| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 2/9/2009 3:26:40 PM | Wow...this thread was started 3 years ago....lol...I'm thinking it was a friendlier pond back in the day....lol.
If I were a man and met someone who so obviously was on alert for a baby daddy first....I'd be running as fast as possible in the other direction.
Our children are our responsibility. If we are able to take care of them, I think most men would respect that in us.
First and foremost, I would want a partner for me (yeah selfish I know)....if he also loved my kids and enjoyed their company, that would be a big bonus, otherwise, I guess we could just date and date and date until we got bored of each other and keep my kids out of it. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 12:28:19 PM | Do i need to say this.. What guy in there right mind wakes up and gets on the cp and looks for a girl who wants you to be a daddy to there kids... Thats just crazy.. You say you have been single for 5 years but you have a 2 year old and 11 month old.. Were is there dads or dad at... Do you not know.. You should not be looking for a man that wants the job.. Those kids have dads.. or was it a one night stand...I'm not at all saying your a bad person so dont get me wrong... Just take shit slow with guy.. Do not push so hard ... You raise your kids if you get a man that wants to help eith kids great if not cool too.. But my mom raise me just fine... Good luck | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:06:44 PM |
I've looked all over for someone that is gonna help and not be a mooch and it seems that no one wants to raise someone else's children anymore.
Really? No one wants to raise your kids? Shocking! (please sense the sarcasm)
Single moms want men who will accept that they have kids and understand that they come as a package. Most men can appreciate that and don't mind, but the minute your out looking for a man to take on your kids as if they were one of thier own, then you have a problem. It's YOUR job to raise your kids, no one elses. But good luck with the "daddy" search.
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 2:30:13 PM | taking responsibility and raising your children is diffrent,,personally I take care of my child by giving childsupport ,being involved in my childrens life is what I want and helping in every way,but,,, the woman goes to social programs that do not help them if the fathers are helping raise there children this means no involvement because the only way my ex would survive is on tax payors dollars
I am not allowd to have a say in the upbringin of my daughter,but I am allowd to pay child support for ex to have her lazy ass stay home on ss,and I am restricted to cirtin things in my daughters life ,,and now may 1s ex moves to kelowan b,c from ontario,,from welfar and social serves to the richest provence in the contry ,, excuse ,,to better her life but really internet bf,,, | |
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sre87
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Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 57 | |
| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 3:15:42 PM |
Wow...this thread was started 3 years ago....lol..
Exactly, what I thought! :)
As a single mom of 2 young children, (2 years old and 11 months old), I can't seem to find a guy that is worth anything. Everyone swears that I will "find a guy that will look at them as their own."
That's problem 1... Their not his..and he shouldn't be looking at them as if they were because they aren't. They have a dad, unfortunately for whatever reason he isn't around.
Well, I've been single for almost 5 years, and here I am with 2 kids that don't have a real father-figure in their lives. I've looked all over for someone that is gonna help and not be a mooch and it seems that no one wants to raise someone else's children anymore.
Surely you jest.. Most people want to raise their own children not someone else's. "look for someone that is gonna help" this sounds pathetic. You can't expect someone else to help you raise your kids.
Any suggestions??? My 2 year old is a boy and he's always walking up to guys that we don't know and calling them daddy for some reason. My guess is that he sees other children with a dad and he is now old enough to realize that he doesn't have one.
I live in NE Ohio and am looking for someone age 26-38, with or without children of his own.
Yeah.. Here's my suggestion stop looking for a dad for your kids. They already have one. Look for a guy that treats you good and would be good to your children ** not his **
Not that any of this really matters because the post is 3 years old. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 4:13:28 PM | | OP, I think you have unrealistic expectations of finding a man who is willing to jump in and be a father to your kids. That is what your post implies. Truthfully, they are your children and your responsibility. Why do you feel like a man you meet should help with your kids? Your post does not seem to be about meeting a man that you are compatible with, but rather about finding a father for your kids. Why not first think about making friends with a man and just dating him. I suspect any dates you have been on that you have put pressure on him to immediately step into the father role for your kids. I would never expect a man to take responsibility for my daughter. At the most, I would hope they would have mutual respect and friendship. My daughter is not another man's responsibility to raise. She is my responsibility. Maybe if you change your thinking then you will have better luck. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:58:44 PM | I know how difficult it is to raise kids on your own, but each child already has his/her respective sperm donor, AKA biological dad, and this man is the one who needs to step up to the plate and take responsibility... You expectation of finding your babies a new daddy is completely unfair to the men who were not present during these acts of conception.  | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/1/2009 11:41:17 PM | its single moms like you, who make men scared to date the good single moms out there
you shouldnt be focusing on finding a father for your children, or some one to help you raise your children,
there are other ways out there , like getting your children into the big brother and sister programs out there,
if you need help financially, get into the system,
for you having two children under 2 years of age and you have been single for 5 years? yeesh! id be running to, just shows me that you were careless, now im wondering if you have even ever been in a long term relationship, or if you had these childrent o see if you could trap a man into dating you? could happen.
im also wondering, how soon you introduce your children to your dating life, in NO way should your children be introduced to any man you date unless its going in a serious direction, children are easily confused and attached to people.
those children are YOUR responsibilities, not another mans who has no connection to them
if i ever got into a long term relationship, i still wouldnt be asking for help from him in anyway, if he offered it, it would be accepted SLOWLY.
you're there to protect your children from harm, why chance them getting close to someone who might not last a few months?
take it easy, dont look so hard for love, focus on you, children and life.
edit - wow i just noticed this thread was made in '06. who would dig this up? lol | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 4:21:02 AM | Maybe these men sense your sheer one minded desperation to find a 'daddy' for your kids and they run away? Sheesh, even your little one is grabbing random men and calling them daddy.
All I'm saying is that you're putting out a 'daddy search' vibe and I don't blame men for being scared off. Not everyone wants an instant family or to be an instant dad. Is there any way for the kids' bio dad to get involved? A male family member? Big brothers / big sisters? Just to take that 'daddy jonesin' vibe down a bit. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:24:13 AM | | most men cant cope with the pressure of parenthood at the best of times. I was just the same. Part time dad,fulltime partner,until my wife of 18 years died,leaving me holding all the pieces to the puzzle in 1 hand n not knowing what to do with them. For 2 years lived in a dream that it didnt happen, then i woke up to find that it had and had to start being a dad,mum,doctor,nurse and everything else to do with parenthood that i didnt know anything about. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 6:57:04 PM | i was at one point looking for a single mum to take on her kids and still would be had i not found an amazing girlfriend now. the reason for this was obviously i really want kids otherwise i would not look for someone with kids but i am disabled and do not want my own kids as they would be disabled too and i find this a unfair thing to put someone through.so i would rather be with girl who has her own kids rather than meet a girl and adopt then the kids arent either of ours at least the kids would be my partners and aslong as their real dad was not around to confue things there is no reason i could not bring them up as my own.
i really do not see why there should be any reason other men out there should not have similar reasons for wanting to be with a single mum but you do have to be careful as some kiddy fiddlers use that as a excuse to get close to kids so you have to really trust someone to let them take on your kids,just slip it into conversation with their friends and or family who have kis and see how they are around them. plenty of men are willing to be dads,just they never get mentioned only the few selfish men who get a girl pregnant then leave,they should be shot in the leg so they cant go nowhere lol | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:02:29 PM | how dare you be selfish like that.its not just the girls responsibility to raise kids and any girl or boy who thinks that needs their head testing.girls get the hard job of being pregnant and going through all that boys have to do nothing ,and and man who is not willing to go with a girl and raise her kids as his own doesnt deserve to be with any girl as he is clearly too selfish. all kids need a dad and if their biological one has ran off then why should the mam whos been pregnant 9 month had to give birth and go through all that alone then have to raise the kids being a mam and dad all by herself, thats just a pethetic sexist opinion
and incase your too stupid to realise im actually a male | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:06:14 PM | i was looking for a single mum to go out with and had i not found a pregnant girlfriend who then lost her baby i would still be looking for a single mum,anyone who thinks the girl should raise kids on her own after the real dad has ran off is clearly a selfish sexist pig. and all kids deserve a dad around whether its biological or not.aslong as the girl finds a new partner to take on the kids while their still babies and cant walk or talk then they can bring thme up as their own if there older and realise its someone different then might be bit harder for the kids but any normal child would want a dad around all day everyday rather than just a mam,especially little girls they always want their dads and any single mum who isnt trying to find a new dad for their kids clearly isnt a very good mum and doesnt care about her kids happiness or whas best for them  | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:24:34 PM | Why do most Woman not want to help in the responsibility of caring for my child?
Maybe cause we arent suited, or maybe its because they arent ready to assume that role, maybe Im quite good at looking after my son...... Or maybe just maybe, they want a relationship that works for both of us, that doesnt make them feel guilty because I have care of my children .
Seriously, I would not get into any relationship with a woman who EXPECTS me to be her childs FATHER, the same as I dont get into a relationship because I want someone to be MY kids mother.
I want a relationship with someone who loves me and I love her, the benefits of that the kids will see anyway, and you have to take the children out of that equation, as long as they know the children are there, and that if in the long term they decide to have a relationship on their terms ( the kids and your partner). | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:35:38 PM | Just as a side note, I have met plenty of woman (I dont mean slept with DOH!) who think my son is the best thing since sliced bread, and would gladly adopt him, actually...... I have problems picking him up from his friends places when he stays over, because they want to keep him because I have done such a good job and he has manners, and is well behaved.
By the way that was totally shameless of me putting that here, but it doesnt hurt to adver.......speak up! | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 1:04:07 AM | how dare you be selfish like that.
So now for a guy to want his own children is to be selfish. Ok, WE DARE. So what?
its not just the girls responsibility to raise kids and any girl or boy who thinks that needs their head testing.
And you need your eyes tested. Nobody here is saying it's only her responsibility. It's her responsibility and THE BIOLOGICAL DAD's responsibility. Nobody else's.
man who is not willing to go with a girl and raise her kids as his own doesnt deserve to be with any girl as he is clearly too selfish.
So now the standard must be: "I raised somebody else's kids, therefore NOW I do deserve a girl". A pity that the guy who ran away from his kids (and who, according to your definition, didn't deserve to be with any girl) was the guy who actually was with the girl, don't you think?
all kids need a dad and if their biological one has ran off then why should the mam whos been pregnant 9 month had to give birth and go through all that alone then have to raise the kids being a mam and dad all by herself, thats just a pethetic sexist opinion
The only "pethetic sexist" opinion here is yours. No man has the duty to sacrifice himself for a woman, just as no woman has the duty to sacrifice herself for a man. And about "why should.." BECAUSE THEY'RE HER CHILDREN, NOT OURS.
I wonder how many p*ssy points you won with your post. I mean, being starved for p*ssy is one thing, but to be willing to exchange your life for it (or demand others to do it), is simply moronic. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 5:38:37 AM | Men are not the only ones who don't want to assume responsibility for non-biological children, there are plenty of women out there that feel the same way. Of course, most women wouldn't dare say it out loud.
It is an incredibly unselfish thing to do to assume the role of step-parent to non-biological children but that doesn't equate to anyone who refuses is selfish or sexist.
I have no problem dating single dads because I love children and I love being a Mom. There are definately "hurdles" in blending families that don't exist in non-blending or being with someone who doesn't have kids. Some people may not want to even try because many people are risk-averse. They know their limits and are comfortable with those limits, that does not make them selfish, but self-aware.
I don't think rock-hunter that the guy whose post you quoted was looking for p*ssy points at all, I think he was being honest about his feelings on dating single moms and his belief that all children need male and female role models.
If his post gained him p*ssy points, yours killed any chance you would ever have with a single Mom if she read what you wrote.... so maybe you should have just given him yours
Imagine what the world of dating would be like if you didn't know about the existence of children until after you fell in love with someone.....I wonder how easy it would be to walk then. It is so much safer just to eliminate single parents from the dating pool and on behalf of myself, I appreciate men who do it (eliminate me) because I don't need to date someone, develop feelings and then get dumped because he was never open to getting serious with a single Mom in the first place. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 7:13:09 AM | I don't think rock-hunter that the guy whose post you quoted was looking for p*ssy points at all, I think he was being honest about his feelings on dating single moms and his belief that all children need male and female role models.
Frankly, I don't think so. "Honest about his feelings" starts with an "I would do this or that", not with a "you're a selfish sexist pig if you don't...". Those posts were just the typical "white knight" attempts of impressing the ladies, and nothing else.
If his post gained him p*ssy points, yours killed any chance you would ever have with a single Mom if she read what you wrote.... so maybe you should have just given him yours
He can have them, I can see he badly needs them. However, have you noticed how easily truth comes out when you're not afraid of losing them?
Imagine what the world of dating would be like if you didn't know about the existence of children until after you fell in love with someone.....I wonder how easy it would be to walk then.
Imagine if you didn't know the existence of a wife until after you fell in love with a guy... how easy would be for you to walk, then?
It is so much safer just to eliminate single parents from the dating pool and on behalf of myself, I appreciate men who do it (eliminate me) because I don't need to date someone, develop feelings and then get dumped because he was never open to getting serious with a single Mom in the first place.
The same can be said about guys who might date someone, develop feelings and then find out that she has children and that they are more than what he can cope with. | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:13:28 AM | ^^I did catch a hint in there somewhere, the only advice I can give is that sometimes when you hold on to tightly, you end up pushing them away....women, men and especially kids^^
I dont think anyone really denies the fact that having a man and a woman in a childs life is good for the kids, it creates balance.
A negative influence in their life cause's imbalance, I for one would rather see my kids grow up knowing both their parents are happy with their life or at least seeing hapiness in their life, than continual conflict.
If I choose not to raise someone else's kids it would be because I did not love their mother and being with someone because you pity them will bring neither of you happiness. If I choose to be a part of someones life who has kids it will be based on my feelings for the mother, while still showing respect for the father ( even if he is a dead beat) raising your kids in a relationship is a tough job, raising your kids as a single parent is a tough job, helping to raise someone else's kids is a tough job, watching someone else help raise your kids is a tough job....life's tough enough dont need to add anything more into the mix... | |
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:29:44 AM |
Well one might review his profile. Age 21...no profession??? and education? enjoys playing video games....and I might suggest he is still a little wet behind the ears in respect to what is required to earn a livelihood.
I might even ask if he is still living at home with his mother? Now perhaps P points is a little harsh...but his first date sure sounds like pandering....
well anything the girl wanted really,aslong as i could afford it then she could have it,id love going to a concert and dancing with the girl,that would be really sweet, aslong as it was something nice like westlife :D or even stay in and watch a dvd, give the girl a foot masage and feed her chocolate all night ,
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 2:23:05 PM | That's problem 1... Their not his..and he shouldn't be looking at them as if they were because they aren't. They have a dad, unfortunately for whatever reason he isn't around.
That's a bit of an overstatement. The only *should* here is that people *should* do what they want. If a man wants to be a father to someone else's children, that's great. If he doesn't, fine.
I have no desire to step into the parenting role of someone else's children...and I'm a mom.
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| Why do most men not want to help in the responsibility of caring for children???
Posted: 3/3/2009 3:02:50 PM | Because they aren't always deadbeat losers when you date them.
After 2 1/2 years together my boyfriend and I got pregnant. He refuses to accept the fact that he's going to become a dad and blames it all on me. In the entire time we've been together he's never been a dead beat....now that he's going to be a dad..he is..
I don't think these women expect other men to raise their kids...but odn't we all want someonet os hare our life with? | |
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