And if it is true then just how is it that people remain abstinent before marriage. That aside, I while I believe men sometimes are insensitive, and crude, that deep down most of them are just like women and really want to be loved and fulfilled. Most guys do this for show, or at some point (devaluing women) but grow out of it. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/27/2006 6:52:04 PM | | I just had that happen!!!!! I met a nice man on here. We IM'd, emailed, and talked on the phone for 3 weeks. We had a good first date and an even better second date. The third date was at his place. (I had a safety net, my daughter dropped me off so she could shop). The night before this we talked and he told me he shut off his profile, and he did. So, we played a few games of cribbage, cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie, had a little make out session, watched the movie some more. Then I had to go home. He told me that next time he would have some of my favorite beer in the fridge and we made tentative plans for tonight. Anyway, the next day his profile was back up and I got an email the following morning saying that he didn't want to date anymore because he "didn't feel the attraction"...he may not of felt it, but hi d**k certainly did...I don't get it. I'm 40 years old. I should not have to "put out" on the 3rd date. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a prude, but the first time going to a guys place I will have a "safety plan" just in case. Guys, am I wrong in thinking this way??? | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/27/2006 7:23:53 PM | ^^^IceQueen...sorry to hear that happened to you. Seems kind of obvious this guy was expecting sex, and when it didn't happen he decided to look elsewhere. His loss, and certainly someone you're better off without. My suggestion though for the next guy would be to have a conversation before going to his place for the first time. Just explain what your experience has been, and that just because you're coming to his place for the first time doesn't mean you're ready or willing to take the relationship to the next level quite yet. As always, communication is the key. That should be the safety plan.
I don't have any "rules" about dating, other than the obvious ones; insist on honesty, meet for the first time in a public place, don't be too cynical from past experience in the dating world, but don't get the hopes up too high either. But rules? Nah, they tend to be self-defeating. I'm fine with moving the relationship along at a MUTUALLY comfortable pace. If thats the 3rd date, fine. If its the 10th date, thats fine too, as long as she isn't working from her own "rule" book either. If its been a few months and we're still not intimate, then yes, there is likely a problem. But we will have talked about it by then. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/27/2006 9:39:05 PM | Ice Queen, it sounds like this guy "subscribed" to this rule. I mentioned before, I reiterate here, please don't lose any sleep or spend excess mental energy trying to figure out losers like this. Sounds like this guy doesn't have a brain or is letting his "little head" do all his thinking for him. I ask again, why would a woman with self-esteem worry about crap like this? All you need to do is keep circulating, keep fishing  and you will find someone who will float your boat.
I'm no prude, but I sort of believe that you can "feel out" so to speak how you feel about someone within 5 minutes of meeting. Every individual is different, one date can feel like more than one date, don't ever squelch your instincts, but to follow a rote dating rule like this is really stupid.
I sort of follow a "baseball rule" with dates, it's reasonable to do 1st base, 2nd base etc. on a 1st date, 2nd date etc. 1st base, kissing. 2nd base, fondling. 3rd base, everything but sex. 4th date, sex is GREAT.
But to follow that rule without thinking about your partner's concerns? That's nuts. People, use your heads, guys that's NOT your small head; women, don't use sex as a negotiating tool.
If the moment feels right, and you FEEL like you understand your partner's viewpoint, there's NO REASON why you can't have sex, but to use sex as a negotiating tool is MANIPULATIVE.
Go with your gut instincts. Do NOT place total belief in some ludicrous dating rule that doesn't take into account the complications involved with human relations. | |
|
arri
| | Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 230 | |
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/27/2006 10:11:39 PM | I mentioned before, I reiterate here, please don't lose any sleep or spend excess mental energy trying to figure out losers like this. Sounds like this guy doesn't have a brain or is letting his "little head" do all his thinking for him.
Blah .. Blah .. Blah
Guys are not exactly that stupid or insensitive. He gave you all the signals that he wanted to be exclusive and considered you more than just a casual date. But after 3 weeks of talking and 2 successful dates you still needed a safety plan ... then it wasn't his problem.
If he was thinking with his little head, He would have invested another date or 2 to feed the little guy. Sounds like for a change, he was thinking with his big head ... right or wrong .. that raised a red flag for him and he decided to go | |
|
| |
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/28/2006 3:56:13 AM | I read all these posts from guys denying. I think it is hilarious. I have never met a man in my life that did not subscribe to the three date rule or some other similar cutoff. Of course, there are exceptions... Was there not a place to be intimate? Is she a virgin? etc.
The rule is very simple... You see, as a man, usually there is a cost to dating. As a woman, usually you profit when you date (dinners, movies, concerts, little gifts, etc, etc). The woman will try to delay the dating process as long as possible as long as she is profiting whether she is attracted or not. It makes since for the man to try to filter her out as quickly as possible in order to conserve some of the cost.
A woman will gladly string along a guy for some validation, free food, and free entertainment. However, a woman will usually only become intimate if she likes you. Hence, the three date rule is born. It is how MEN gauge the interest of WOMEN. Afterall, WOMEN already know MEN are interested because they:
1) initiate
2) plan
3) pay
All these guy who say they don't have a "three date" rule or similar are lying or they are "nice guys" who will be happy listening to you tell them for hours about the latest guy your are screwing. They reason why they lie is because, afterall, they are trying to date some of you ladies! | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/28/2006 6:49:46 AM | Ok... I have had a revelation... while cooking my meat... For some reason this sentence does not fit well with this forum... Anyway...
It all boils down to "motive"... The law of offer and demand... Ying and yang... pieces of puzzles that fit... etc, etc, etc...
I mean... I am only speaking for myself... I know instantly when I meet someone if I want to do the "nasty"... I just know... Thank God it doesn't happen often... 
Anyway... A breif courting period, I guess is acceptable... Still, I have a hard time to contain myself while I am imagening the "dirty monkey sex" over the proper hors d'oeuvres and all... (To a man I am irresistably attracted to... and no I do not string him along for free food and entertainment... I get that without having to submit to listening to a man ramble on about stuff... Sorry... That is just how I am...)
Ladies... common on... If you realy like the gentleman you are dating... Do not tell me that you do not want to do the "nasty"... It is desired as much as the man... Good God... Why do we have to act like prudes... Anyway... We all have to take chances and if he thinks you are a "loose" woman then in my eyes it is his loss... Realy... Let's stop the pretending...
I have to go back to my meat...
Bye for now...  | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/28/2006 7:17:58 AM | The rule is very simple... You see, as a man, usually there is a cost to dating. As a woman, usually you profit when you date (dinners, movies, concerts, little gifts, etc, etc). The woman will try to delay the dating process as long as possible as long as she is profiting whether she is attracted or not. It makes since for the man to try to filter her out as quickly as possible in order to conserve some of the cost.
A woman will gladly string along a guy for some validation, free food, and free entertainment. However, a woman will usually only become intimate if she likes you. Hence, the three date rule is born. It is how MEN gauge the interest of WOMEN. Afterall, WOMEN already know MEN are interested because they:
I guess the three date rule is for golddiggers then. Not many women I know will sit on a second date with a guy they aren't into no matter how much the meal costs. In fact a lot of us will try to get our half of the tab on the first date if we're not into the guy for fear of any additional misunderstanding.
But again, that's my friends and I. Apparently either we're rare, or men are paranoid. Can't really tell which.
And women: if you want to have sex, have it because you want sex. It has nothing to do with a potential relationship. If you think it does, then you don't know men very well. A man will have sex with you and still not call you again if he's not interested in pursuing a serious relationship but he feels you are. Get laid, but don't confuse it with anything else.
You may hate that I say this, but women should be getting laid somewhere reliable anyway between relationships and/or during the dating process. That way there's not so much sexual tension in a new situation and there's not so much emphasis on what sleeping with a new person means. Keep it seperate until you know you are really into the new guy body and soul, and it's mutual (if that's something you're looking for). Don't think for a minute the single guys are in a sexual dry spell on purpose. If they can get it somewhere and it's worry free while they single, they sure as shit will. Not a bad thing, just a fact.
Then if some dude expects to get laid before you're ready and walks because you won't give in, you know he's not the one for you. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 12/28/2006 7:55:58 AM | I have the answer to this question, and other's if you are so inclined to have them answered.
There is a man by the name of Tom Lycus who is a radio talk show host I think out of CA or Vegas that teaches this dating attitude and others to "men" and he says to "women" also.
He states his only purpose in life is to help men get laid, have safe sex, protect men from wasting time and money on women, and not be manupulated by them.
That's where this "rule" started from. | |
|
| |
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 1:45:01 PM | this is actually an accurate way to gage if you are a potential bf/mate, or a sucker. This rule does apply, and it is practiced by more men than will admit. but it's not quite so cut and dried. It comes down to chemestry. If there chemestry is there. Then it will happen. If it's not. Then move on. That simple. Why invest more of your heart into something that is gonna make you a sucker. And all of those women that are painting this as so much BS. Believe me every guy in the world has been played a sucker at sometime. And this is just a rule to shorten the list. Being a sucker is still gonna happen. Happens to me, and you. No gareentees in life. But it just helps to shorten the list of those female sharks.
Finally. For those of you that think this is just BS. It is practiced by at least 50% of the men that I have met in the past when the subject has come up. They just don't have the stones to tell you to your face. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 1:54:22 PM | Load of Rubbish... However, you can easily tell in the first few dates if the chemistry is real or if it's just going to be sex or if there just isn't going to be any sex or whatever.
Maybe that's it? | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:21:48 PM | i heard that one too, or more, i read it on several different sites.
i asked some of my male friends though, and they were clueless, but they're british so maybe it's an american thing?
i know my date is expecting a bit more now we're going to 3rd date, but i've got parents in the house so i'm covered :p | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:23:51 PM | The 3 day rule does exist .Just as the kiss on the first date does as well .If a woman turns her cheek when you go to kiss her after youve had a good 1st date .then you know she's not interested and you blow out and not see her again ..
Same with the 3 date sex rule ..Although rules can be broken and if you really like her you will wait ..The 1st date kiss is the more important barometer .
Ive been told by women friends that if a guy doesn't at least try it on then she will dump him ,feeling he will be to submissive as a man ..
Its not a players rule its just that generally the 3rd date is a sex date for both men and women ..whether you do it or think it .. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 2:37:38 PM |
Posted By: cat-t
ok this one is a new one on me... but it seems to have popped up from a couple of female friends the last day or so..
supposedly their male friends have told then of this unwritten rule that guys have stating that if a woman doesnt have sex with the person they are dating at the 3rd date then they're outta there....
anyone shed any light on if this is true??? ( sad maybe but is it true...???)
I'm not even bothering to read any thing in this thread after the first post before responding.
The only guys that have such a rule are scum and not worth your time.
so go ahead, go on the 3 dates. DON'T give in. If they don't want to date any more because you didn't let em  consider it THIER loss.
Have some pride in yourself. If thats all they are after... they are beneath contempt.
| |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 3:10:35 PM | | Who did you hear this from? I've seen a lot of guys but never had sex with them after the third date. Plus, the guy I'm with now if I didn't have sex with him until I was ready he wouldn't care. He's just not a jackass like that. When all a guy thinks about is sex he pretty much has no life. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 3:26:34 PM | Think men are bad? Most women have decided whether there's any chance of them having sex with you in the first five minutes or so.
A recent poster did make a valid point. If a first date just doesn't quite work, I will likely try a second. There are a few women I know immediately I'm not interested in, but the rest it takes 2-3 dates to really decide where my interest lies.
So yes: Three dates without keeping my interest and you are out. But that has nothing to do with wether we have sex. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 3:54:30 PM | jerry in tampa
The original post should be the 3 date rule which certainly exists ..I feel alot of men on here want to be liked and not be honest .
For the poster who said men are scum that think this way ..
Fella after the third date and spending quite abit of time with a female you know whether its got mileage in carrying on .you may just date for 1 hour for coffee but some of us actually spend about 5 hours on a 1st date ,a whole day on a second date and the same on a third date ..So we.ve invested some serious time .
I agree that its not all about 3rd date sex but generally thats when its going to hapen if at all ..past this and it ends as friends ....who the fk wants 20 female friends . | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 5:26:49 PM | | Any man who would have a rule that a woman has to sleep with them by the third date is only interested in sex. It's obvious a guy like that isn't looking to put in a lot of time for it. The desire for someone starts to build the more you date so that's a ridculous rule. I don't believe in dating rules you should go with what feels right at the time. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 5:43:25 PM | Fella after the third date and spending quite abit of time with a female you know whether its got mileage in carrying on .you may just date for 1 hour for coffee but some of us actually spend about 5 hours on a 1st date ,a whole day on a second date and the same on a third date ..So we.ve invested some serious time .
Well maybe that's not enough time invested for a girl to want to sleep with you. Just because you're investing some serious time with a woman and in some cases a lot of cash, doesn't mean they owe you anything. You're the one asking them out and if they want to sleep with you they will when they feel the time is right for them, not you! | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 5:48:50 PM |
I agree that its not all about 3rd date sex but generally thats when its going to hapen if at all ..past this and it ends as friends ....who the fk wants 20 female friends . I once spent 6-months in an exclusive relationship before sex was involved (and that was with someone local, I've done several months with someone I met remotely on more than one occasion).
I diagree entirely on what I read you to infer here.
Now, if we've been out three times and there's just no chemestry, or I don't see the possability of the future I'm looking for... that's different. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 8:15:00 PM | I have my own rules.. I would not meet a woman without being ready to have sex with her on the first date.. Should she wish.. If I dont really like her that much, I will "do her" just because its sort of "expected..".. But will probably make loads of excuses etc and avoid her if she tries to keep contact..
If sex is not on the cards first date, then unless she really looks and seems interesting and worth the investement, i will probably not be seeing her again.. The old "I dont shag on the first date" rule women have is dumb.. a bloke who knows that will just grin and bear the first date and wait for the next one..! (Not me though, dont see the point in wasting time!)..
I guess there comes a point when you have a few dates and things are going fine, even though sex has not happend yet.. no big deal..
Then, after spending n. dates with the lady, who you have really enjoyed the company of, you finally get to hide the sausage..
And, its an experience you will never forget for all the wrong reasons..
Having found out how much you enjoy each others company, it then turns out you are sexually incompatible..
Hence I am wary of any woman who expects me to return if she does not put out on first date..
Its important to get the main thing sorted first.. then, the rest falls into place one would hope..
I my case, I guess that the main thing is the sex..
Not that its the only thing.. But if that aspect is not real, then the rest is academic isnt it? | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/1/2007 9:49:28 PM | There's quite a difference between
"No sex by 3rd date = " and
"No connection by 3rd date = "
You DO NOT have to have sex in order to prove you have found a connection.
the guys that want to demand sex by the 3rd date... take your $20 to the gal on the streetcorner. Leave the real ladies alone.
The parts all fit. You don't have to test them. | |
|
| 3 dates and you're out- a mans rule..
Posted: 2/2/2007 12:14:49 PM | A woman will gladly string along a guy for some validation, free food, and free entertainment. However, a woman will usually only become intimate if she likes you. Hence, the three date rule is born. It is how MEN gauge the interest of WOMEN.
Wow, notagoodguy. You must know some pretty poor women. I can take myself out for food and entertainment.
If I don't like the guy, no way I'm seeing him again. If I like him, then I will. But the enticement isn't a free dinner or tickets to a concert; it's his company.
But sex? Sex is something I have when I feel comfortable with him, when we are in an exclusive relationship, when he cares for me, I care for him, and some time has passed. Why some time? Because that's when I feel comfortable.
If he feels he needs to fish elsewhere because of that, I understand, no hard feelings. But I won't put myself in an uncomfortable situation just because he has a hard d*ck.
And knight4mares, you must be meeting some really untalented women. It's sex, not rocket science. It's not all that hard to do.
 | |
|
|
|
|
Page
10
of
11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
|
|
Home
login 
