| why do men run away?
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:38:16 AM | | "Man, that guy was dumb. He might regret it." That's my immediate reaction or thought, but there could be many factors involved. I believe it is fear of getting hurt again mainly *sigh* It's the same song and dance(at least for me they're scared for whatever reasoning) Or they're too chicken to be truthful to someone to tell them they're not interested. Maybe they're scared of losing you as a friend. Again it's fear. I wish more people would be upfront in expressing these things instead of stringing someone along. Just say what's on your mind period. It's not hard to do and one would feel relieved in doing so. Communication is the key. It's not fair at all if you keep the other person left wondering or stranded. It's rude. I always felt like time was wasted, but don't feel discouraged despite feeling annoyed. It had nothing to do with you from what I learned most of the time. The other person could be either confused and is rather insecure in themselves. You don't need someone like that in your life if they're so confused about you. Learn from it and just move on. Just think it was their loss. Personally, I'm getting tired/exhausted of making excuses for guys who have done this to me. Either someone wants to be with me or not. If they don't that's fine. They often regret it later, but it's too late for them. Time to move on. NEXT!!!! | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:58:26 AM | Venqin I agree - the best post in a long time! As to your great question How do you make someone prove that they are trust worthy - well you can't! What we all CAN do though is be responsible for protecting ourselves by getting to know a person before getting into a place where that kind of cut-and-run stuff is going to hurt us. I can do this by spending TIME with the person in several different situations. By observing carefully and listening carefully - not only how they act and speak to me, but how they treat others as well. Do they speak politely to one of their friends then when the friend has left trash them - make fun of them - share private information about them? That is what they will do to me. Do they blame the failure of all previous relationships on the other person? Do they look me full in the face and speak clearly about sensitive stuff or mumble and look down? If you can observe and listen you can usually eliminate the runners before they get to first base  | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/17/2007 5:30:05 AM | WE tend to lump all men in this category..There are men who will explore all possibilities before permanently terminating a relationship.I guess it depends on where you are in your life and are you definitely ready to invest the energy required to develop a true relationship. In today's internet -I.pod world countless opportunities are presented to you and you're forever sampling while you should be stopping ( to smell the flowers).//What a beautiful scent /// love can be so good when it is mutually enjoyed. To know you have a partner who craves you and wants to share all his joys with you..
WOW
Irene Cara said it best---WHAT A FEELING.....:  | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/21/2007 11:45:41 PM | | Because something different (not necessarily better) came their way that they were more interested in. It happens alot. To men and women. But i think with men being more visual i can see where they can be swayed with greater ease. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 1:50:21 PM | | some of us are not running........and I wish I was being chased...LOL..! | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 2:53:06 PM | Ahhh.... "the fade" my personal favorite!
After getting to know someone... things pick up a certain momentum, and then... *poof*
You get to sit there and wonder what is going through his/her head...
Do you reach out and ask them?
HELL no!
Do you move forward to find someone with enough balls to know how to open his mouth when necessary?
Well obviously... | |
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soyla
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Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 107 | |
| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:10:34 PM | | i don't know the answer although i have experienced the same in the past. maybe he was never free to pursue the relationship with you, maybe he had a sudden change of heart, who knows?? the important thing is to not beat yourself up over it. have you ever heard the expression everything happens for a reason? maybe you should count your blessings maybe you dodged a bullet and dont know it. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:50:05 PM | This is the classic indicator of fear of commitment issues. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 8:57:42 PM | | After reading the posts I see it's more why do 'they' run away. I guess it's an across-the-board issue. When it happens to me I go through a lot of the cycles, disbelief, anger, relief, etc. I do some sassy emails/conversations in my head that I would think of doing, but I don't. I have to just think A. lack of dating skills B. lack of manners C. lack of maturity D. hasn't had it done to them enough, yet, to know how rude it is E. no integrity. I do believe what goes around comes around and that person will learn what they need to learn about how to treat another. If I get an email from someone who I know is just not my type, I still respond to them and thank them for their interest, 'but'..... And I appreciate it when someone does it to me. My skin has toughened here. I definitely would rather have even an email on their 'way out' rather then sudden silence. One was IMing me and said he was going to get a shower and would be right back.. MAN!, that's one long shower!! Thankfully I can read all the takes on this subject here and no I'm not alone. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 11:17:25 PM | You know why??? Because they left their balllssss somewhere!!!   | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/22/2007 11:40:32 PM | | It is the point that you cross. The one that they feel you are getting too close to figuring them out. The point when they feel you can affect them beyond their control. The point when they could fall...in love maybe...or is just the next level of intimacy. Maybe they don't know how to get to the next level through their own ignorance of who they are. Because people that lie to themselves or don't know themselves deny themselves of actually complete letting go, and feeling completely at peace.. I am no expert, I just live by what I say and say what I feel, and let the chips fall where they may. I just try to do the best that I can. Ask the guy if he can or will act natural and see what he says. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 12:35:44 AM | There are a few logical things that explain this :
1) They were getting scared or overwhelmed by the new strange feeling called " love "
2) They found someone else to occupy their time and easily strayed
3) They are confused to begin with and this largely falls on the fact that NO ONE WANTS to be taken off the market completely...bc it's flattering to have dates and the attention of different women. | |
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Sn0man
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Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 114 | |
| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:46:24 AM |
Ahhh.... "the fade" my personal favorite!
After getting to know someone... things pick up a certain momentum, and then... *poof*
You get to sit there and wonder what is going through his/her head...
Do you reach out and ask them?
HELL no!
I agree with this statement right to the 4th sentence.
The 5th sentence however, i disagree with.
In my experience, which is somewhat extensive however that may be interpreted, is that 'the fade' is - 9 times out of 10, due to miscommunication. A failure to communicate properly ones intentions, a misunderstanding or misunderstood statement, or a wrongly interpreted action leads to this happening.
Not asking where the problem started ends alot of relationships that could have been saved by simply communicating. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 1:59:38 AM | pretty dreamer i know the feeling well hun it's happened to me many a time,
i've come to the conclusion that men really dont mean it when they say they really like you and want to see you again, but i havent given up hope just yet of finding someone that does actually mean it when they say it | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:06:21 AM | | i think some men just dont know how to communicate, i have asked questions they have said that they want the same things as i do but then they just "poof" and i dont here from them again ok maybe i wasnt the one for them but it would be nice just once in a while a man could be honest and say so, thats the bit that gets me, | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:28:40 AM | | NO I THINK THE PROBLEM IS MEN AND SOME WOMEN FALL IN LOVE WITH MOMENT .....MY PERSONALL THEORY IS ........AND NOT MANY PEOPLE WILL LIKE THIS ,,BUT MEN ARE NOT DISSIMALAR TO DOGS,AS LONG AS YOUR FEEDING THEIR EGOS ,,PETTING THEM AND GENERALLY PUTTING THEM FIRST ,THEN THEY WONT STRAY ,,WHICH IN THEORY MAKES SENSE . I CAN HEAR PEOPLE NOW SAYING SO Y IS SHE ON HERE THEN ,,WELL I AM JUST LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE LAUGH ,WHO TAKES THINGS AS THEY COME , AND WHO CAN BE SERIOUS AND SENSIBLE WHEN THEY HAVE TO BE ..HAVNT MET ANYONE OF HERE YET ,,AND AT THIS RATE PROBABLY WONT NOW EITHER ,,,HEHE OH WELL ,,IM STILL LOOKING ..?????? | |
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Sn0man
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Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 118 | |
| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 2:38:42 AM | ^^^^ No need to yell!!
Continue referencing men as dogs and you'll find yourself hard pressed to land a good one. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 9:01:42 AM | ^^ I see your point, and maybe in that case the two people would have had a misunderstanding, then certainly, discuss...
What I am am talking about is when everything seems fine and he/she suddenly quits talking to you...
I refuse to help someone learn to communicate.
I want a MAN, not a little boy who gets scared, whimpers and runs away with his tail between his legs..
And that is of course my perogative... because why would I enter into something if I am hoping he will change (learn to communicate).
No thanks. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 4:32:57 PM | its because..THEY HAVE LEGS...ever see the movie MYSERY..hehee
yup...hobble them..BEFORE they say ...i SAID this or that..but dont REALLY<<< mean it! | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:45:52 PM | | Pretty much, if you give us any indication you won't be faithful to us, we want to hear from you there is no concern that this is the case. So let's say, you tell us you are going to see a friend this weekend, rather than spend time with me, and that friend is 20 miles away? What are we supposed to think? Is that friend just a friend, or someone who we are second best to? We are happy to remain just friends as long as you don't make it clear that we are your sole best friend. It is important to communicate what our status is in terms of the friendship/relationship if we show that we really want to be your best friend, partner. If you just say, oh I'm spending time with so and so, that doesn't tell us anything about your desire to be with us. Some might run away. Others will stay by, but won't have our strings pulled unless you want to make it clear that we are your best friend and you aren't going to leave us for someone else. It is important to communicate how tight of a relationship you want, if that's what you do want. | |
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 6:57:18 PM |
I refuse to help someone learn to communicate...And that is of course my perogative... because why would I enter into something if I am hoping he will change (learn to communicate).
If you refuse to help a man to learn how to communicate, what chance does he have to learn how communicate at your level? Think about it. We each of us come from different backgrounds, possibly different social settings, and some of us who have never had a date that lasted who want to get to know someone long term are left totally out of the loop. We don't know what is expected of us, and we want to learn what is expected of us. You have a distinct advantage in that scenario because you can offer a viewpoint to those men who have no experience. In a way it helps balance the whole equality in gender issue. Each person has something to offer to the other. If you can offer something mutual, a helping hand in something the man has a hard time doing, he will be equally desiring to give you a helping hand in something you have trouble with. In doing that, you offer the fuel to build a relationship. Mutual interest. Helping each other out helps build relationships. Refusing to help a man do something means you aren't open to building some sort of mutual interest. Relationships work best when they fit like puzzles. They are complementary of each other. Don't refuse that which you might be able to offer which can help build a relationship. | |
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Sn0man
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Joined: 1/12/2007
Msg: 124 | |
| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:23:43 PM | @ sassyaquarious:
I want a MAN, not a little boy who gets scared, whimpers and runs away with his tail between his legs..
I understand what you mean here, and unfortunately, some men/women are just too chicken sh!t to deal with a change of heart or whatever the case may be, head on. I firmly believe that the OP deserves at least that much.
I refuse to help someone learn to communicate.
And it's no ones responsibility to do so but their own. If they can't, then they can't. Nevertheless, it's a cop out, one way or the other, when people just fade away.
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| why do men run away?
Posted: 2/23/2007 8:31:57 PM | I dealt with the opposite end of this question recently. You let some one know and then they have to analyze why. I ended up having to block this person on both this site and on MSN.
Point being maybe they have dealt with it as well and are trying to avoid the drama. | |
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