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Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 626

full-time single dads Posted: 3/2/2008 6:59:52 PM
I don't find I ever get turned away because of my kids. I make sure to read a profile and NOT respond to a girl that says "no daddies or divorcees" also though. The girls I tend to date are usually single mothers also, and the ones that aren't I most usually cut loose after a few dates when I find out they want to have kids for certain. Some girls are on the fence about kids and even though they love them aren't too sure whether they'll want to have them in the future. But if a girl wants kids I'm out because I'm done having children and I don't want to stand in her way. I won't be the reason she hates herself at 45 when she doesn't have any offspring of her own.

Southern Haze

Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 627
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/2/2008 10:39:38 PM
Single dad of 2 beautiful girls

Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 628

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 8:46:52 AM
I think that single dads should be treated the same as single non-dads .... I also believe that the children should be kept out of the early stages of dating for their sake because it wouldn't be fair on the children if the relationship didn't work out ...plus it wouldn't set a very good example if they were introduced to many dates ... I don't have any kids so don't really understand the dynamics of dating if you have a child ... but KIDS love me sooo bring it on plus you get to relive childhood adventures and play hee hee Ax

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 629

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:02:56 AM
Oh brother, we have another Wah Wah. (rolling eyes). "Leave the kids out of dating but they love me so bring it on"

Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 630

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:15:23 AM
Wah, I think most people do leave their kids out of dating. Well most thoughtful and considering parents who aren't overly selfish at least. I've heard quite a few on here, mainly middle aged women, say they bring their 8-15 year old daughter on every first-third date with their guys so they have an extra opinion and set of eyes on the man at all times, plus she has to like him and there's no point in dating a guy for 6 months and then having the child not like the guy. Well, if you can't tell on your own if your children will or won't like the person you are dating you have some serious miscommunication problems going on between you and your kids. Most kids will like whomever you like, provided they aren't extremely different than you. If I brought home a girl all tattooed and pierced my kids would probably freak out. But most girls they'd like. They've only ever met one and the only reason I introduced them to her after about three months of dating was because I felt that even if we didn't continue dating in the future we are best friends and my friends will always be a part of my kid's lives so there's no harm in them meeting her that early. But otherwise I'd always wait at least 6 months probably and possibly even longer.

Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 631

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:23:13 AM
In response to octoro All I am saying is that ... kids should not have to put up with being introduced to every person their parent dates ... ie every first date .... after a few dates when the two parties are sure they are gonna have some form of a relationship then its all kewl ... the KIDS SHOULD BE PUT FIRST!!!.... the other comment about bring it on was just to say i like children and just because someone had children it would not put me off them. in regards to my name Wah! Wah!... it is a fantastic movie directed by Richard E Grant ... that actually has a perspective within the story on this matter. Ax

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 632

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:33:31 AM
Deuce98....."Well, if you can't tell on your own if your children will or won't like the person you are dating you have some serious miscommunication problems going on between you and your kids" You're wrong, the communication is excellent. There is NO way anybody can tell if their date is good with kids unless it's face to face! Why do you think most people on POF are single for years.

Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 633

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:36:01 AM
deuce98 ...... agree with you there "Well, if you can't tell on your own if your children will or won't like the person you are dating you have some serious miscommunication problems going on between you and your kids." the non-parent should be respectful to wait as long as the parent feels they or their child/children need Ax

Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 634

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:38:34 AM
Octoro, I'm not sure if you took my comments personally but they weren't meant that way. I meant anyone with kids should be able to decipher if their date will be liked by kids. And at the same time if you've been out with someone for weeks or months you should have seen them around a child or two at some point, be it in a restaurant or a mall. If you are out for dinner and, as it always happens unless you are in a fancy joint, a child starts to cry or act up you can get a really good indication of what he/she will be like with kids. If they get mad and say things like "why do people bring their kids out in public" or "f'n germ bags/demon seeds" you know the guy/girl isn't parent material per se. But if they are understanding and it doesn't concern them they're likely going to make good parents. I do not believe you have to let your date play with your kids for hours to get a good feel of whether or not they will be good with kids.

Joined: 8/24/2007
Msg: 635

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:44:46 AM
octoro...... Of course you don't know if the other person is good with kids ... thats why its best to introduce them slowly ... when you trust that date and know the person well enough! .... At the end of the day its the parents responsibility to protect and do whats best for the child/children Ax

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 636

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 9:45:51 AM
Wah Wah.... "kids should not have to put up with being introduced to every person their parent dates ... ie every first date". I know this is POF but geez, don't take it literally, unless you like being a skank or slut(not saying you are) which no full-time single dad should ever date anyways. Our schedules include our kids and we love every minute of it so if a person doesn't have the guts to meet the priority then they should just say I'm only looking for a fyck. Simple. I wasn't making fun of your name, just using it for identifying you.

Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 637
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 10:09:40 AM
Ok I am new to this forum thing so hopefully I am not totally off base but I was reading this thread and as much as I loved the conversation between just the three of you, I felt as a single mom I needed to be the voice of just that the single mom.... First, I respect any man who is a single dad! Especially if you have the kids full time, when an ex wants nothing much to do with there child and then you see men like you guys that are dads all the time it is great! Ok off that soapbox… I think as a single mom if you are going to go on a date with a single dad. I think if it is agreed upon after talking that you do a “group date” with the kids I do not think there is anything wrong with that. It can be something as simple as a trip to the zoo everyone loves that.. You meet there and if anything, your kids will have a good time, learn even more social skills about meeting different people in the world, and have someone they can play with while you and dad get to talk. It helps break the ice a little too. There can most defiantly be alone dates at first as well with out the kids if that is what is agreed upon but I do not see anything wrong with letting the kids meet your date. Especially for me as a single mom it shows my daughter that I am not and will not settle for anything less than we both deserve and that no matter who is in my life that she is still first and that we are a package deal. Because I would think that most single dads like it was mentioned in above threads that your kids are a part of your everyday schedule and sometimes it is not always easy to plan around a child’s busy schedule. Hope I was not totally off base by jumping in on your tread but I just felt the urge to voice my thoughts…

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 638

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 10:11:27 AM
Deuce98....Wow, you responded very fast, didn't expect that from usual POF, thanks:). I take every comment regarding my dadhood personally but not one of those bad guys ok. Like I stated, face to face, just like family. "And at the same time if you've been out with someone for weeks or months you should have seen them around a child or two at some point" Why would you care about how your date acts about somebody else's child that they don't know??? "But if they are understanding and it doesn't concern them they're likely going to make good parents. I do not believe you have to let your date play with your kids for hours to get a good feel of whether or not they will be good with kids." That's where you are WRONG! We are FULL-TIME dads, our kids get our full attention 24/7 so a lamsy hour or two of our kids with a date should not get the approval but weeks or months of our family dates should decide that approval.

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 639

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 10:14:25 AM
Thank you butterflykisses31... I agree

Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 640
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 10:19:13 AM
Thank you very much octoro for that.. I just could not let you guys continue on no offence to Wah!Wah! but you don’t have kids and you don’t understand the complications of planning a date around kids schedules cause they always come first it is just part of being a parent.

dazzler45

Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 641
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 10:25:08 AM
hi im a full time dad of 3 kids 2 boys aged 14 and 10 and my daughter of 8 i got full custody of them just over 2 years ago and have been there main carer since then i find that most women give you a wide birth when they find out that you have kids havent had any luck on here at all :

Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 642

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 11:08:37 AM
Butterflykisses, I won't do the group dates until I've been seeing someone many months because I'm fresh into a divorce and my kids have enough to deal with. If they'd been past the divorce a few years or they'd never had their mother living with them it might be a different story but because of what they have to go through right now, and granted it's not bad for them but there still is some adjustment, I don't want to add any more confusion to their plate. That's my take though. Everyone is different. And yes, unless you have kids its really difficult to sit here and provide opinions with merit here. Scheduling a social life when you have small children is difficult at the best of times! LOL Octoro, It's not that I care how they act around someone else's kids. It's the fact that you see how they respond to children as a whole. If they are receptive and accepting of them in a public setting they are most likely to be the same in a private setting. I'm not saying this is going to single out the perverts but that behaviour may sneak out when just the two of you are on a date as well. But I watch for these sorts of cues when I'm out with someone. If the girl is observing mothers with their kids and she's gushing and cooing I'm going to assume she likes children regardless of whether we have talked about it or not. If she walks by a group of kids laughing away with their mom in the mall and it doesn't phase her I might assume she's not a big kid person. If she gets upset because they are making a racket I'm going to think she doesn't like kids period, unless we are at an expensive restaurant where you don't want kids to be screaming. I would be annoyed, but not flippant. You seem to jump the gun here and not really read my posts. I did not say that you should base your whole opinion of their abilities to raise children or their love for them by watching them observe other children. I said you can get a good feel for what they are like with and around children by watching them in the presence of others. As I stated previously my kids don't need the added stress of a new girlfriend in their lives. I am a pretty good judge of character and believe I can learn alot about a woman by watching her watch other children. But whether she becomes the step-mom of my children will most definitely take many many group dates and family dinners and the likes.

Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 643
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 12:56:00 PM
Deuce 98 I can totally understand your part of that as well, but my question to you now is this. If kids out of a newly divorced family do not need the added stress of dad having a new girlfriend and goodness knows a new wife. Can they really handle the stress of dad even dating at all right now? To me there would be just as many questions there as there would be in a group date setting. Private dates are great too as I said. I have been a few of those and dated guys that had no kids. Then we all went on outing and my daughter but I make it clear to her we are all just going as friends and we may only do this once we may do it more but we will have fun doing what ever it might be that we are doing today. So that the expectations of the guy with or with out kids coming around again or not coming around again is not there. Yes, there are always many adjustments to life styles after a divorce but one has to use there own life and what happened in that situation to really and truly understand if the kids are ready for anything like Mom or Dad dating again. Some kids bounce back really easy from divorce like mine did counseling helped with the transition. We all love our kids and always want what is best for our kids and we make many of our own sacrifices for our kids along the way.

Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 644

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 1:51:09 PM
Butterflykisses, I have my kids half-time so on my nights and weekends away from them is when I go out. I don't keep my kids in the loop on my private life. They don't need to know all the intimate details. When I start telling my friends about a girl that I'm seeing that I really like and I see some promise with I'll tell my oldest, as my younger daughter doesn't understand much about this sort of thing at 5. But my 9 year old does and I would hate for him to hear daddy has a new girlfriend from one of his friends who's parents were too inconsiderate to talk around their 9 year old about the subject. It's none of their kid's business and quite frankly until I make it my own kid's business it's none of theirs either. My kids have done amazing with the transition. They've had issues with the lack of consistency in the schedule on their mom's part but overall they have shifted well into this new look. They like having two households. They met their mom's boyfriend about a week after we told them we were getting a divorce, which was GREATLY against my wishes but I can't control her so all I can do is make the best of a bad situation. At least he's a good guy. I gave it some time before I started dating. I mean we were separated for about two months before we told the kids. We lived in the same house still. My son thought something was up though, as our lives started to separate and I was sleeping in the basement. But I didn't date for another 6 weeks after that and my son didn't find out until I'd been seeing a girl for over two months. Actually after we told the kids about the divorce he started making lists of people we should both date, each which included a laundry list of who's who in the Hollywood and WWE circles! LOL My kids are fantastic. So to answer your question I do think they can handle it. I just think they need to be protected so that they don't get introduced to ever Tom,**** and Harry that comes through.

Joined: 1/27/2008
Msg: 645
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full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 2:06:58 PM
Very well put! Glad to hear that your kids have adjusted well. My daughter gave me a few names of fathers of friends as well at school I think it is a kid thing if my mom meets your dad and they get married we will be family type thing I guess… LOL I did not even do that with my daughter heck I did not start dating right away after the divorce either. But my ex the one time he picked her up took her to his girlfriends house. I am very selective on who I will let my child meet even if it is a “group date” they can end just a fast as an alone one. I don’t subject her to ever Tom.****. and Harry that I go out on a date with by all means. So I have been on both sides of it being the one that included my child and then the one that did not include her. Like I said I have done the group dates and the alone dates. As much as I love my daughter sometimes it is nice to have the alone dates, but having her full time and she never goes to her fathers anymore (his choice) that is why I can honestly say I understand both sides of the fence to take them on a group date or not to take them.

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 646

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 3:24:41 PM
OK Deuce98..... I read that you're 28 and I'm 39 with probably alot more dating experience than you. Trust me, I wish I didn't. You're putting way too much trust and a 'need to see' into how your date responds to other's kids and not into yourself and your kids which is a HUGE lack of confidence thus will backfire on you unless she's 18 and wants out of mom's house. When I'm out on a date, I don't pay attention to other's kids and most dates don't either. Women are not going to gush and coo at other's children but will say Hi if the kids say Hi and I'll walk by a group of kids laughing in the mall but that's it, they're having fun. Unless it's a kid's land, If I see kids making a racket, I'll stay clear of them since the parents don't have control and well mannered kids.

Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 647

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 3:43:53 PM
Age means nothing in terms of how much experience one has in dating. I'm a parent first and I have a lot of experience in that. I think as parents we have keen eyes on who would make good parents and who wouldn't. And I'm not talking about looking comfortable when holding an infant, because let me tell you I don't think I EVER held a baby before my son was handed to me in the towel by the doctor after the delivery, and I can assure you it wasn't a natural feeling! But women will either smile at children or they won't. If I see kids playing in a store I smile. I'm a parent. It's in my blood! If you are walking past a park and you see a rec baseball game going on with 10 year olds do you just turn and keep walking or do you kind of watch as you walk by and get that nice feeling in your gut? As a parent you are likely to get that latter feeling. People who like kids will have similar reactions. People who don't like kids will be annoyed by laughing or crying kids during dinner. I'm not saying I need to see how my date is going to react to other kids BEFORE I introduce them to mine. What I'm saying is I have ample time to see how she responds to kids in the natural environment prior to me throwing her into their laps after a few dates. I date a lot and I don't find a girl and just settle on her. There are all sorts of things I see that might turn me off a girl. I just came out of a really unhappy marriage and I don't intend to just settle again. So for that reason I plan on being very thorough in the dating process. Everyone is unique and obviously everyone isn't a fit for everyone else, so there is lots of weeding out to do. Often I don't go past three dates with a girl but if it happens that I do they aren't going to meet the kids for a while. Of all the girls I've been out with in the past 6 months the only girl that I've found having been worthy of meeting my kids has done so and we go for regular playdates about every other week. There have been lots of girls who I thought would be great with my kids but I didn't see a future with them and so didn't ever consider introducing them to my kids. I think it's exactly the opposite of a lack of confidence. That is something I definitely don't lack. I'm certain I don't want my kids being exposed to woman after woman and constantly wondering if this is the one daddy's going to settle down with. Geez, my kids have met this one woman five times now and my almost-six-year-old daughter asked me the other day if I have a girlfriend. We don't kiss or climb all over each other in their presence. We hold hands and will sit close and such. The odd hug or maybe a quick peck but nothing passionate that's for sure.

octoro

Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 648

full-time single dads Posted: 3/3/2008 3:58:40 PM
Hey Deuce98...I read your other post to butterfly andyou need to move out and get your own place as already tricking your kids which is awful so better give it up unless you want more Shyt to happen and trust me, IT WILL. You need to treat your kids as you and you as your kids before dating otherwise what good is being a dad if going to let show acceptance for something you never want them to do!!!