| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/16/2006 5:10:22 PM |
i always have gone for men based on looks
I think everyone goes for looks to a certain extent, my personal thing is I have to think the face is cute (a nice smile, and good eyes). But thats just me, the rest is superficial to whats *inside* (personality, intelligence, humor)...
Maybe take a step back... I always loved the phrase "if you see that person across the room, and you think 'wow! they're hot! I could marry them!'... run away!!! thats lust, not love." As I said, looks obviously count for something, but yes, you need to look beyond the exterior and see the person inside...
... and yes, you *do* need to start to believe you deserve better! | |
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Posted: 9/16/2006 5:15:51 PM | | some people are meant to be alone forever, niamh. often its because they simply cannot give to anyone else. no one ever told them that simple fact. dont worry bout it. regards cyril. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/17/2006 8:27:40 AM | | I truly think that some people are more likely to be alone forever. I've had a couple of recent relationships but nothing ever really stuck. I actually am starting to question my part in those relationships thou. I really did fall for one lady but I couldn't really be myself around her, maybe it was me not being ready for something serious. After her I dont really see myself actually getting heavely involved with anyone else. LOL and its not that I dont want a relationship it's just something deep down that makes me behave the way I do. So I think I could possibly be alone forever, sad but its the way life is for some people I guess. Me being one of them. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/18/2006 5:24:26 PM | Hmmm, I think that people who feel they are destined to be alone forever will be alone forever. If you feel that way you may have set up boundaries or walls that won't allow others in or make you feel like you are not good enough to deserve someone. I also think that once you have gotten to a certain age, or have been single for a certain number of years, you get set in your 'ways'. It's harder to find someone to be with cause they don't have the same 'ways' as yourself. You tend to set the bar higher in hopes of finding exactly what you want...days, months, years go by and before you know it, you've gone on so many bad dates it's a lot less emotional draining to stay single!
My bro is 43 never married, no kids, not gay and has no interest of ever getting hitched. He likes his life the way it is he says, why complicate it? I myself, I know I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, I need some kids one day to keep me hip, and really who is going to take care of me or put me in an old folks home when that time comes??? LOL!
I think there is someone out there for everyone, it's just being ready for it, and coming to terms with just how much you are willing to compromise. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/18/2006 5:37:14 PM | True, some people like the sort of life they have. My best friend, who I haven't seen in a LONG time, is that way. Of course, a series of bad relationships kinda screwed him up....but he is content with being single.
I, however, am not. My goal in life has been to share it with someone I care about. Cause honestly, I don't care about a whole lot. I don't want a huge house, a garage full of cars, or running a business. End the end, what is the point? That stuff is meaningless to me.
As far as thinking I am destined to be alone, well....i think i have thought that way because its a lot safer. There's no surprise Jerry Springer moments, tearing down your self-esteem, etc.
Some people get tired of loneliness, others dont. Never are you really destined, it all depends on what you want in most cases. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 6:50:29 AM |
If you feel that way you may have set up boundaries or walls that won't allow others in or make you feel like you are not good enough to deserve someone.
I think Pink Floyd put it best when they said, "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall." | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 7:19:27 AM | eyye! the capn' thinks he be piratin' the vast seas alone me thinks, hearty wenches er hard to find is these pedestrian waters
oh well
the capn' | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 8:10:56 AM | To the op
You are 26
You have plenty of time to be alone
When you find the right person, settle down and have a couple of kids
YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE ALONE
Now sit down you're rocking the boat
People who can't be alone ..Must find something in themselves they don't like
If you see it now change it . While you still have time.
Too many women depend on a man to get them by. Ask any woman on here that had a man that died on them how they survivied.
I look at a good relationship as a gift . I figured this is a good place to shop for one. who knows maybe I might find a bargin | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 8:37:49 AM | Niamh, your biggest fault in MY eyes, is that you live in Ireland and not Canada! LOL! Seldom to find a lady as attractive as you, who is not full of herself. (Though they do exist and you appear to be one of them) You are a breath of fresh air, and when thigs go wrong, you ask questions! That is a sign of intellect. You dont' immediately blame yourself and cry "Woh is me!" and you also don't immediately place all of the blame on them. You'd be surprised at how many of even the most decent people will do that! (both genders are equally guilty on this one)
You bring up interesting points and seem to like to discuss issues, this proves you are also very communicative and likely to actually be CAPABLE of carrying a healthy relationship, so I have to guess you have just made some unwise choices like you yourself seem to be suggesting.
Tell ya what though! Come to Canada, and if you are even NEARLY the same girl I think you are thus far.... Well, maybe you'll like living in Canada. ;)
Generally I prefer "cute" to "gorgeous", but, in your case, I think you are real enough to make an exception for. (Wow! Was THAT a roundabout compliment or what eh? LOL! Yeah, I think you are gorgeous, but refreshingly, this beauty seems every bit as much reflected in your heart and your ability to question things around you (mind))
At any rate, you just have that quality of a LADY that makes want to make you feel better and to flatter you and help build up your ego (And while I enjoy doing that, I NEVER give a bullshit compliment. If I can't say it and MEAN it, I find something I CAN say and mean)
Just keep on being you and what you seek WILL come along, but stop trying so hard, this may be sending out mixed signals about who you are. Give it time, it'll happen when you least expect it to. (Usually shortly after you give up the hunt. LOL!)
You being yourself around a large enough selction of men, is a recipe for success! relax! Bide your time! Make a smart selection. You WILL find him. :) I personally guarantee it. Just STAY down to Earth. Girls that look as good as you do can be very intimidating and many men will not approach simply because they assume one or both of the following....
1. "I could never get a girl like THAT interested in ME!"
2. "Lookign like that, and with such a sweet disposition, she HAS to be someone's lady!"
You may have to combat this thinking with a little aggressive behaviour of your own, but that too can be risky in the signals it sends out, so I'd suggest carefully observing any potential "targets" first. ;)
If you really just CAN'T find him, buy a plane ticket to Canada! I'll INTRODUCE you to him (me) LOL! :)
- Scotty | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 9:51:33 AM | | Honey, 3 BACK TO BACK relationships? Slow down. Take some time to let yourself figure out who you are and then jump in. That is why they all ended badly, because you didn't take the time to figure out what you want. When you stop looking, that is when you will find it. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 12:07:25 PM | ^^^Agreed. Three back to back relationships suggests that you're not in it for the long haul anyway, and are just looking to be in a relationship with someone. There's no discriminating between good and bad, just jump right in with the good for the moment.
Take some time, figure out what's important to you besides looks, and look for that. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 12:58:03 PM |
Three back to back relationships suggests that you're not in it for the long haul anyway, and are just looking to be in a relationship with someone.
I would have put that in quotes... "someone". But yeah, some people are incapable sometimes of being alone for a while. I for one have found that while I've grown through the experiences of my relationships, the reason I've grown is because I've taken the time *between* them to learn from them. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 3:22:04 PM | I have had three back to back relationships all the same started wonderfull ended badly, when i said this to someone recently he said that maybe i am just meant to be aloed dowe. Im oldest in my family and sisters are settled down with the first guys they met and im alone again .... So am i just meant to be alone ? even though i would love to meet someone and be happy
I would just like to say thank you to everyone for the advice and kind words..  | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 4:34:50 PM | I wondered sometimes if I would be alone forever. I met a really nice girl once who identified herself as a "loner". I really don't see how that's possible. Humans are social creatures by nature, and we all need companionship to stay in a good frame of mind.
Look for love, and don't love for looks. You catch my drift?
There's not just one person for each other person; I don't think that. There's really a ton of people who could be perfect for nearly anyone.
Faithfulness is more than belief in God and the fidelity of your partner: it's also the belief that you will find someone who will love you the way you know you deserve. It's obvious that you know how much love you need on some level, and you'll find it when you start looking for friends, and start on that comfort level.
Logically, if someone you meet and feel attracted to sexually is already a good friend, then that's a great start, don't you think?
Keep up hope, and you won't be left out.
BTW, I personally have been in psychological therapy for my own issues since childhood (the matters are neurological, not because of abuse). It's no problem if you do this, and to be honest, it helps me because I can talk as intimately as I need to without having to literally be in an intimate relationship... Doesn't that sound relaxing? Now you're getting the idea...
If you do it, I hope it helps you as much as it helped me.
-Me | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/19/2006 5:09:35 PM | I don't think that anyone in this world was meant to be anything. This means that you can pretty much be whatever you want. The freedom is there. So I guess the answer would be no. Besides, when one says "meant to be alone," using the word "meant" suggests some sort of agency. I think that most people take this to mean some divine power or supranatural force. However, I think that this force can be more ordinary. It's the will of the person; his or her behavior. This is a good thing insofar as it suggests that one can select his or her fate. There's nothing in the miasmic great beyond toying with you, making life harder than it need be.
I say relax and analyze past relationships. As it has been said, the common thread linking a person's "failed" relationships is the person. It may be hard to swallow, but if it is taken to heart and accepted, then one can proceed to make the necessary changes in one's life. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 6:51:02 AM | | Don,t listen to other people they are pessimistics. You are not going to be alone, just because things have gone wrong in the past does not always mean its going to be like it. Forget the past concentrate on the present and the future, you will meet someone lovely don,t listen to their future, examine yourself see if their is anyway you are going wrong, and maybe change your taste in men, go for a different sort, you may be going for the wrong sort of bloke. Don,t rush in with someone, make them wait for sex at least you know they will be around then because they like you and not your body. Don,t be shy and take risks. When we have been hurt we can think that the next one is going to be like it, the next bloke though might be really nice. Be confidant and be positive, you will meet someone nice, don,t compare yourself to your sisters. and their relationships. that will make you feel worse. learn from your mistakes and move on, you will meet someone it will work for you take care God bless Denise. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:25:35 PM | I am alone by choice. I'd rather be alone than with the wrong person. It seems if you have had 3 relationships back to back that you are not giving yourself time to heal from the relationship that just broke up. If you don't, you take that baggage and pain into the next relationship. Are you taking your time getting to know these me before you get to deep to fast? Do you know what you want in a man?
You have to go inside yourself and find out who you are before you can look for a person to share your life with. Do you know who you are, and what you need to be happy. How can anyone (man) give you what you want if you don't know what you want and need to be happy?
Another problem and this is personal knowledge, it takes approximately one and one half years to get really know enough about a person for you to decide if he is a person worthy of you. We as people tend to rush into relationships without taking the time to know what that person is really like. Then we become disappointed when we see a side of them we didn't know about.
Having sex to early stops the growth of the relationship. Once you star the sex the expectations change. you expect more because you have invested yourself, your body. If you allow this to happen very early, he loses respect no matter what he may stay. And you have ended the excitement of the chase. This may sound old fashioned, but it works.
Another thing to consider is what type of men are you meeting, where are you meeting them? Do they want the same things out of life that you do? That where knowing yourself is very important. Finding someone that is a lot like you eliminates some problems. And finally if you want to know what a person is really like (this applies to anybody) watch how they treat their family and friends, children an people they deal with. Here is where you will see how you will be treated once the newness wears off. Studies have been done showing that people (men and women) put more thought into where they want to live then who they have relationships with. Love, lust does not think about the important things like the personality of the person they are involving themselves with. Angelhelen47 | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:26:03 PM | You know Niamh, reading all these answers to your question, made me think that men and women are not so different (apart from the good bits)
I just joined and as you say; there are some nice people on here.
Good luck, and be happy (alone or otherwise)
Carol x | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 12:42:27 PM | You usually find guys (and girls) who are extremely good looking are like people who are loaded. Looks is like money, you can use it as much as you want until you hit a certain age (basically when your age begins to show)
Note - Brooke Shields etc..
I dont want to generalise but stunning looks doesnt always mean successful relationships, men tend tend to find it easy to hop from one to the next, unfortunately so do some good looking women, some people suffer from mood swings or have emotional issues like a bad temper and also find it difficult to find love.
If your 26, then its not late by a long shot, maybe you feel your body clock is ticking away but with your looks I'd certainly consider the personality first and then look at an avearge looking guy with a steady job.
Just because some looser said your meant to be a loner doesnt mean $h1t, learn to 'relax and swing' thats a song by Japan - You will find someone. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 3:10:02 PM | At 26 you probably don't completely know yourself yet (I'm still working on it at 55!), and as others said your clock may be ticking..but you are far from alarms ringing!
Maybe I'm being over analytical, but you said: "even though i would love to meet someone and be happy". Instead try saying "be happy and meet someone"... If I've learned anything so far, its that you have to be happy with your own life/self first, then find someone who adds/complements...the icing on the cake approach.
I don't think anyone is meant to be alone forever, but being happy and secure with yourself is the best way to be able to handle it when you are alone (and everyone is at some point!)...and it will make for better relationships when you are not alone! | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/20/2006 3:36:37 PM | People aren't "meant" to be alone. Some just might end up that way. Being alone is a lot better than being lonely. And you can be married and be lonely even tho you're not alone.
And trust me that sucks a lot more!
Anyway...give it time. | |
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| Are some people meant to be alone forever ?
Posted: 9/21/2006 8:35:21 AM | i think the ramones said it the best- "i gave her my heart, she ripped it apart, who gives a fart?"
theres a reason our eyes are in the front of our heads it's so we're naturally looking forward. the past is interesting, and of course only fools don't learn from their mistakes, but the future.....
fortune favors the bold, try another relationship. and another. and another--you know what they say-------------------there's plenty of fish...... | |
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