| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/22/2006 1:40:32 AM | I read all what you people said concerning this thread, why are you all so negetive and nastey towards the op. I have to say one wasnt, good for you. The rest of you, really and truely shame on you. She was just asking for some supportive, not to be slammed. What has this world come too, were everybody is so negative and got so much to say about nothing they know about.
OP, you go girl, keep your chin up, look after those babes and yourself and dont worry someone will come along that would love to spend time with all of you, good luck.
Sweetteddy | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/22/2006 3:21:46 AM | | I grow very tired of men all being painted with the same brush "not wanting the responsibility of children" or "deadbeat Dad". I am from the opposite side of the tracks who had a gold-digger wife who uses the kids as casino chips to support her lifestyle. Generally speaking nowadays, guys take full responsibility for their kids and play an equal role in their life. The courts need to catch up with the reallity of a new parenting value system. Both parents need to take responsibility for their kids. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/22/2006 7:14:08 AM | Well, those who have said, "Shame on you" who have said anything negative.....let us take a look at what the OP has said....
Basically she says a guy isn't worth anything if he isn't willing to jump in there and take on her two kids as their own....right???? Or am I reading that wrong?
And let us not forget about this being single for 5 years and having a 2 year old and 11 month old....sorry, but that would make some guys run no matter how good they are. There is something wrong with that picture.
She says she is looking for someone who is not going to be a mooch...but I can't help but see that as a red flag of someone who is wanting someone else to take on her responsibilities.
Yes, it is great if she wants a male role model in her children's lives....but that doesn't mean the guy has to come in and "raise" her kids.
Sheesh. Don't look at all of us like we are horrible people because we don't sugar coat what is being said by the OP.  | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/22/2006 8:01:57 AM | carol hit the nail on the head.......read between the lines carefully....and drink it in...
i dont see the world with rose colored glasses.....i read it right. I think the OP is bitter because every man who has come through her door is a user and not a giver. She obviously wants love and affection...but also expects a blow up insta dad.
Let me give you a little insight into my life ok??? I met my fiance 2 1/2 yrs ago on this site... we hit it off very well right away....we all went out for dinnner after a few weeks where he met the kids. We dated for about 5 months and only on weekends. Because of a new job he had to move in with us to save a very long commute.
Slowly he became a role model...a big help...and hes a wondeful dad figure in my kids life.WE all adore eachother...we have crazy days...but we're a family.Not once did he assume hes thier dad now..i make the big decisions...and they ARE MY CHILDREN and he respects that.
I dont take advantage of him...he automatically slipped into that role because he wanted to..not becasue it was forced or begged or demanded from him.
THats what makes me love him even more...is that HE WANTS TO...and hes damn good at it..  | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/23/2006 11:57:31 PM | We all have a story to tell, we all have different reasons for being here, we all have our opions on how things should go or how you would want them to go, guess what it doesnt always work that way. I found it interesting she said "not a mooch" , since I have found that out in the dating world, seems to be standard these days. Its like oh ya Ill take what I can get and your kids dont exist, I actually think that was the whole point the op was trying to make.
Sweetteddy
P.S. its just my thoughts | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/24/2006 1:32:11 AM | | Sorry to say your going to have a really really really hard time finding a man that wants to raise some deadbeats kids and expend his energy and resources on a child that does not carry his DNA --A single father will be a better chance but generally a male with no kids of his own ---- ummm maybe 1 in a million or so | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/24/2006 4:38:37 AM | personally i dont think your going to find what your looking for... i dont believe anyone wants to play anything to another persons child.. i have said it and said it all i want for my daugther if i choose to get in a relationship is someone who can be her friend she can confide in and will treat her with respect thats it.. she doesnt have a dad she doesnt need one.. no man will ever walk into my home and be called dadddy unless thats an agreement between her and him and even then i dont know if i would like it.. her dad might be an ass he might have never been around but out of respect thats still her dad and i dont want confusion.. i think you need to start looking for someone for u not a daddy mabye thats your problem..
i know if someone i dated told me i was looking for a mom for my child i would run for my life.. now if they told me i would like to find someone who gets along with my child thats fine very normal.. you need to look for other male role models for your children my daughter has never met her dad but she goes with my moms and her b.f every other week end and grandpa is her hero she just loves him and we always joke its his baby .. they act like daughter and father together she also has my brother in law who is great to her and would do anything for her or if i need help.. you need to build a support network not involving a new daddy with people you know and that will help your children more | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:44:18 PM | Totally agree with Msg #2
Those kind of guys are out there I happen to be one. But not once did I ever go on a date to become somebodies new daddy. It was always an interest in the woman herself, and any relationship with the children forms on it's own over time. Further the only women that got a second date were the ones that were careful about indroducing me to THIER kids, they were showing sensible caution and thought and most assuredly not looking for an insta-daddy cuz they made a mistake and had a child with someone that didn't want to put in the effort of raising a child. Insisting they take responsibility for your and someone elses child is going to send all but the neediest clingiest type running for the hills.
Maybe I sound a bit harsh but your new potential date didn't have anything to do with bring this baby into the world so his responsibility should never be assumed, more people need to be responsible for themselves it seems | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/25/2006 2:46:18 PM |
Sorry to say your going to have a really really really hard time finding a man that wants to raise some deadbeats kids and expend his energy and resources on a child that does not carry his DNA
Im not really sure where you were going with this, but, going off from this comment, it appears that you think no man will want that responsibility, however, what *Ive* dealt and come across, there are men that welcome your child as their own. As in my case, I have met men who are willing to want to step in, because my daughter's father isnt in her life. I also have a close friend (single mother) who was engaged to a man who was going to take the father role-this was before she passed away suddenly. | |
|
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 9/25/2006 3:50:06 PM | | After being married for 13 years, I become a single mom. I am not looking for a daddy for my children but when and if I get seriously involved with a man again he will have to assume the role to a degree.....my kids are a part of me we are a package deal....I have learned as well that single men with no kids cant always appreciate what it takes to be a single mom...Anyway, just though I would add that.......A man can not get involved with a single mom and expect not to have anything to do with the kids.... | |
|
| |
| |
OKCS
|
Joined: 10/15/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/5/2009 4:05:08 PM | | Ok this woman is desperate..I am a single mother of three kids and I do just fine on my own..As I state in my profile I am not looking for a replacement daddy, just someone who accepts my children and understands that we are a package deal. I really dont care if I find someone or not, but I think this woman needs to come to grips with reality and accept that when you choose to lay down and make a child, weather or not the father is in their lives, you still have to take care of the responsabilities that come with the kid...I was raised to never depend on someone else. So from one single mother to another please focus on school and your children because men will come and go but your always gonna be their mother and you need to give them the best life possible. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/5/2009 4:12:49 PM |
I've looked all over for someone that is gonna help and not be a mooch and it seems that no one wants to raise someone else's children anymore.
Why should we?
You're basically asking a guy to give up 18-25 years of his life and money to help you and children he did not create. How appealing does that look to a man?
Many guys will date a single mom, but she's got to have a stable life of her own and thus she WANTS him as a mate...not NEEDS him as a father figure for her children and possibly income.
Get your priorities straight, because right now you look like a gigantic red flag of a woman who's desperate for an instantly husband/father for her kids.
Imagine you had no children and some guy came along and wanted you to quickly marry him and take care of several kids he had with other women. How would you react? | |
|
| |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/6/2009 7:42:42 PM | i actaually agree whatgrkboy on his comments because why should us guys give lifes away to a woman with 3 kids and even 4 kids and arent even his and have to wear it like the next 20 30 years no wonder no guys dont want know single mums its a wear and tear with them they have kids once they have kids they dont plan on wanting more kids in the future so its like the single mum has been recycle they might as well look after there kids until they leave home inthat time thats what they should be focousing on there carrers and instead of looking for guys like us single guys they choosed there life and that what they wanted i can be doing a lot of traveling and insted to looking after someonelse child but i guess these single mum have raised the  for them selves ::modhammer: | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/6/2009 9:12:52 PM | Well, a man has to fall in love with you first, and then if the idea of marriage is brought up, gradually get to know you and your family so that you and him can determine if the compatibility is there for a family life.
You should focus more on being a strong, one parent home, and what you DO have, than focusing on the lack of father, and what you dont.
Men love confident women that are sure of themselves and their lives.
My 2 year old is a boy and he's always walking up to guys that we don't know and calling them daddy for some reason.
Thats somewhat bizarre. Are you telling him to do that in hopes the man he calls dad will rush in and swoop you up?
Neither of my kids ever called any random dude dad. My daughter didnt call my husband dad until he adopted her, and even then she oft called him by his name. She never called her own dad, dad, either. She was pretty used to it being her and mom, as thats what she was born into.
My son never called anyone dad after his father died, and his friends at his day program all have fathers that are involved in the PTA, and very visible in the classsroom. I am thinking you are making them feel bad they dont have a dad, rather than making them feel like part of a strong, loving, one parent family. Maybe i am wrong, and i hope so.
Also if you are looking for a man to take kids as "his own" right upon meeting them, whew, i would run like hell if i were a dude. | |
|
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/7/2009 9:04:43 AM | | Obviously you are choosing the wrong men and giving them the impression that you dont want anything but something for the "moment" so to speak. Sounds like you are more into trying to find a "daddy" for your kids and to fill a void than something of real quality. I read your article but you didnt mention anything you could bring to the relationship besides 2 kids! | |
|
| |
| |
| |
Home
login 
