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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:38:38 PM | Ahhh! not even jokes about santa? U party pooper 
A Guy walks into a chemists and says to the assistant,
"Ten durex please miss".
"Don't you miss me, young man", replies the assistant.
"Fair enough", says the guy, "make that eleven".
Now Thats A Cracker!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 12:43:19 PM | A couple years ago I lived with a guy and one day got tired of his complaining... so I went down to the local tattoo parlor and got 2 tattoos.
When my guy got home later that day, I told him I did something just for him. I went and got 2 tattoos.
First one... on the inside of my upper right thigh is the word "Christmas"
Second one... on the inside of my upper left thigh are the words "New Years"
So he asked "what did you do that for?"
Now you can't complain there nothing to eat between Christmas and New Years! | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 1:16:32 PM | now that i really like l and no way did that come out of a xmas cracker | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 6:09:10 PM | In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic
name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of
Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call
Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful
consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced
that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also
considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and
of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in
liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage
suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call
this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails",
"highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will
market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants
and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.  | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 6:43:36 PM | A man walks into the drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks," What are these, Dad?"
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday."
"Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW," exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...." | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/1/2006 11:42:37 PM | | thats a hell of a deal when bill thought he was gonna get all those bunnies..lol | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/2/2006 9:16:38 AM | A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman
wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't
place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful
to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching,
while your partner whipped my butt with a leather whip?????"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No I'm your son's math
teacher." | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/2/2006 12:47:03 PM | hahahahaaaaaa!!!!! Boy I needed cheering up and those jokes done the trick.
By the way, my sis works for cola, must ask her bout those new drinks!!!!!
luvvvvvd the one bout the school teacher, very funny lol
Mandy says, "You look happy Dave"
Dave replies, "Yeah I've just finished a jigsaw puzzle which took almost 12 months
Mandy say, "thats a long time to to complete a jigsaw puzzle"!
"Well, it said 3-6 years on the box", said Dave | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/2/2006 1:54:53 PM | An Arizona senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out
of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph,
enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing!" he thought as he flew down I-10 pushing the pedal to the
metal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw the highway patrol behind him,
blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the elderly nutcase as he
floored it to 100mph, then 110, then 120mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What
on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!", pulled over to
the side of the road and waited for the Trooper to catch up with him.
Pulling in behind him, the Trooper walked up to the driver's side of the
Corvette, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a
reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man, looking very seriously at the Trooper, said, "Years ago, my
wife ran off with an Arizona State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/2/2006 11:40:33 PM | A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that
when she married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon the young
Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick
up her husband's clothes and accidentally let out a big fart.
She looked up and said: "Aww so sowwy...excuse prease, front hole so happy
back hole laugh out loud." | |
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belina
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Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 62 | |
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/2/2006 11:52:34 PM | : That is a great one thanks for sharing your jokes all of you.  | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 12:42:27 AM | | LMGDFAO Those are hilarious, so gotta remember those lol | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 2:37:58 AM | | an elderly couple visiting australia leave thier 5* hotel on the 1st morning to do some sightseeing,,their 1st stop was a safari park..happily looking at all the animals the wife lets out a gasp of shock! she has seen a burly aussie chap belting after a kangeroo he catches it and starts to bonk it up the bum,,clearly distressed she orders her husband to turn round and leave to go back to thier hotel to report the event..on thier way back to thier hotel on a busy main road the same thing happens,,great big aussie bloke charging after a kangeroo and doing the dirty deed again..this is disgusting she said wait till i see that hotel manager im going to give him a piece of my mind..they pull up outside thier 5* hotel and on the top step is an old aussie chap with a wooden leg masturbating! with a look of disgust she whistles past him grabs the hotel manager and says manager i want to make a complaint,,we leave our hotel this morning to go to the safari park and we see an aussie chap chasing a kangeroo and having sex with it..then we see the same thing happening on the way back on a busy main road..now entering our 5* hotel theres an old aussie chap sitting on the top step with a wooden leg masturbating..what have you got to say about that?? the aussie manager looked at her and said crikey you cant expect a bloke with a wooden leg to catch a kangeroo!!!! | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 2:42:57 AM | | bill went to the doctors and the doctor said bill ive some bad news im afraid youve got heart disease and uve only got a month to live! bill was shocked and thought hed gather all his mates round that night to the local pub to let them know the bad news.. so sitting there round the pub a solemn looking bill stands up and says lads ive brought you here tonight as i went to the doctors today and ive got aids and im going to be dead in a month.. a breath of silence hit the room.they drunk up left talking amongst themselves..next day bill gets a call from the doctor,,he said bill i hear youve told everyone in the town uve got aids,,he said i told you uve got heart disease not aids? bill said i know that doc but im not having every bugger poking my missus when im gone | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 2:45:39 AM | | fred went to the doctors,, the doctor said fred ive some good news and some bad news im afraid! fred said go on then doc whats the bad news? he said youve got a lung infection which is incureable and ul be dead within 6 months! jesusssss said fred what the hells the good news?? ah the good news said the doc is uve also got alchzaimers disease so youlle soon have forgotten all about it | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 2:55:42 AM | ernie and dot went for ernies monthly check up at the doctors (dotty just a coincedence hun lol) the doctor said hello ernie how have you been? ernies deaf as a post and says cant hear a word ur saying doc..so dot says ernie he said how are you? ernie said oh yeah im fine doc,,,doc then said i need some urine and faeces samples ernie.. dot says sorry doc we dont know medical terms ul have to speak as you find us..doc said ok ernie we need some piss and some shit samples....whats he say love ernie looks at dot a bit confused...dot replied he wants you to leave your underpants at reception when we leave | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 3:48:56 AM | i apologise profusively now for this joke.. its old as the hills but hey it is christmas
why hasnt santa got any children ???
groan
he only comes once a year and thats down a chimney | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:41:17 AM | A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!" | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 7:46:51 AM | | roxys daddy ....... i love that ,,thats a corker | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 8:29:37 AM | A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered.
" On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. "So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off!! Or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago"
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 9:36:48 AM | A Voice From The Back Pew
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary.
There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church.
Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd . . .
"Children are a gift from God," he said.
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."
And the congregation said, "Amen." | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:19:34 AM | HoHoHoHoHO,,,,I mean, HeHeHeHe..........
Q. Why are pubic hairs curly?
A. So they dont poke u in the eye
Q. How can you tell an Irishman at a****fight?
A. He's the one with the duck
Husband: Lets go out and have some fun tonight!
Wife: Okay, but if you get home before me, leave the door open. | |
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| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/3/2006 10:57:13 AM | whats black and sits at the top of the stairs?
a paraplegic after a house fire. | |
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