|
|
|
|
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/10/2006 1:52:06 PM | two cavemen looking at a T-rex while hiding behind a rock. T-rex has an erection and his little arms are straining...
one cave man looks at the other and says, "no wonder him such a mean fcuker, him can't even jack off."
santa to mrs claus...
cum sit on santa's lap you little ho ho ho....
how many country 'n western singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
seven, one to change it, and six to sing about how much they miss the old one...
your 20's..... that age where many of us become too old to know everything.......
| |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/10/2006 5:44:44 PM | Newfie on Death Row
There was a German, an Italian and a Newfie on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly)
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)
Then the Newfie said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Newfie fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Newfie said, Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?" The Newfie
replied, You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom! | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/10/2006 6:30:30 PM | One day a teacher had a taste test with her students. She picked a little boy to do the first test. She blindfolded him, put a Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, "Do you know what it is?"
"No, I don't," said the little boy.
"OK, I'll give you a clue. It's the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work."
Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, "Spit it out! It's a piece of ass!" | |
|
wtf...
|
Joined: 11/9/2006
Msg: 104 | |
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 5:14:04 AM | which is da odd 1 out??
1. Toaster.
2. Washing Machine.
3. Dish Washer.
4. Women.
Answer =
A Toaster.....
Its the only one that doesnt drip wen its fooked! | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 8:01:38 AM | nice 1
i know lots of poo fans
i can have fun with that 1 | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 11:10:37 AM | im pleased thier back together after all that shit!!
who?
the cheeks of my ****ing a*** | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 11:11:28 AM | My husband is always chewing on tooth picks. He never throws them away, and just sets them down any where. You might set on one, are step on one any where when you least expect it. I was just setting at the computer, and I sometimes move my feet around on the floor. I hit my foot on something sharp and thought I cut it wide open. I looked at the floor and seen nothing there. My foot wasn't bleeding so I over looked it. Well then I hit it again, and it felt like something cut my foot open again. So I get down on my hands and knees, and what do I find, a tooth pick. Sticking up out of the carpet. Lucky for me it wasn't broke off are nothing. People can get bad infections from a tooth pick stick. There has been one reported death due to such a thing. I seen it on the medical chanel. So now every time I get hurt by one, I think of throwing out all the tooth picks. So guess what I am going to do today. I will not buy one more tooth pick until he learns a lission from it. I put this in the joke area, because I almost cried and laughed at the same time when I found that tooth pick. I bet its how he use to feel when he use to find my ear ring in the bed. It always jambed him in the ass. Well he shouldn't of chewed it off. That man has a chewing proublem. | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 11:26:20 AM | hmmmmmmmm ok il let you get away with that one on here lol.. hey its not just a jokes forum its whatever is funny to keep the big wide world laughing..lifes too short | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 2:31:50 PM | When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not
produce the toys as fast as the regular ones,
Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit.
This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven
knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and
the
toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and
a
shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden
the
liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke
into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end
of
the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big
Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully,
"Merry Christmas, Santa. isn't it a lovely day?
I have a beautiful tree for you.
Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
tree. | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/11/2006 4:01:23 PM | A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an
Oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. As they
Stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Paradise
And meet their maker, God decides to grant each
Person one wish because of the grief they have experienced.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one
What the wish is "I want to be gorgeous," and so God
Snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want
To be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and
The wish is granted. This goes on for a while with
Each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God is
Halfway down the line, the last guy in the line
Starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is
Rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what
His wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and
Says:
"Make 'em all ugly again". | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/12/2006 2:26:08 PM | 2 scout leaders in charge of the local scout club for blind kids decide to take the blind scouts down to the rec 1 evening to play football..what we will have to do is tie a bell round the football so the kids can hear where the ball is the 1st scout leader said to the other and while theyre playing football we can leave them to it and pop in the pub over the road and have a beer till theyve finnished,,,great idea said the other leader,,so they tie a bell round the football and all the blind scouts are happily running about kicking the ball so the scout leaders go to the pub..anyway 20mins later a chap bursts into the pub and says is anyone in here in charge of the scouts playing football in the rec?? the 2 scout leaders stood up and said yes we are what seems to be the problem?? he said ud best come quick theyre kicking ten bales of s h i t out the morris dancers  | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/12/2006 3:17:21 PM | OMG I love that joke soooooooooooo much!!!!!! Funniest one I have heard in awhile.The midget one,way to funny
| |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/13/2006 12:46:15 AM | Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who
worked as aircraft mechanics in PITTSBURGH.
One day the airport was fogged in and they
were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can
drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of
high octane hooch and got completely smashed.
The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at
how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO
hangover!
NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a
hangover?"
Bud says, "No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no
hangover, nothing. We ought to do this
more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No "
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in Denver." | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/13/2006 4:06:40 PM | | right as from now i am going to get a nuetral bystander to choose a joke of the month on this forum,,no prizes but the winning funniest joke gets a mention..just to spice it up a bit..so keep em coming in hard and fast..and dont forget when you laugh the world laughs with you,,thanks for all the jokes so far its been great to read them and its new material for when ur down the pub or wherever and the convos boring uve always got something to fall back on..happy xmas all and keep laughing | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/13/2006 5:56:27 PM | Keanooo... You know my tattoo one was the best
msg #52 | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/13/2006 7:19:15 PM | My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it
turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f****** red
mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/13/2006 8:27:01 PM | Cavemen drug women by the hair, cause if they drug em by the feet they would fill up with dirt... | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 1:47:50 AM | | luvcali..i wont be judging it lol you can bribe me tho............ i love them all | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 12:25:39 PM | xian bad boy 
Did you hear about the kinky architect who had his house maid back to front! | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 6:03:54 PM | AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic.
Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto.
The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs.. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut
yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in
your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.
Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
Remember:
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
know when you might need them to empty your bedpan | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 11:03:54 PM | A drunk stumbles out a bar one night and crashes head long into a nun that was walking by...well... the drunk proceeds to beat the every loving piss out of her... I mean a flurry of punches to the head, well placed body shots to her kidneys, and devestating knees to the midsection. The poor nun is laying on the sidewalk in a pool of blood and the drunk leans over her and says....... you're not so f*cking tough now, are you Batman!!
 | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 11:06:17 PM | Did you hear about the gay midget?
He decided to come out of the cupboard | |
|
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 11:10:00 PM | A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar...
The bartender says...
"what is this? some kinda joke"
A polar bear walks into a bar and say" how's everyone..............................................................doing tonight?"
The bartender says " hey,.. what's with the big pause?"
2 guys walk into a bar..... the third guy ducked | |
|
bobby7
|
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 124 | |
| |
| Joke of the day !!
Posted: 12/14/2006 11:27:03 PM | Jimmy goes out bear hunting one day. He's walking through the forest and sees a bear.... he takes aim and fires. Jimmy goes looking for the bear but can't find it... suddenly he feels a tap on his shoulder, turns around, and there's the bear he just shot at. The bear says "did you just shoot at me with that .22 caliber rifle?" Jimmy says " well ya.. I guess so", the bear tells says " get on your knees and suck my****..... what Jimmy to do? He sucks the bears****. I mean.. it's a bear! He swallows ( that's not part of the joke, I just like to promote whenever possible)
The next day Jimmy is a little pissed about what happens so he goes to the gun shop and buys a much bigger gun and goes in the forest looking for the bear. He sees the bear, takes aim and KABOOM!! shoots at the bear. He goes running up, but doesn't see the bear... tap, tap on the shoulder and there stands the bear. The bear says " did you just shoot at me with that double barrel shotgun?" Jimmy replies " yeah.... I did",.. so the bear tells him to pull down his pants and lean over the that log... the bear the proceeds to f*ck the sh*t out of Jimmy.
The following day Jimmy is a little upset and a whole lot sore, so he goes to the gun shop and buys a Bazooka. Goes to the forest, takes aim at the bear and pulls the trigger, he follows the trail of smoke from the rocket but can't find the bear. Jimmy feels the familiar tap on the shoulder, turns around to face the bear that he knows is standing there, the bear looks him dead in the eye and says....
" You don't come here to hunt, do you?" | |
|
|
| Page 5 of 29
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29 |
|
Home
login 
