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| | judging a book by its coverPage 2 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | | Funnygirl..all that matters is that you love yourself...Once you have that the rest comes naturally | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 8:21:33 PM | to me... seems if your a big girl
and this is making problems for you in
your dating life...
it would be easily solved by losing weight.
You can lose weight much easier than trying to
make someone attracted to you when they aren't... or change
peoples views about what they are attracted to.
Losing weight is really not that hard.
You make small goals and eat less... move around more and
slowly you lose weight. Losing 2 pounds a week is reasonable and that is
over 100 pounds in a year.
That is just by eating a balanced diet.. no crash dieting
BECAUSE I dont care how nice someone is...
how great a personality they have.... if your not physically attracted to
them...
they just are not going to be interested. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:02:35 PM | to me... seems if your a big girl
and this is making problems for you in
your dating life...
it would be easily solved by losing weight.
You can lose weight much easier than trying to
make someone attracted to you when they aren't... or change
peoples views about what they are attracted to.
Losing weight is really not that hard.
You make small goals and eat less... move around more and
slowly you lose weight. Losing 2 pounds a week is reasonable and that is
over 100 pounds in a year.
That is just by eating a balanced diet.. no crash dieting
BECAUSE I dont care how nice someone is...
how great a personality they have.... if your not physically attracted to
them...
they just are not going to be interested.
Ok Shallow Hal have you ever been heavy? | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:13:10 PM | Funny girl it was like you were telling my story. My Ex stopped taking me places because he was imbarresed...Walk in my shoes!
It really can go both ways but with a twist.
Men see me and don't want to know anything but the cover.
I'm real inside too. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:19:27 PM | | BECAUSE I dont care how nice someone is...how great a personality they have....if your not physically attracted to them...they just are not going to be interested<<<---- REALLY???? Guess I am getting older I forgot that rule. Do you ever look at the heart being in the right place... suppose not. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:21:57 PM | no, a heart that is good.....
in the body of someone who repulses me to look at...
is not going to be someone I will date or be in a relationship with.
if you can... good for you. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:25:04 PM | I am trying to figure out how to copy a quote... Cynderella girl, please do not think this is directed at you...It was the nutter butter up a few comments ago... Be sweet and always smile ! Makes OP wonder what you have been doing... | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:31:58 PM | ^^^^^rainbow wrote:
[no, a heart that is good.....
in the body of someone who repulses me to look at...
is not going to be someone I will date or be in a relationship with.] 
Gee Rainbow, sure hope the guy your seeing doesn't gain weight- you gonna dump him back in the pond because you'd be repulsed by him? | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:48:29 PM | if he didnt lose weight
yes I would leave.
if you can be with someone who visually repulses you because
of some internal quality you see in them.. good for you.
I am not a large, I am not attracted to large men.
If you are.. good for you.
Its not for me. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:54:26 PM | | THere's nothing greater than self-inflicted indignation and the requisite reproach that follows. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 9:57:59 PM | What is the problem with this thread? If all the hefty gurls would get a man there wouldn't have to be one. Till then these threads will go on and us big gurls can vent. Ok now responding to the real topic at hand. It is the way society works. I live it everyday. I am on the weight lose wagon right now, down 60lbs. But what I have noticed is that I have become a little shallow, not something I am proud of, I guess it is for all the rejection I have went threw, it feels good to give it back. Some people don't realize how hurtful they actually are. The way I look at it, take that energy and let it motivate you and show them you are too good for them anyway, fat or not. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 10:07:18 PM | I think an argument could be made against your basic premise that "people always judge a book by its cover". That statement sounds like a sweeping generalization. Is it a universal truth? I don't think so.
Although many are concerned with appearance only, there are more evolved people out there who place as much, or more value on intrinsic attributes. They realize that time erodes our looks but that inner beauty, like fine wine, gets better and better with age. Try to be patient. Wait for that guy who understands what's really important. Believe me he's out there feeling the same hurt you do. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/14/2006 10:25:34 PM | I dont know why large people take it that someone is saying they are a bad person to say they are not interested in dating someone large. I have friends that are big people... and they are nice but I would not want to DATE or be in a RELATIONSHIP with someone of a large size because it is not appealing to me. Being in a intimate relationship that involves sex... you have to consider that you are not going to be attracted to someone just because of their mind or heart... its a whole package... physical, emotional, intellectual, mental and spirtual chemistry.. if its not all there... you have a friend... not a lover.
That I am repulsed by it says I am not interested in persuing it because it is not something that appeals to me but detracts me from a person. It comes as a package, your whole being, not just a heart or a mind or a body but everything together...
why would you be with someone who did not appeal to on all levels. I think it would be easier to just lose some weight than to try to make someone attracted to what they are not attracted to. When someone says they are not interested in large people, or smoking or a drinker... that they are not attracted to someone with that trait or even replused by it...
it does say that person is a bad person... it says they are not interested.
If you were not a smoker and met someone who was a heavy smoker... how could you stand to be close and sexual with someone whose habits resulted in bad breath and
odors that repulsed you? same goes with weight.
Everyone judges... even large people have preferences. If you say you are judging soley by internal qualities then go date someone with no job, no place to live, no personality who is a heavy smoker, drinker, takes drugs, etc etc and if you can be with them... and share your bed with them... then good for you. Most can't and your not going to make someone
else have your preferences... or want to accept them. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 12:01:59 AM | If you say you are judging soley by internal qualities then go date someone with no job, no place to live, no personality who is a heavy smoker, drinker, takes drugs, etc etc and if you can be with them... and share your bed with them... then good for you.
Those ARE internal qualities! And they're not very attractive, either. Stop trying to validate being shallow with illogical "points".
When someone says they are not interested in large people, or smoking or a drinker... that they are not attracted to someone with that trait or even replused by it...
it does[n't] say that person is a bad person... it says they are not interested.
So? Hate and indifference BOTH hurt. Saying "I'm not interested in large people" is not much better than saying "I hate large people".
It comes as a package, your whole being, not just a heart or a mind or a body but everything together
Did you ever think about giving a person a chance? Getting to know them and falling in love with WHO they are.... and then finding you were also incredibly attracted to them because of it?
I have friends that are big people... and they are nice but I would not want to DATE or be in a RELATIONSHIP with someone of a large size because it is not appealing to me.
If I were them I wouldn't want to be your friend. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 12:20:38 AM | A preference by definition is simply liking one thing more than another. We DO all have them. A preference based on how a person looks is a superficial one. Thus, if you have superficial preferences, you might just be superficial.
If large people have to put up with being judged by their looks because they do not fit your preferences, then you must live with being judged for your preference--and you must live with the fact that your superficiality probably causes you to really lose out on some really good people out there.
Op, to tell you the truth some things are blessings in disguise. It's just that some things really open your eyes to how many people out there really are superficial, and it sucks to see reality. But then, if you're not one of them you should feel special and unique.
True beauty is trully rare. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:24:57 AM | | I saw a book once that was called just that ? "Never judge a book by it's cover" inside it was full of blank pages . | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 2:26:24 AM | u go girl...i agree with u personality is what counts....u look & sound like a great person...u will have them queing up gal | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 4:27:59 AM | if he didnt lose weight
yes I would leave.
I really read that? Geez rainbow, I hope he knows he's on notice to never ever gain weight.
I wonder...are you saying that if he gains too much weight, it will destroy your love for him?
cynderella, I can relate to the last comment you made BIG TIME. I've known both sides of this too. One is no better or easier than the other.
I really appreciate the comments addressed to me, thanks.
exclusive...to quote:
The copied text that you're quoting has to be surrounded with brackets. Inside the brackets, type the word "quote". It will look like this, without the spaces: [ quote ] insert copied text here. This begins the formatting.
When you're ready to close the quote, include a forward slash in your last set of brackets, as this closes the formatting. The entire formatting looks like this, WITHOUT the spaces:
[ quote ] insert text [ / quote ]
I have to include the spaces here so that you can see what I'm writing. If I don't, it will format, lol.
It's easy, easy, easy! 
edit...exclusive? Believe me, I have NO trouble loving myself, lol. I've covered that one in spades! | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 4:36:42 AM | We all have our preferences as to what type we are attracted to.I know if my darling darling Ian were to gain 300 lbs and not able to move I'd spend my life caring for him.Anything can happen at anytime to change the outside of a person.After loving someone so deeply how could a person be so shallow to leave because of weight?When love is that fickle ,it simply isn't love.
That said we need to have an initial attraction and that is usually visual.As has been stated many times,not everyone likes everyone.some prefer,short,tall,blonde,brunette,etc.
My Ian already has love handles.It's just more to love while handling. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:19:09 AM | " Cynderella girl, please do not think this is directed at you..."
Thanks but I knew what you meant, 
Thanks Funny girl...
Rainbow its a sad world for anyone who gains a little weight when such is life, due to sickness, depression or just gain. That's the time when unconditional love should take over.
*shaking head* | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:41:55 AM | As disheartening as it is, I do agree with Rainbow Fish, some what. What she is saying in her latest post is very true on initial attraction and contact, but after being in a relationship, I don’t think her points are as relevant.
I think we’re getting away from the original thought of the thread, which was initial contact and attraction. The post I made is relevant to that, but not necessarily all that relevant if I’ve been in a relationship for an extended amount of time.
If I was with someone, and say they put on a lot of weight within a year, first I would have to look at why they put that weight on. Did they start eating fried chicken and double bacon cheese burgers every day, while do nothing more than watching TV? In that case, yes I probably would break up with the person. That is not the person I fell in love with, they changed who they are, and now it’s a combination of behavioral change and physical change that would have me come to the decision to break up.
If I’m in a relationship for ten years and the person has put on a lot of weight, then I probably wouldn’t break up with them regardless of the reason for gaining the weight. 10 years is a long time to be with somebody, and I could certainly see the physical attraction side having a lot less weight in my decisions because there is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much more that I have fallen for in that person over the course of 10 years.
A relationship, like life, is a journey. The longer you're on that journey, the more you learn, in the case of a relationship, it’s the more you learn about each other, that grows that initial lust to love. After an extended period of time, the lust has less to do with the love.
A caterpillar is the initial attraction or lust, over time that caterpillar grows. At some point that caterpillar turns into a butterfly, which doesn’t resemble the caterpillar at all. Much in the way that initial attraction or lust, doesn’t resemble the love that the attraction/lust grows into.
Funny Girl
I can really relate to your experiences. I’m not having the same one as I’ve always been fat. However in the last few years I’ve been working on the weight, and I am getting very close to my goal of actually seeing my abs. It’s gotten to the point where people I haven’t seen in 3 years, don’t recognize me. Some of my female friends that have known me all my life, that were never attracted to me physically, are starting to flirt and showing that kind of interest now. Unfortunately I have some sort of bias towards them, and they don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of me reciprocating that attraction. (This could be a double standard, it doesn’t feel right to me, I know, I have work to do)
I don’t look at what repulses me in other people. I only look at what attracts me. If I can get close enough, than I can look at what I couldn’t see before and once I see that, the attraction can change or get stronger. Much the way a friend who I’m not attracted to, could become an attraction to me as I spend plutonic time with them and get to see what I couldn’t see before. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:47:53 AM |
A relationship, like life, is a journey. The longer your on that journey, the more you learn, in the case of a relationship, it’s the more you learn about each other, that grows that initial lust to love. After an extended period of time, the lust has less to do with the love.
A caterpillar is the initial attraction or lust, over time that caterpillar grows. At some point that caterpillar turns into a butterfly, which doesn’t resemble the caterpillar at all. Much in the way that initial attraction or lust, doesn’t resemble the love that the attraction/lust grows into.
and...
I don’t look at what repulses me in other people. I only look at what attracts me. If I can get close enough, than I can look at what I couldn’t see before and once I see that, the attraction can change or get stronger. Much the way a friend who I’m not attracted to, could become an attraction to me as I spend plutonic time with them and get to see what I couldn’t see before.
Amen! You rock, dude!
The part you addressed to me is something I completely understand, and don't see that you need to work on it at all. If we weren't "good enough" before, why should we be good enough now that we're smaller? Nah, screw 'em. | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:01:48 AM | The part you addressed to me is something I completely understand, and don't see that you need to work on it at all. If we weren't "good enough" before, why should we be good enough now that we're smaller? Nah, screw 'em.
This is what I believe at the present moment too. However there is a mental not in my head about, getting into a relationship with a good friend. The argument on that mental note say’s, “If they’re already a good friend, and an attraction/lust develops, isn’t that a good thing? Because your special someone should be a best friend that you are attracted too”.
My dilemma is, should I care how that attraction came about if the end outcome is a soul mate? | |
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| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:09:33 AM | You have a very good point, Forty-Six. Sometimes our outward appearance masks our true appearance. My weight settles instantly in my face--first place to go, last to leave. I actually have a pretty face, but when I'm heavy, the fat masks my prettiness. I just have to look at photographs to know this is true.
I have lost 25 pounds and have about 25 to go. I am attracting far more attention now than 25 pounds ago. However, there are still men who find me to be too heavy for their interest. I understand and accept this. Would I accept a date from them if they found me attractive when I'm 25 pounds lighter? I don't know.
My dilemma is this: if a man doesn't find me attractive now, but does when I'm 25 pounds lighter, what happens if I regain the weight? Will he reject me then? (as Rainbow Fish has indicated she would do with her current partner). Seems to me I'm better off sticking with men who think I'm hot NOW. I assume they will still find me hot 25 pounds lighter. There's a better chance they would still find me hot 25 pounds heavier. As a good male friend of mine said recently, sexiness is mostly in one's mind--what we project. I consider myself to be plenty sexy just as I am. I have enough self-esteem to be able to accept when a man does not find me appealing. People are entitled to their own tastes and preferences. | |
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Thorb
| | Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 50 | |
| judging a book by its cover
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:21:49 AM | I know its a metaphor ... but still ... people aren't books.
in today’s world it would be more appropriate to relate it to cars or movies ... but actually neither of them dress and groom themselves or pick their look. People are unique in that yes they have a genetic component determining aspects of their look but the finished look is generally fully determined by you alone in your home before you go out.
We are fickle ... we do absorb first impressions.
its hard to get a first impression of personality but not impossible.
humans are a visual species ... so what someone looks like is important
what they do is more important but not immediately obvious most of the time.
You know what you liked in the past and that implicates directions you look now.
There is no logic in attraction and love so stop trying to put any there and just deal with reality of yes ... we do look at the stereo Barbies and Kens first ... but very much move on via communication and mutual activity enjoyment.
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