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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 5:37:12 AM | | well first of lets be honest this post should be where have all the nice people gone. In 6 years i have been crapped on by plenty of women. used trashed etc. what is left is a very guarded man with lots to offer | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 6:19:26 AM | | In defense of "nice guys", most women SAY that they want one, but often the assumption is that he's also handsome and wealthy. Looks do matter to all of us, so I'm not knocking that, but studies have shown that women gravitate towards guys who are exciting, dangerous, and a challenge for the woman to "change". I think that many nice guys seem boring in comparison to that. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:38:08 AM | | P.S. Nice guys have to be prepared to hear the "F" word a lot..........FRIEND! I've had a few women tell me what a nice guy I am, then proceed to tell me about the latest guy they are dating, and how we can still be friends. UGH! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:44:22 AM | Okay, I can tolerate men who don't reply to your first e-mail. But, it would be nice to have a "sorry, not interested." I always make a point of responding to most all e-mails. But, what I find most irritating, is the men you e-mail back and forth and then hear nothing. What is up with that? I find that just plain rude!! Just tell me you've decided to not continue to e-mail! And if you don't want to say why, say that and I won't ask. But, don't just leave me hanging there!
As far as nice guys left . . . I'm beginning to lose hope. So many people (guys and gals) have all this baggage they have left over from old relationships. I think everyone should be required to go into therapy after a divorce. No matter who was at fault, since it's always a two-way street. If you don't resolve old issues, you just continue to carry them to the next relationship. And most everyone has issues from their childhood that they have carried into relationships that should be resolved, as well.
And I agree with the lady that mentioned that a lot of men are always looking for the younger women. So, if men in their 50's are looking for women in their 30's and 40's, that doesn't leave much selection for myself. And, I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for someone much older than myself. I'm told I look 10 years younger than my age and I'm very active, yet you don't find many men younger than myself that would really consider a much older women for a real relationship. I guess they have a hang up on the age.
What I was also told (by a guy), is that men are not attracted to independent women. I guess that puts a crimp on their "manhood". What is up with that? I've had to become independent out of necessity. I would love to have a honey to give a "to do" list, balance my check book, give advice, etc.
And while I'm venting, let me also mention another pet peeve. Why do guys freak when you suggest meeting early on? I have done the e-mailing for weeks/months thing pouring out information and thoughts and feelings and then meet them and not be physically attracted even though I did see a picture. Which usually didn't look anything like them, or their personality was not compatible. So I prefer to meet early. People meet in bars all the time and exchange numbers. Why get paranoid about exchanging a couple e-mails and then meeting in a public place for coffee or drinks, going dutch. That way you aren't wasting your time and mine. I've suggested that a couple times and never hear from them again . . .
Thanks everyone for listening. I guess I just needed to get this out and I apogize for the length. So in conclusion, since I'm not willing to just settle, I will continue to look for the "nice guy" and hope that he shows up one day, emotionally available, and hopefully within reasonable driving distance (which is a whole different story . . .) | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 11:34:03 AM | Gracie, let me respond to your thoughts if I may.
First off, you're an attractive woman. I'm going to go through your post and give you some thoughts, ok?
E-mail response: Yes, I agree...it is rude to either 1) not respond or 2) cut off communication w/o explanation. This happens to BOTH women and men. So don't feel like this is something that is in your experience only. So a search on these forums and you'll see that this is a hugely common complaint. Why do people do this? Me personally, I think that the anonimity of the internet makes people lose their bloody minds. It's easy to forget that the person on the other end is not really a person, and that there is no need to have good manners or be considerate of their feelings. Again, this is common with BOTH sexes, not just you.
So, if for some reason, you find a person stopping the flow of communication, they've lost interest for whatever reason. It happens alot because for many people, it's easier to just walk away than actually explain themselves. It's rude, but I think that is what happens.
As for nice guys left? Many men feel that...by being nice, women will feel there is no "challenge" and will regulate them to the friend category. Men see examples of women being treated like shit over and over again, and yet they keep coming back. Unfortunately, you females are so complicated that many men see this destructive behavior by SOME gals and associate it with all women.
There are tons of good guys out there. I will admit, they are the minority. But if you're patient, you'll find one. We are worth the wait and perseverence!
Common manners, saying thank you, respecting another person as an individual...holding the door open, being thoughtful and considerate...having the ability to say I'm sorry what we screw up. These are not dead traits. They're just rare...in BOTH sexes.
About men and age...I think many people would like to date someone younger than themselves. This isn't exclusive of men. But on the flip side of the coin, with respect to men...most men will happily date a woman of the same age if the chemistry is there. That's just an incorrect conclusion on your part. I'd much rather be involved with someone that has the ability to relate to my life experiences...than date someone so young their response is "huh" when I bring up a particular topic.
Independent women - I love confident women. I love independent women. It's sexy as hell and raises your perceived...value? for the lack of a better word 100 fold. Whoever is feeding you this information is wrong.
Lastly, about meeting. I mean...define early on? Are you asking to meet on the VERY first exchange of notes with a person? Me personally...after a few emails I wouldn't mind talking on the phone a couple times if it sounded like there was mutual chemistry. But I definitely wouldn't rule out meeting someplace public for a drink or whatever instead.
I think you need to remember about 50% of the people on this site are NOT SERIOUS about actually dating someone. They are either looking to see if they are still attractive to the opposite sex, they are married and playing some sort of ego game with themselves or they enjoy the thrill of talking with someone and the mechanics of leading up to...but not doing...a date for reasons of their own.
You will have to weed out these miserable people to get to the serious ones. I hope that helps a little bit.
Remember...it's not YOU. It's the nature of the internet dating beast, unfortunately. Many people have unrealistic expectations about what to expect here. Hang in there, meeting someone always happens at the most unexpected times. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 2:02:17 PM | The early meeting concept is probably a good one. It saves on misery if things just aren't going to be, because you haven't built a "relationship" upon the sand of email and phone conversations.
What's early? I'd think a few emails and maybe 2 phone calls and it is time to set a meeting date. By then you've established a baseline of trust and some level of conversational interest.
I've been rejected on the basis of independence too. Literally: "you're too independent!"
When I thought of the horror stories of prior relationships and even marriages she'd had I could only go "hmmmm." Maybe she has a fatal attraction to alkies, the financially irresponsible, and guys who can't cook or do laundry for themselves. | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 32 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/19/2006 3:32:31 PM | | OKAY rzerndt, AND TO ALL WHO POSTED. I REALIZE THAT OF COURSE THE MEN ARE GOING TO HAVE A DIFFERENT TAKE ON THIS SUBJECT, AND I AM POSITIVELY SURE THAT THERE ARE MANY MEN OUT THERE THAT PROBABLY ARE ASKING WHERE ARE THE NICE LADIEIS? HANDSOME AND WEALTHY....WELL, BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, AND THE REAL BEAUTY COMES FROM INSIDE. WEALTHY, QUITE FRANKLY WEALTHY TO ME IS WHEN YOU ARE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND ARE HONEST WITH OTHERS, AND CARING TO AND SENSITIVE TO OTHERS FEELINGS....IN THESE DAYS AND TIMES IF YOU CAN MAINTAIN THESE QUALITIES AND KNOW HOW TO TRULY LIVE A GOOD LIFE, THEN THAT IS ALL THE WEALTH YOU NEED. WE ALL TEND TO HAVE A "DANGEROUS" SIDE TO US, WE JUST LET IT OUT IN DIFFERENT DEGREES....BUT TO "CHANGE" SOMEONE, THAT ISN'T PART OF MY DESCRIPTION FOR A GOOD LASTING RELATIONSHIP.....TO LIKE SOMEONE IS TO RESPECT SOMEONE, AND TO RESPECT SOMEONE IS TO UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPT THAT PERSON FOR WHAT AND WHO THEY ARE. THEN YOU HAVE THE BASIS FOR A LASTING RELATIONSHIP AND A GOOD RELATIONSHIP....LIKE I SAID AT THE BEGINING OF THIS PARTICULAR POST, I KNOW THAT THERE ARE JUST AS MANY SHALLOW WOMEN OUT THERE AS THERE ARE MEN, AND MORES THE PITY. WHAT WE ALL WANT AND NEED IS TO BE TREATED AS HUMAN, AND HUMANS WITH FEELINGS, I JUST WISH THERE WERE MORE OUT THERE THAT COULD AND WOULD DECIDE TO PUT THE GAME PLAYING ASIDE AND TREAT OTHERS AS THEY WISH TO BE TREATED..... | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:43:42 AM | I'm a nice guy, kind, thoughtful, polite, ..... guess to make your statement true here I stand,
I challenge you....
oh sitting at the moment....
Doesn't matter what anyone types. Words are words... All that is; is a Description.
All you can do is try, I'm not going to be afraid to say what everyone else says
or does cause this is me not them and while anyone is on there date try to keep
focused on that person not OMG he is just like him OMG he wants to go where
my X went, big deal cause (we) haven't done them together yet and this is about
(us)
Just cause anyone had a few bad apples at least you got out and did something
fun hopefully.
Theres no doubt that people are judgmental about what people type and what
they look like. Communication is Important foremost. Split each others highs and lows
and if things then don't work out. I'm sure you know what to do. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:14:35 AM | | uh yea, I had a guy who said he was nice, sweet, caring, intelligent, blah blah blah...and he was a user....wanted money (that i couldn't give) and then ditched me.,..told me to forget we met.... yeah real nice and caring... i agree with whoever said if they are nice they don't have to advertise it. | |
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paa
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Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 35 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:42:58 PM | | YES WORDS ARE WORDS....THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO TELL ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER AND I GUESS IF YOU CAN'T TRUST WHAT IS READ ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DOES SAY ALOT ABOUT THE FACT THAT IN REAL LIFE YOU PROBABLY CAN'T TRUST THEM. I WANT TO THANK EVERYONE THAT CAME HERE AND POSTED AND RELAYED THEIR VIEWS AND OPINIONS....I CAME TO THIS SITE IN THE HOPES THAT MAYBE JUST MAYBE, I COULD MAKE SOME NEW FRIENDS, AND MAYBE ALONG THE WAY FIND THAT SOMEONE SPECIAL THAT I COULD SHARE MY LIFE WITH. BUT IF THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN I WOULD HAVE SOME NEW FOUND FRIENDS, AND FACE IT NOBODY CAN EVER HAVE TOO MANY FRIENDS IN LIFE! BUT THAT APPEARS THAT JUST ISN'T GOING TO BE THE CASE, BECAUSE FOR ALL OF THE RESPONSES I HAVE SENT, FOR ALL THE INSTANT MESSAGES I HAVE TRIED TO INITIATE, THERE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT DEAFENING SILENCE. THE ONE RESPONSE I DID GET, LASTED ONLY A FEW E-MAILS, THEN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. NO SORRY, NO GO TO HELL, NO NOTHING. YOU KNOW SOME OF YOU HAVE SAID, DON'T TAKE IT SO HARD, DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY, WELL IN RESPONSE TO THAT ALL I CAN SAY IS THIS: YOU CAN ONLY TAKE THE CODE OF SILENCE FOR SO LONG WITHOUT TAKING IT PERSONALLY, AND THE KICKED IN THE GUT FEELING YOU GET EACH AND EVERY TIME YOU SEE, "READ DELETED" OR WORSE YET, "UNREAD DELETED" JUST WEARS YOU DOWN TO THE POINT OF WHY EVEN BOTHER. AND WHAT MAKES IT EVEN WORSE IS WHEN YOU WAKE UP TO THE FACT THAT THERE ISN'T ANYBODY EVEN TRYING TO INITIATE CONTACT WITH YOU. SO THE WHITE FLAG IS THROWN DOWN, AND AT SOME POINT YOU JUST SAY, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I CERTAINLY DON'T NEED A BRICK WALL TO FALL DOWN ON ME. AGAIN, TO ALL WHO HAS POSTED A REPLY THANK YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR IDEAS....AND THE BEST OF LUCK TO ALL OF YOU IN YOUR SEARCH FOR THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE....MAY YOU ALL FIND HAPPINESS! | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 1:48:10 AM | | for the record, I respond to all emails. However, sometimes I don't have access to a computer for a while, and I don't tell everybody on the internet I'm going to be gone. I know the minute I leave I'll get an email, and then she'll think I'm just being an ass when in fact, I'm gone. This might be the reason some of us don't get responses when we want them. A user might be gone, or have forgotten about the site entirely. Some people join the site, make a profile, and leave after not getting a message for the first couple days. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 10:46:02 AM | LOL, I'm here every day... I haven't got any emails yet, not even a wink. LOL
I know it can't be my photo cause I'm 8.0 on hot or not  ...
so it must be what I'm writing. not making my self clear enough or to clear?.... then again... When on a date it's offten said your a realy nice guyand I can tell... you know what you want in life... I'm not ready to settle down yet  ?? who said anything about getting married tomorrow..LOL
Like I said 10 guys for every one lady  , you can go your whole life not paying for anything. 
isn't there a new fab going around, I think it's called better to be single. hmmm ... 
then you have the ones who just wish to date forever and when bored they'll move to the next person  ....
Cause didn't one say theres 10 men for every one female... makes you wonder. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 11:43:34 AM | | im a nice guy but there no nice women on here... when messaged them they seem to be like im a stalker to them | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:44:51 PM | YEA where?
I'm a 36 year old woman. I use a wheelchair, and because I want to be up "No holes Barred". I tell the men, their usal "RESPONSE, IT'S WHATS ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS".
But, still IF or when I do send a photo, I never hear from them again. I know I'm "No model"
BUT, I'm not ugly." Just plain, ordinary me.
So, YES, I DO understand what you are saying.
"mayeve" | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:45:07 PM | YEA where?
I'm a 36 year old woman. I use a wheelchair, and because I want to be up "No holes Barred". I tell the men, their usal "RESPONSE, IT'S WHATS ON THE INSIDE THAT COUNTS".
But, still IF or when I do send a photo, I never hear from them again. I know I'm "No model"
BUT, I'm not ugly." Just plain, ordinary me.
So, YES, I DO understand what you are saying.
"mayeve" | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:51:50 PM | I UNDERSTAND that MANY women treat guys like that. But, "what goes around comes around"
Honestly, "people should treat others the way they'd like to be treated." | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 5:58:06 PM | | Not me! I want a "friend & A Lover". Not sure at all IF I'd want a BAd Boy or a good man. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:33:22 PM | | to be honest. i only read a few of the comments. i believe it is true. the. axiom.?. nice guys finish last. and evil people die horrible deaths.?. so who is there left.?. everyone ends up alone... in this scenario. ok... well... give me a pessimism award of some kind. i dont know... im just... i cannot be shore.... some females have told me... in fact today to be hnest. i was told i am very nice ... and very sexy... but what is that really worth... to be thought of as nice... i guess that is up to the appraiser. what i know is... i would like to find a sweet girl. sometimes... on rare occassions. i see. a sweet girl... i sort of... fall in love... you know what i mean. i will just say. i breathe differently... and it feels... slightly good.... no. it feels good. whatever. life is difficult. in every way.... | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:43:37 PM | I myself "is one of the nice guy's" but women I guess do not want to believe
that there can be a nice guy out there and I am one of the nice guy's.
I am genuine and I don't know what else I have to do to prove to the ladies that
Iam a very nice person. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/25/2006 5:48:12 PM | | I'm not a nice guy...nor do I pretend to be. I am me. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/27/2006 2:34:27 PM | Theres one here. And i have to say I recently went on a date with anm attractive female who contacted me first.
She seemed nice enough in our long IM sessions. She had several pics of me, including full body shots. What did maybe raise a red flag with me, although I went into this with an open mind. She made it sound as of it was gonna be a formality, and spoke of an instant relationship, and even marriage, now I want a relationship more then anyone, but after one date, thats a bit to soon.
She went on about how good looking I was, and how I was the nicest person she ever met in 3 yrs here. But when we met I kinda knew she built me up so high, I couldnt possibly fill the expectations she had. I did ask her out, b/c i try not to make such fast judgements. The next she emails me and says she wasnt what she expected, she told me all along how in 3 yrs she never dated anyone for more then a month. Thats b/c she pics them apart as soon as she meets them. There are no fairy tale people here. I was dissapointed and ended going back with someone I am/was dating but without a committment. Still the case to this day.
You cant expect to much to fast, thats why the success rate is so low when it comes to anything going LT. Everyone has some baggage soemwhere, and it will come out. If you think you have any physcial attraction to the person, and they are not totally insane sounding, they are worthy of a chance. You cant know someone in a 2 hour meeting, or even after a few dates. We are all so impatient. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/27/2006 3:38:33 PM | | I am the nicest guy I have ever known-So..there are nice guys out there..however..you are very disgruntled..and upset that your messages get deleted?? Happens every day-Allll Day. you should just leave the site. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/27/2006 7:06:46 PM | All guys are nice..Some are just nicer then others...  | |
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up_gal
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Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/28/2006 3:13:02 AM | | What's so hard about being honest and saying thanks but I don't think we are a good match. It's not confrontational and I think more women feel bad because the got no answer at all...sort of like saying hi to someone at a gathering only to have them turn their back without a response. Makes you NOT a nice guy and makes her feel bad. | |
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| Nice Guys? Where?
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:55:26 AM | I AGREE THAT THE FEW NICE GUYS ARE GETTING A BAFD RAP . I DO CLAIM TO BE A NICE GUY AND I AM , ITS A SHAME SO MANY JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO TELL WHEN THE TRUTH IS BEING TOLD AND A LIE , TALK TO ME AND YOU WILL FIND A TRUE NICE GUY ,FRIENDS FIRST THEN WE WILL SEE WERE IT GOES .
TIM | |
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