| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/7/2005 4:52:05 PM | While I would decide to get permanenty sterilized on my own, I would NEVER put my child up for adoption. Though, if I accidently got pregnant, Id pick adoption over abortion anyday, but I just would NEVER give up my lil man :)
You ok? | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/7/2005 4:57:30 PM | if you can lay down and have sex and you know what might happen, so if u cant deal with that then dont have sex, all your gonna do is hurt the child in the long run because he/she will grow up wondering why mommy and daddy didnt want me but wanted my brothers/sister. that child will grow up with head issues.
I totally disagree with you on this...Accidents happen. Condoms break. The pill isnt as great as everyone seems to think...Shit happens right? So why should someone stop having sex? Even in very controlled situations were birth control of some form or another was used it can not work.
As for the adoption...Its not going to hurt the child. In some cases you have an open adoption and the child knows why they were put up. Most people I know who were adopted were grateful to their birthparents b/c they wouldnt have had a good or stable home in which to grow up in. Or the simple fact the birth parents didnt want them or couldnt handle them at this point. They wont be ****ed up...
But, yeah to each their own :) | |
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cooter
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Joined: 3/26/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/7/2005 8:00:05 PM | Once the baby is born,chances are you will not be able to put her/him for adoption,you'll find some way to keep her/him.
I hope you will be able to come to terms with what you decide,personally,if I was dating someone who was having my child,I would try real hard to help her keep the baby,even if we weren't together no more! | |
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Face.T
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Joined: 3/18/2005
Msg: 53 | |
| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/12/2005 5:40:34 AM | I was 16 when I had my son with no help from his father at all my son is now 8
an could not be without him.He has never even met his father and now will never get the chance as his father died last.To tell you the truth I never even thought of it
when I 16.But I do understand how hard it is on your own so for most of us it is a case of
how you deal with things and how strong a person you are an at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you an your child (children).
Good look in whatever you choose to do .I hope it all turns out right for you . | |
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mxluvr
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Joined: 4/13/2005
Msg: 54 | |
| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/17/2005 10:34:35 AM | | Kitkat.May I give you some advice on sterlization.I am "fixed"And have been for about 9 yrs.I don't regret it because I did it for 2 reasons.I don't want more kids of my own.Second my ex was told not to have anymore because of problems with her delieveries.If she was to have more he said either you or the baby will die.So I got done cause it's soooomuch easier on guys than for woman.My advice is not to do it unless it can be reversed.Clamping method.It worked for my sis-in-law.I do wish that I had got some sperm frozen,so that if we ever wanted one more,ai.The whole pregnant thing is what put back in the single life again. | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/17/2005 11:13:48 AM | Kitykat,
I think you are very brave to post AND to consider adoption.
Incredibly painful, but you are obviously trying to do the right thing by that baby. Somewhere out there is a woman who crys herself to sleep because she wants a baby so badly. Some may say giving up a child to adoption is selfish, or berate you after the fact...but I think it would be a very loving thing to do if it was the best choice for that new life.
Life is sometimes very unfair...but loving that child, and finding him or her the best possible future is commendable.
((HUGS))) and best of luck to you | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/17/2005 1:51:18 PM | Of course, I am not putting my child up for adoption to make an infertile couple happy. If that was the point, then it is not the right choice.
I am doing it for myself and for my other children, to make sure that my family (including new baby) have the best that I could give them! | |
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Cat_uk
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Joined: 4/14/2005
Msg: 57 | |
| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/17/2005 2:12:20 PM | I know of a lady who gave her child up for adoption, (2nd child) but then went on to have more !!! How bad is that. I know the child is with her grandmother, but never the less, you think what that child will think when she's older. The only reason she gave her up is because she was a handful! the lil girl was only 7 i think. The lady i know, isnt a friend of mine, obviously, just someone i know of.
I understand that people have their reasons for doing this, but.... i just feel for the yound girl when shes older.
xx | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/18/2005 1:00:42 PM | i am a single mother of 3...all three of my childern have diffrent fathers but i don't love them anyless.Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Not saying I am a perfect angel but I am no demon neither. I have read eveyone's reply to this difficult question...here are my thoughts on it. Being a single parent of one is hard enough but raising 3 is difficult. Just recently I thought i was pregnant with a fourth. For a long time I had to weigh my pros and cons, this is what i had to understand...no matter if the child i thought i was pregnant with was my first or my fourth...it's still a life changing event which means i would have to grow as a person and work just harder, how am i going to handle this... When we decide to have children regardless if it was planned or not we have to be willing to step up to the plate and handle business. I don't know your current financial situation but maybe you should ask yourself a few more questions before you make your final decision. Questions like...if i am already raising a child or two how much more difficult would it be for me to raise another? How much of yourself are you willing to give? If the decision is to give up the child...could you face yourself later? What do i as a mother need to do to ensure that my current childern as well as my unborn child have a safe and stable home?
Are you prepared to have a sound and strong answer for the child when they ask "Why did you give me up?" and "If you didn't want me then why am I here?"
Getting yourself "fixed" is another issue. Do you really feel that necessary? Would that really solve your problem or do you need to look deeper? There is no easy answer to a situation like yours...no quick answers. I wish you the best.... | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 4/18/2005 6:30:13 PM | Thank you Sweet.
Yes, I have asked myself all of the questions that need to be asked. Now there might be a turn around to this situation. While going through pictures and history of prospective adoptive families, the father of this child got nervous. He is finally asking all of the questions. I think he would really like the opportunity to be a father, he is just worried about financial situations.
I will admit, I am on welfare now. But that doesn't stop me from continuing college education to improve my families lifestyle. The father works full time in the medical field.
I don't know, it is a hard decision... and I think I'm the only one who has been working on asking and answering the quesitons until now. And it is getting close to d.d. | |
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rane13
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Joined: 12/15/2004
Msg: 60 | |
| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 5/6/2005 11:03:09 PM | | I have to say that aborting a child does not save alot of heartache. I had one due to the fact that when I became pregnant about a year ago I was serverly depressed, freshly seperated and became pregnant with a good friends baby. This friend and me were dating at the time and he lived in the states...actually 1500 miles away from me. I knew that I could not bring a baby into this world and actually take care of it. I was too messed up and needed to get myself in order before I could look after another baby. I have one child already. I knew that I would not be able to carry the child and give it up for adoption so I had an abortion....and to this day....I still regret it...and I cried for weeks after. There is still alot of heartache involved. | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 5/7/2005 10:48:57 AM | Update:
Everyone has been helpful. I had my baby girl in April. I decided that adoption would be the best choice for myself in my current situation. I did pick a very good family that didn't have children yet. They are all for an open adoption and they have been keeping their word.
As for getting "fixed", I have decided not to at this time. I will get on b/c if I can find the right one for me. I know I cannot replace the little girl I put up for adoption but I want to keep the option open in case my situation does improve and I'm with a man who may want a child. | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 5/8/2005 12:08:09 PM | A baby is a blessing from God, it is a gift..
"PRAYER FOR PEACE OF MIND AND HEART
Eternal, Holy God, I come to you burdened with worries, fears, doubts, troubles and pain, ...
Calm and quiet me with peace of mind. Empty me of the fear and anxiety that disturb me,
of the worry and concerns that weary my spirit, and weigh so heavy on my heart.
Loosen my grip on the disappointments and grievances that I hold on to so tightly.
Release me Lord, from the pain of my past hurts, of my present disappointment,
anger and tension, and of all my future fears.
Sometimes it's too much for me Lord! - too many demands and problems -
too much sadness, suffering, and stress!
Renew me spiritually and emotionally. Give me new strength, hope, and confidence.
Prepare me to meet the constant struggles of daily life with a deeper faith and trust in You.
Let Your love set me free . . . for peace, for joy, for grace, for life, for others, for YOU..." | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 7/2/2005 1:58:01 AM | I know this is a woman only post but its realy bugging me. you say you can't use Birth Control?? Why dont you use condoms??? Better than nothing! Some of you woman realy pi$$ me off, where is the farther??? what dose he say??? if i was him i would never let you give up my child! Ive seen so many woman pushing prams with no farther in site, it realy buggs me that you'll just have kids because you selfishly want them not because your in love and think your ready to bring up a child together, marrage is the first step not babies you should be in a safe position to bring up a child and love that child. Isn't there family members who would help out? | |
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 7/2/2005 5:09:13 AM | It really doesn't even fit me at this point in time as my youngest is 17 and I am thrilled to death that I can't have anymore!!!
If it had happened when she was a baby, I would have been beyond horrified that I had to give her up, but would not have cared about the being permanently sterilized.
Of course I could be the wrong one to respond to this. I have four ranging in age from 17 to 30 and love them with all my heart, but I never had a strong burning desire to have children, and if I had been told at a young age, that I was unable to have children, it would not have matter to me at all.
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| Would you... (for women)
Posted: 7/2/2005 7:26:38 AM | well kitykat... congratulations on the birth of your baby girl. i'm happy to hear that you were able to make a decision that was in the best interests of your child. i'm sorry it had to come to this for you in your life but i think you've made the right decision. i'm also very disappointed in her father... he could have stepped up to the plate and it sounds like he let you down. i do hope you've learned a valuable lesson as i know it wasn't easy for you to carry that child for nine months, give birth and then hand the baby over to her new mommy & daddy. i pray you have the emotional strength to move through this time in your life and not faulter as the children you do have depend on you.
as nice as open adoption sounds... i wouldn't do that to the child. i would make sure i always let her new parents know where you are and let them know that she can contact you when she's ready but i'd have to say it's better for the child if you move on with her life so she's not confused in the long run. that's the short reason for me not agreeing with open adoption but it's only fair for you to step completely out of her life so her new parents take on the role of mommy & daddy 100% in their news daughters eyes. make sense?
your last post was in early may... are you on birth control now? you cannot let this happen again kitykat, i sure hope you've made good on your word and have requested the pill and are taking it faithfully. you owe it to yourself and you have a moral obligation to the child you gave up for adoption to not let this happen again. i'm not trying to be mean... just hoping you've made good on your word. | |
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