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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/12/2011 6:53:45 AM | Women have tendency to fall in love with their "ears" for one thing!
We are not unwilling participants, for sure! If he has a lot of characteristics you were looking for ie: established,good friends,says all the right things,fun,the sex was great....we're in like flint.
I have learned there are stages to any relationship. First, the initial attraction,then we try to get to know the characters and flaws of each other. One can camouflage(lie) for awhile but once the passion wears off...the truth will be revealed.JMO | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 9:18:28 AM | I do think it is odd, in the thead, that there are posts that blame women for believing lies. I find that really strange. Essentially finding equal fault with the liar and the one who believes the liar.
A successful con requires a person who does the conning and a person who is willing to be conned. It's impossible to con someone who doesn't want what you're selling.
These people who say that, that the woman is just as much at fault because she believed the liar, have these people never been lied to, in any situation and believed it?
Not in a very, very, long time. Once I figured out that manipulation is about appealing to greed, I didn't find it very difficult to see when a person was trying to push the right buttons.
No matter what: give him the benefit of the doubt, you're an idiot. Be cautious and circumspect: you're messed up.
A person who believes nothing is just as much an idiot as the person who believes anything. The only thing that requires intelligence is figuring out what to believe and not to believe. However, most people will overlook the obvious if you hold out the right carrot because you're appealing to some greed on their part and they want to believe the bs. Read the thread on wingwomen for a good example. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 9:41:32 AM | Nothing like waking up to realize you can't change someone into what you want them to be and then turn around and call them a liar for it. If women and men were 100 percent open and honest from the start, then I doubt hardly anyone would pair together. 
If it is to goood to be true then it probably is, and as far as this subject is concerned both genders lie to each other. If one falls in love with a liar, whose to blame? The liar or the believer? | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 11:57:02 AM | I do think it is odd, in the thead, that there are posts that blame women for believing lies. I find that really strange. Essentially finding equal fault with the liar and the one who believes the liar.
A successful con requires a person who does the conning and a person who is willing to be conned. It's impossible to con someone who doesn't want what you're selling.
These people who say that, that the woman is just as much at fault because she believed the liar, have these people never been lied to, in any situation and believed it?
Not in a very, very, long time. Once I figured out that manipulation is about appealing to greed, I didn't find it very difficult to see when a person was trying to push the right buttons.
No matter what: give him the benefit of the doubt, you're an idiot. Be cautious and circumspect: you're messed up.
A person who believes nothing is just as much an idiot as the person who believes anything. The only thing that requires intelligence is figuring out what to believe and not to believe. However, most people will overlook the obvious if you hold out the right carrot because you're appealing to some greed on their part and they want to believe the bs. Read the thread on wingwomen for a good example. In general I disagree with you. First, I'll make clear, I have not been conned by a guy like the OP is describing. Never had a situation where a guy led me to believe he cared for me, went to bed, and then he disappeared. Never been involved with someone who only pretended to want a relationship with me. So, I guess I am good at detecting BS and insincerity. However, I still believe that both men and women who are conned in love matters are not equally culpable and that their fault is that they are too eager to be deceived and to believe what is unrealistic or 'too good to be true' or whatever. Some people put their whole being into lying and conning others; they are pretty good at it and can fool people who are not stupid, vain, or willing to be conned. I think it is quite arrogant to condescend to people who are hurt by those who play false with them. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 11:59:00 AM |
Why do men lie to get a woman to fall in love then when she does fall in love and she finds out the lies the man gets mad and runs off.....why can't you be honest from the beginning?
Awesome and totally valid question, I mean, all men lie, right?
So, based on that fact, I'm guessing he figured he could do better but you'd do for now? | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 12:53:10 PM |
In general I disagree with you.
You can disagree, but the bottom line is that the person being lied to pays the price, so ignoring how the person being lied to allows him/herself to be manipulated doesn't solve the problem.
However, I still believe that both men and women who are conned in love matters are not equally culpable and that their fault is that they are too eager to be deceived and to believe what is unrealistic or 'too good to be true' or whatever.
I'm still trying to figure out what those ``love matters'' are.
I think it is quite arrogant to condescend to people who are hurt by those who play false with them.
Think whatever you wish. You can't manipulated without your consent. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 12:56:42 PM |
... ignoring how the person being lied to allows him/herself to be manipulated doesn't solve the problem.
. Your assumption is that they "allow" themselves to be manipulated. I am disputing that. You have no proof to make such a claim. So, your entire logical argument is based on an unproveable premise.
You can't manipulated without your consent You state this like it is a fact. It isn't. It is an opinion, your opinion, on which your are basing your entire position. But you are basing your position on an unproveable premise. Maybe you have been watching too much Dr. Phil. Sounds like something he would say. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 1:39:43 PM | Most people aren't as consciously calculating in their interactions with people as some would like to believe. Men lie, women discern? But it is usually not until the past tense that the dynamics of the interaction come into focus.
Everyone puts their best foot forward. It's a good idea to take ones time. Women who were attracted to me were in a hurry and they were inventing me. They saw the attractive qualities in me. They didn't see my lesser qualities. And everybody has them. I take responsibility for colluding, for letting it move too fast. It happens. But what the hell? One can be too careful. It's just life.
As far a apportioning blame for failed relationships, that's between the two people involved. "Hard nosed" pseudo sophisticated pronouncements about how the "victim" is as much to blame as the manipulator is just ersatz posturing and empty rhetoric. It "sounds" good, sounds worldly and wise, but it means nothing. Because you weren't there. You can speak for yourself only. If you can do even that.
You might think you can't get worked but I doubt it. Everybody that is human has weaknesses. If you are without desire or ego...
But you are not. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/14/2011 2:05:00 PM | Also if a woman believes a man's lies and is then considered to have allowed herself to be manipulated does this mean that we should assume all men are liars and not believe anything they say?
that's a depressing prospect and not all men lie. Unfortunately some will say whatever they think you want to hear in order to get what they want. And there are perhaps women who would do the same. But to cosider yourself a fool for believing and trusting in someone would mean that to be wise you should believe in and trust no-one.
there's a difference between people believing things about each other that have not actually been communicated; out of assumptions or wishful thinking compared to someone who is out and out lying to get what they want. I have had more than one relationship in my life but I've only ever experienced one out and out liar. This person did clearly and without doubt lie about themselves to get what they wanted.
However, the other people I have had relationships with did not. It may well make me more cautious in the future but if someone is determined to blatantly lie about themselves I can only take what they say on face value until proven otherwise or assume that everyone I meet is a liar. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 11:27:52 AM | Also if a woman believes a man's lies and is then considered to have allowed herself to be manipulated does this mean that we should assume all men are liars and not believe anything they say?
I'm not sure what is so difficult about this unless people get in way over their heads 5 minutes after meeting someone. You don't have to assume a person is lying. You can take it at face value and determine the veracity of what you are told before reaching the point that it matters. If a guy tells you he's 10 years younger than he is, so what? At worst, you will waste between 30 minutes to a couple of hours meeting him in person. You might even enjoy the conversation even though you don't want to date him. I'm trying to figure exactly what men can (and apparently often) lie about that would cause concern beyond being par for the course in a world where some people lie. You aren't turning your life's savings or offering up your virginity to someone based on nothing but his own description of hiumself. Presumably you are going to meet him and make a few judgments based on more than personal hype before doing anything rash.
I mean seriously - If a woman lied to me, it wasn't a life-or-death thing. I'd find out before getting to the point that the lie mattered. It's not hard to accept things at face value if you use a little common sense to make judgments as you go.
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 11:37:47 AM | Dont you think as people, both men and women, we should treat each new person on their own merits and judge the interaction with being truthful to ourselves based on our past experiences and knowledge?
We all should know that not every person we meet will be "the one" or even move beyond a friendship kind of relationship.
Personally I think a lot of people are wanting "the fairy tale" so desperately that they ignore signs/signals that show this person is not the one, and when it blows up in their face, blame all men/women.
We all know there are people out their with agendas, be it sex, financial gain, and players who say what they think others want to hear to get what they want. If we fall for their game, shame on them. If we continually fall for it, then same on us.
I think it sucks being desperate, because people fail to see how special they are and that they deserve better. We all should know our personal value before trying to find someone to share your life with. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:11:28 PM | | In my post I was suggesting that the lies are something fundamental about the man - not whether he looks younger than he is or not or not something you will find out about in one or two dates - something about what they want out of life; what would make them compatible with you - fundamentally about who they are. These are the kind of things you may not necessarily not believe - and not necessarily find out are not true for some time to come. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:15:52 PM | Just to add also - that if someone does lie about themself to that extent - it's a problem with their personality - not necessarily because the believer is so desperate for someone they will believe anything and fall head over heels five minutes after meeting. Well, not this girl anyway!  | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:39:07 PM | I agree with AzureAngel's earlier post about taking a persons word at face value till determined otherwise. My post was about the number of times people have been hurt by meeting someone they were interested in and instead of waiting to see how the relationship unfolded, began to build a relationship in their mind because they wanted a relationship so bad. Then if things didnt work out as they imagined blamed things on the other.
There are many people out there who do not listen to what a person says and for some reason in their mind they think they are going to change the other persons over time. I am sad to say but I have done it too. Since I figured this out and began to watch the signs more carefully I have not had any problems. People are not sometimes honest about habits/lifestyles that are deal breakers for them.
The best way to find "the one" is to first know what you want from a partner, what you have to offer them and what kind of a relationship you are looking for. Then its a matter of kissing a lot of toads/toadettes to find "the one". People forget to think with their heads and feel with their hearts. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:46:29 PM | Yep, I agree. Know what you want from a partner, what you have to offer them and what kind of relationship you are looking for - then when you meet someone who seems to fit the bill and tells you they are looking for the same thing and you both hold hands off into the sunset hope that in six months time he doesn't tell you it was all a lie and he actually wants to live with his Mum forever/actually wants to have a sex change/is about to move to Australia et al but told you otherwise so you would have sex with him 
there is something in what most people have said and I suppose all we can do is see what happens and listen to our "gut" if we feel something isn't right. Luckily most people don't set out to completely lie about themselves as it turns out pointless in the end anyway. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 12:55:22 PM | ~OT~ This thread really should have been titled "Do most men lie to get a woman to have sex" because I'm not really seeing many who think one does lie to get an emotional response, merely sex. Where I have issues with the whole "lie for sex" idea is that there's not been a man in my life that I've had sex with that I didn't wish to have sex with. No one promised me a lifetime full of exotic travels, a picket fence and lifelong love, in exchange for sex. When I've gotten naked, it was my own decision, and although I'm certain I've been lied to in that past, I can't pin-point one specific incident in which I got naked by they lies someone told me. Maybe I've been lucky ~ maybe I have spidey-sense or maybe I'm just smart enough to know when bullshiit is being spewed my direction. The reality is: believe what someone does before you believe what they say. Tough thing to do at times, but ultimately that is what matters. JMO  | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 2:23:36 PM |
In my post I was suggesting that the lies are something fundamental about the man - not whether he looks younger than he is or not or not something you will find out about in one or two dates - something about what they want out of life; what would make them compatible with you - fundamentally about who they are.
I really don't think people lie about that, at least not unless you pick up on it immediately as an act. I think those difference are really differences in what people mean when using those same words. For example, my fiancee said that she liked going outdoors to hike and camp. I like those things too, but we seem to have radically different ideas about what that means. I really don't think it's worth my while to go hike and camp unless it's some serious effort out in the middle of nowhere where I'm unlikely to see someone else for days. The camping part amounts to a sleeping bag and a minimal tent which hopefully won't leak if it rains.
My fiancee's idea of hiking is a couple of mile stroll on a nature trail (which to me is dull) and her idea of camping is setting up a tent with an air mattress in a national park next to the car. To me, that's like going to a hotel minus the amenities that make going to a hotel tolerable. Neither of us lied. However, she seems to think I don't really like hiking and camping just because I think her version of those things is boring. What she expected when I said I liked those things was that I liked doing those things her way. It actually never occured to me that anyone would consider what she does to be hiking and camping. She gets enjoyment out just strolling and looking. I get enjoyment out of the physical struggle and adversity.
I can think of lots of other things where a real difference might crop up, but not neccessarily because anyone is lying. You just have different ideas about what those things mean and to accomplish them. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 3:13:44 PM | Yes there are men who intentionally lie about that; that will fundamentally and outright lie about who they are and what they want and intentionally say otherwise because it fits a purpose.
As a woman with girlfriends I can tell you that they do.
it isn't a misunderstanding, it isn't about not giving chance to get to know someone - it's about an intentional lie.
You may not have met anyone like that but there are some out there. I'm not unintelligent and I'm not just confusing what someone may or may not have said. I've also seen other people experience it.
Again, thankfully there aren't many like that around. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 6:03:32 PM | | Well, I'd say that if they go to the extent of lying to get the love of a woman it's either because of egoism and pride or because they really care and are trying to impress. It's based on the society each person is part of and the education one receives I would say. You take the same person who lies for love and put them in a place away from such influences and they can become super honest, and you can take a super honest person and subject them to such influences and they become a liar, you know. | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 6:19:38 PM | why can't you be honest from the beginning?
Because our species would die out- The biggest liars usually manage to impress and impregnate the most young naive females-
Women can only affect that when they start choosing men for honest character and not the biggest creative liars-
subject them to such influences and they become a liar, you know.
You would certainly know, you know-
Once someone is out of high school and working, then you will find out that you focus more on the reality of paying the bills, and less on creating lies and fantasy stories seeking attention- | |
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| WHY DO MEN LIE TO GET A WOMAN TO FALL IN LOVE
Posted: 3/15/2011 6:31:20 PM | Look ForumInterlude, in 6 on-topic pages, the best contribution you make is that?
go discuss that in the appropriate thread, ok?
and don't judge me by your standards, please.
Oh, and by the way, sometimes people accuse others only because they do it themselves...
after all, you don't see me going to other threads in order to criticize you, do you?
so who's seeking attention?
that's another example of "Why Men Lie". | |
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