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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:20:28 AM | What men consider nagging is a woman trying to express herself and failing to get her thoughts through to her partner - so she repeats herself again and again waiting for him to acknowledge that he has heard her.
If you want a woman to stop nagging - then repeat back what they have said, tell them you have heard them, and tell them how you plan on resolving the issue so that they never have to bring it up again.
For women who are accused of nagging try finding new ways of saying things, try finding other ways to communicate what it is your partner is failing to hear OR failing to acknowledge. Perhaps whatever it is that is driving you crazy isn't an issue for your partner. There has to be some way you can make him see what it is you are trying to say without hammering the same words over and over again only to have it fall on deaf ears.
They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. Nothing will change, till you change how you are doing it. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:35:05 AM | fascinating perspectives...from every angle....
now i will add the final 'glitch' to this situation....
before knowing me...the only relationships this lady had in her entire life were
with alcoholics and drug users...5 in a row. i'm not either. of course a red flag went
up instantly...but she seemed to truly want to do something about her making
bad choices and what comes with them, and learn how to have a ''''normal''' gig with a guy. bottom line...poor communication skills (primarily incessant interrupting), zero conflict resolution skills, etc. that seem to be inherent in dysfunctional relationships makes me wonder if nagging became an instinctive part of her.... | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:20:46 AM | OP-- it seems that the person you are using as an example has been dumped on her whole life by losers and disappointed at every turn she made. You are just another in her life that she expects to be disappointed by. Rather than place her faith in you, she elects to do what she feels she has always had to do-- that be "nag nag nag". If you truly want to help this individual in the future, tell her up-front that you will do as you say you will do. If she is not happy with that answer, then tell her to find someone else to "help" her.
Unfortunately, the term is stereotypical and a misnomer. I agree with almost every other poster-- nagging is done by both men and women, and is usually attributable to poor communication and or listening skills.
peace--
blu | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:22:12 AM | Earlier on I admitted that I might have been a "nagger" ... but after reading all of these posts, I don't think I was after all.
I just can't imagine living with a man who needs things to be repeated so often before he gets it ...
And
I can't imagine "indulging" him with those reminders ...
I'm not a "picky" housekeeper ... so no nagging there from me. If something needs fixing and it's in my scope of knowledge or ability as well ... chances are if he chooses not to do it after I ask him to .... I'll just do it myself or at least attempt it. And hey ... if he decides he doesn't like it the way I did it, he's more than welcome to re-do it. If I'm not able to tackle the project ... then it probably won't get done if the only way to get it done is to nag ... I have no time or desire for that.
I just don't sweat the small stuff ... no sense in it ... let it go. There's very little out there that I consider so important worth ruining a personal relationship by nagging a man to death.
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 56 | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:34:38 AM | Nagging goes both ways, nagging doesn't discriminate by sex, age, race, or financial status. Some folks just nag. Either they like the sound of their voice, they don't feel heard, or they are frustrated.
I suspect when nagging enters into relationship it centers around chores, kids have to be nagged to do them, S/O's have to be nagged to do them and so forth. I have no problem if I'm in a relationship to inform my man that garbage pickup day is on a Thursday. I make a list of chores he needs to accomplish for that week, I don't expect to have to baby sit him, bribe him, or pay him to do chores. If I got to the point where I felt I had to become a "nag", I suspect the demise of the relationship is right around the corner and he's out the door.
When you want someone to do the chores, tell them, but remember one thing, they will do the chores their way, it may not be perfect but the fact that one makes the attempt, those efforts should be greatly appreciated. Don't expect perfection, if you do, then chances are good you'll be doing ALL of the chores. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:38:00 AM | I got this off the AskMen.Com web site. And I would like to remind you it is written by a man.
Don't start feeling guilty just yet because chances are that her nagging has very little to do with you. But in all fairness, if she "asked" you to take out the garbage ten times and then "tells" you to do it before she empties it on your convertible, then you could be part of the problem. Nevertheless, she is overreacting a bit.
Female nature
Most women nag because it is in their nature to do so. They grew up watching most of the women around them doing it and were taught that it was the best way to handle men and their occasional inability to function on a normal human level. This applies even more so to the women who are just coming of age, as they were brainwashed even more by television shows like Roseanne , in which the entire emphasis was on pointing out men's many failings.
The big picture
Sometimes women nag over some seemingly insignificant thing in order to work their way onto larger issues. She knows that it is going to get you peeved and plans on using that anger later to bring up whatever it is that is really bothering her.
She's a little loopy
Have you ever thought that perhaps she's just plain crazy? I know that it's hard to accept, but when it comes down to it most women are at least mildly psychotic, if not full-blown lunatics. So remember, if she is indeed a wacko, when the nagging starts, don't push her to the point of dismembering your favorite member.
Not saying this is MY opinion on why women nag. | |
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EB1
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Joined: 7/31/2006
Msg: 58 | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:46:41 AM | "She's a little loopy
Have you ever thought that perhaps she's just plain crazy? I know that it's hard to accept, but when it comes down to it most women are at least mildly psychotic, if not full-blown lunatics. So remember, if she is indeed a wacko, when the nagging starts, don't push her to the point of dismembering your favorite member."
Hah haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
That's right, we are all psychos, finally the thruth came out from a MAN of course!
Now, I see where some men get their wisdom, from that site of course.
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Posted: 9/25/2006 9:50:11 AM | | When you talk to another person you are talking to yourself as well. We receive that which we project. People who nag are mad at themselves but just don't recognize their own face in the refelction of their partner. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 10:30:40 AM | | They nag because you didn't send them away yet. Distance muffles the sound until far enough away it becomes silence. Or turn up the TV. Nobody in their right mind would put up with being nagged at by anyone. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 10:42:12 AM | | God. I have no clue but I am definently not one of these women. People in general should stop ABUSING their other half and try communicating in a positive sorta way. I see this all the time from married people. Women nags and man ends up talking behind her back and bashing her in front of his friend's. Talk about pathetic. Why some people are together I do not know. It seems like people are just together because they are selfish. It's like yeah, stop thinking about yourself and put other people before you. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 12:03:35 PM | paddy o furniture -
I stand by what I said, and you saying that nagging would happen anyway with a respectful, caring relationship, then saying "some" people base their lives around this behavior is not the same thing. I know many couples who do not nag...they act like adults and nagging is beneath their character. I know it's beneath mine. I want a grown up! | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 12:22:27 PM | If SOME women...meaning the majority of those sporting those fluffy things on their chests, would all of the sudden quit nagging, the magnetic poles of the planet would shift and we'd all f'ing die.....so.....ya know
If she wasn't nagging me, some other poor unfortunate soul would be getting it, I't's a humanitarian thing happening... | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 12:36:38 PM | What men consider nagging is a woman trying to express herself and failing to get her thoughts through to her partner - so she repeats herself again and again waiting for him to acknowledge that he has heard her.
Complaint: "Why did you not rip the steering wheel out of my hand so I wouldn't hit the Tree?"
Acknowledgement: I am sorry, I trusted your driving."
Complaint: "Why don't you trust my driving?"
Acknowledgement: I am sorry, I suffer from unfounded suspicions."
Complaint: "Why don't you point out my driving Errors when I do something stupid?"
Acknowledgement: I am sorry, but I believed you were capable of sound judgement."
Complaint: "Why do you always have to comment on my driving?"
Acknowledgement: I am sorry, I will herewith abstain from watching your driving."
Complaint: "Why did you never tell me this was a busy intersection?"
Complaint: "Why do I always get the feeling you are being sarcastic?"
Complaint: "How come you never listen to me anymore?"
Complaint: "Why are you going to the pub with your buddies again?"
... not to be cont. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:04:51 PM | | ticketoride = Laughed pretty good here!!!!.....yep damned if ya say anything do damned if ya dont.....couldnt agree more....maybe its a hormonal thingy as to why women rag...I mean nag.... | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:07:38 PM | the real question is why don't you just do what you are suppose to do.... we 'nag' when we have to repeat the same thing to you over and over and over again.....
"Please don't leave your clothes/socks/underwear on the floor" x2
"Please put toilet paper on the spinner" x2
"Please call me if you are going to be late." x2
^^^^^^^^these are called requests and then when you totally ignore them we have to 'nag' you about it.
"Why do you always leave your clothes/socks/underwear on the floor?" x5
"Why can't you put toilet paper on the spinner?" x5
"Why don't you call me if you are going to be late?" x5
I swear.... sometimes it's like dealing with a child. If men would only behave as MEN errrr.... as GROWN UP ADULTS then we could all get along so nicely....
or would you prefer:
"Your f*cking shit is all over the floor again!"
"Can't you do anything around the house?? I'm not your slave!!!"
"Next time make sure you are dead if you can't call if you are going to be late!"
^^^now that's not nice is it????? NO. It's not.
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:23:30 PM | interesting post again.
"i'm not one of those"
"you deserve it"
"you should be obedient or get nagged"
"i would never do that"
that seems to be the repeated female position here. Except the ladies who make jokes out of it...funny stuff.
Trev | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:25:37 PM |
"It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman." Proverbs 21:0
"It is better to live in a desert land, then with a contentious and vexing woman." Proverbs 21:19
"As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion." Proverbs 11:22
"A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike. He who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand." Proverbs 27:15
There is a difference between nagging and reminding. A reminder is friendly and free from impatience or irritation. But nagging is a repeated, critical request marked by exasperation and anger. It is exactly what Solomon labeled “contentious.” A nag has a tendency to scold, lay blame, make insinuations or accusations that strike at a person’s self-esteem. “When are you ever going to paint the house? Don’t you care what people think?” That is an attempt to create guilt. “Don’t you know any better than to slurp your soup? You eat like an animal.” That is an attempt to shame.
Nagging words like that are destructive. They irritate, just like the continual drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. They hurt by making other people feel badly. Such words heap guilt on people, cause them to think less of themselves, chipping away at their self-esteem. Those people probably will strike back in some way in an attempt to restore that injured self-esteem. The result is usually further rotting of the relationship. It isn’t necessary to make people feel badly. When we ask someone to do something, and if they agree to do it but fail, we can remind them lovingly and kindly without communicating disgust, frustration or humiliation. “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth.” | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:27:24 PM | | Clearly, you do not know when to say "NO". It really is that simple. I help many people on a day to day basis and some do not know how to stop asking or "nagging" you about it. I simply tell them, I will help some other time, and if that does not work, I simply remove myself from the equation, leaving them to find someone else to nag. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:29:22 PM | | my thoughts on this are really quite simple in concept but difficult for most to accept. What does NAG mean?? "Needs Additional Guidance" If you look at someone you believe is nagging you and ask the question "do you believe I need additional guidance here?" you might be surprised with the answer. At least it opens the dialogue as to what is really at issue. Just a thought............ | |
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Lyra
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Joined: 9/11/2006
Msg: 75 | |
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Posted: 9/25/2006 8:33:40 PM | | yes, some men have that effect on women.I had one bore once myself,but I will ever never again.I don´t think that nagging is a womans first choice,but some men doesn´t know how to treat a women! | |
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