| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:27:05 PM | Well ... since I started posting in this thread, I started looking again at the profiles in my area. I found lots of guys I would like to send an email to, but the problem is that they are all mostly retired and state very clearly that they want a lady "who will travel" with them.
I just don't even bother to send them an email, because I'm still working and would not be able to accommodate that. I'm happy for them that they have achieved that much financial stability in their life, but I got a late start on my career (was a stay-at-home Mom for almost 22 years), and I still have to work.
In the past, when I have contacted men who state that in their profile, they just drop me like a hot potato because I wouldn't be able to do what they want in life. I personally know that I'd make a great wife and am multi-talented, but because I still need to work, I have to give up having a relationship.
That's just plain stupid. I guess I'll just wait another 15 years and then the only guys who will be left will be the 80 year old guys! So what I'm saying here is ... I'm bound to be alone the rest of my life because I'm still a working lady!
Another thing that keeps me from contacting men is when they write that they are "looking for a small-framed lady" ... I'm 5'3" and weigh between 135 and 140. I'm not a size 8, but not a size 18 either. However, when they write that in there ... I have discovered they are looking for a "Barbie" and I can tell you right now ... that's not me!
So with stuff like that going on ... men wonder why women don't write? It's because we just can't seem to give them what they want. There doesn't seem to be any flexibility out there. They want what they want and if we can't offer that ... too bad for everyone.
I say that because the men sure won't be getting any contacts with ladies and the ladies won't contact men because we just can't seem to give them what they want. I've said this many times ... we all have to learn to be a little more flexible if we want to meet someone.
I'd be glad to work part time or just seasonally if a man wants that and assures me that he's not gonna put me out on the street when he grows tired of my companionship. But there are no guarantees and I still need to take care of myself, provide myself with medical benefits, a roof over my head, food on my table.
Also, I truly want to get married again ... most men do not. So that limits things for me even more. I enjoyed being married and want that again. I have found that most men do not want to get married again because they want to be able to dump a lady at the drop of a hat and move on. I was only married once and that was almost 22 years. When I dedicate myself to a man it's not a fly-by-night thing and I've found that most men just aren't looking for that anymore.
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/15/2006 9:43:25 PM | | I send out the first email all the time. When I get emails from guys lot of times it is just to hook up or someone I know I would never be interested in. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:07:35 PM | | I have!!! numerously! It is the GUYS that rarely respond! And believe me! I do not have a problem getting a date! Back to the simple fact...men are looking for the perfect.Barbie. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/16/2006 12:46:47 PM | | I've gotten a few e-mails from women first, but it generally doesn't happen. I think its simply a bi-product of social conditioning. In real life, the men ask the women out; so why not the same on the web? Note that I'm not saying I agree with this, its just the way it is. I personally think its cool when a girl takes the initiative from time to time, which includes e-mailing the guy first. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/16/2006 1:32:28 PM | From the girls ive spoken to,the reason why alot of them dont respond to guys emails is simple. Who wants to talk to someone who is like twice their age,and comes off as creepy??  ha so i guess that is in some cases. As well as receiving like 50 emails a day. But ive been on this site for like 2 weeks and havent gotten any love yet??? | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/16/2006 4:10:39 PM | I'm having trouble with your logic.... does it matter who sent the first email? Who called who? If he held the door for you or you held the door for him and made eye contact? The point being if their interested they will respond to you..or you will respond to them...if it feels right, if you trust yourself, and your instinct enough. Have a little faith it'll happen..
Even tho this is cyber-world and no one can reach through the computer and bite you, ( got to have someone start working on that technology) the fear of rejection, and the need not to be rejected is still there. I've received some emails that sound like a chain-letter... send this out to 15 women and good love will find you. blah blah blah... not | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/16/2006 6:20:39 PM | | I send out e mails to men and sometimes I get a response and sometimes I don't. But in the real world I will seldom ask I guy out. I don't get that many guys wanting to hook up. Occasionally I will have someone instant message me and try to hook up with me sooo I stay away from the instant messenger. But for the most part I get some nice guys e mailing me but the problem is that they dissappear after e mailing you a couple of times. I have friends on here and they have told me that same thing happens to them. I don't think this is the best way to meet someone -I think you have to get out and do things to meet people. Thats what I do, but I leave my profile on here because you never know. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/16/2006 6:24:20 PM | | I send out e mails to men and sometimes I get a response and sometimes I don't. But in the real world I will seldom ask I guy out. I don't get that many guys wanting to hook up. Occasionally I will have someone instant message me and try to hook up with me sooo I stay away from the instant messenger. But for the most part I get some nice guys e mailing me but the problem is that they dissappear after e mailing you a couple of times. I have friends on here and they have told me that same thing happens to them. I don't think this is the best way to meet someone -I think you have to get out and do things to meet people. Thats what I do, but I leave my profile on here because you never know. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:33:44 PM | Women do send out the first email. At least that's my experience
I've been on POF for only 3 days and I was delighted to recieve 9 messages in the first 3 days from women. Which I've been responding to all.
After reading this thread...I have to agree with Dr. Phil/ aprincelyfrog.
If you're not getting emails, i would have to say it is your profile and or photos in most cases.
Six of the nine women said they enjoyed my detailed profile, even though it was a mini novel.
The worst comment I got about my profile came from my own daughter today...She said I was supposed to write a profile, not a novel... 
I guess I got carried away, what can I say...I'm a gemini, that's my excuse and I'm stickin too it... 
That's my thoughts,
Blue Skies,
Roger   | |
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Kait06
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Joined: 8/22/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/18/2006 11:53:58 PM | | I think that a lot of women do contact men first, but it does get old if people don't respond to them. When you are fishing you can't be too high profile or you will scare everything away.. it's easier to put the bait out and let the fish come to you. It could be that the e-mails your lady friend were complaining about were the ever-so-annoying "I think you're cute" and have no grammar or spelling skills whatsoever e-mails. I don't reply to those because it would make me blind trying to read through all the poor spelling and typos. Harsh? Maybe.True? Definitely. ^-^ | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/19/2006 11:16:23 AM | if you are not the perfect match, many messages are just deleted (since internet people seem to be a disposable commodity) i wouldn't blame it on all the women. some get lots of mail, and don't need to go e-shopping for a date. others are looking for something specific and will go on their own personal quest to find it. -some women do send out the first mail
-trust me! | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 10:48:26 AM | | While I am a modern, independent, woman of the world, I was raised by a mother who drummed into my head that men should make the first contact. Learned behavior is hard to break. On the rare occassion that I do send the first email, so far, 100% has been no response. Whenever someone takes the time to send an email, I always respond, it is common courtesy...another learned lesson...lol | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:36:07 PM | I agree busy.....nothing wrong with being old fashioned. I DO find it funny that there are allllllllllllll these men on POF, looking for this, looking for that...yet there are all these women who have replied, "I rarely get emails" (myself included). If you aren't actually looking for a date, a friend or a whathave you....why ARE you here???
PS. ...do these shorts make me look fat???? | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 2:59:46 PM | | To me I think its the guys/girls fault for just looking for sex on these sites. They need to get a life becauses its ruining the chances for the nice guys/girls like me or them and a few others who posted on this thread that actually have something to offer a lady or a guy. Sex is great dont get me wrong but thats not all some of us are looking for in a relationship. I frankly would like to meet a woman with a great personality and fairly attractive. The way I look at it is that the looks fade over time and without a personality your screwed. I love receiving e-mails from ladies first sometimes it actually means they took the time and read what I had to say then just look at my pics. Yes I look like Tobey Maguire from spiderman but thats for another time. But I also think guys should make the first move as long as they arent getting a bad rep by the people only looking for hook-ups. Well ladies if your interested in someone real you know where to find me. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 3:32:24 PM | Wow! I concur with you 100% and it does go both ways.
That was the best thing I have read on or near this site ever.
You really did hit the nails on the head. Very astute. It is nice to see there are men out there with brains and substance are not all just about the hook up and sex. You are proof.
Thank you from alot of women I am sure who have read your post. Kudos to you I say! | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 5:16:15 PM | | i just quit sending them out first, as i guess there are quite a few people here that are much better then the rest of us. so now i'm at the point where, i don't get any messages now, so i don't send any out. there are a few very nice people though, i don't want anyone to think its all bad, but i see there are a lot of complaints, so its not just me. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:06:02 PM | Sometimes they do... and sometimes I reply.
To me I think its the guys/girls fault for just looking for sex on these sites.
I've been online for 7 years and have never met anyone who was just looking for sex. I think that's a myth... or maybe I'm just selective about who I meet.
What does that have to do with sending the first email, anyway?
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:30:48 PM | Whelp ... here's an update. I sent out a number of emails not too long ago (sort of when I started posting to this thread).
Out of 9 emails I sent to men in this area ... three were answered, 2 remain unread, and 4 were unread/deleted.
That's it with me ... I don't want to hear any more whining from you guys that women don't send out a "first" email.  You all are so doggone stuck up that even when a lady sends out an email ... you either don't bother to read it or just delete it without even reading it.
I'm just going to stick to my little corner here in the forums and if a man eventually gets interested enough in me he can email me and I assure you he will get an answer. I'm at least polite enough to answer all emails I get!!!!!!
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:56:05 PM | I really only want one ... I endeavor to remain a "one man woman". None of them were a "keeper" ...
*One had old pictures up and stated that he's "retired". In fact he has gained about 30 or 40 pounds and is on SSI ... wore a raggy t-shirt and old dirty jeans to meet me for coffee and although we were at an outdoor cafe ... I'm sure I smelled more than just the neighborhood "aroma" ... I think he needed a bath ... he definately needed a haircut and his face could have used some attention with a razor.
*One responded only that he was looking for a much "younger" lady ... so I guess he still has plans for his "stick" for other than just good old "practice and play".
*One responded that he already has enough ladies he's communicating with at the time.
I'm gonna go get myself a drink and just continue to play here!
But at least I gave it the old college try. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:59:59 PM | | After you get a few hundred rejections you can say that you gave it the old college try. Welcome to the wonderful world of men. | |
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| Why don't women send the first email?
Posted: 9/20/2006 7:40:38 PM | LMAO @ Greystone ...
Believe me dear ... this is not my first experience with Internet dating. When I first got on this site I used to email men ... same results as this time. At this point ... I could care less.
I'm now making plans to go out with a few co-workers to a club here in Phoenix called the "Nifty Fifties". I'm told it's a good place to meet available men who enjoy dancing. I've been dancing for over 35 years and I also sing Karaoke ... I have my own professional equipment and I've been told I sing well.
So we'll see what happens when a bunch of single nurses (with me as the ring leader) goes out looking (on the prowl) for "single available" men! This is gonna be fun!
If we don't find any action at the dance spot ... I know a good place to go to sing and stir up some trouble. | |
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