| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 2:44:28 AM | its sad to hear that something like that is happing to them kids sorry to be blunt on this they want shootin sounds harsh but its true . i take my hat off to any single dads or mums its a fulltime job its self .am a single mother of 3 boys 18 7 and 3 and there my world there is some people out there that judge us single moms / dads but what i say to that were all the same we got feeling and a little extra love to give . so keep youre chin up  | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:41:37 AM | I really don't like the description "full time single Dad" (or Mom). It implies that men or women who see their kids every weekend, or for less time than the primary custodial parent, aren't parents the rest of the time. Nevertheless, I do understand the distinction very well, and especially for custodial fathers it's substantially more often that the Mom is a deadbeat, abandoner, or they are a widower simply because otherwise the men usually wouldn't be able to obtain custody of small children. Sometimes, you are the only parent. There are degrees of full time.
That said...
I'm often reluctant to put up my personal story but this one is as old as usenet where I participated in some of the original single parent support groups there. I am a single father who has been primary caregiver to his son since that boy was about 18 months. I understand the love from parent to child and intense bond that holds. The joy of being in love with my son and a witness, mentor and guide to him as he has grown to become a young man has been a treasure in my life. He has given me one regret – not having had more children.
I see generally that women are posting that they find single Dad's attractive and men posting that women don't. I believe the women when they say that. In my experience they light right up once they find out you are a custodial single parent. However, I also believe the Dad's because of what happens as real life intervenes and those little lights go out and they leave those fathers because of the reality of the situation. I don't blame them. Sometimes we can't tell in advance how we'll feel about things and it's relatively rare for women to date a custodial parent so, even if they are one themselves, they often do not know what it would be like dating someone in that situation. That's probably the largest distinction between custodial single Mom's and Dad's. Men usually know what getting involved with a single parent means on an intimate level and make the decision in advance while women may be titillated by the idea, only to come to realize later it isn't for them.
I remember a time when I was the only (non widowed) single father on the only broad reaching internet support group for single parents. I'm both glad, because sometimes it is the father who would be the best parent, and sad, because it's usually through very unfortunate circumstances, to see that the proportion has risen substantially. (I understand the absolute number of single parents has risen so there were bound to be more single Dad's, bust statistically the proportion has risen in society at large)
I lend my voice here as one of support to all single parents. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:20:35 AM | The main reason I add on the 'full time' to the 'single dad' part, is that even with joint custody I have primary placement. Since his mother lives in Oregon now, what 1,000 miles away or so, I say full-time, cause there are rarely breaks other than for about 2 months in the summer. Yes, she calls once or twice a month to chat with him for a few minutes, but with not really having any family close by (besides his older brother and sister- and their dad and I help each other out), it's full-time. ;)
If he has a sleepover (occasionally), that is about the only time I really have a night off... and THAT'S OK!  I enjoy his company!  | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 12:35:02 PM | | Wow After reading all the post I believe there may be hope for a full time single dad! I think alot of women think I want them to raise my son. Its really crazy. He is the most import thing to me and that is why I have custody. Now I know I have to rewrite my profile! | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 3:02:16 PM | | Keep up the great work lads. Its a tough go i know.. but they will grow up and take care of us 1 day(i hope). Its nice to to find this form dedicated to us single dads. We are certainly the minority but we do exist. My son turned 18 this year along with an increased percentage of grey. But its all good. Is everybody getting their child support? | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 4:09:42 PM | | Never asked for child support... she didn't/doesn't work, so a percentage of zero is still zero! ;) Have been on our own for 3 1/2 years already, and don't expect anything from my ex-, except she treats him well when he visits. :) | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 5:37:22 PM | I just wanted to say I admire all the single dad's out there!!! My friend is a single father and he is such a good dad. BEST of luck to all you single fathers | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:11:07 PM | | Its an expensive world out there. And many years to come. I also did not ask for child support as financially we were fine. However that being said it doesn't change the fact that people have responsibilities in life. Looking back i think i would contemplate differently. Everybody's situation is different and i respect that. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:18:54 PM | | Thanks for the recog. Nikki. I guess now you know there are some guys who know how you feel. We admire you too. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 6:28:20 PM | | Last post for today on the "full time issue". There is all the time. There is full time. There is part time. There is equal time. We all can place ourselves accordingly. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/16/2008 7:04:55 PM | | Why are there not any of you guys in Oklahoma? I am apprehensive towards dating a guy with kids IF he rarely ever sees the kid(s) and is more worried about his own selfish endeavors. But I would have no problems dating a full-time single dad. In a society where it is somewhat acceptable for the man to walk away from his family, you guys have stepped up to the plate when the woman did this abhorrent act. I really admire all you guys. Women should be smitten just by knowing you are willing to make a commitment instead of just running when things get tough. But then again, I think us women are masochists! | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:44:05 AM | LOL, some women are masochists, certainly! But, then again, I've met quite a few guys who are too... I've had my moments also. ;)
I don't know how 'acceptable' guys walking away from their children really is, but I've known enough who got 'kept away' from their kids. The ones I have met who chose to stay away, not to pay support, etc. weren't the type of people that I'd consider a friend.
One would think that women could appreciate the willingness to commit, and I've met a fair number of women who DO. Like anything else in life though, patience and not settling for just the first one to catch your eye, but waiting until you find the 'right' person, is the way to go. Things happen or don't happen, in their proper time.
It IS nice to hear ladies expressing interest in single dads though... I wouldn't have done anything differently, myself. Got the one thing that mattered the most to me... the rest is all just toys, can work hard and get more of those... my son is irreplaceable. :)
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 8:53:09 AM | I always said no to dating men with young children because my daughter is almost grown. I have given a couple men a chance and I will not even consider it again.
First guy was one of those old daddies (you know 55 with kids under 10) well he never had time for me because he seemed to always have his kids on my nights off from work. He could never pick me up at work late at night if I needed a ride because he couldn't leave his young children alone, so I was walking home.
2nd guy had 4 grown children (or so I thought as he told me on our first conversation how independent they were and how they had their own lives). Wrong!! He can't take me out tonight because he married daughter needs this, or his other daughter needs that, or he has to babysit for his grandkids so his daughter and son and law can go out for valentines day (didn't tell me this till the day after I had spent valentines day waiting for him to call). He can't date my anymore because one of his grown daughters is now living with him, so I guess he isn't allowed to date or is it that he has to stay home and babysit for her all the time now while she goes out.
I will never even consider a man with young children again and if they have older children and start being too busy, well I will look elsewhere. There is room for kids and your girlfriend. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 9:59:05 AM | Ang65, I can understand where you are coming from... can't imagine a guy with grown kids who would insist on always putting them before his lady. My son is 9, and while I don't take much time off from him/work, that's because there hasn't been much need. Life is great the way it is now... having someone to share it with would be even better though. ;)
As far as couple time goes, well, isn't that what sitters are for? My parents went out at least a couple times a month as a couple and we had a sitter... I'd prefer to do the same thing too. Yes, any woman I date/get involved with, would have to be willing to spend SOME time with both my son and myself (after a while.) I would also EXPECT to be able to have some time alone with just her, AS WELL AS with my son, AND some solo time for me. It can all be worked out, when people are willing to work together and compromise.
But, then again, I am unique... a character... whatever ya want to call me. One of them YOUNG daddies (you know, 38 with a 9 yr old), who HAS made time in the past. When I was dating last year, I made sure that both my son and my g/f got some alone time with me.
Best of luck to you, Ang. :)
Thorleif | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 10:28:41 AM | I think it is good to have your children when you are young. After all it is obvious that waiting to marry and have children doesn't work either, these men who married at 45 and had kids at 50 are divorced after a few years of marriage and they are going to be tied up raising kids till they are retirement age, not leaving much time to enjoy time with their significant other.
Of course the guy I recently broke up with had been married twice so I should see that as a red flag but I was trying to be open minded and not judge but it looks like it's best to keep my standards and judge beforehand because I seem to be right unfortunately.
This guy had time for work, buying a new house, and taking care of his grown children but no time to date, but for a booty call, of course, he had time for that, but that was not what I was looking for.
He gave me so much attention when we first met and made plans, wanted me to help him paint the house, etc, but then just dropped everything and got too busy. Very strange man. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 11:56:53 AM | | Geez Thorleif, if 38 with a 9 year old son makes you a young daddy, what does that make me at 28 with a nearly-10-year-old being my eldest?! LOL | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 12:30:17 PM | I would say you have your priorities straight. Too many people want to put off having children until they have their lives perfect and they also want to do all sorts of stuff before getting tied down. What they end up with is getting married in their 40's having children at an older age and still ending up divorced as waiting for marriage doesn't guarantee it will work. These parents will be retired by the time their children are adults. Ironically the children that they care so much about that they waited till they had it together before they had them are going to be spending their carefree years taking care of aging parents. Think about it. A person wants to have their life free to enjoy, then they marry and have children when they are say, 45, and so at the time the child reaches 18 they are 63, 10 or 20 years down the line when that child is 38 and thinking about having a family, they will have to care for elderly parents.
The man who is 28 with a 10 year old will be able to enjoy seeing his grandkids one day and his children will get to have a long relationship with their parents because they won't be dead by the time they are 40. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/17/2008 2:27:13 PM | Smooth.....
I admire and respect full time single dads. Not only are they stepping up and taking on the responsibilty of being a full time single parent, it allows them the insight of what us single moms go through, I have 3 boys 18, 15, 13.
You have one up on all the other single guys out there!
Good job!!! | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/18/2008 9:59:54 PM | | Im a single dad of a 2 year old girl. Her mom hasnt seen her in a year by her choice. Im only 25 and have already found because Im raising my daughter that 99% of females shun me especially single moms which I find ironic. It dont really bother me for the most part since I have a very busy life with my daughter and work. Just seems that these single moms who want a guy with no kids are being a little biased they dont want to play momma to someone else kids but want someone to play daddy for their kids. I can understand why a female with no children wouldnt want to play mommy for another womans kids but I have a hard time figuring out why a single mom doesnt want to. just my thoughts. Im on here just to see what happens dont expect to meet anyone and have pretty much accepted the fact that I will prob be single. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:50:37 PM | | I personally would like to meet a single dad. Being a single mom I think we would understand each other and our time restrictions. | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/19/2008 1:22:17 PM | | i just wanna say i take my hat of to you single dads i have so much respect for you my ex walked out on our kids when they was 10,8 and 6 and never bothered to see them hes a disgrace your what real men are made of | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:16:20 PM | | hey im a single mum, and ive had a few dates, and my experience is that when u meet a single dad i find it easier as they seem far more accepting that uve got kids than those who dont, so i think there should be more single dads, xx | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:21:39 PM | I am a single dad ( 50% physical custody ) would not have any other way , although her Mom and me get along pretty good, never thought my life would turn out this way, but I make the best of it and I find it very rewarding at times..
Later | |
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| full-time single dads
Posted: 4/19/2008 6:35:45 PM | I've been a full time single father for about 5years now to a GREAT 9year daughter.
With great disapiontment her mom always make plans to cancell them all the time.
It is the hardest thing I every had to adjust to. But I wouldn't change a thing. | |
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