octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 651 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:25:39 PM | I am reading your posts Deuce......
"She moved out a week after we told them". Exactly, she's a confident woman who;s got a good man and the kids know that. Even you stated you liked the guy but can't stand he's met your kids. She's fed up with your bullish many 'whatever' dates yet still can't hang on to one so they've moved out and gotten on with their lives.
Am I wrong? | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 4:43:03 PM | Boys oh my goodness I leave long enough to get home and settle in and I come back to find I have missed out on quite a bit. 
Ok lets start by saying that we are all going to end up disagreeing on something or another that is the human emotion.
With that being said I will throw my single mom 2 cents in again… lol if anyone cares…..lol
Ok now I do think age has a lot to do with things as I am 31. I may not have had a ton of dating experience since I was in a marriage from the time I graduated high school. That is here nor there I also think it has to do with the culture you are located in and what you are used to in your area. Here in the Midwest where I am from it is totally not uncommon to see people taking kids on dates and introducing them to the date that they are on even if the date picks them up at the house. Maybe it is different for me too because I am a mom verses a dad, I would assume most of the time you guys (being gentleman and all) either meet at the location or if it is not the first date then pick up at the house. Kids will meet you then. I have had a couple relationships go sour in the last year with guys that had no kids. Now in that case I will and did bring him around my child we did many things together because I had to see how they would be around my child and to be honest with you both kids are a GREAT judge of character because they still have that innocence about them especially at 7 and up. Yes they see the good in all people but if they had a good foundation like my daughter has had she can see the people that are not so nice as well. You can tell when someone is around your child if they act strange or uncomfortable around them. You don’t want that so why date and string someone you may like along for a few dates get the girls hopes up to something more and then all of a sudden pull out of it all. If you involve the kids early and you see that they are not comfortable with them then you can be like, I don’t think this is going to work I can tell you are uncomfortable with kids. I think another thing that guys and gals forget is the X factor yes we all say we don’t want drama but we all know that X’s sometimes come with drama.
Ok now play nice boys.. I will be back soon ….lol
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:14:26 PM | You are making no sense Octoro! You said you are 39 but I'm starting to feel like I need to draw pictures to get my point across clearer. Two people split up and the natural progression is that one or both parties move out of the home, right? Her boyfriend never lived here. The kids haven't moved out. They split time between our homes 50/50. He IS a good man. He's an RCMP officer and treats her real well. How is what she's done, in introducing her man to the kids right after telling them that their world is going to be flipped upside down, so much better than me not having settled down and remarried before I'm even divorced yet?! The kids aren't privy to my social life and they shouldn't be. They've met the girl I've been serious about but because of her busy life and her pending divorce she's not in a position to have a full blown relationship at the moment either so we're taking things slow. I still go out now and then to meet new people and make some new friends but she's the one I am sticking with. Whether they are "whatever"dates or not is not the question, concern, or a problem. It has nothing to do with the discussion here, as they have no idea nor do most of my friends that I go on these dates.
And to make the picture a little clearer my ex is far from confident. LOL
Butterflykisses,
Yes we can all agree to disagree. But from my background I'm going to argue that introducing the kids to dates early on is setting the children up for failure later on. It has its benefits, ie. shows the kids you have a normal healthy social life and it also allows the kids to assess your potential mate. But it also parades a myriad of men, or women, past your kids and they start to question the reasons why this one didn't work out. They may not say it to their parents but they will start to think as they get older and more and more men/women pass by that they may be the common denominator. They may also generate bonds with people only to have them broken when the guy/woman leaves the relationship. But everyone is the master of their children's destinies as well as their own. I just know I won't be letting my kids meet very many women. They meet my friends but my friends are a big part of my life and the kids have always been involved in that part of my social life. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 6:56:55 PM | deuce98
I am trying not to under read your point but this is my response to How i read it.
[But it also parades a myriad of men, or women, past your kids and they start to question the reasons why this one didn't work out.]
Saying that make it sound like a single parent either it be a dad or a mom is running some kind of I don’t know what but does not sound good. As I have stated from my personal experiences I DO NOT parade a myriad of men past my daughter. Even if she has met a few of them you know you could meet some one at the grocery store, video store, mall, church, what ever and strike up a conversation and you are going to ignore those opportunities to meet someone cause your kids are with you. I think not I know I don’t.
Even if as you say [They may not say it to their parents but they will start to think as they get older and more and more men/women pass by that they may be the common denominator. They may also generate bonds with people only to have them broken when the guy/woman leaves the relationship.]
In today’s society I want my daughter to know that she does not have to settle for something that is not entirely what she wanted. To be a strong independent women. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:52:14 PM | | Youre not the only one though its hard for us to get custody even now. Im a full- time single dad of a 4 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl who were beaten by their mother before I got them away then abducted for 10 months after I got custody. Its a hard role but I wouldnt trade a minute of it. I cant stand all the firsts I missed with my kids while they were missing but I take comfort knowing I wont miss any more and there are lots to come. Its a lonely life for a single dad- most of us dont know any others near us and I personally still get told Im a evil person for taking children away from their mother no matter what she did but I look into their faces and am glad I have done what I have done | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:57:36 PM | | Well even though I don’t know you, I can say you are not evil for taking them from there mom if she was that bad. Children need to be with people who love and care for them but truth be told our kids want us to be happy too and they want to see us with someone that make us happy other then them I would not trade a minute that I have with my daughter either. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:36:45 PM | Butterflykisses,
Some women have said in these forums that they bring their children on first dates all the time. Do you know how many first dates I've been on where things seemed fine on here and I thought we had a connection and then you meet and go what the hell did I see in this girl, or this is totally not the girl she said she was online! I always always always talk for a few days before I agree to meet someone, and always have a few phone conversations with them. I think it'd be good to talk longer but at the same time you can accomplish so much more in person than you can by email or even on the phone. So I figure once I determine I like this girl and would like to learn more about her I make the jump to a date, if I'm dating that is. But I got into it with one woman on here about a month ago who said her daughter had met something like 28 men in the past 6 months. I thought I threw up in my mouth for a second thinking about that poor girl. What that is teaching her daughter is not to accept nothing short of what she wants but that it's okay to jump from man to man and to find the flaws in them in the process. She's virtually training promiscuity. I'm not saying that is what you are doing. I'm just saying there are a lot of first dates gone bad out there, and why put the kids through that. If you go on a handful of dates with a guy and you really feel it and decide you want to do the group date I don't see much of a concern with that as long as you aren't manhandling each other. But for me personally I wouldn't do it. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:39:03 PM | OP they are around. I met a full time single dad of two girls last summer, actually three now as he took in one of his daughter's friends who has deadbeat parents. I have so much respect for him, and for all the other single fathers out there.  | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 8:59:35 PM | | Well I can say that I have not been on that many dates like the girl in your story. I also know that I do the same I do talk on here for a while before I meet I also talk on phone before meeting. I am not saying I take my daughter on every single date I have. Because that is not the case at all I was just stating when the day started with this that I think it is good to do if it is agreed upon by both. I am by no means teaching flaws to my daughter with men or promiscuity cause I do not do one night stands. By not having, the man that fits right in my life means just that I have not found that man that fits in our world and we fit in his. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:07:21 PM | | I'm a 24/7 single dad, my little girl will soon be 17 and my son is going to be 11. I've never posted on anything before so I hope I don't blow anything up? I share some of the frustrations as some have posted on here too. My kids mother is deceased and I think I've read a few posts from guys that share that situation too. Bottom line, we love our kids! | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/3/2008 9:46:15 PM | That is one thing that no one including my self doubts as i said in an earlier feed i totally respect any guy that is a 24/7 dad cause my dad when i was a kid was not but he did his best on the weekends, and we are really close now and my daughters dad is not in her life hardly at all.
So any dad who takes care of his kids all the time is an ace in my book. not that a lot of people care about my book but hey... lol oh well ....  | |
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octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 662 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:27:14 AM | Deuce98....I just saw your 9:14pm post and it's your choice to play with fire.
Let's just join what you typed to me and to butterfly....
"Yes, I'm serious about this girl and my kids have met her but I still meet new people. Whether they are "whatever"dates or not is not the question, concern, or a problem. It has nothing to do with the discussion here, as they have no idea nor do most of my friends that I go on these dates"
Then it's...
"Yes, my kids meet my friends but my friends are a big part of my life and the kids have always been involved in that part of my social life"
Look, I'm not trying to be your enemy ok so hook around all you want as I'm sorry to have said anything because I didn't think this conversation would take on like it has. Let's just agree that we do agree and disagree with each other ok. Good luck to you. | |
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octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 663 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 3:33:50 AM | popesslick69.....
"Its a lonely life for a single dad- most of us dont know any others near us and I personally still get told Im a evil person for taking children away from their mother no matter what she did but I look into their faces and am glad I have done what I have done"
Fyck those who look at you being evil, they'll never have as good as a life as you and your kids do. My congrats to you fellow dad | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 5:05:55 AM | | I am so careful who my kids meet. But one day while walking out to the car with the shopping, a lady recognised me from my photo on here. She actually hounded us. She followed us all the way out to the car, and I got the kids into the car, and while I was loading the grocs into the car, she stuck her head in and started talking to my kids! I had to politely ask her to leave. Anyway, when I got onto the car my eldest boy piped up and said "Not another one Daddy", so now I very careful about whom they meet. So I don't get many chances to meet ladies. Last date I went on, Mum and Dad took the boys for a sleepover Saturday night. So I got to go out for dinner, sleep in, go to the gym and do my grocs with ease. Life is great. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 6:55:42 AM | Octoro,
I've already said we can agree to disagree. But I'm still not sure what you are getting at here with all these quotes. It's like you are trying to find a burning bush in my garden but it doesn't exist. I said my kids meet and know my friends. My friends will always be a part of my life. I'm not the type to make new friends every six months because I burn bridges with friends and have to seek new ones like some I know. My kids only know my closest friends, maybe four or five people. These women I meet for dinner or to go out and have a fun night of bowling or whatever are not considered close friends and don't get the privilege of meeting my kids.
Being a single parent is hard at any level. Hell I have them half-time and I find it difficult, not in the amount of time I put in as I do get a fair bit of free time, even though 50/50 usually ends up being about 60/40 or 70/30 with me taking the heavier load. I'm cool with that. If I could have them full time I would. I have LOTS of support from my family, unlike many others. My dad lives three blocks away, and my mom just moved back from BC and while she lives in my house currently she takes possession of her house in two weeks, and it's two doors down. A little close for comfort but the point is I have access to two people who want the kids as much as I'll let them have them. I also have some good friends who would babysit or swap kids for nights on the drop of a dime. I never have to worry about getting a sitter. But I rarely get a sitter when I have the kids BECAUSE I only have them half time and can plan around that. Don't ever let someone talk down to you because you kept their abusive parent from them. If my ex was a drug abuser or physically/sexually/emotionally abused them in any way she'd not see them until she got help and I was certain she had changed. And even then it'd have to be supervised until I was certain she could be trusted again. Thankfully I'm not in that situation because that is tough love to dish out and I would not want that job of having to keep the kids from their mother. No thanks. To those who are fighting the hard battle and going it alone while having to either fend off an ex or to explain constantly to the kids why their mom/dad doesn't come around my hat goes off to you. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:05:03 AM | Hi There....butterflykisses31.... I think you have the right idea about group dates ... etc .... and yeah I totally don't understand what it is like for single parents to date .....
I am seeing it from prob the wrong side as I have a female friend that is a single parent that will just take dates home and let them stay over while her small daughter is there .... therefore this poor girl is getting confused by diff men being there in the morning when she wakes up .... thats why I think its best to wait a while .... however if all parties are kewl with going to the zoo or doing something like that then its great socially ..... me myself would respect whatever the single parent wanted to do... Ax | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:13:08 AM | Wah! Wah!
Thank you very much. I do have to say though your friend needs to be shaken awake to the reality of the world! There are weirdo’s in it and yes I know I may be back peddling a bit but sleepovers are a different thread then what has been going on.
That is one thing I DO NOT DO!!! NO I repeat NO SLEEP OVERS!!!! Especially when my child is there. Now if the dude seems like he is going to be around a long while then yeah maybe but I am talking like way after the 8 month mark. That is defiantly to confusing for the kids. If a sleepover is desired or needed then arrangements should be made elsewhere so that no kids can wake up in the am to a strange man in the house.
While they are watching cartoons. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 8:24:16 AM | butterflykisses31 ...........
TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU ....
Ax | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:26:52 AM | Holly millions of single dads.
Here's to the dads that step and do the right thing!
<--Single Dad with a Career and a life too. There is light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day just do whats best for the kids. | |
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dd2123
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Joined: 7/3/2006
Msg: 670 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 9:27:41 AM | | you are not the only 1, I also am a full time single dad as well however i have 1 child and she has 1 child but i still pay child support, figure that out! | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 1:26:16 PM | | I,am a single dad,my wife passed away when our son was 14months old,I know what being a single parent is all about | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 2:58:09 PM | | All the single dads have my praise!!!! No matter how or what caused you to be a single dad! | |
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octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 673 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/4/2008 11:23:58 PM | | Well thank you butterfly....kissing you on the lips. Deuce....I really don't give a shit less about you. It's about the fact that there are 27 pages of men whom I don't think will screw anything with two legs while having a g/f who has met his kids. | |
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octoro
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Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 674 | |
| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/5/2008 12:20:25 AM | | OK, my last post. Deucarado..."why don't you come to your senses, she's out minding other's fences, while you're home now" | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 3/5/2008 5:05:52 AM | First off, excuse me if I end up doing this wrong HAHA! I'm not up to speed on my forum usage.
Anyway, I'm a single dad to 2 kids, 5 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. They live with me but i've got every other weekend free and a couple of hours for a few nights a week. Thank god for that! HAHA! I love em but sometimes you just need quiet time.
Kinda thought i'd throw my 2 cents in here. I've got a large group of friends and have them around my kids often. The kids think it's great and my friends don't mind at all. They understand that they're my friends and I don't see there being a problem with having friends around your kids. As for girlfriends, if i'm dating someone I don't mind bringing them around my kids. However there are some rules. No physical contact in any form. I don't want my kids to see me having relationship after relationship. I have to admit though, they're too damn smart for their own good and understand what's going on with myself and their mother. They realize now that we're not together and also realize that we would like to find someone to love.
I'm sure the situation is different for every person and therefore everyone has to make their own decisions about how to handle the single parent dating thing. Maybe i'm lucky in the fact that their mother loves them and plays as much of an active part as she can. Maybe they're just smart enough to understand or it's been explained to them in a way that makes them realize that it's nothing to do with them. I don't know. I'm just glad they keep bugging me to get married again! HAHAHA! | |
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