| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:36:56 AM | It's funny that others don't 'get' their rude behavior....it's funnier when they tell you that YOU have a problem.....like the hawker......
I dated a guy once that took 4 cell calls during our dinner together. I told him I didn't mind emergencies, but you are out to chat with ME, not the phone.....he got mad at me!
Another guy would think nothing about showing up late and cancelling at the last minute.....I expressed my displeasure....I was told that I was NOT understanding, etc.....
Sigh. Glad to be out of the 'rat race'!  | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/13/2008 8:41:46 AM | Ahhhh, I envy you lighthouse lady....you give me hope, almost
I always turn my cell phone off for dates so when they pull theirs out and start taking calls, to me it says he isn't interested and I let him know I understand. After a third call one night, I actually took mine out and started making calls...the expression on his face was priceless and no, I never accepted his offer of a second date, phooey on that.
Robin | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/13/2008 11:22:46 AM | Nice guys? Of course their out there. I am not part of several sites, but POF has introduced me to many very nice, and interesting people to say the least. Clearly, some people will elaborate and yes, fib about themselves, but as one puts themselves “out there” so to speak, one should also understand some “sifting through” will be necessary. I think the approach that should be taken is, don’t have high expectations and if someone doesn’t respond to an initial, simple, yet respectful note, then that person is obviously not the right person for you. Forget about that lack of interest, no matter how it's shown and don't take it personally. Although frustrating, sometimes life has a peculiar way of showing us our paths. Have patience, no matter what type of relationship one is looking for, there are thousands of perspective men and woman. People that are worth sharing a friendship or romantic relationship with, usually are worth the time invested.
Stephanie | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/13/2008 3:24:26 PM | The only nice guy in Michigan just got back from Georgia. If you want to call him I think his number is 1-900-old-fart, you get a discount if you mention you saw it here on POF!!
Was I missed? | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/13/2008 6:38:17 PM | Well handsome, if you go back and check some of the posts...you'll see I asked about where you were hiding  It's been awfully quiet without your imput, welcome back, I hope the trip was great. I wanna hear about the weather there...sighhh, did you bring it back with you?
Robin | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/14/2008 4:55:11 AM | | I'm still bumming from a "relationship"? I emailed with this guy for a month. Finally, we dated about three times. He wined and dined me on every date. Always wanted to spend the night. Like.... that never happened! He never wanted to call me for a date, just emailed me to ask. After the third date, I demanded that he call me. Well, that ended it! He claimed he wanted to "slow down" and that we would just be friends. Do you think that because he was "separated and not divorced yet" had something to do with it? UH ...Yeah I guess his wife wouldn't give him enough room in bed or anything else! Where are the honest , caring guys out there? I went into this innocently and came out of it hurt and wondering if this is what I am looking for. This was a pretty sad way for a guy to get a taste of something different. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore. I have been a widow for four years and was just starting to feel like maybe life had something to offer. I guess I learned something about myself and others. You never know someone even when you get to know them! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 6:10:52 AM | | Aww Linda,,dont let one jerk-off ruin it for ya. Granted, we have done a lil bit of male bashing (lowers head lol), but there ARE nice men out there, we just havent found them yet. Or,,maybe we have but just cuz they are nice doesnt mean there will be instant chemistry (gotta have that! ). We just gotta trudge on until we find 'the one' who really knocks our socks off. Is he out there? I do not doubt it. Will it be tomorrow? Maybe,,,,maybe not. When the time is 'right', he will be there. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:22:03 AM | linda I'm going to be frank here, please don't confuse it for being mean.
You say you are still "bumming from a relationship with a guy you emailed with for a month and had three dates with. A real friendship takes longer to develope let alone a relationship.
You say he "Always wanted to spend the night". If this happened the first time you met it should have given you a clue as to what he wanted from you. When it happened the second time it should have been obvious what he wanted so why would you give him a third chance?
You say "He never wanted to call me for a date, just emailed me to ask." The fact that you never talked to him on the phone should have put up a red flag.
You say "After the third date, I demanded that he call me. Well, that ended it! He claimed he wanted to "slow down" and that we would just be friends." This is where I take his side. If a woman starts demanding things from me after three dates it would be the end of dating her. I wouldn't even suggest that we could just be friends.
I'm not justifying his actions. Stories like yours are not uncommon and the same types of things also happen to men. I can understand feeling like you can't trust anyone anymore but are you going to let the actions of one person effect your life in such a radical way? I surely wouldn't, there is no single person who can change my mind set.
Sometimes its the people who seem too nice that you need to be wary of. Many times they are the user who have perfected the art of conning others. You need to look at what happened as one of life's experiences, learn from it and move on.
Good luck and be happy. Don't let anyone ruin your happiness. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:06:45 PM | John - Nicely put. It didn't sound mean to me, only quite candid. Hopefully Linda will view your post as advise offered, not criticism thrown. You offered, "Sometimes its the people who seem too nice that you need to be wary of." Amen. In fact that's the rationale I'm going to use for being dateless since only God knows when. LOL
Ripely, you wrote, "...trudge on until we find 'the one' who really knocks our socks off." Yes, and then we'll read a post which says that she, "went out with this great guy, all was well, until he started to remove my socks." LOL Sorry, I couldn't resist this feeble effort at humor.
Thanks for letting me play.
Dave | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 12:14:40 PM | | Hey John....You are mostly right in what you said. I should have seen the light on the first date! This guy said so many "right" things that basically nothing registered. You haven't hurt my feelings in any way. It's guys like him that do the hurting. Yes, I am somewhat at fault for going on the 2nd and 3rd dates but hey it's been a long time since I dated anyone! (30 some years!) I will be on my guard from now on. Thanks for your input. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 2:00:35 PM | It is possible too that he would only email you because he was still very married and cheating on his wife.
I don't mean to be the devils advocate here but him not wanting you to call him at his house means he didn't want his wife to know about you.
Either he was doing it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Sometimes people might stay together for a little while after they decided to seperate until finanically ready to move on. But they don't feel right in "rubbing their face" in it by taking phone calls from other people.
Or he was very married and didn't want his wife to know about his infidelity.
Generally people just coming out of a marriage or long relationship like that don't really know what they want. You will notice my profile says right in it that if you haven't been divorced for atleast a year Pass me by. There is a reason for that...
Widows/Widowers have some of the same issues and REALLY should not start dating right away but generally we all have issues to deal with from long term relationships and really are NOT ready for anything serious until we deal with those. Most people take atleast a year to resolve those issues. Some take longer.
My last long term relationship was with a woman who was in process of separation. A year later when her divorce was final she ended up dumping me because she hadn't taken time out to figure out who she was and what she wanted. I was very hurt and it took me 2 years to get over that relationship. And I have gone out with other women at different times that have been at different stages and since I am more interested in a serious long term relationship I just refuse to date women who are recently out of a long term relationship or marriage.
Just food for thought.. Learn by other peoples mistakes or be doomed to repeat them and get the heartache...
Rodney | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 3:45:56 PM | Ripley...I think you are correct in thinking that the right guy is out there. I guess patience is a virtue and needs to be learned. I have been widowed for four years and finally feel like I'm ready for a relationship of some sort. I haven't dated in many years and I guess it's no different than when I was young! I thought that all of the bull
sh-t had passed by and that dating would be a breeze. Well, I guess I'm on a new learning curve! I just want to end this life with some happiness. Ya know what I mean? I doubt that I will ever be as happy as I was with my husband. But then who knows? Thank you for making me feel better. I felt like I was the only person of my age to experience something like this. Yeah, I know....I've got a lot to learn AGAIN!
Rodney....Thanks for your words. I'm sorry that you had to go through so much. I hope you find the girl of your dreams and live forever in happiness. I'm learning that it takes time for Mr. or Mrs. RIGHT to come into our lives. A friendship is what I am looking for. Maybe more later. Take care and good luck! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:47:53 PM | | i always go back to first impressions. in most instances, the first impression is the correct impression. should i use the word impression one more time! LOL | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:41:33 AM | | Joanne...if I go back to "first impressions" then he was Mr. Right...He said all the right things, did all the right things! I'm not quite that naieve. (spelled wrong) He was a perfect gentleman until the end of every night. I just thought he was your typical guy. In my past experiences, most guys always try for the "Grande Finale". Maybe I don't know what a "typical guy" is any more. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:55:49 AM | well, linda, i agree, they are all looking for the grand finale. some are just smoother than others. i was chatting on yahoo with this one feller, and he says call me and gave me his number. he doesn't answer, so i txt msg him and say, hey you did not answer, and he says, "get back on yahoo. no phone tonight." LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
buzz off. the wife must have come home early from work!!!!! next!!!!!!  | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:45:00 PM | | My question for you is ...Why did you call the Guy. You did say feller didn't you? Am I missing something? | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:47:21 PM | | i see lawrence likes the fellers too, huh? | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:25:10 PM | | So...maybe I didn't miss anything! I thought maybe it was just me! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:26:01 PM | Linda.... Joanne....
To each their own, but Lawrence, maybe he had a bf that was home...what makes you think wife? I am going to really really hope this dude wasnt such a low life as to have a bf while he is married to a woman...that is far lower than my mind can handle.
Robin | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:48:39 PM | | robin, i dated a man for four and a half years and did not know he had "boyfriends." it is quite shocking to discover that lifestyle in someone you thought you knew. what other people want to do is their own business. but to lie to someone you're with is unforgiveable. he lived a complete lie. i felt so betrayed that for six months i did not even tell my sisters. i felt very embarassed. and the weird thing is his "boyfriend" knew all about me. when i finally discovered what was going on, i had never even heard of this man, yet he knew me, he knew my kids' names, where i lived, the whole story. talk about shock!! and come to find out he admitted it had been going on from the very beginning, and there were four others during the time we were together! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:23:40 PM | | Lawrence...I'm not offended by any means...just update your profile! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/20/2008 5:48:25 AM | OK...Everyone....I just heard from the guy that I thought was done with me. He said he worried about MY feelings and doesn't want to see me HURT! What do I do? Should I email him back or let him sleep? He says he's not with anyone....he just is afraid of his feelings and knows that if we get together again he will probably end up spending the night. "NOT"
I really liked this guy but I don't want to get hurt. Should I just go on with my life as it is or should I see him again. I need some sound advice .....Linda | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/20/2008 7:53:45 AM | Can someone define "nice guy"?
Because I've found, there is an abundance of dill weeds shmucks who represent themselves as a "nice guy". I truely believe they think they are, so maybe someone can give them a definition and there will be no more innocent mistakes. Hope this don't sound bitter because it's not, just an observation I've found from talking to and listening to stories told by some of my fellow POF chickys. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 4/20/2008 9:48:51 AM | EVERY guy is a nice guy....
Don't believe me? Just ask em and be suprised if they say anything else...
Its when you can get atleast 5 women to tell you a guy is nice with a straight face and they aren't all standing together that maybe, just MAYBE you can believe em...
Even then it can be debatable...
Just an observation...
Rodney | |
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